Sage of Hearts

Disclaimer: I certainly don't own Naruto, Disney or any of its affiliated properties. If I did, I wouldn't be writing this now would I?

"The connection of our hearts…" : Speech (Bold for yelling ,Bijuu, or massive creatures)

'The connection of our hearts…' : Thought

Wonderland Forest, Tulgey Wood…

Naruto could say that this dream world Alice dragged him into was interesting – full of harmless, if a bit misguided creatures. However, the being that appeared before him struck him as being cut of a different cloth compared to the other animals he met before. The purple cat had a very powerful aura that only seemed to affect him, since Alice appeared to be relatively nonchalant about this encounter, seeing nothing different from the norm.

"Hello sir – do you know how we could find the White Rabbit? We followed him to this part of the forest but have lost our way…" Alice said, seemingly forgetting about the casual admittance from the cat that he knew they didn't belong to Wonderland.

"Eh…Alice? Maybe we should leave this one alone – I don't like the look in its eyes…" Naruto said as he moved over to the girl protectively, sensing his chakra buzzing under his fur.

"Oh, the Rabbit you say? Why spend your time chasing after that sorry fool when you could spend it worshipping my glorious self?" The Cat said while lazily floating over to the two of them, enjoying the fact that he had Naruto on edge. As he hovered to them, his body seemed to turn into smoke before he suddenly materialized in front of Alice (who was quite startled when she noticed his unhinged look).

"Yeah – we've got better things to do than feed your massive ego there. Just tell us what we need to know and we'll be on our way." Naruto said, coming closer to Alice and pushing the Cat away (specifically shoving his smug face out of Alice's – the animal really didn't care about personal space…).

"Oh? You want directions you say? Mayhap I can be of assistance…"

"Truly?! That would be very appreciated sir!"

"It's no trouble – even with your rude guard here, I can share my knowledge with you. After all, nothing escapes me in this world as I am the Cheshire Cat!"

Seeing as Alice was going to give this annoyance her full attention, Naruto just grumbled to himself before letting the two converse, for all the good it would do the girl. As it turns out, it wasn't much at all since the Cat had the attention span of a goldfish and kept asking Alice random questions and showing off his shapeshifting abilities.

"How many holes do the buttons in your clothes have? Is it true that you also have a Queen in your world? Can you thread the universe through a needle?" The Cat said, morphing into a jar, a snake and a monkey before reverting back to his 'normal' form.

Alice found herself steadily growing bored of the conversation – the constant whimsy of this place had grown thin for her. The Cat surprisingly picked up on this and gave her one last piece of advice before she left him.

"If you really are set on finding that rodent, it would be wise to enlist the help of the Mad Hatter and the March Hare – I do believe that they are hosting a tea party not too far off from here." He said as he flew up to rest in the branches of a tree that struck his fancy.

"Oh, I had it with the madmen of this world. Can you direct me to someone sane please?" Alice said while Naruto chuckled a little at the unintended jab at the Cat's own sanity.

The question seemed to have the opposite effect on the Cat though – looking positively delighted with Alice's exasperation, what came out of mouth only made Alice rethink her opinions on just how musch nonsense she could bear.

"Oh darling, this is Wonderland! Everyone here has their own brand of madness – even yours truly! This is the way of the world and you'd best embrace it, lest you meet a sticky end like your Wonderland counterpart, Mary Ann!" The Cat said, fading into an evanescent purple mist.

"Well, now that is over, shall we get on our way then Alice? I didn't really like the veiled warning he gave us in the end so let's just get this over with…" Naruto said as the girl hummed in agreement (she was tired of this stuff but could see no other alternative) before the two of them moved deeper into the Tulgey woods, following the sounds of celebrations and cheer.

After a few minutes of casual walking, they came upon a strange sight. The Mad Hatter (a short man with a big hat), the March Hare and a Dormouse appeared to be sitting at a massive table laden with much food and drink as they sang an 'unbirthday' song (Naruto had no idea what that was about…)?

"Oh? What's all the commotion about?" Alice asked as the Mad Hatter turned to regard her, happily taking a hearty sip from his cup of tea as he did.

"A newcomer? Welcome – you are invited to partake in the feast of our unbirthdays! A party that lasts for 364 days of the year!" The Hatter said as the Hare and Dormouse smacked the table in agreement before drinking to each others health.

"Oh boy – let me guess: you celebrate your unbirthdays because you get more of them a year don't you?" Naruto said as he rubbed his furry face with a heavy sigh (while not entirely mad on its own, it was rather childish…). Alice found the concept amusing however and decided to join the trio for their celebration and was treated to a personal song of theirs as well. She was having a grand time before she realized that her new friends were a 'little' more unhinged than she gave them credit for. Maybe it was the borderline sociopathic disregard for their own health, maybe it was their sheer inability to focus on something for more than a few seconds at a time. Either way, after failing to engage the group in a proper conversation for the umpteenth time, the girl was just about done wasting her time.

"Oh, it is no use – Naruto, we're leaving!"

"Right behind you – I was wondering when you'd realize that these schmucks weren't worth your time!" Naruto said as he rushed over behind Alice to nuzzle her hair comfortingly (and succeeded, given how she giggled a little before turning to give him a brief but warm hug).

"Oh dear, oh dear! I am late, I am late – for a very important date!"

"You can't be serious…" Naruto deadpanned as he watched the Rabbit hop towards them.

Just as the two of them were about to leave, none other than the Rabbit decided to appear, complaining about his tardiness as seemed to be the case ever since the two met him. However, they didn't have time to stop the Rabbit – the Mad Hatter, intrigued by the Rabbit's unusual lack of punctuality, cajoled the poor rodent into explaining his situation to them.

"Oh, Rabbit old chap, what's got your cummerbund in a twist? Did I perchance hear you say that you were late? As a paragon of punctuality yourself, I simply must know how this happened!" The Hatter said as the Rabbit pulled out his pocket watch.

"I-it's the watch you see – I do believe it is two days slow!"

"Two days slow?! Why, give it here – this looks like something the Hare and I could fix up for you in a jiffy!" The Hatter said as he snatched the pocket watch away as Alice and Naruto simply looked on, the fix facepalming at the Rabbit's foolishness.

'How can a watch be two days late?! It's not a bloody calendar you know!' He thought as he nodded at Alice, who appeared to be flabbergasted by the Rabbit's excuses as well.

"Hey, get your grubby mitts off me Hatter – I ne'er like that look in your eyes!" The watch said, surprising the two again.

'Oh – the watch talks too I guess. Will the wonders of this world never cease?" Naruto deadpanned as he and Alice watched the Hatter and the Hare try to 'fix' the watch. Of course, you'd think they'd fix it but all they did was drive it completely insane, what with all the nonsensical ideas they were throwing around. After a few minutes of fiddling, the Watch went completely bonkers, spewing out diatribes and threats like they were going out of style.

"Aah!yOu UseLess PieCe oF ShiTe! I am LosInG mY MaRBles here! If I HaD Arms I'd WriNG your NeCK by NoW!" The watch said, its speech getting garbled up near the end.

"Oh that won't do – it looks as though the poor thing has completely lost its mind. Very well – Hare, my hammer if you please…" The Hatter said, pulling up his gloves and spitting in his palms as the Hare brought his cartoonishly massive mallet over to him.

"Wait! What are you doing?" The Rabbit said.

"Oh don't worry, you can always buy another watch later on!"

With that said, the Hatter took his hammer and smashed the watch in one blow, turning it into scrap metal. The Rabbit then mournfully collected the pieces, sadly recounting the tale of how he obtained it. It apparently was an unbirthday gift given to him by Mary Ann prior to her execution by the Queen of Hearts (the Rabbit was in denial about this however, insisting that Alice was Mary Ann). Unfortunately for him though, he brought up the word unbirthday, which incited the Hatter and Hare's wrath and they threw him out of the place unceremoniously. Alice, of course, made to follow the Rabbit once again, with Naruto laughing uproariously at all the shenanigans he witnessed.

Half an hour later, deep within the Tulgey Woods…

Alice was tired. Her feet hurt and she felt hot and stuffy running around in her dress in the woods. She was sick of the madness of this world and most of all; she just about had it with this never-ending game of cat and mouse with the Rabbit. Naruto, the poor man, was taking all of this like a champ; simply letting her do her thing with nary a word of complaint (she'd have to thank him for that later…).

"Naruto?"

"Yes Alice?"

"Would it be too strange to simply forget about that Rabbit and simply go home now?" She asked as she watched Naruto's eyes light up in joy.

"Oh boy! I was waiting for you to say that for a while now! No, it's not strange at all – this world would drive anyone to the brink of madness since its always testing your patience. The local, non sentient wildlife is interesting though…" Naruto said as he caught a bread-and-butter butterfly and started snacking on one before catching another and handing it over to Alice, who smiled at him before taking dainty bites of her own snack.

"Mmmm. Alright then – let's go home. D-do you remember the way back?" She asked as the fox grinned at her before finishing up his sandwich.

"No need – I can break the illusion we are in and simply take you out of this dream we're in!" Naruto said, placing his paw on Alice's head before trying to call on his chakra. However, the balance of his Yin-Yang was heavily skewed and his attempts to break this 'genjutsu' failed. In the brief moment of Naruto's attempt though, he felt something entirely unexpected.

'This is no mere dream – this is an alternate world all its own! How did Alice even breach the dimensional boundary to enter it in her dreams?!' Naruto thought as he removed his paw before shaking his head at the girl who looked at him curiously.

"It's no use – my abilities are gimped in this world. We'll have to re-trace our steps…"

"You have powers too Naruto? Do you still possess them in the real world?"

"Oh yeah- there's a whole lot of stuff you need to know about my friends and I…"

One info dump later…

Alice, now enlightened on the true nature of her friend and his quest, was taking her sweet time processing the revelations presented before her. Given their situation though, she decided that her time would be better spent getting out of the pickle they found themselves in. Finding themselves in a strange part of the woods, the two of them were led to a footpath presumably leading out of the forest by some strange creatures (neither of them knew what to even call them).

Nothing came easily in this world however and the two of them quickly realized this when the path they were led was literally swept away by another fantastical being, leaving the two of them lost again.

Understandably, Naruto was furious and had to let off some steam by smashing a few trees into kindling with his bare fists but Alice was close to crying. Once he noticed her state, he slowly moved over to her and gently hugged her (his new form made for some great cuddle sessions since his fur was fluffy and warm).

"Don't despair Alice – we'll find a way out of here! Say, why don't I climb one of the trees here and get a vantage point to see where the forest ends?" Naruto said as Alice sniffled a little before looking up at him thankfully.

"That sounds fine but let me stay like this for a while…I need some comfort right now…" She said as Naruto hummed at her before taking her in his arms and gently rocking her around, easing her worries a little.

"My, my-what's this? Two lost travelers, at a loss at where to head next?" A familiar voice said, as the Cheshire Cat materialized in a tree in front of them, grinning at Alice's excited look.

"Oh Mr. Cat, please tell us you know a way out of this place! I am done with following the rabbit! I want to go home!"Alice said, Naruto grunting a little as she jumped out of his hold to talk to the Cat.

"A way home you say? I am sorry but there's no way in Wonderland but the Queen's ways. You'd have to take it up with her." He said as Naruto walked over to him.

"The queen you say? Where might we find this lady then? I spy no castle nearby…" Naruto said as the Cat waved his tail, revealing a hidden path leading into the darker part of the woods.

"Take this path – it will take you to the royal hedge maze. Traverse it and you'll officially be in the castle of the Queen of Hearts!" The Cat said before vanishing again.

Naruto then turned to Alice and shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, you heard the cat. Let's be on our way. Don't worry about the maze – I'll just carry you and jump our way out of it."

"Hehehe…you always did lack patience Naruto!"

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean!"

"Hihihi~"

That was chapter 23! Next chapter will be when Alice and Naruto meet the Queen of Hearts. Will Naruto endure her nonsense or will he cut the arc short? Stick around and find out!

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