Loosing you

It already had everything, furniture,you name it. All I needed was food so they took me to the stores to buy some and after that I was settled. My mom then asked me if I wanted to work and I told her that I wasn't in the perfect state to do so since I've just left my previous job. So I was just gonna hang around at home doing nothing, that's just what I'm good at. They stayed with me for a few days and then left because dad had some serious business to take care off and for some reason my mother had to tag along, I'm not complaining. After they left I was all by myself and that's when I realised that my life was messed up. But I was just glad that I didn't loose anything from the relationship I was in, just my time followed by trust. It made me realise that you can never know someone entirely.

I mean I've been with babe for a year and thought I understood her and she understood me too but at the end of the day she was just like any other women I've been with. Atleast I wasn't dedicated to the past ones, I was actually fooling myself thinking she and I would make it. I mean, I had thoughts in my head of introducing her to my parents and stuff like that. But it turns out she wasn't that serious about us and once she had enough she decided to call it quits. Just like that. And here I was, depressed,messed up and looking like shit. I was beginning to hate myself but it's fine because before I knew it the year was over. And I've totally cut my best friend off because I just told myself that she was going to side with her favourite person, maybe it's because I thought I knew her or something. But as an individual I decided to change. I mean, I wasn't planning to be broken for the rest of my life. So I wanted to find a new job, nothing serious I just wanted to keep myself busy it's not like I was broke. So I opted for a supermarket that wasn't that far from my house, it was the closest one in my area, by close I mean it was an hour walk, and since I don't have a car, I didn't want one I had a fear of driving so I preferred walking. I got my resume ready, and the funniest part was that I had a nursing degree but I never used it. I just didn't feel like it hence I preferred doing such jobs that didn't require my entire attention span. I took my resume to the supermarket and I got hired the same day, as a cashier of course. I knew how to operate computers and they were short staffed so yah. With how boring my life was, I decided to start working the same day.

It's not like I had anything better to do other than sleep, watch movies and play games so yah I just wanted to see myself working. I did have fun though,I mean everyone was very friendly. Our customers were somewhat rude maybe it's because they didn't know who I was but I didn't care. They didn't know me that much that they would have problems with me so I didn't care. I wasn't really in the mood to make friends so I didn't socialize a lot. I just did my work and left. A few days passed, weeks passed and months passed and I was already used to my new life. No more hook ups, I was me, living on my own. Still depressed. Sometimes I just wanted the whole world to stop and swallow me whole. I mean, I didn't have a purpose in this whole world, not only was I a disappointment to my parents even though my mother would always dismiss the thought, I was also unlucky. I was getting older by each passing second and I still couldn't keep a steady relationship. I was always thinking which was unhealthy,I actually found out not in a good way. I was actually at work when I suddenly collapsed , I woke up in a hospital bed and I was all alone. It was very quiet and nobody was there with me. But who could I expect to be there when I stayed miles away from home, no friends, just me. I stayed at the hospital for an entire week because for some reason I couldn't walk. I didn't have a stroke before you start panicking,it was just out of thinking too much, I was depressed and didn't get treated for it so I now had to attend therapy sessions,for some reasons the doctors thought I would cause harm to myself. I mean I still loved myself even though I felt like shit, I wouldn't do that, I was scared of pain, let alone dying. So no, I was never going to impose pain towards myself. But I did listen to them this time, I needed help. I was very skinny, I couldn't eat , all I did was drink water, juice or eat yogurts and that wasn't enough. After getting out of the hospital, I left my job, unblocked Becky and called my parents and told them what happened. I asked them not to worry because I was okay now, I just wanted them to know what had happened that's it. Turns out Becky didn't even give up on me, after an hour of unblocking her she called me and I answered the call to only hear her cry. I was sad for a moment but I was kinda messed up so I didn't want to trouble her. She asked me why I left without telling her, where I was, why I left in the first place, was I alright blah blah blah. I didn't know which question to answer so I just told her that I was fine and I wasn't in a state to be talking too much.

So we texted and I asked her if she could find me a therapist she knew of, I was too lazy to find one and I didn't want to see the ones at the hospital, the hospital made me sick. She promised to find me one as soon as she could. And as for me, I took my time to rest. In a matter of a few days she called me and told me that she had found me one, turns out she used to visit him so she wanted me to get help from the person she got help from , very nice. She even offered to pick me up and said I should stay at her place for a while so I sent her my address and waited for her to come. She came after like a few hours and she found me still in bed,I wasn't that strong to be roaming around. The moment she got in my room and laid her eyes on me I felt very bad. She broke down in tears and told me she didn't love the way I looked and if being away made me this way then I was supposed to just come and stay with her. She came to me and embraced me, I was very touched you know, I pushed her out of my life without knowing that she did care about me . After our very long weeping embrace, she went to get my clothes from my wardrobe, packed them in a bag and helped me out of bed and locked the house and we left the place. On our way I told her I was hungry so we stopped at the first restaurant we saw and there we got some takeaways, I wasn't okay to eat around people at the moment so yah. After getting our food, pap and beef stew of course we went to eat in her car and after that we drove off.It was the first time I had a normal meal in a while and I was very grateful. It felt kinda good having a friend like her in my life. She was actually the only friend I've had and I took her as my sister sometimes. I trusted her more than I even trusted my own mother. After a long drive we finally arrived at her place, well I stayed out of town after all. I was shocked the exact moment we opened the door, do you remember that little kid I wasn't sure if it was a boy or girl, that little thing had already grown now to a point that she knew how to speak. I was actually shocked to be honest. She was running around with balloons written welcome back in her arms and I was really touched. It turns out Becky had made a welcome party for me but it was just her husband, their daughter , her and me. But I still appreciated it, it was the first time someone has done something for me you know. Well, apart from those fancy parties my parents used to throw for me just to compete with their friends, this one was very special. I thanked the two, Becky and her husband. And funniest part is that I never really thought these two would be together by now, they are too different but they complete each other in some way and I was very happy for them.

By the way, there was a cake at the table, a few drinks, but I wasn't in the right mind to drink. I don't even drink either so yah. We all went to sit down and had some cake, and we talked till I got tired and just listened to them talk. I was very happy, I haven't felt like this in years and I just didn't want this feeling to go away. After listening to them talk for hours I went to sleep because I was tired and also I had a therapy session the following day, I didn't want to fall asleep while the poor person was talking. As the following day arrived I was woken up by a giggling kid near me already eating, like what are they teaching this kid. I then got out of bed and went to freshen up, after that I still found the kid in my room, turns out she wanted to invite me for breakfast but already forgot why she was in my room in the first place so I carried her to the kitchen where I found her mother already done making breakfast,well her father was already gone for work. I greeted Becky and went to sit down with her daughter who wouldn't stop talking about stuff I didn't know. Cartoons, talking flowers, being a kid was something else. For some reason I didn't understand why Becky made English breakfast but who was I to complain, we both ate and I also fed her daughter her own breakfast, just instant porridge, she was too young to be eating bread, I don't know much about kids but that's just too much fibre. After we were done eating we left for the therapy session. It was only going to last for an hour and thirty minutes. All I'm grateful for is that the place we went to wasn't that far, just a short drive, and it was also closer to the mall so the mother and daughter duo said they'll be going there to get some stuff. So, they dropped me off at the place and there I went to meet the man, he seemed to be in his late sixties or something.

One of the calmest creatures I've ever seen, he even offered me a drink the moment I walked in. We both sat down and got down to business, he had his own way of making people talk.