Only Realized After Losing You

7. The Brothers Somehow Can’t Turn Away Completely

I liked to be lost in thought.

Because everything could be free in thoughts.

In my imagination, I could independently live the life I wanted, not the life others wanted, and I could go wherever I wanted.

I loved imagining that fantasy.

“… Are you asleep?”

At the question, I opened my closed eyes.

And then I was brought back to the reality I had momentarily forgotten.

“… … .”

I shook my head. I didn’t feel drowsy at all.

“Really? I thought you were asleep.”

I responded with a smile.

There was something that caught my eye before Lennon’s handsome face sitting across from me.

I looked out the carriage window next to his face.

A grayish sky.

A thin line of rain was pounding on the tightly closed windows of the carriage.

Lennon followed my gaze and looked out the carriage window as well.

“It’s raining.”

“… … .”

“Do you like rain?”

I nodded.

I had never thought of not liking the rain.

“I don’t.”

Lennon was always good at telling me things without being asked.

I quite liked that about him.

It was good to be straightforward with anyone.

I thought it was much better to be honest than to be vague and hide one’s true feelings.

His honest confession continued.

“I have a little brother.”

That was the question I asked Lennon when I first met him yesterday.

‘Do you have any siblings?’

Lennon acted as if he would answer everything, but had put off answering my question until the next meeting.

‘The answer is… I’ll tell you the next time we meet.’

And he was perfectly true to his word.

Today, after a long day, we met again.

Lennon, who said we would meet in a brighter place next time, picked me up at my house.

Lennon arrived in a luxurious carriage, the likes of which I had never ridden before.

I followed him into the carriage, and off we went.

And so here we were.

Of course, I didn’t know what the destination was.

But not knowing was no reason to be impatient.

Because we would get to the destination eventually.

Meanwhile, Lennon continued speaking.

“My younger brother is a stubborn, stuffy, soft-spoken bastard. He doesn’t even have an eye for anything. He doesn’t give a shit about brotherly love, but he’s also the only brother I have in the world.”

It was an ambiguous statement as to whether Lennon liked or disliked him.

“Do you have a sibling?”

I bobbed my head up and down.

I had an older sister.

“Then you too can understand my feelings.”

“… … .”

“For some reason, I can’t completely turn away from my brother.”

Lennon leaned his head fully against the carriage seat and let out a long sigh.

His sigh echoed throughout the carriage.

It was a deep and heavy sigh.

“Even if my brother hates me, dislikes me, and rejects me, somehow I can’t completely hate that kid.”

I understand what you are saying.

Because I can’t completely hate my sister either.

Even if my only value to her was to listen to her rant.

“I wonder if the kid feels the same way. Even if he’s acting like he hates me so much on the outside, I wonder if he feels sorry for me on the inside.”

“… … .”

“Of course I don’t know. Because only that child can know what that he is thinking. That’s something a third party can’t guess.”

Lennon’s gaze, which had been staring out the rainy window, shifted.

He looked straight into my eyes.

His red eyes seemed to be the only color in the overcast scenery.

It was a beautiful red.

“So I tell my little brother every day,”

He continued without blinking even once.

“Dude, you need to be a little more honest. Besides, you are not mute.”

There was boredom in his tone when he said that.

It sounded like he had said the same thing over and over again.

“Then do you know how my brother will answer?”

How?

I tilted my head.

“Shut up, Lennon Hills.”

“… … .”

“He’s a guy with no fucking brains.”

Lennon shook his head side to side and let out another long sigh.

But he wore a gentle, quiet smile.

He had heard his brother’s harsh words, but he didn’t show any signs of being offended. In fact, he seemed to find his brother endearing.

I couldn’t take my eyes off his face, which had a weak smile, for a long time.

It suddenly occurred to me that he seemed like a nice guy.

I even wondered if we had met under different circumstances, say as Ellie from a noble family instead of the mute Ellie, I might have fallen for him.

I would have begged for his love like a seventeen-year-old girl in love for the first time.

However, that was an improbability that could never be fulfilled in reality.

I was Ellie the mute, I was Ellie the commoner.

Even if I could spit out words, I would still be a commoner.

I could not stand beside Lennon Hills, who seemed to be a promising young man from a noble family.

Of course, that was just being realistic. I didn’t actually have a rational crush on Lennon.

“Now then, shall we start playing the game today?”

Lennon rubbed the tip of his chiseled chin.

He seemed to be agonizing over a question to ask me.

“Hmm. Can you guess where I’m trying to take you?”

I obediently pondered his question. Where would he take me on a rainy day?

Unfortunately, I couldn’t make any guesses.

No clue.

I couldn’t quite fathom what was going through Lennon’s mind as he smiled broadly.

I slowly shook my head.

I don’t know, but I think it’s somewhere different.

The message that was entrenched in my heart never made it out of my mouth.

“We’re going to my house today.”

It didn’t seem to have anything to do with listening to a story, or even about the game we were playing…

“Why? That’s your homework for now.”

Lennon said with a smirk.

But perhaps because of his great face, I didn’t hate him.

The carriage, which had been going for a while, soon stopped.

Lennon got off the carriage first.

When he opened the carriage door, I could smell the rain.

Lennon grabbed the umbrella the coachman handed him and extended his hand toward me.

“… … .”

His large hands in white gloves were waiting for me.

I was hoping our hands would touch.

However, I was somehow hesitant to reach out.

“Miss Ellie, it’s time to get off.”

He spoke to me like a proper gentleman of some sort. Then he jerked his head as if to say, ‘Come on, take my hand.’

His fingertips, sticking out from under the umbrella, were starting to get a little wet.

Although I hesitated, I eventually reached out and held his hand.

Because I didn’t want his hands to get completely wet.

“Good job.”

He helped me get out of the carriage.

It was a fairly familiar gesture.

I felt like he had been an escort to many women in the past.

Then we started walking, while both under the same umbrella.

With each step we took, our shoulders brushed against each other.

“How are you today? Have you felt the need to talk?”

He asked, pressing his body even closer to mine.

Inside the narrow umbrella, there was nowhere to escape him.

“I hope that desire is greater than it was yesterday.”

“… … .”

“I’m curious about the sound of your voice.”

Having said that, Lennon tilted his head slightly.

His lips gently touched my ear and he teased me with his warm breath.

“Sincerely.”

His head snapped back upright, but his voice lingered like a stigma.

His sweet voice resonated in my ears for a long time.

I pursed my lips absentmindedly.

It felt like the hairs all over my body were standing up. It was a very unfamiliar sensation.

All the while, the rain continued to fall.

* * *

It wasn’t a long walk.

After walking about ten steps, we came to a wide-open iron gate.

Lennon led me through it.

Upon entering the gates, a very large mansion and an equally large garden could be seen through the blurred vision of the rain.

The garden was very empty despite its size. There were few plants and no flower beds.

Aside from a few large trees on the outskirts, there was nothing in sight. It felt like an empty field.

As I stared at the empty garden, I felt an emptiness in my heart.

“The garden is a bit empty, isn’t it? My brother made it like that. He likes to ride horses. He got rid of all the obstacles, or something.”

Lennon, ever the perceptive one, seemed to catch the meaning of my gaze.

Horseback riding…

I thought of Hayden again.

Hayden, who while horseback riding, had felt an irresistible lust for a man of his own gender.

“Here we are.”

We soon walked to the front door of a large mansion and stopped.

It was at that moment that the tightly closed front door opened.

The well-oiled door swung open without a sound.

Lennon and I turned to the front door, which had opened.

It was a servant who opened the door.

And through the open doorway stepped out a handsome man with golden hair.

“… … !”

To my surprise, I knew the man’s name.

…Hayden?

Before I knew it, Hayden’s eyes were on us.