Thank You For Being Trash

The place had no light coming in, so it was impossible to guess the passage of time. Still, the loud noise did not seem to subside as the floor above my head thumped because of the hasty movements of people’s feet.

Those guarding me by my side opened the creaking door and savagely sliced through those entering the underground passages.

The underground space, which only smelled damp and damp, was filled with the smell of blood. My mind was lost in an unrealistic situation. Though since I couldn't judge the situation, I stopped thinking as my head was overloaded.

I had doubts.

His mirage-like appearance.

He, who swallowed all the resentment, anger, and pain, felt like an illusion… Was it true that I had just met Rewan?

However, the hand he was holding was still hot. When I checked the warmth remaining in my palms, my heart raced. I had no choice but to admit that my heart was beating like the day we met at Acacia’s Mansion.

I loved him more than the pleasures that filled half my life.

It was a feeling that I was afraid to admit because my whole life would be shaken, and it felt like I denied my life, for not a single moment had I lived without pleasure. The mean, terrible, and selfish me loved him without shame… the me who made fun of his death, the me who hurt him, the me who didn't even dare to love him, and that me loved him.

‘I love you, I love you…’

I should not love him.

The end of that terrible scale was love. Nonetheless, it was a futile and unnecessary confession now. It was humorous to come up with this result now. It was funny to realize love now… it was.

It was me who gave up on him and chose pleasure.

But… but, the furiously beating heart pointed in only one direction.

I want to see him. I want to tell him I love him.

It ran so selfishly.

When did I turn my back, pretending not to know about his death, and now? Too late, it was too late. It was really my ugly side that had no bottom and no end. It is the height of selfishness. This was my terrible idea of acting as I pleased.

I didn't have a principle, and I just made important choices according to my feelings at the time… This was karma.

Even if it was a thoughtless life, that shouldn’t be the case for him.

I realized my love for him, and from the moment I recognized that I loved him, I kept him alive. In order to follow the original story, I shouldn't act to pursue pleasure. It was comic seeing me do all the things that hurt him and now pursue love.

However, I wanted to say that I was a selfish person… even if it was a selfish choice, I wanted to be happy with him.

Go to him. Say I love you.

Because of that short and simple thought, my heart whispered to tell him I loved him and died. If that was the case, I had acted selfishly, not understanding Rewan's heart to see my death. It was the only thought I wanted to act on, so I couldn't control my mind.

I raised my body, which had been sprawled in the corner like a corpse.

Why was Rewan helping their rebellion? Lepis said he was dead, but how was he alive? Rather than these things, was Rewan okay now? Did he get hurt…?

As I was curious about such little things, I couldn't wait to open the door and go to Rewan right away.

‘…I have to go to him.’

Even though he was close by, I was anxious to know his life and death. My mental state was clouded because I couldn't judge the situation well. I couldn't hear anything in my ears as my eyesight was dyed achromatic. Only the turbulence of the heart was distinctly felt.

‘I have to go to him… he needs me.’

My brain was paralyzed, my rational thinking was paralyzed, so I acted like that.

My guards seemed to be saying something as they saw me moving hurriedly, yet I couldn't hear anything. The body that had already half jumped out stepped on the corpse they had crushed. The soles of my feet were wet with blood.

Loud sounds from around came back as a ringing. My stomach was boiling, my heart was burning, and I felt like I was going crazy.

I staggered and put my hand on the doorknob before pushing on the door and moving my body. At that moment, a rough hand with calluses was placed on top of mine. At that moment, color was added to the colorless world.

The man's lips opened and closed several times though the words were interrupted.

“You… stay, still…. That… Re, help…”

Grabbing my hand and pulling me towards him, he threw me to the floor. I woke up from the sudden pain.

Startled, I looked around. What were you doing?

A loud noise came into my ears. I realized the current situation as I watched the ear-piercing screams, the sound of blades colliding, and the flashing metal that spoke of sharpness. The buzzing noises rang in my ears.

The sense of reality that had been lost for a while came back. I slumped down on the floor. There was nothing I could do, so I cried out loud.

He was right…

Even if I went now, there was nothing I could do, and I couldn't help. It was better for me to remain still. Still, it was so sad. I cried because I was so pathetic that I was always unhelpful and hurtful.

“Tsk… They said she was crazy, but she doesn't seem crazy at all.”

I fiddled with my fingers and waited for the time to pass. Before I knew it, I tore through the flesh between my fingernails, and blood flowed.

How long had it been? Was there any progress?

The ghastly screams were still there, and the scent of blood leaking incessantly from somewhere filled the cellar.

A pungent, gloomy scent of death…

I wished that there would be no Rewan's in the scent of blood overflowing and stimulating the tip of my nose.

* * *

The surroundings fell silent, and the men opened the cellar door, which had been tightly closed. Holding their hands, I passed the entrance to the cellar, where the corpses were stacked neatly. The red soles of my feet, already soaked in blood, stepped on them, making them even darker.

Red footprints were stamped everywhere.

There was nobody, as if it had already been cleaned once. However, there was a lot of blood on the floor and on the walls. The freshly splattered blood stains that didn't seem to have cool down gave goosebumps all over.

The stillness was creepy.

…Was the rebellion successful?

My heart thumped.

After meeting Rewan, it didn't matter whether the empire was ruined or not. His safety was my only concern. Everything fell apart and was ruined, and I was convinced that Distria had lost.

As I moved my steps briskly, I passed through a door with a large hole with scratches here and there. I passed the bloodstained marble floor. I passed the red throne. It had been a long time since I'd been away from those who had already supported me.

Not knowing what might be at that end, I moved forward, half-sure of the person at the end.

The hazy shape took shape. I could see the familiar white hair that had become a bit muddy. My heart was filled with overwhelming anticipation. I stepped out slowly. While my heart was colored with joy, there was anxiety on one side.

Could I be happy…?

That misfortune was not a choice, but I chose misfortune. Could I be happy like that? I was worried about whether or not I could be happy. I disregarded everyone's safety and took pleasure selfishly. I ignored their sympathy and hurt their hearts.

Was I the kind of person who could take love in the end? That was unsettling because I thought I was not worth being happy… I felt like that happiness was not mine. In no time, the distance was close enough to touch his back.

The person I saw was not a fantasy, so tears were overflowing and my lips were heavy as I spoke. I called his name. I couldn't bear to stretch out his hand, I couldn't reach it, so I spit it out.

“Re—”

He turned to me.

“…wan?”

My eyes met the emotionless black eyes.

He was a stranger.

I didn't even know who he was or why he was here. Where was Rewan? My heart was broken without a sound.

My heart thumped.

The heart that was filled with joy fell to the floor and disappeared in pieces. It wasn't the dull platinum hair. The sunlight glared at the hair, making it bright.

“Are you… Arne?”

I wasn't curious about who he was or how he knew me. Rather, I was just surprised by the unexpected situation, so I backed away from him, who was approaching me. I didn't think Rewan wouldn't be here. I thought he would be waiting for me here.

A common illusion, and the feeling of waking up from a dream.

As the stranger, who was gradually closing the distance, I collapsed on the floor in fear of the scene that was different from his imagination. Then, where was Rewan? Is the Rewan I saw just an illusion? Did I live in a short delusion for a while? Or did I create that person to not suffer so much?

My legs gave out, and I sat down. Where is he? I looked at my hand, which had cooled down and had only a little warmth left. I laughed.

“Ah, as rumored, you’re beautiful.”

What was his intention in discussing beauty in this situation?

My fingertips were cold and trembling at the words that did not match the situation, and my head was not working properly. It stopped.

The man's lips parted.

“Rewan.”

“Rewan? Rewan, where is he?”

He didn't even finish his words, but I jumped up as a reflex at the word Rewan. I was rude to him as if my reason was paralyzed. Even though I shouldn't treat him like this, as he knew about Rewan., my body trembled.

Soon, the insensitive eyes reached me, and his gaze landed on my hand.

“Tsk. We need to treat this.”

“It doesn’t hurt at all! Where is Rewan?”

I shouted at him holding my hand and looking at me before I shook his hand. Even the slightest movement made me gasp for breath. He smiled as if he was happy with the situation. Laughter spread through the desolate space as he held the hilt of his sword and said nothing…

I couldn't help but let out a self-deprecating laugh.

I didn’t know what to do.

“You lost. You have nothing.”

I wasn't curious about what he said, even though the answer was different from my question, and the meaning was something I couldn’t understand. I felt like I was about to burst into tears with anxiety if he was safe or not.

This was my position.

His hand touched my shoulder. He softly whispered words into my ear.

It was a sweet voice.

“Look at the floor, Arne.”

Only then did I see black hair letting out a rough breath.

It was him… Distria.

I stared blankly at him, pouring red blood from near his chest. The faint focus and the whitened skin were talking about death.

“This is the end of him who dropped you into the abyss.”

“….”

“And, your credit for this person being like this is great.”

I stared blankly at his lips as he spat out nonsense. I didn’t know this person’s downfall.

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