Thank You For Being Trash

My heart stopped beating because of the tension. I couldn't breathe like someone who had forgotten how to breathe like time has stopped.

I was so terrified that I couldn't even move.

My fingertips trembled, and there was nothing I could do but blink. I was afraid and frustrated with myself.

Why was I mad at him?

I should have reduced my presence, fearing that Rewan would wake up. I was wary of what he would say. Then, why did I open my mouth, get angry with Acacia, and scream?

Because I was a person who couldn’t live without blaming someone? Lepis' death was not because of Acacia, why blame him? Did I do it because I wanted to relieve the sin from me? I couldn't stand the urge for a moment and regretted what I had done.

When I heard Rewan's voice behind me, the time that stopped when nothing happened passed again.

“This… now…how…”

I turned my head to a voice that felt different than the cold voice I had thought of. The cold Rewan was nowhere to be found, and he seemed confused.

There stood a man I knew well.

I stared blankly at his expression, contorted in pain.

“Ah… aahh… did I do it? Me…? No, no. That can't be—”

Rewan's words trembled mercilessly as he denied his own actions while grabbing his head in pain. There was a certain fear in his eyes. Where did that cold man go? The Rewan right now was terribly confused.

As a little time passed, the confusion in Rewan's eyes gradually faded. Confusion, fear, and everything else faded away, and he spat out his words.

He asked me in a terribly calm voice.

“…Arne. Are you injured?”

The sight was truly bizarre. It was strange, like some protective mechanism was defending him. As if he didn't have the feelings he had just felt and as if he had forgotten everything that had happened before this.

I couldn't understand what Rewan was asking. It was he who made me this way, but why was he asking about my safety? You made me like this.

“Your clothes… why is it like that?”

He asked calmly as if nothing had happened… like he hadn't done anything. He acted calmly as if he couldn’t see any of the vivid scenes in front of his eyes.

Because of that, I felt confused.

Could everything that just happened be a lie? Was this not true? Did I have a long, long dream? Was it just a passing nightmare?

However, the blood blooming in front of my eyes and the smell of blood were so vivid… I didn't know which one was the right answer, so my eyes went round and round. I was confused. It was so hard to accept this situation right now.

Maybe it was hard for him to face reality because the situation was so difficult right now, so I gave him the reality.

“…That, that… You did it.”

I managed to open my hand and point to the corpse in the center. Not knowing what kind of sudden action he would show, I crouched down. My heart was beating with a loud thump as I tightened my grip on Acacia.

Sweat was seeping from my hands.

“….”

Rewan was silent. He watched my actions and blinked.

“What…? Arne. What are you talking about? There is nothing there.”

Was it invisible to him?

He asked me back. I reached out and touched the clear-looking blood. The slap made a sound to reveal the pooled blood. The situation right now was real, and he couldn’t accept it.

“You… you did that. You killed Lepis.”

Again and again.

I spat out a fact that I didn't want to admit as confusion flickered in Rewan's eyes. He gripped his head again and suffered. I watched his actions without speaking before the confusion in his eyes slowly disappeared again.

Just now… what happened?

Rewan asked me, now calm with no confusion. He acted as if he could not see the bloody and cold corpse in front of his eyes.

“Your clothes……. how.”

Again, my hands trembled at the conversation that went back again like a circle. I was blankly looking at Rewan's face in a situation where my ominous premonition gradually became a reality. Just like that time, the conversation went off track.

I just looked at Acacia with a dazed face, wanting to ask him if he knew anything about the situation, as he turned his gaze away from my eyes. Seeing him like that, I had a certain certainty that the man who silently turned his head away and avoided my eyes must have known about Rewan's condition.

My sober mind was rearranging all these situations, but my heart hoped that this was all a dream. The size of the sin was too big, Rewan’s condition… was my fault.

It was something that I did wrong.

I desperately wanted all of this to be a dream.

* * *

When I woke up, the scenery in the room was so peaceful… no blood stains, none of anything like that. It was clean, as if saying what happened during the day had never happened.

However, as the sharp smell of blood that filled this room was still there, and the wounds from my wrists being tied were still there, I realized that what happened that day was not a dream. Judging rationally, I knew it was not a dream, but my heart wanted it to be a dream.

Shortly after waking up, Acacia came into my room. He told me some facts about Rewan.

Why did I hate to believe those facts so much? Maybe I didn’t want to believe it. This was not a dream. It was real.

“His personality changed at some point.”

I knew.

I knew that, too, though I just didn’t want to believe it.

Even if he was so cruel, even if I didn’t want to believe it, there was no way the truth could not be the truth.

“One was originally gentle, and the other one was quite violent. Like… killing yesterday. He had violent and threatening tendencies.”

It was true that he had twisted and changed.

Even though I knew it was true, I wanted it to be untrue. So stupidly… I behaved like that despite the fact that nothing would change just by ignoring it.

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