Zeroth Moment: My Cheat Skill Is Stupid, So I'll Just Ignore It

Topher gawked in complete astonishment at the panoply of items before him. The wooden cabinet, richly varnished and adorned, yawned before him like a funhouse hall of mirrors; each shelf and panel was stocked with all manner of armor, weapons, and accessories. "Holy balls. How long have you been collecting this stuff?"

"Five years, give or take a small interval," Rudo returned, with only a hint of smugness. "Some of it I came upon during my own patrols of the dungeon, but much of it was traded or sold to me by other adventurers. I may not be a member of the Merchant's Guild, but their enforcement does not reach quite to my doorstep yet."

"Yeah, I heard they can be a little cutthroat." Topher winced, remembering how terrified Jerp had been to even advance him a few minutes' credit for a lifesaving healing potion. "So, what's the plan?"

The older man shrugged. "I have no need for coin; take whatever you need. I have a larger-grade Magic Bag that will hold the cabinet itself, when we are ready; anything we cannot use can be sold in extremity, though I doubt we will find many merchants on the way to the Demon Lord's territory."

Zanasha, wide-eyed, was fixated upon a large sword that hung near the top of the cabinet; gently, she reached up and brought it down and examined it in amazement for several seconds before raising her gaze to Rudo's. "Ak'zul, Master Rudo, are you certain? These are... very powerful." Peering over her shoulder, Topher saw a small window appear above the sword:

Enchanted Blade: Nethersbane, Sword of Suffering's End

Hana nudged her gently. "He already said he was, Zee. Are you really going to make him repeat himself?"

Chastened, the half-orc bowed deeply. "Cha'tuk, then, Master Rudo. We are humbled and honored by your gifts."

"Hey, don't give the guy too much credit," Topher protested. "If we die because he was stingy with his gear, he dies too. It's enlightened self-interest at best."

Ignoring Topher, Rudo bowed in return to Zanasha. "Thank you for your kind words. Please, help yourself."

Her eyes alight, the half-orc quickly began selecting items from the shelves and hooks -- a belt, a pair of boots, and what looked like a dense package of metal and leather -- before excusing herself. As she departed, Hana stepped into her place and gazed at the items thoughtfully; Topher noticed that she still seemed on-edge and hesitant. She half-turned to Rudo. "This might be crazy, but... what do you think I should take? This is all a little..." she gestured, uselessly.

The older man pursed his lips. "You fight well, but you are not protected against harm." Reaching past her, he pulled out a belt and two rings, proffering them to her. "The belt will enhance your physical prowess, similar to the one I wear; useful for those with lower physical Attributes. One ring will ward you from blows, the other from harmful magics -- though each will only protect you from a few attacks before needing to recharge." He winked. "With your dodging and parrying prowess, they should prove more than sufficient."

Hana's eyes narrowed. "You'd trust me with these? What if I turn on you again?"

Rudo chuckled. "As Mister Bailey said, our fates are intertwined. If you betray me, we all shall perish; trusting you is very easy under such circumstances."

Hana paused a moment longer, then sighed, slipping on the rings. "Thanks. I'm... sorry I'm so weird." She looked around, abruptly seeming smaller and less sure of herself. "Do you have somewhere I could... change? The belt..." She gestured to it and to herself.

"The inn has many rooms," the older man assured her. Hana nodded, then departed in a swirl of white hair.

"Well, I guess that just leaves me," Topher coughed into the void left by her passing. "Not sure what any of these might do for me, though."

"You are a Mage, yes? Or is it a Priest?" Rudo began picking through the remaining items; there had to be at least two or three dozen remaining, most of them clothing and jewelry. "Do you fight physically?"

"Clerk, which is technically a Priest Class," Topher admitted. "And no, not if I can help it. I hang back and cast Mage spells, but my MP pool is really small and I can't cast Healing spells, so I'm pretty useless a lot of the time. Mostly I just try not to get eaten."

"One receives the impression," Rudo mused, moving aside a large pair of clawed gauntlets, "that you are being modest. But nevertheless, let us see what we can find." After a moment, he withdrew an onyx amulet on a silver chain, a small golden brooch in the shape of a shield, and a ring bearing a large blue stone. "The amulet will improve your resistance to afflictions, such as poisons and confusion; the ring will improve your MP capacity, though it will not take effect until you next sleep. And, lastly, the brooch can be affixed to your clothing; it will strengthen it against impacts and environmental harms."

"Guess more defense couldn't hurt," Topher agreed, pocketing the jewelry. "What about a weapon?"

"I have many," Rudo confirmed. "What would you like?"

Topher squinted at the cabinet's contents; there were swords, knives, hammers, and all manner of other melee weapons, but nothing he felt comfortable using. "I don't know. I feel like I'd be more of a danger to you guys, swinging something like this around; plus, I wouldn't want to get that close."

"A ranged weapon, perhaps?" ventured the older man. "I believe there is a longbow somewhere within the cabinet."

Topher shuddered, imagining Hana picking an arrow out of her back in mid-combat. "No thanks." He sighed. "I mostly just want something as a last resort, I guess. A wolf attacked me outside this place, and it was pretty embarrassing; it couldn't hurt me, but I couldn't really fight back."

"Hmm." The older man considered. "What is your Unique Skill? If you feel comfortable sharing, of course."

Topher grimaced. "It's Attract Object. Shitty version of Mage Hand, really, except that it doesn't cost MP."

"Curious." Rudo contemplated this for a moment, tugging thoughtfully on his short gray beard, then reached into the cabinet and withdrew a jeweled bracelet. "Place this on the wrist of your dominant hand, perhaps."

Confused, Topher did as he was told; it was a segmented band formed of cylindrical sections of onyx, joined together with tapering knuckles of gold. "Weird. What's it do?" As he squinted at it, a Status window appeared:

Conjuring Band: Trajectile Bracelet

"If you will it to be so, it can summon a magical piece of ammunition," the older man confided. "Typically, it is used to summon arrows for an Archer, or throwing knives for a Thief; the weapons themselves are not enchanted or otherwise powerful. Still, in an extremity, it may prove useful to you." He shrugged.

Topher flexed his hand, frowning, then screwed up his face and thought as hard as he could; but immediately he realized he was overdoing it. The instant he willed it to occur, the bracelet activated; there was a puff of black smoke, and abruptly he was holding a baseball.

Rudo raised an eyebrow. "An interesting choice of weapon."

"Yeah, well, I didn't want to cut myself." Topher wound up and hurled the ball out the open doorway, or at least tried to; unfortunately, it slammed hard into the wall and bounced away, rolling under a table before dissolving into more black smoke that drifted away. "Okay. So it's temporary, nonmagical, and weak, but at least it's versatile and keeps my hands free; this is actually pretty great." He lifted his arm and turned his wrist back and forth, marveling; the bracelet, which had been loose before, now gripped his wrist snugly. "Thanks, pal."

"Of course." Rudo turned back to the cabinet, fishing about for a few moments, then withdrew a packet of folded black cloth and handed it to Topher. "These are vestments suitable for those who cannot wear armor; I wear similar garments myself. Combined with the amulet and brooch, you should be very well-protected."

"Got it." Topher bundled the cloth under one arm. "What about items to raise my mental Attributes? Like, more Intelligence or Wisdom or something?"

Rudo shook his head. "Such items seem to be rare; I have not yet seen any, though I would be very excited for any equipment which increased my Wisdom." He tapped his nose conspiratorially. "As you may have surmised, the Minor Ki Arts Skill is useful for those with high Wisdom Attributes; I am fortunate indeed that mine seems to benefit from my Perfect Slumber Skill, since it has risen continuously since my arrival in this world."

"Seriously?" Topher blinked. "What, you have Rank S Wisdom or something?"

"Rank A," Rudo corrected him, "but, combined with the Skills Ki Strike, Infuse Body, and Zen Focus, I can substitute my Wisdom for my Strength, Constitution, and Dexterity in battle at need. This allows me to fight on par with monsters far above my Level in many respects, though I must still exercise great caution; I can only use one Skill from Minor Ki Arts at a time." He winked. "Still, it suffices."

Topher whistled. "I'll bet." He hefted the vestments. "All right, let me get changed; I'll be back in a minute."

Retreating to the safety of one of the tavern's empty rooms, Topher undressed in a hurry; despite the warmth from the fire permeating the building, the cold here was uncomfortably bitter once he removed his Priest's Robe. Quickly, he shook out the vestments -- pants, a shirt, and a long black coat -- and pulled them on, marveling at their snug fit. Probably magic armor that adapts to its wearer, he thought bemusedly. Talk about some D&D nerd wish fulfillment.

Fumbling a little, he managed to get the amulet over his head and down past his huge, fluffy beard; it was a struggle at first, but eventually he managed to navigate it all the way to his chest and tuck it into his shirt, where it seemed to fit more comfortably. The ring was even easier, and slipped on without any resistance; the gem, he noted, pulsed very faintly once upon his hand and then went quiescent. Maybe it'll light up more once it attunes to my Mana.

Lastly, he pinned the little shield-shaped brooch to his lapel, and sucked in a quick breath in surprise; it shielded him completely from changes in temperature instantly. "Yesss," he hissed through his teeth as warmth flooded his bones; now he wouldn't even need to cast Protection from Cold or Heat unless he was expecting to face attacks of their type. That'll save me some decent MP, he thought with satisfaction.

Thoughtfully, he bundled up his old clothes and shoved him in his Magic Bag; they'd been helpful, but it looked like he didn't need them now. So long, Priest's Robe, he thought fondly as he patted it. Hope you didn't mind not being a horse blanket for Tok. Taking another breath, he opened the door and strode out to find the others waiting for him. He blinked, surprised.

Rudo had changed the least; he looked exactly as he had before, except that now he wore clothes similar to Topher's (albeit cut more loosely and in a more martial style). Zanasha, too, wore new equipment; her battered and heavy full platemail was gone, replaced by a sleeker and lighter half-plate arrangement which left her limbs free (and, Topher thought, flattered her figure much more). But Hana was the most changed, by far.

Gone was the makeup, the bleached hair; she had dyed it back to the original deep black Topher recognized from their first meeting. Gone too was the heavy coat and the stockings of her herald's outfit; instead, she wore a simple white cotton t-shirt and a pair of jeans. Topher blinked. "Uh, stylish, but isn't that kinda dangerous for a dungeon?"

Hana tossed her hair carelessly. "The rings Muchenje-san gave me will protect me from most attacks; the monsters we'll be fighting would tear right through any armor that wasn't enchanted anyway. I might as well be comfortable." She looked back at Rudo apprehensively. "Though I fear I won't be much use without a weapon."

"Oh, give it a rest." Topher handed back her Flux Blade with a roll of his eyes. "There, now you can stab us all in our sleep if you want." After a moment, Zanasha produced Hana's hip pouch and handed it to her as well.

The young woman accepted the hip pouch with obvious relief, but hesitated to reclaim the dagger. "I... perhaps..."

"Hana-chan." Zanasha's hand clasped her shoulder reassuringly. "Have faith. In yourself, as well as us."

Hana closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, then opened them and took the dagger once more. "Thanks, Zee. It's... it's just not easy."

"Yeah, well, it's about to get a lot harder." Topher turned to Rudo. "You all packed?"

The older man patted the pocket of his loose, flowing jacket. "I am. The cabinet and several other large items are safely stowed away; I have secured all entrances and gathered all valuables I do not wish to leave behind. We can depart whenever you are ready."

"All right then." Topher's gaze roamed bleakly around the room, taking in what he was pretty sure was going to be his last sight of a bar, then returned to Rudo's face. "Let's go die in a dungeon."