This S.O.B. System

“What the hell did you do?” Tiffany asked him, amazed. 

 

“I told you. I took that trial while you were in the Trial of Crusaders,” he said as his head hung in his hands. 

 

“Well, you made it sound pretty standard. Kill a bunch of monsters, save some kids,” she said. 

 

“That’s what it was. I didn’t think it would cause this shit,” he said waving his hand at the still yammering elf. 

 

“Dude, your phone is ringing off the hook,” Amanda said from the side. 

“Turn it off,” he said. “Call-uh Call Joon. See if she has any ideas.”

“Like running or what?” Tiff asked as it rang. 

“I don’t know. Whatever I did last time,” he said. Tears were in his eyes. Everyone on the planet now knew his name, face, and worst of all his System. 

 

“Hey Joony babe. Yeah we saw it. Look our husband is freaking the fuck out, and I’m right behind him. What do we do? No running? Ok. Well I’m not used to this just yet. Okay, yeah. I can do that.”

“What did she say?” Asher asked desperately. 

 

Tiff shushed him. “Hey dad. Yep. We are freaking out. We need you to get ahold of your military contacts or something. Ash needs a ride to DC. Oh New York now? Ok. Yeah we will uh stay here I guess,” she said and hung up. She turned to him with a sad look on her face. 

 

“Joony said we can’t run. Every planet goes through this.”

 

“Well she could have warned me,” he spat. 

“Yeah she said you get used to all the attention,” Tiff said, rolling her eyes. “Shit, your parents are calling.”

 

“Uh. Tell them I’ll talk to them later. I can only handle one thing at a time,” he said. She nodded and headed to the other room to talk to his mom. 

 

“Is this place in your name?” Amanda asked. 

 

“Uh no, Tiff’s,” he said. 

 

“Thank God,” she said. “This place would be swarmed.”

 

“Fuck,” he went over to Tiff. “Tell them to go to a hotel. I’ll pay them back when I’m back.” Tiff nodded and relayed the message. 

 

Eventually when she was done talking she came back into the room. “It’s Zora,” she said, handing him the phone. 

“Hey babe. You see the news I take it? Yeah I didn’t know any of this. But looks like you’ll be getting your System. No of course not, I turned it off. I’ll buy a burner and send you the number when I get a chance. Yep love you,” he said hanging up. “Please write down all the important numbers I need. Also I need to speak to Nadir,” he said. He borrowed Amanda’s phone. 

 

“Nadir. Yep, you saw too? Good. You near New York? Alright. I don’t know how long until I get there, but I’ll contact you from my new number and let you know when I land. Dude I’m meeting a freaking alien. My brain is fried. I need someone more used to the System to ask this fucker the right questions. Good. Thanks, I appreciate it.” 

 

Asher hung up. “Nadir is in Chicago. He is gonna meet me in New York,” Asher said. 

 

“You sure you want him there?” Tiff asked. 

 

“I need someone,” Asher admitted. “I’m not about to go on the fucking news with you and make you a target too. Let Nadir take the risk, he likes this crap,” Asher said. She nodded. 

 

“I’d go if you wanted,” she said. 

“I know that. I can’t have you there though. For all we know this guy is a level 500 badass and wants to kill me. Everything could be bullshit.”

 

“I doubt it with how Joon is acting.”

 

“Me too,” he admitted with a long sigh. “I will be in contact with you at all times, but please stay here,” he said, coming up to her and grabbing her arms. She looked him in the eyes and nodded. 

 

“It’s my dad,” she said. “Hey. Good. Tonight? Alright. I doubt he could sleep anyway. I’m not going with, don’t worry. Love you bye.” Tiff turned back to him. “He got ahold of an old military friend who got in touch of another. They are prepping a plane for you right now. It’s Camp Oakland on the outskirts of town.” 

 

“Fuck. Okay. I love you,” he said. Going to his chest of drawers he grabbed a few pairs of clothes and his suit and willed them to his ring. “Bye,” he said walking out. 

 

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” She demanded. 

 

“I’m uh,” he tried to say.

 

“You’re not going anywhere without filling me up,” she said. Taking off her shirt her breasts ballooned out. Asher gulped. 

 

—

 

He felt a little better after the quickie that turned into a longie. Amanda didn’t join or else it would have devolved quickly, but it was what he needed to clear his mind a little. Now outside he jumped in his truck and drove off. Stopping at a gas station he picked up the burner phone. As he was paying the man behind the counter said, “Hey you’re him. The Porn Star guy.”

 

“Nope, wrong guy,” Asher said, throwing money at him on his way out. He considered using Full Body Control to manipulate his face, but he had never practiced it. Speeding off into the street his mind was a complete blank. There was too much going on, too much to think about. So he focused on driving. Before he knew it he was at Camp Oakland. 

 

“Closed to civvie- Holy shit its him,” the guard said to another sitting in a small guard shack. “We heard you were coming, but I didn’t think…”

 

Asher just looked at him. He bit his lip anxiously. A part of him really wanted to cry. Was getting recognized everywhere his new norm? “Can I go?” he asked. 

 

“Yeah, you’re good,” the guy said. 

 

“Where do I go?” Asher asked. 

“Umm parking is over there. Go inside there. They’ll know what to do,” he said. 

 

“Thanks,” Asher said as he did what he was told. He was on autopilot. Some hushed words were said as he walked in. People stammered their names, but he didn’t bother answering. Before he knew it he was ushered into a giant plane. The kind they dropped tanks from in movies. With a sigh he was directed to sit at one of the uncomfortable chairs that lined the plane walls. 

 

There were voices around him, but he ignored them as he thought. Why him? Why this System? Why was it one problem after another? No answer came to him as he questioned the son of a bitch System for the millionth time. 

 

“Hey uh, so you’re him,” a girly voice said. 

 

Asher peaked an eye open. She was average height in camo. Her hair was back as she stood awkwardly in front of him. “I’m him,” Asher admitted. 

 

“They said you have a Porn Star System. We were wondering what you could do?” She asked innocently. 

Ash let out a laugh. “I can grow my dick to any size I want. I can mesmerize you with my eyes. And I could make all of you fuck each other if I wanted,” he said truthfully. He gave her a wink and closed his eyes. She eventually stepped away. He cursed his attitude. Asher didn’t mean to take it out on the curious. It was the fact that he had kept his skills secret for so long that he was upset. Now all his secrets were out there. All of his loved ones could be in danger. He pissed off that Matrix girl. If Superman or that Illithid kid broke out they might very well be in trouble. He regretted not killing them. 

 

“We will arrive in about 6 hours. Should be 7am local time in New York,” the girl said. 

“Thanks,” he said as he laid down. 

 

“You might want to buckle up,” she offered from somewhere. “Take off gets bumpy.” 

 

“I could literally fall from the plane and be fine,” he said. He thought about that for a time. Eventually he would reach terminal velocity if he fell. How many tons of force was that? He could lift a ton easily now. What would that look like? He pictured falling from the sky as he drifted off to sleep. 

 

—-

 

“We are landing,” she said, waking him up. 

 

Asher shot up. “Thanks.” 

 

“You want some water or something?” She asked.

 

“Please,” he said as he slapped his face. She soon had a bottle in front of him. “I’m sorry for my attitude earlier.”

 

“It’s ok. I can’t imagine what you’re going through,” she said. “I have a kid your age, I’d hate for him to suddenly be the most searched person on the planet. Hell, there was a news conference when you were found. It was like someone found a gold ticket for Willy Wonka's factory.”

 

Asher looked back at her. In the uniform she had looked younger. Now that he looked with light leaking in from windows he did notice she was a little older. “Can I help you with anything?” He asked. 

 

“Umm, if you don’t mind answering another question,” she said. 

 

“Sure. For the water,” he said as he took another drink. 

 

“Is it worth it?” She asked. “Having a System I mean.” Sitting down next to him he thought about it for a little bit. Others in the cargo area leaned in to hear. 

 

“It’s the greatest thing in the world,” he said. “I can lift 2,000 pounds like its nothing,” he admitted. “I can run a 4 minute mile like it’s a morning jog. Hell I bet I could do under 3. I have been shot 8 times all in the matter of a few minutes, and survived.”

 

“Fuck kid. That’s badass,” she said. “So when this tutorial happens. Do the hard mode?”

 

“I would. But there will be a lot of bad people there. And monsters. I once fought a 30 foot tall wingless dragon. It hit me with its tail and I had to have been thrown a few miles. Either that or I was really lost. I had my arm once chopped off by goblins for a snack. So don’t go into the tutorial thinking it will be easy. It will be life, so hard as fuck. And if you can, bring a gun. But don’t rely on it. All the best Systems I’ve seen have relied on their own strength.” 

 

With that he finished his bottle. Getting up without a word he moved to one of the windows. The city was far in the distance, but he would get there eventually. 

 

—-

 

A few hours later he was in a humvee off to New York City for the first time. No one asked him questions this time. They stared straight ahead, and he preferred it that way. The city was bustling and alive. Traffic was awful, but he was used to city life so close to LA. He had programmed the numbers in his new burner phone and talked to Tiff and Zora. They said they were surviving. Tiff said no one had found her yet, but his parent’s lawn was filled with reporters. His folks were at a local hotel, and Tiff already gave them a bunch of money to enjoy themselves on room service. 

His folks had asked her questions, but she assured him he could tell them everything when he was ready. Zora was a little more anxious. With the possibility of a bunch of people berating her with questions, she was considering staying in Iowa for the time being. He said he would stop by to pick her up when he was done with the craziness. He missed them already. 

 

“We are here,” a man said. “Here is your room key. You will be called for a meeting with the alien in a few hours. Hansen and Franks will be your escort.” The man pointed to the 2 military personnel next to Asher who hadn’t talked. “While you’re in the city we ask that you try to keep a low profile.”

 

“Yeah, I’ll get right on that,” Asher promised as sarcastically as he could. “Well Hansen, Franks, lead the way.” They were both new faces to Ash. Hansen was a younger guy. Had the classic never left his home before look. Franks was a young girl. Brown hair, brown eyes, an unassuming look. They wore all camo but no hats. They had sidearms as well, but Ash wasn’t too worried. Stoic looks plastered their faces, but he could tell they were nervous. 

 

Then he was out of the vehicle. Hansen and Franks led the way, but he stopped near the large glass entrance. “Hey Nadir,” he said as he walked forward. “How’d you find me already?”

 

“Not so hard when you know how to listen, and you’re-”

 

“Rich, right,” Asher finished for him. “Good to see you.”

 

They walked into the large hotel, Asher ignored the stares as he and Nadir talked. He let the military guards lead the way. “So what is this Trial of Champions?” Nadir asked. 

 

“About 6 months ago I went into a Trial with a bunch of my guildies. I told you that with my Star System increases rewards for Red quests. Well the System said, because of my Star System, I was chosen for the Trial of Champions.”

 

“Interesting. I researched it more since we last met. Have you noticed most everyone else has a one name system? Like me for instance. I have the Adonis System,” Nadir admitted. 

 

This was the first time he had heard Nadir’s System name, but after he thought about it he did realize they were usually one name. Like Detective System, or Nymphomaniac System. “What I have come to believe is that the Star is as it sounds. A title given to you specifically. For all we know there is someone that has a Porn System out there.”

 

“Never thought about it,” Asher admitted as they got into the room. Hansen stayed outside the room while Franks stayed inside. She scanned everything then stood by the door facing the window when she was done. 

 

“I think that is the first thing we should find out. Why is a Star System is different from others,” Nadir said. 

 

“Fair enough. What else?” Asher asked. The 2 friends began to brainstorm questions. 

 

They were digging into what wonders of the universe they could find out when Asher noticed the woman outside the window. She was floating in midair, and since they were on the 10th floor it was a little peculiar. 

 

Asher stood up to stare at her. The bright orange hair. The black clothes, and slim waist were a dead give away. Nadir looked up to him as he waved at her with a smile. 

 

She waved her hand and the glass between them shattered. The wall was basically windows. Now it was nothing. Quickly a loud breeze was sounding as the open air called to him. 

 

“Freeze,” Franks yelled, pulling out her gun. Hansen soon followed. 

 

“Don’t bother,” Asher said walking to the edge of the open window. “Bullets don’t work on her. Hey Atalanta. Miss me?” He asked with a wink. 

 

“I want my shit back,” she spat. 

 

“Well I want mine,” he said. “Give me the necklace and you can have your blade and bracelet.”

 

“Syscos too,” she demanded. She frowned deeply, only making him smile more. He looked to the ground below and noticed many people looking up at them. 

 

“I won those fair and square,” he said in faux anger. 

 

“Don’t care. This necklace is worth a lot. But I want my shit,” she spat again. The wind in the air made her trench coat flutter in the wind. 

 

“500 Syscos,” he retorted. 

 

“750,” she said back. 

 

“Done. Your shit and the necklace first. Then I pass on the Syscos,” he said as he willed the bracelet and thin blade to his hand. “And a promise you don’t go after me and mine.”

 

“Deal,” she said, willing the Null System necklace to hand. 

 

He tossed her the stuff, she caught it easily despite being so high in the air. She tossed him the necklace, he had it in hand but then lost it out the window. He had been too close to the edge. Dropping he leaned over the open window catching it barely. “That scared me,” he said, getting up. “You sure do got balls of steel to fly around like that.”

 

She hid a smile with her hand. “Syscos,” she demanded. “Or you want to risk another fight?” 

 

“I don’t know Atalanta. Sounds fun,” he said with a wink. “How about you help me grill an alien for answers? We could start over you and I. I could use a badass like you on my team.” 

 

She hesitated for a moment. Surprised by the offer but shook her head. “Syscos,” she said a little less vehemently. 

 

Asher sent her the funds through the System. “Don’t I at least get your name?” He asked as she pushed an invisible button accepting the money.  She hesitated again, but flipped him off and flew away. 

 

When he turned back the 3 others in the room were staring at him shocked. “You know Supergirl?” Franks asked. 

 

“Ha. She wishes she was Supergirl,” Ash said, picturing Tiffany in the tight outfit. 

 

“You really did fight her huh?” Nadir said. 

 

“I said I did. Just glad she didn’t want revenge. Don’t think she’s used to losing,” Asher said. Looking around at the room he added, “guess we need a new room. “