The Love They Never Had

The rest of my time in the army and the long and painful journey home was something that I wanted to forget foe the rest of my life. But I knew that I wouldn't have that luxury, as Seo Hwi was alive. And he hated me, more than I thought was possible. But I knew what I was getting myself into when I mentioned his sister to him. And I had returned with a man who was willing to serve me, a man who originally stabbed me and in return got his face slashed by Hwi when he saved me.

I didn't go home immediately even though I was tired enough to sleep for a few days. I knew that Yeon would be waiting for me at the entrance like she always did but I didn't have the heart to face her. I didn't want her clear eyes to pierce through me like they always did when we spoke, as if she was staring right into my rotten soul. I had been gone for almost 3 months, which was surely enough time for Hui-Jee to have changed her mind about me, right? I was slowly crawling out of my father's shadow, especially as I had more than surprised him with my return in the palace to show the General now King that I had effectively completed my duty when my own father had callously abandoned me and was just about to declare me dead from the plague. I now had a position in the palace waiting for me and had the general's favour. I had the means that she needed to live a comfortable life by my side, I just needed to prove it to her.

I got myself ready in a nearby in as I had one of the servants send me over some nice robes to change into. I had bought some new perfume in the market and a blue jewellery set that would suit my woman well, even though she looked better in purple. But blue was always my favourite colour, and I hope that she would at least be willing to appreciate my taste. I hoped that the impact of this war would have given her time to see sense, and see exactly who was willing to do everything for her, as long as she learned to love me in return. As for Hwi, I knew his sole focus now would be his sister, and whatever it was my father was going to make him work for her return. He would never put anyone over Yeon, not even myself, so I could at least have some time for Hui-Jee.

I made my way over to the gibang excitedly where I knew she would be. Thankfully she wasn't an actual kisaeng that served men, despite growing up in the gibang so I didn't have any rivals in at least this one issue. But it seemed as if I had spoken too soon, as I made my way to her room where she was speaking to the madame that ran the brothel.

"...Hui-Jee, you knew what the conditions are for growing up in a place like this. When you come of age and you haven't found yourself a husband yet, you need to start serving soon." "What do you mean! You never told me this was going to happen! And you know that I am in love with Seo Hwi!" "You mean that penniless blacksmith? Who still hasn't returned from the war? Even his sister is missing! I thought that you were smarter than this, Jae..." "You do not understand! No-one understands what I have with Seo Hwi! We are destined to be together!" "Because his father saved you? When your mother passed away? And even helped you bury her? That is why you are so obsessed with his poor son and disabled daughter? Ok, if he loves you as much as you love him, then where is he? Why isn't he fighting for your freedom? Why didn't he come back with the other soldiers? Why isn't he here now with enough money to pay for your freedom?" "I...I..." "He most likely passed away a long time ago Jae. You were simply not meant to be, not in this lifetime anyways."

I could feel my heart sink into my feet and all of a sudden my excitement and disappeared faster than any trick my father could pull over me. So this is why she was obsessed with Hwi from the moment we all met each other; she had to have recognised him by his name. And that was why she was tried so hard with Yeon to gain her approval when we flew kites together. She also lost her mother due to somebody's hand, so it made sense why she wouldn't even cast me a glance at all...even though we both shared that pain.

"Even...even if he is dead, I will not be with anyone else. And you cannot sell me off! Where did this idea even come from anyways, after all of these years?" "I will not lie to you, Jae. Someone from the top has his eyes on you. He wants you to serve him, and if you do not, then he will tear this brutal down to its bricks." "What? Who? Why?" "It is the third son of the General Yi Seong-Gye who just won the war." "Are you being serious? Do you have any idea who his wife is? She will burn me alive if I go anywhere hear him! How many kisaengs have already lost their lives at her hands?" "But we also cannot deny his order as well."

"So you are willing to sell your best friend's daughter? To a maniac like Yi Bang-Won?"

"No! You cannot!" I had had enough of hiding behind the door and hearing this news that was making me more angry that I had been for a while now. How dare Bang-Won lay his eyes on the only girl that I have ever liked? The only woman who has ever actively approached me without a hint of disgust in her eyes at all in our first few meetings. "Seon-Ho? What on earth are you doing here? Why are you eavesdropping on your conversation?" "You cannot sell her!" "And why not? What choice do we have? And what power do you have to stop this?" "I have a position waiting for me in the palace in the office of General Inspectors?" "So you will be working for the Emperor? And you think that means that means that you can overpower his son? The one who wields his sword on a whim?" "But I...." "But what? What can you, a bastard who killed his own brother give me? Your father will not let us marry, he will disown you as soon as you do and you can kiss goodbye any source of income that you have, because you are nothing without him! And where is Hwi! Tell me!"

She threw the present that I had in my hand for her without so much as taking a look at it. And in her anger, her ring cut the side of my hands quite deeply, but I suddenly went numb at the barrage of insults that she was throwing at me for no reason at all. "Hui-Jee..." "Tell me! Where is he! Where is Seo Hwi! Or did you kill him? Just like you almost did in the military exam!" "That wasn't my fault! I..." "Nam Seon-Ho, I have met all kinds of despicable men who come here often to use your girls who have no chance for a normal life due to lack of money and impoverished family members. But I have never met someone as brainless as you! Everyone knows what you are capable of! Look at what you did to your own brother just to live in your father's home! I was there when you cheated your only bets friend..."

"ENOUGH! I DID NOT KILL MIN-HO! AND I DID NOT CHEAT HWI! IT WAS MY...." "DO NOT BOTHER TO WASTE YOUR BREATHE! EVEN IF YOU WERE THE LAST MAN ON EARTH I WILL NEVER CHOOSE YOU SEON-HO! NO ONE WILL EVER LOOK AT YOU OR LOVE YOU! BECAUSE YOU ARE THE SCUM OF THE EARTH JUST LKE YOUR FATHER AND YOU DO NOT DESRVE IT!"

And with those words, I was dragged by the brothel guards as if I was some drunken mess who disrespected woman all of the time. My new robes were splattered with wine, my present had been trodden on and my hand hurt a lot. But no-one looked at me with sincerity, no-one could hear my screams of protests, and no-one cared that I was in emotional distress. I was thrown onto my knees like rubbish and there was no-one who cast a glance at me at all. All I could do was to dry my tears, pick myself up and await the day of Seo Hwi's return where he could do as he pleased. Even if he drew his sword up against me, I wouldn't bat an eyelid at all. In fact, it would give me pleasure to leave this cruel world as soon as I could and be reunited with the only woman who has ever loved me.