Zeroth Moment: My Cheat Skill Is Stupid, So I'll Just Ignore It

Interlude: Before The Throne Of The Cadaver King



Saiki Suzume, despite her best efforts, was enjoying herself.

The last two dungeons she'd cleared, she'd done so as expediently as possible; the first by simply directing lightning bolts from her Air Command Unique Skill into it until everything inside was dead and melted, and the second by sending forth a Virulent Bodach -- a particularly nasty sort of undead which spread infection to every creature it gazed upon and created copies of itself whenever an infected target died. But both of these approaches had had their drawbacks; her approach in the first dungeon had destroyed all the loot (not that any of it would have been good, but still) and she hadn't gained nearly as many Levels as she'd hoped in either case. This time, despite the overwhelming time pressure, she had decided to apply the personal touch, and had stalked through the dungeon's corridors and destroyed every creature which confronted her in single combat.

There had been close calls, to be sure; several traps had nearly injured her (thank goodness for her Soul Shroud spell) and the Revenant Executioner who'd surprised her atop the great bridge had actually managed to decapitate her before she'd noticed it (not that she really needed her head while her Undying Fortitude spell was active, but she was certainly attached to it in an emotional sense if not always a physical one). The most difficult part of that had been retrieving her head after it fell off the bridge, but she'd found the experience experientially interesting if nothing else. But for the most part, everything had gone smoothly; she'd poisoned, corrupted, exploded, disintegrated, and otherwise obliterated dozens of monstrously powerful undead creatures, and had managed to attain Level 25 (unlocking a new spell called Flesh to Worms, which looked artistically intriguing if not terribly versatile). She'd also found a few items in treasure chests, which she'd mostly left alone after checking their contents -- she didn't really need weapons or armor, and she was always a bit leery of magic items just lying around (especially since the incident with the Mimic). Still, she always made sure to check for drops after killing a monster -- the Staff of Blasphemous Intent had been a drop from an otherwise unremarkable undead minotaur, after all, and she was quite fond of it for thematic effect alone. The fact that it increased the strength, duration, and power of all her Heretic spells (as well as the durability of her undead minions) was also a nice plus.

Stepping up to a large entryway, she blinked at it curiously; the massive stone door was closed and flanked on either side by great stone gargoyles, obviously both alive and glowing with deadly enchantments. Shrugging, she willed her Air Command Skill to lift each one up and hold it in place; startled, the gargantuan guardians struggled and flapped in place, but could not move without leverage. Suck physics, doorstops, she thought to herself smugly as she directed her staff at first one, then the other, and sent forth a Damnation Ray at each (11 MP per shot, but she still had 1129 remaining) and shattered them into fragments with efficient precision. With a flex of her will, her Air Command gathered the rubble of their remains into a great ball, then slammed it with overwhelming force into the doors; with a horrific crack and screech, they buckled and crumpled beneath the blow to reveal a wide, dark hallway. Saiki Suzume primly tiptoed into its expanse, cocking her head slightly. "Hello?" she ventured, bemusedly. "Is anyone at home?"

Deep in the darkness, two lights flickered to life -- bright blue and colder than the void between the stars (especially here, where the void between the stars bottomed out at around ten degrees Celsius), it bespoke infinite malice for all living creatures. Vile green torches flickered to life around her as she strolled nonchalantly forward, surrounding her with menacing radiance; distantly, she heard the shuffling of uncountable corpses rising from their mouldering repose as the gathered in the darkness for an eventual onslaught.

She continued forward, stopping in the space directly before the great skeletal throne upon which the vast figure sat; looking up, she appraised him critically. The great head, raw and fleshless, loomed over her; rotted teeth and black putrescence filled the great mouth as it yawned corruption. She blinked. "Is this a bad time? Should I come back later?"

She'd expected wordless howls and an attack, but instead the great figure slouched back on the throne and grinned maliciously. "IT SPEAKS," it rumbled, its voice the echoing sound of a thousand gravestones grinding together. "A LITTLE JEST, TO PUNCTUATE ITS SHORT LIFE."

"Oh, so you can talk." Saiki Suzume began digging around in her satchel, ignoring the towering monster. "You're the Cadaver King, right?"

"LORD OF UNDEATH," the titanic figure confirmed, rustling shadows gathering at its back. "DO YOU SEEK TO DESTROY ME, TINY MAGE?" It leaned forward on its great throne, clawed and pustulent hands gripping the arms of its bony perch. "FOR NINE HUNDRED YEARS MORTALS HAVE TRIED, BUT THEY HAVE ONLY ADDED TO MY ARMIES. BUT YOU ARE THE FIRST TO COME ALONE."

"Well," said Suzume brightly, plucking out a silver orb and bringing it forth, "I'm glad I could provide a little novelty." As she presented the sphere, the colossal corpse recoiled, its eyes blazing bright in fear, but it was far too late. "Cadaver King," she intoned, only slightly disinterestedly, "by the covenant of Ma-Harr and by the sacrifice of ten thousand souls, I bring before you the Seed of Osseon, before which you are powerless et cetera et cetera. One command, you must obey, you know the drill." She carelessly tossed the orb towards him, floating it up to hang menacingly before his terrified gaze with her Air Command power. "Convince me that my command shouldn't be 'Die'. And quickly, if you please; my time is a lot more precious than yours."

The vast undead monarch's cold gaze flickered back and forth, stupefied, but the Cadaver King had not reigned over legions of corpses for nine hundred years by being a complete idiot; slowly, he settled back and clasped his rotting claws before him. "IF YOU WISHED TO DESTROY ME, YOU WOULD HAVE DONE SO ALREADY. YOU REQUIRE SOMETHING OF ME, AND YOU ARE RELYING UPON ME TO PROVIDE IT." The great figure chuckled, a sound like ten million fish bones in a blender. "SHALL WE PLAY A GAME OF RIDDLES?"

"No, thank you, I haven't got time for anything like that. Also your riddles would probably be really boring." Suzume sighed and raised her gaze to the great king's; her eyes changed, the sclera becoming black and the irises quickly erupting in viridian radiance. "If you're going to be obstinate, I'll just pick the nuclear option; my command is be enslaved."

Instantly, the Seed of Osseon dissolved into twisting white light; as quickly as a striking snake, it shot out to enwrap the Cadaver King. With a roar, he stood, trying to free himself, but the magic was too powerful; despite his godlike might, he was powerless against it. The magics of the Seed of Osseon, ancient even before his creation, flayed his will and animating essence open with carious puissance, excising his defiance as if it were nothing. Slowly, the shimmering bands sunk into his profane flesh and bones, constricting and binding him with irresistible force; and, by degrees, he was dragged back onto the throne as if being crushed beneath a merciless weight.

For a long second, he was silent; then the brilliant flames within his eyesockets rose slowly, doggedly upward to settle upon the tiny form before him. "YES... MISTRESS." Howling tornadoes of rage spilled through his voice, but his massive body shook under the weight of her will, and he could no more resist it than an ant could withstand the ocean. "WHAT ARE YOUR ORDERS?"

Saiki Suzume smiled. "Let's start with handing over every undead minion you have to me; I'm sure I can find something useful for them to do."


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