The Love They Never Had

The dinner went surprisingly well despite the awkward atmosphere these women were inflicting on the entire base camp. The General and his son were less than impressed by the sister's inappropriate visit that almost immediately caused widespread criticism from the privy council, the villagers back home and the soldiers that were scarcely receiving letters from home. And to add to it, the women had come prepared with their own chefs who had prepared something of a feast in full view of everyone who was in attendance to this disaster of a dinner during the rationing of supplies that the other soldiers where suffering from. But I somehow got the attention from the Lady Min who kept questioning me on my opinions, my aspirations and goals which were overheard by the General. His third son completely tuned me out and acted as if I didn't exist, but I could sense his jealousy from a mile away. I knew deep down that I was going to have to pay or this sooner or later, but for now I chose to enjoy this moment whilst my father had to dine outside with the other soldiers and I got to have the richest meats and wine that I have ever tasted in my life. It wasn't like I was making a conscious choice, but Lady Min insisted so much that I couldn't possibly turn her down and it wasn't like the other soldiers were welcoming of my presence at all, even if I did choose to fight alongside them for a common goal.

"So, you want a place in the palace. But what makes you so special? What drive do you have that these other young men do not?" "Sir, I am humble enough not to aim for a high position. If I can help make any change that would help..." "My son aims for a position in the general inspectors office. He has a dislike for criminals who always think they can get away with anything and everything." My father suddenly burst in with a smirk on his face, which wiped the smile off of mine. I knew that he was referencing Hwi when he spoke about criminals, and it got me angry all over again. I had already sent Hwi to this god-forsaken place, what more did he want from me? I could never understand his jealousy and resentment of Seo Hwi who was literally half his age. Did he now expect me to go up against him for the rest of my life? Even if he did survive this war? Then what about Yeon? Was she going to stay as my father's hostage for the rest of her life? Would I have to live with this guilt by facing her each and every day? And what about Hui-Jee? I was going to gain power and become the man that she deserved, who could take her out of the brothel that she had grown up in and give her a proper standing in society by making her my wife, if she let me. Why? Why did I have to have a father like this who ruined everything? And took everything I held dear away from me?

But before I had the chance to come up with a reply, a solider burst in and reported that the camp suddenly had an outbreak of the plague. The shock of the news only lasted a few seconds before I took my chance to leave the tent and take a look for myself, since I knew that nobody else was going to do it. My father had already taken away my chance to work my way up to become a scholar, which had been my only dream for years. With that position, I could have had a say in the laws that were passed in this nation through the king. But an inspector? What the hell was I supposed to do about that? Apart from catching my father's enemies? By hook or by crook? When I thought about all of the hours that I spent on those law books and how I familiarised myself with every decision that had been sent out, the history and the cases that were studies because of them...now I had to turn my back on it all? And act as a corrupt official under my father's hand? All I had ever wanted to do was to crack down on corruption and now...

I took a private moment to myself before I went out to examine the issue. All I could do was to collapse outside of the tent and hold back my humiliated tears. And the only person who could calm me down, I had him sent to this hell hole. Who knew if he was even alive right now? Was he buried somewhere along this land? Or had he already been infected with this plague? Was his food infected? Did he even have enough to get him through a full day without Yeon's delicious food that I could always smell from a mile away? And Yeon? What on earth was I going to say to her if she got her memories back? I had recalled everything about her life that she needed to know apart from the existence of her brother. Good god, what on earth have I done? I should have just put them both on a boat somewhere and had a plan in place to help support them. Seo Hwi was the son of the greatest swordsman of our time, so I thought he had a fighting chance here. But in my panic, I had forgotten all about the conditions of war; plague, little food and other supplies, bullies of rank...Hwi, if you are still alive, please forgive me.

I was just about to leave when I overheard the third son and his wife arguing a few feet from where I was standing outside the tent. "We need to leave! Please husband, let me take you home!" "Have you lost your mind! We are in a war! How can my father ascend to the throne when his family has fled from their duty to protect and serve the people!" "Husband! How hypocritical you are! Are you really willing to risk our lives for this lie?" "What are you talking about?" "You do not care about the people, you do not even care about becoming a prince! All you care about is your father's attention, his tasks for you and his plans for your future! For the title of crown prince, you are willing to kill yourself when you know he has remarried and has more sons both older and younger than you that he can use for his own will." "Don't you dare...!" "You know that I am right! Look at how he treats you! Look at how easily he disposed of your mother! He has no use for you at all! He only cares about his new family..."

"Is that so, son? Is that you how really feel?" "Father! I..." "Well in that case, you had better make your way back to your own warm and cozy household. And let real men like Nam-Jeon's son handle this war." "Father! You cannot be serious! How can you praise that filthy bastard who killed his own brother to get where he is now! The entire kingdom knows about this!" "That so-called filthy bastard also let go of his own sentiment of his best friend to fight for country and honour. Yes, I do not like Nam-Jeon at all, but I cannot find a way to rid myself of him. He doesn't even compare to his brothers..." "so you want to use his son to rid yourself of his father?" "His power is growing at a pace that it shouldn't. Sooner rather than later, he will meet the same end as his predecessors and he will be the cause of disown family's ruin. His son on the other hand, maybe his future will be different. That will be up to him..." "Father!" "He is willingly to get his hands dirty purely for the people, and is trying his best no to rely on his father, no matter how much he tries to humiliate him! Maybe you can learn something from him; instead of relying on my accomplishments, you should focus on doing something on your own for once! Now go! And I do not want to see you here again!"

Hearing this finally brought some relief in my life; finally, someone saw my potential and my worth. Amongst my misery and depression, I at least had hope in my place in the palace, even if it wasn't what I had in mind. I remembered Yeon's words again about just being myself and not being desperate to fit in and how it had actually paid off. I had to remind myself to reward her with something if I made it out of here alive. She had kept my spirits up more than anything here, and despite the guilt that I had towards here, she really wasn't all that bad at all. Now I knew why Hwi treasured her so much, more than any other sibling relationship that I had seen in my life. Even among families, no one was willing to look out for each other anymore, not like the Seo's did. Be it for a portion of grain, rice, position and power, nobody was indispensable; father's sold their daughters to men for power and mothers worked their sons to the bone for wealth and glory. But Yeon...she was something else entirely and she was worth my protection.

I finally picked myself up and I made my rounds and I made the report against my father's wishes. But when he brought up the men who had survived but were more than likely to be infected, I could only keep my mouth shut and nod my head, hoping and praying that Hwi had a trick up his sleeve to get himself out of this situation. I was sent over to emulate the remaining men so they could not infect the rest of the army who were now on their way back home after we had won this war on the promise that a place waiting for me by the General's side when he ascended to the throne. But my biggest fear had come to life when I crossed paths with Seo Hwi, who was amongst the men who I was supposed to leave here for dead before I came back home to my new future that I had worked hard for to come into fruition.