The Simpsons: Bart

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There's probably a girl in every guy's life who's like quicksand. She draws you in with her attractiveness, some incredible, unprecedented magnetism. Naturally, she doesn't mind the other side of quicksand-- the danger, the danger to you.

- You've changed so much, Bart. For the better, for the better~

In my life, it's Jessica Lovejoy. A brunette with a keen eye, a pointy nose and a perpetually playful smile on a delicate, deceptively angelic face.

- D-Jessica? How are you?

Another trait of such quicksilver girls. That, somehow, they don't leave your life. They're always there, no matter how your relationship ends... It's like they're always replacing dots with commas.

- Did you miss me? - Pulling her face away, Jessica moved closer, playing with a curl.

- Miss who?

Every time I've tried to get her, it's turned out to be trouble for me, and for her, a date with another poor guy. How do I know she's a troublemaker? If you search the internet, you can find our forum where we collectively complained about Jessica.

It ended ugly, one of the guys photoshopped her face into a porno. Jessica found out about it, and by spinning us around again, got us to split on the subject.

- About who? Ha ha ha. - oh, that's a laugh you just want to hear. The kind of laughter any guy would make a fool of himself for. - Bart, don't be silly. - playfully, Jessica poked me in the chest with her finger. - I just missed you. There's nothing to do in this town.

Typical. You'd think the moment Jessica would make you stand out from the crowd would open up. But instead, she crushes all hope every time.

- You know, I have a girlfriend. - I blurted it out, like I was reminding myself.

- И? Congratulations. I'm sure she's happy with such a great guy. - Jessica thinks I'm great. Stop! Bart, focus!

- I have a girlfriend, so I don't think I should be hanging out with-- Well. You. - I couldn't say what I felt for Jessica, and I couldn't call my ex one.

- Me?' As if she knew what I was saying, Lovejoy leaned toward me, revealing the hollow of her breasts hidden behind her pink tank top.

- I mean, another girl.

- Ha-ha-ha-ha. Bart, you're so funny. - Jessica put her palm on my chest, and somehow left it there for too long. - There's nothing wrong with friends? Yeah, friends~ - why does she say 'friends' in such a weird way? - I'm sure your girlfriend spends time in the company of guys all the time.

- What's that supposed to mean? - Is Jessica implying that Terry's cheating on me?

- Bart, don't be a rude, desperate possessive jerk. It doesn't suit you. - Jessica said coldly. It's times like this when you'd do anything to get back the warm, happy Jessica. - I was just talking about friendship, simple girl-boy friendship.

The longer I stare into her bottomless blue eyes, smell the scent of chamomile coming from her body.... the more I realise what I must do!

To kiss her on this very spot-

No way!

I've got to get away from here, as far away as I can, as fast as I can!

- You know, I've got to get to practice, so... - I was walking before I finished talking. The important thing is not to look at her right now, or I'll want to stay.

- Can I come with you? - But no matter how fast my step was, Jessica's face kept appearing and her sly lips opened with a question.

.....

- Go, Bart, go! - Jessica shouted from the bench.

Hell, I didn't even bring Terry to practice, and here ... Should I confess to her then?

- Bart, ready? - While I was getting cold chills for some unknown reason, Coach Engle clapped me on the back

Today is my first serious practice. I've been cleared to spar again. In fact, the doctors insisted on tomorrow, but I tried my best to convince Coach to let me in early because the competition was a week away. Eventually he did, but only in the evening and if the lads agreed to stay late.

- Robinson. Simpson. Centre.

Surprisingly, almost everyone stayed. The ones I talk to, the guys with letters as names, wished me luck. And against a rookie who's been walking for about a week, I'm out on the boardwalk.

- Elliot. Change Robinson. - my first sparring session lasted less than half a minute. And it was three rounds, or as in the case of my first training session, three attempts.

The second sparring session also ended quickly, I think even faster. I felt like a starving beast on the floor. So I grabbed every available part of it in a second.

- Grayson.

With someone more experienced, I had my struggles. But I won all three rounds.

- All right, well done, Bart. - I wanted to protest, I wanted to fight more, against long-time friends, against heavier guys, against anyone, but Coach had a sharp tone of voice that anticipated it. - I'll see you tomorrow.

- All right. - With my head down, holding back my childish anger, I walked the others who were going home.

A lot of guys flanked Jessica, starting their cool attempts at flirting. A lot of guys stepped around me, too, giving me words of encouragement about falling down the rankings, sharing their experiences with injuries, and just praising me, calling me the pride of the school.

Eventually the gym emptied out. I threw on a T-shirt to keep out the cold, picked up a bucket, and grabbed a mop. Something made me feel pleasantly nostalgic..... Am I really destined to be a caretaker?

- Huh? You didn't go out with the guys? - I suddenly saw Jessica back where she was.

- Did you know you can see your peppers in tights, Bart? - That's why some people put rolled-up socks inside. You don't put potatoes inside, because you'll get tricot mashed potatoes. Guys told me about it. I've never done it myself, of course. Not even once.

It's not a memory I'm proud of. The cleaning slowly began. Today, however, it took much longer than usual, and not just because I'm used to it. Suddenly, most of it was spent cleaning.

- So your goal is to get back to Group A and break that Ricksteiner's neck? - talking to Jessica.

- No, I'm not as tough as some purse clippers. - and we've been talking about a lot of different things.

- Hey! I didn't tell you this so you'd remember! She deserved it!

- A virgin is such a terrible insult? - with a raised eyebrow, glaring at Jessica. - Why, then, did you tell me? If not to tease me?

- To make you realise who you shouldn't tease. - I threw the mop away and threw my hands up in the air. - Ha ha, very funny.

.....

- Can you walk me out? - As soon as I lowered my defence, Jessica's one word made my heart race again. - It's late. It's not safe for me to go home alone.

I should have said that she shouldn't have been out late then, but . There's that pitying female gaze that we men are weak against. And Jessica does it best.

- Bart, what are you doing? - Jessica glanced at me, standing with a trembling hand over the bin.

- Precautions. - throwing the condom away, I walked with a determined face toward an uncomprehending Jessica, who was about to be escorted home, and only just!

.....

- I guess... - Jessica walked at a brisk pace, raising her arms high. - The only good thing about a small town is the night sky with stars. So romantic...

- I have a girlfriend. - I answered coldly.

- I know,' Lovejoy commented with a raised eyebrow.

.....

- I envy you, Bart. - Jessica sadly started the conversation. - To have a purpose in life, to strive to achieve something, to try to become a better person and to give it your best.... That's pretty cool. - and finished with a big smile.

- Do I have a girlfriend?

- I know. And why did it sound like you were asking me? - Which contorted from sincere and wide to crooked and confused.

.....

- I rarely get a chance to speak sincerely.... - Jessica started a conversation, looking up at the stars in the sky. - I'm a priest's daughter, and you know my character.

- Mm-hmm.

- But I've had a lot to talk about today. Thank you for that, Bart. - Jessica smiled again.

- Mm-hmm. Yeah. I did it! I didn't fall for her charms! Who's a real man?! Bart Simpson!

- If I ask you, Bart, will you support me in my endeavour? - Lovejoy leaned over to me with excitement in her eyes and an unusually serious face.

- PPA's good, too, they say... - I can't win against it, can I? I had any chance of winning at all!

.....

Thrilled with the warmth of Jessica's presence and the chill of Terry's memory, we walked over to the playground that was right next to Jessica's house. It was near there that she first showed me the real me..... after I'd been kicked out of her house for making a dirty joke.

- Brings back memories, huh, Bart? - Jessica said, slowing her steps and flirting. - Are you still as incorrigible as ever?

- Heh, I was pretty decent when I thought you were a good girl. - How silly I must have looked to be a good boy.

Come to think of it, what kind of trouble did Jessica get me into? I could've been suspended, I could've died on that skateboarding trip down the mountain, and an angry mob could've lynched me when Lovejoy framed me for stealing the donations.

- Bart, what are you doing? - Jessica reacted when I took a step away from her.

- Hey, look who's coming! - Before I could open my mouth, I heard a man's squeaky, masculine voice.

- Your mates? - I asked a frowning Jessica.

- No, I don't know them. Probably some drunken junkies. - She answered me with a sweet smile.

- Come here! - shouted the centre of the group of guys.

- They're pointing this way.

- No way, Bart, you know them? - Jessica acted genuinely surprised, covering her wide-open mouth with her palm.

- No escape this time, Lovejoy!

- It's your last name...

- And I have namesakes.

- It's time to pay the bill, Jessica Lovejoy!

- ...

- Bart, here's the deal. I need your help! - With tears in her eyes, Jessica clutched at my arm. What did I say about quicksand girls?