Only Realized After Losing You

32. I Will Do It

I woke up from a long sleep only when the sun was high in the sky.

The sunlight coming through the large window next to the bed was warm.

It was a warmth that made me feel relaxed.

I stretched out and lifted my body up from my lying position. Fortunately, the drunkenness had completely subsided.

The first thing I did when I woke up was to check if this was real.

I went into the bathroom attached to my room and washed my face for a long time.

It wasn’t until my cheeks turned red from the cold water that I became convinced that this was real.

I was truly in the County of Phever.

When I came out of the bathroom, an unknown maid came into the room.

She had brown hair, and for some reason, she gave me a nostalgic feeling, like I was reunited with someone I hadn’t seen in a long time.

The vague feeling I felt did not last long.

She didn’t make eye contact with me and quickly disappeared after leaving a simple meal and new clothes.

It seemed like a meal and a new dress prepared by the Phever siblings.

I ate lightly and changed into my new dress.

It was a very nice dress that was a bit too much to give to someone they just met.

I ran my hand over the dress. It felt wonderful against my fingertips.

It reminded me of the dress Lennon had given me the other day, the dress I had left at my father’s house.

Did Lennon find out I was gone?

But I didn’t think about Lennon after that.

I sat lazily on the sofa and wondered when it would be a good time to talk with the Phever siblings.

I had to inform them of my decision.

It was a drunken thought, but last night, I had become somewhat convinced about living as Hannah Phever.

It was just difficult to give a definitive answer.

I figured if I felt like doing it, there was no reason to hesitate.

I shouldn’t hesitate to let them know I was sure.

At that moment, someone knocked on the door..

Knock.

“It’s Hardwin. Can I come in?”

His voice sounded urgent.

I quickly got up from the sofa and opened the door.

I saw Hardwin standing quietly in front of the door.

Hardwin’s eyes, looking down at me, somehow seemed full of water.

What’s going on?

“… What’s… happening, eh?”

It was a huge development.

I thought it might be the result of last night’s encouragement from Hardwin.

Hardwin was not surprised this time, seeing me spouting words like a child.

He only licked his lips once with the tip of his tongue.

He even looked nervous.

“My sister… can’t get up, she can’t breathe well.”

And that was the reason he was nervous.

* * *

When I went to Hannah’s room and opened the door, I found her sitting still on the bed.

Hardwin and I approached her quickly.

“Sister. Are you awake? Are you okay now?”

Hardwin gently stroked Hannah’s sweat-stained face.

Hannah looked up at him and replied.

“… It hurts.”

When I looked at her, her face was pale white.

Her dry lips trembled slightly as she spoke, with a tiny quiver in her voice.

The dark aura of death that hung over Hannah’s face.

She had looked so vibrant that it was hard to believe she was terminally ill…

But now I was reminded again of the fact that Hannah was dying.

“Hardwin. I… I really thought I would never wake up.”

Hannah looked exhausted and anxious.

Though she spoke to Hardwin, her eyes were still focused on me.

Gazing at me, Hannah’s eyes looked sad.

I hugged her.

I just wanted to do that.

I wanted to hug Hannah the way she hugged me when I cried.

Hannah, who was in my arms, laughed out loud.

It was a sound of laughter that was closer to crying.

Hannah leaned her face completely against my chest and let out a dry gasp..

The sound of her breathing was faint.

The dark aura of death.

I felt it again.

“… … .”

I wrapped my arms around Hannah’s slightly trembling shoulders and patted her back.

Her breathing began to return to its normal rhythm.

I lowered my gaze to look at Hannah, who was leaning her face against my chest.

You won’t die. It’ll be okay.

“You won’t… die… It’ll… be okay… ah … .”

The words weren’t perfect.

However, I let out a sound that was not silent.

There will be no silence from now on.

Hannah seemed startled by my voice.

She jerked her face up from where she’d been leaning against my chest.

“Ellie! Did you just say something?”

I nodded my head slightly.

Then I decided on what I wanted to say to her.

You are still alive.

“You… … are, still… alive.”

My message seemed to get through to Hannah.

Hannah repeated it like a mantra.

“Yes, I am alive.”

“… … .”

“I’m not dead yet.”

Hannah made eye contact with me and let out a short sigh.

The fiery aura had disappeared from her brown eyes.

She looked at me with her usual intelligent eyes.

It seemed as if the deathly energy that had been hovering around her had suddenly disappeared.

Maybe my comfort helped her.

I was relieved, glad that she had recovered her strength.

In the brief silence that followed, a single word echoed in my ears.

‘Hardwin. I… I really thought I would never wake up.’

Those were Hannah’s words that hinted at dying.

She looked so bright and cheerful, so I must have thought inwardly that she wasn’t going to die.

However, I could still vividly remember how Hannah’s shoulders trembled at my fingertips.

It was only today that I was clearly confronted with the imminence of her death.

She was afraid. I was certain of it.

But what was she truly afraid of?

Could it be her own death?

Or was it Hardwin, who would be left alone after her death?

Or maybe it was both?

I wanted to ease her fears.

It was just difficult to give a definitive answer.

But since I decided to do it, there was nothing to hesitate about.

I opened my lips, took a breath and cleared my throat.

I’ll do it for you.

“I will do it.”

It was a nearly perfect sentence.

It made up for the fact that I had blurted out a mess of words before.

“… Ellie.”

Hannah called my name.

It seemed like she immediately understood what I meant, without the context.

“…Thank you, I’m glad. I’m really glad. Thanks to you, I think I can die in peace.”

“… … .”

“The days when I feel short of breath are increasing. It wouldn’t be strange if I suddenly died tomorrow morning… ”

She wiped her face as if drying off.

“My coffin, my will. I had already prepared to die, but I felt like I wouldn’t be able to die comfortably because I couldn’t find someone who looked like me. But Ellie, you have become my savior.”

After saying that, Hannah dabbed the area around her eyes with her fingertips.

“It’s a good thing… But why am I crying?”

The tears that had been leaking out little by little soon became large streams and soaked her cheeks.

Hardwin took out a handkerchief from the jacket he was wearing and silently wiped her cheek.

She spoke in a voice full of tears.

“… Hardwin. Like you said, it took two days to make a decision.”

* * *

“Ellie, now tell me your story.”

We were sitting across from each other on the sofa, looking at each other’s faces.

Hardwin was sitting next to Hannah (quite a distance away).

When I looked at Hannah, all the tears on her face had disappeared.

Additionally, her paleness completely disappeared.

I thought that was a good thing.

“I am… ”

I began to speak slowly, one word at a time.

Of course, I couldn’t give a long and detailed explanation.

I still hadn’t gotten used to speaking.

Instead, I selected only the important facts and shared them with them.

My father wanted me to listen to someone.

He tried to take away my sight and my voice, turning me into a perfect doll born only to hear.

He hoped to make money from me.

That was all I could say.

I couldn’t tell the Phever siblings about the men associated with the Duchy of Hills.

After hearing the whole story, Hannah was furious.

“I can’t believe parents like that actually exist in the world.”

“It’s okay… I’m okay.”

Nevertheless, Hannah criticized my situation for a long time.

She even went so far as to say that she would punish my father if I wanted her to.

I shook my head.

Of course, I hated and resented my father.

But I didn’t want to punish my father.

Despite all the hurt he had caused me, did I still consider him family?

It was a ridiculous thought.

“… … .”

Hardwin was silent the entire time he listened to my story.

But I could tell he was angry, too, his scowl deepening.

I turned to him and smiled.

It was a smile that meant it was okay.

“Ellie, don’t smile, because I don’t think it’s a story to laugh about.”

Hannah looked at us in turn and tilted her head slightly.

She had a look on her face that said something was strange between Hardwin and me.

She didn’t explain why, though, and changed the subject.

“Now then, let me tell you a little more about Hannah Phever.”