NOVEL NEXT Chapter 4: Day 4
20 Jan, 20:35, An actual working day after a long break feels refreshing. No it doesn't, it really doesn't. I don't want to leave my house, my room, my bed. I have decided not worry too much about my future but I can't stop things as they are right now.
Nobody among the 3 people who I usually sit with was present today. I guess they were taking a break after that super difficult test we gave yesterday. Honestly I thought it was easy, if I had actually studied then it would have been a piece of cake.
I also have a really bad fever, that is the third time this winter. My fever is so bad that I was struggling to open my mouth and speak up some words...
I have a habit of speaking to myself, which is different from thinking to myself in a way which is actually speaking out words and it was not long ago that I figured I did this subconsciously when no one was around.
I had thought that I was speaking to myself on purpose, because it makes me look cool (to myself) and mysterious or confusing (to people around me) but this wasn't the case, well atleast partially.
I do speak to myself when no one is around and I do this to clear out my thoughts, its to have more than one "minds" thinking. I as a singular being have only one mind. For me to think twice as efficiently is possible if I were to be the main character of some Isekai anime but that isn't the case.
When I speak out things, the things that I say are not what I am necessarily thinking. I could be speaking something and at the same time could be thinking something else, but usually both are somewhat related to each other.
If I were to name it as a skill I would call it [Multithinking]
Multithinking helps me to cross validate facts simultaneously without having to rely on a second round of thinking. Now I am not the only one who can use Multithinking as it is really common. I was explaining what it actually was and how it seemed to work in my case.
Today I realised that I wasn't speaking to myself even though all the factors that need to be met for its auto-activation were cleared, that too several times.
I have figured that Multithinking is also a skill that requires energy to be used. What fever does to man is that it reduces the energy pool. With the small energy pool of mine I obviously couldn't multithink.
Today was not much interesting either. I am lagging behind in all the subjects, must I add "greatly lagging behind". Whatever it is, it won't be as easy to go through the future tests. Even though I have given up, my soul constantly refuses to and I am sure that luck is behind this.
The new thing that I learnt about myself today was about what type of genre I liked in particular. I knew I liked psychological thrillers, and I also knew that I've taken quite the liking to the "overpowered mc" genre but I had no idea that I had a thing for the "cute" things.
I discovered a new read on webtoon today, "Watermelon" by Rorita. The characters are insanely cute but the story is sad (I've only read like 17 chapters). I cried.... a lot. Even though it wasn't as bad as a few emotional scenes I have seen but i still cried.
I figured that I like cute characters, cute things in particular and what I don't like is cute things in pain, in suffering. Summarising what the intial chapters are about in two words, I'll say "Poverty" and "Children".
This further makes me realise why the people of modern era turn a blind eye to the poor. They do not want to be bothered by the poor, the don't want to get involved with them because if they do they'll have to figure out something for the sake of the poor. But they know, all of them they know, that they cannot do anything and that's why they don't do anything. It takes energy to be bothered by matters as such. Energy is not infinite.
I am the same, I don't stand in a position where I can help the poor so I like to imagine the world without the poor people. My fantasies don't include human sufferings such poverty because in my subconsciousness poverty doesn't exist.
But if someone were to step up to actually do something for the poor they will not recieve hate, instead they will be supported by people like me, who do want to do something for the poor but are not able to, will never be able to or simply won't bother with it. Given that there aren't any shady organisations running in the background that have been tasked with keeping the poor as they are just to keep the inequality alive.
21:08, My mother called me for dinner. I've been avoiding them very well all this time. I plan to continue this for as long as I can. I want my existing image to change.
I will probably sleep after this so there won't be anything else to write today.
Mors.