Thank You For Being Trash

Once again, Derhan kicked Distria in the head. It was the beginning of the constant beating. The sound of metal disturbed my ears. During the time Derhan was beating him, Distria didn't scream once. Even while his body was bent and his vision was shaking, his persistent gaze followed me.

My body trembled at the gaze.

“Arne.”

As he spat the pooled blood in his mouth, Distria took a deep breath and spoke to me.

“I miss you, Arne.”

Derhan stopped moving. He looked at Distria with cold eyes while brushing off the blood on his hands.

“I’m disgusted to death by this emotionless b*stard.”

Distria came closer, dragging his knees and hands on the floor.

At that sight, I grabbed Derhan’s clothes tightly and unknowingly took a step back. Distria stopped moving when his clothes were pulled so tight that they could no longer be stretched. I could see a chain pulled all the way as he looked up at me.

“You said you were mine, Arne.”

Even in this situation, the eyes glistening with possessiveness, the gaze relentlessly pursuing me. I was afraid for some reason. It felt like some shackles.

Dirty, ugly, and similar to me… The place next to you was me.

It seemed as if the eyes that were burning tenaciously said so.

“Really, I can’t listen to you.”

“I love you. Arne, I love you."

His head, which had been beaten by Derhan, turned before Distria was kicked in the stomach.

Bang.

Distria was pushed back with great force and crashed into the wall, and his head hung down.

I let go of the hand holding Derhan's clothes.

I was gripped by some kind of fear, and tears flowed down my face. I didn’t know my fears. They didn’t know what I thought, and they didn’t even know who I was. Why was I so afraid? I didn’t understand this feeling.

I didn’t know.

“Why are you crying? Arne, are you still afraid of him? He can't do anything to you.”

Worried that he might hit Distria again, I grabbed Derhan's bloody hand and gazed with anxious eyes. I wasn't happy to see him beating Distria. It felt the same as the violence inflicted upon me. Even though I wasn’t the one in the right position, I could feel a psychological pain.

My heart ached.

“No… no. That's not it.”

Derhan's gaze touched my trembling hand and he sighed softly before covering my face with his other hand. As he let out a sigh mixed with words, between his fingers, I could see the hatred in his eyes.

“I thought you would like to see Distria like that. But crying like this makes me feel like I'm committing a sin against you.”

When he slowly lowered his hand to wipe away the tears running down my cheeks, a sharp smell of blood emanated from his hands. The blood on Derhan's hand was not his. He then tightened the grip on the other hand that was holding mine.

“This is an action for you though you don’t respond so well, so I’m feeling a little worse.”

My gaze met him, and only cold silence filled the space. While I was being grabbed by Derhan's hand and dragged out, I heard a certain hallucination.

Don't go. Don't go, Arne. Don't go.

Distria's voice.

And that was my sin… shackles that bind me.

* * *

When I came up from the basement, the night was gone and it was morning before I knew it. The sun was slowly rising over the horizon. It was just the two of us, me and him, walking around the mansion a little earlier.

Derhan took me to the front door.

I didn't even have the energy to say any greetings, so I left him behind and put my hand on the doorknob. The moment I opened the door, Derhan put his hand on my hand and closed the door I had opened with force.

Thud

There was the sound of a door closing.

“Hey. Do you happen to be… Ha, I don’t know what kind of madness or rudeness it is, but.”

As I raised my head and looked up at him. his hand on top of mine was hot.

“…You don’t like him, do you?"

I shook my head, still unable to speak properly from the falling tears. I bit my lip for fear of sobbing. What kind of feeling was this?

My ugliness, my bitterness after confirming the bottom?

“No? But why are you crying so much?”

Derhan stared at my tear-drenched eyes.

When I couldn't answer his question and just stayed silent, he gazed at me with unknown eyes before he opened his mouth slowly.

“Arne, you know… when Distria turned out like that, I was so happy.”

Sighing softly and opening the door with his hand, he removed his overlapping hands and looked at me. The dusky sun gradually rose, and the light illuminated the empty hallway.

“So, thank you.”

I wanted to shake my head and deny what he said.

I wanted to scream.

…No, no. Don't thank me.

“For allowing me to kill him… to give me a chance to bring him down.”

As the sun suddenly came up, the rays were so bright that they hurt my eyes.

“Thank you. I hope his death makes you as happy as I am. I want you to be as happy as I am.”

I closed my eyes at Derhan's smile as bright as the rising sun.

I didn’t deserve any thanks from him.

* * *

The empire was ruined and Carwen de Distria died today. Roswell Khan Derhan founded a new empire.

Devila, the name of the new empire meant Eternal glory.

The Capital would also start anew not in the Carwen estate but in Roswell estate. They would change the method of selecting the Crown Prince, which was brutal and barbaric, and would also change all kinds of laws, such as the method of selecting talent.

He proudly said that he would fix all the wrong parts and start anew.

Derhan laughed.

It was the laugh of a victor. I hid my feelings, emptied my mind, and acted calmly as if nothing had happened. The night I was immersed in serious and deep anger was a night I had never had.

I stayed up all night, I couldn't sleep because I was disturbed. Even at the last moment, I remembered the gaze that had been tightly entangling me, and I closed my eyes. It was the shackles that held me captive… it was a signal flare to bring out my guilt.

I couldn't rejoice, grieve or sincerely mourn his death… and I couldn't even think of my happiness. I felt like I was under some kind of magic.

I couldn't understand Distria whispering love until the very last moment. It was love that he spat out at the end of his life because I, too, had a passionate feeling of wanting to confess my love to Rewan, even at the risk of death.

I understood, yet not.

It felt like everything was burnt now and nothing remained.

The love I felt was such a self-destructive feeling. Even so, I did not give up on myself because I was my first priority, as self-preservation took precedence over love. I couldn't understand his love that destroyed everything and even abandoned himself.

Even now, I was afraid to stand next to Rewan because I was lacking.

As I looked around the imperial capital where crowds of people were gathering, shouts and some booing could be heard constantly, so I closed the window and drew the curtains.

I let out a sigh.

At first, I wanted to capture his last moment. He was a man who was synonymous with death, so I did not know that he would die. Even though I wanted to confirm his death, I realized that I was not qualified and closed my eyes.

When I originally thought of the end of the story, I shook my head.

A story that had already ended and a world that had already changed… what was there to think more about? However, like some love and some feeling, I didn’t know what I was feeling for the first time so I was confused.

Why am I afraid of his death? Was I afraid of the new world that would begin with his death? I lingered near the window for a while.

I didn’t know, I didn’t understand.

Staring blankly at the window, I lifted the curtains and let out a low sigh. The next moment, I hurriedly got out of the room and went to Acacia's room before knocking on the door and calling his name.

I needed to check something.

“Acacia.”

He opened the door and greeted me. I met him with a door between us.

“What brings you here?”

“That… you see.”

Could you confirm his death and let me know?

I was about to say those words, but for a moment, I was startled and shut my mouth. It was something I shouldn't have said to Acacia.

“…Nothing.”

When I closed the door slowly, Acacia pulled the doorknob. My body lost its balance because of the sharp pull, and I put my hand on Acacia's shoulder and straightened myself up after getting startled. He asked me.

“Would you like to come with me?”

Quickly realizing the reason I had come, he reached out his hand to me.

I gazed at the outstretched hand. Acacia handed his hand… however, I couldn't hold on to it and hurriedly removed my hand.

“No… No, I don't think so.”

I turned around and ran away. My heart was beating hard.

I don't know.

I don't want to see. I don’t want to know.

It has nothing to do with me… I thought so.

I had never thought of his death, nor had I ever thought of an ending like this. I just swayed in accordance with the flow, like a raging wind, like a rippling wave. I didn't do anything. I was afraid of the new beginning that his death would bring.

I was afraid of a new beginning.

That was it.

That day, Distria died. I did not confirm his death.

Whether good or bad, the sudden death of someone brought disappointment to my heart. I thought that was all.

That was all. That was all..

The place next to you was not mine.

__