Please Don’t Die, My Lady

Chapter 29

My mind, once submerged in darkness, began to resurface.

Something warm and oddly comforting enveloped my body.

It felt like I’d slept without a nightmare for the first time in ages.

As I lifted my eyelids, strangely light and unburdened, I was greeted by a familiar ceiling.

I was in my room.

It seemed I must’ve passed out while Ariana was carrying me here.

That much was fine, but the peculiar warmth I’d been feeling was bothering me.

Someone was holding me.

I didn’t feel like resisting, so I just turned my head where I lay—and, as expected, it was Ariana.

She was fast asleep.

So deeply that she wouldn’t notice if someone carried her away.

“…What are you doing?”

“Hm… huh…”

“Excuse me, Ariana.”

“……”

“Ariana!”

She showed no signs of waking up, her face still nuzzling into my shoulder. Irritated, I raised my voice.

Only then did she stir, and I lightly bumped her with my head as she finally opened her eyes.

It was a gesture to tell her to move.

“…Sorry. Why was I even doing this?”

As she rubbed her eyes and removed her arms, the warmth left, replaced by the cold air brushing against my exposed skin.

It felt a little chilly.

The thought hadn’t even fully formed when Ariana pulled the blanket over me again.

I must’ve been trembling without realizing it.

It was as if she could read my thoughts from the speed of her reaction.

“How are you feeling?

You had a fever earlier. I must’ve dozed off while nursing you.”

So I had a fever.

Now that she mentioned it, my body had felt a bit off.

I pulled the blanket tighter around me and curled up until my body warmed back up.

There was still a slight fever, but not enough to call it illness.

“…I’m fine.”

“That’s a relief.”

Ariana gave a soft smile as she stood up.

She swayed slightly as if unsteady, and I felt a twinge of unease.

Come to think of it, she had been holding me.

What if she caught something from me?

I didn’t want anyone, even Ariana, to get sick because of me.

“Why would you hold someone with a fever? What if you caught it?”

“…Are you worried about me?

Or… are you being sarcastic?”

Ariana’s expression turned peculiar at my words.

It was understandable—there hadn’t been any reason for me to say such a thing to her lately.

Still, her reaction annoyed me.

The lack of communication had been entirely her fault, and now this was a sincere concern on my part.

Unfolding my legs, I rolled fully onto my left side.

I could see her, leaning on the desk with a hand for support, looking down at me.

Her complexion didn’t look great.

At this point, I had to hear an answer, even out of sheer stubbornness.

“Interpret it however you want, just answer the question.”

I frowned, signaling my irritation, and Ariana finally gave a sheepish smile and replied.

“A simple cold won’t catch me. My body’s as good as a corpse except for its health.

You’re the one in worse shape, so please worry about yourself.”

“Well, it’s your fault I had to ask in the first place.

You were hugging me while I was defenseless and asleep.”

“…I think I did that in my sleep.

I’m sorry—it must’ve been unpleasant to be touched without permission.”

That wasn’t what I meant.

It had been a purely concerned question, yet seeing her flustered reaction reminded me just how unusually clear-headed I was.

It wasn’t common for Ariana to be caught off-guard by me.

Under normal circumstances, this would have been the perfect moment for self-loathing or self-harm.

“How are you feeling?”

Her question interrupted my thoughts.

Has Ariana done something?

“Much better. Did you do something?”

“I’m glad to hear that. I administered some medicine. Not drugs, though.”

“Medicine…?”

Her response was so unexpected that I unconsciously sat up.

The blanket slipped off, and the chill seeped into me again. My feverish head grew dizzy.

Startled, Ariana pushed me back down with a hand on my shoulder.

It wasn’t much force, but I wasn’t strong enough to resist right now.

I abandoned the effort to rise and spoke to her as she pulled the blanket back over me.

“Lie down. You’ve improved, but you’re not completely recovered—”

“What kind of medicine was it?”

If there was something more effective than what I’d known, I would’ve tried to get it ages ago.

Not that I could have, but knowing and not knowing makes a huge difference.

Fortunately, Ariana didn’t seem inclined to dodge the question.

Compared to her previous reluctance to share anything, it was significant progress.

“Antidepressants, tranquilizers, and various other psychiatric medications.

It’s not my specialty, so the diagnosis was a bit improvised.

But still, it should be much better than before.”

If something like that existed.

If this had been possible.

You should’ve done this sooner.

Why did I end up breaking so completely?

It was because you irresponsibly withheld medicine and refused to leave.

There had been a much better solution all along.

Why only now?

“It can’t be used long-term, but it should serve as an emergency measure to get you through immediate suffering.

If you’re struggling, please come find me.”

“Why all of a sudden? You’ve never done anything like this before.

I thought you’d given up on me.”

“Well… it’s a little embarrassing.”

Ariana lowered her gaze, her cheeks tinged pink.

Her fingers fidgeted like a child caught doing something wrong.

She always seemed more mature than me, so seeing her like this felt strangely out of place.

“When I came to the academy, I didn’t bring any psychiatric medication.

I had to scramble to get some in, so… I was late.”

Somehow, I felt foolish about the hostility I’d held toward her just moments earlier.

It was as if I was seeing Ariana Warton as the kind, gentle girl she had been in my childhood.

I thought that side of her had been buried and lost under a mask.

Is this also the effect of the medicine?

How it makes the pain she caused me seem like distant, decades-old memories, and the good memories she gave me feel like they happened mere minutes ago.

I didn’t dislike it.

But I wasn’t sure if I wouldn’t come to hate it.

Right now, both she and I were so strange, so unlike ourselves.

Once this restless haze in my mind cleared, would I return to how I was, or become even stranger?

I didn’t know yet.

Whatever the case, I would likely feel differently then than I did now.

And whether or not I’d still not hate her then, I didn’t know either.

I exhaled a deep sigh, turning my gaze toward the ceiling. Ariana, who had been watching me cautiously, turned her back to me and sat on the edge of the bed, her face hidden from view.

“…I’ve realized how much pain you’ve been in. I’m sorry I didn’t notice before.

And I’m sorry for being so overbearing, for smothering you with my presence.”

In a soft, measured voice, she confessed her faults.

She whispered apologies for not understanding, for being a burden.

It felt strange.

This wasn’t who you were.

Have you changed?

Or was this a side of you I simply hadn’t known?

“From now on, I’ll try to consider your feelings first.

I still can’t give you drugs, but I’ll find a better solution.

And I won’t cling to you so excessively anymore… Probably.

I know it’ll be hard for you to believe me, given the selfish and cruel person I’ve been, but I’ll work to change, little by little.”

Words hard to believe, yet ones I wanted to trust.

If her problems were resolved, then my remaining time at the academy would surely become more peaceful.

And somehow, in this moment, I saw a glimpse of her past self.

The Ariana Warton in this conversation made me think, in an uncharacteristically optimistic way for me, that maybe I could believe her.

“…Little by little? But I’m struggling right now.”

“I’ll change quickly!

Ah, you’re right… What am I doing, acting like I have time to spare?”

Her uncharacteristic flustered reaction made me laugh softly.

It doesn’t suit you.

That kind of hurried, stumbling demeanor.

You’ve always been better when you’re calm and composed.

Noticing my smile, her eyes widened slightly in surprise.

Then, as if resolving herself, she raised her head and took a deep breath.

“…So.”

Even after the deep breath, her voice trembled relentlessly.

I could tell what she was about to say from the way things were going.

“Please, stop hurting yourself…”

Ariana’s hand had found my wrist, the one peeking out from beneath the blanket.

The sloppily wrapped bandage was undone.

The wounds were gone.

She must have used healing magic while I was asleep.

Even though not a single scar remained, she still looked at my wrist as if it were wounded, her fingers gently brushing over it with a tenderness that seemed full of worry.

It was because of you.

Not entirely, but still.

“…We’ll see.

It’s not entirely up to me.”

“I suppose not… Ahaha, there I go, rushing ahead again.”

My curt reply made her laugh weakly.

Considering the kind of person I’d been until now, it wasn’t exactly a negative response.

Perhaps she interpreted it the same way; her anxious expression faded.

Was that enough?

I still didn’t know.

A few minutes of silence passed after that.

It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, and I started to feel drowsy again, closing my eyes—until Ariana suddenly spoke up.

“…Lady Remia.”

“…Yes?”

“Could you… speak informally to me again?”

“……”

Her tone was tentative, almost testing the waters.

When we were children, I had spoken to her informally.

I guess I wasn’t the only one reminiscing about the past.

Memories are such dangerous things.

Times that were good, yet ones you can never return to.

Once you fall into the foolishly nostalgic swamp of longing, it’s hard to escape.

Even now, while you’re likely still caught up in that haze, I already knew my answer.

“No.”

I haven’t forgiven you yet.

Not for things that can’t simply be covered up by nostalgia.

I still hate you.

Ariana slowly lowered her head.

I couldn’t see what expression she wore.