I Was Sick of Loving You

4 – Iris

Where did I go wrong

She, who should have returned, expressed her intention to stay here for a few days. The person who sold me welcomed me and invited her to dinner.

The chef and the cooks under him were busy preparing, and they welcomed me with all kinds of dishes that would be hard to see as a meal for three people, and even high-quality wine that I used to drink alone because it was expensive.

As the next head of the Brandt family, it was obvious that he had prepared the chef, thinking that if he looked good, he might run out of beans.

From my point of view, who clearly knew that I couldn’t get anything by doing this, it was just funny, like a comic joke.

Whether you know it or not, the human smiles alone and talks about useless and boring stories.

I skim through the filthy boring stories, slicing the herb-topped steak into my mouth.

Juice trapped in the meat bursts out of the mouth and delights the tongue, but the dining table with her and the human is embarrassing and does not go down the throat.

When I forcefully pass the food down my throat, I feel like I’ll get sick if I eat more, so I only drink the prepared wine.

The well-aged and well-permeated oak scent blends well with the flavor of the wine, and the clean throating is satisfying. I was satisfied with everything about the wine, but I was disappointed with the weak spirit of the wine.

If I had been drunk, I would have enjoyed this uncomfortable place a little.

As I sipped my wine with that thought in mind, the filthy boring story ended and a new topic began.

“He’s a guy who never met a woman. I was worried that my ugly son would be rude to the princess today. ha ha ha”

I’d rather talk dirty and boring stories.

Something unpleasant happened on her part today, but given her personality, I won’t say anything special.

Even though I think so, I want her to tell me the insult she did to me.

“Sir Alik did not commit any disrespect.”

“I’m glad then.”

As expected, she doesn’t say anything. It was natural, but the taste was bitter.

After drinking only wine for a while, I get up to get out of this uncomfortable spot.

“I’m not feeling well, so I’ll go first.”

“…yes, go.”

The damn human looked like he wanted to say something with a disapproving expression, but he couldn’t show such ugliness in front of her, so he just let me go.

After coming out, the alcohol energy of the wine that I kept drinking ate away at my young body, which was not yet strong.

The spirits of alcohol also rose, and I went outside with the desire to relieve the stuffiness.

Thanks to the full moon, it is not too dark outside, so I walk aimlessly using the moonlight as a lantern.

I gave myself up to the alcohol and walked for a long time, and came to the garden my mother loved when she was alive.

I suddenly think of my mother, who was the only one who taught me the love of my family, when I was treated as an outcast, and I miss it. Surrender to that feeling and walk in the garden to find your mother’s footsteps.

Tulips of various colors that bloomed in the garden saturated the moonlight and spring, exuding the atmosphere of spring.

Wanting to feel more of her mother’s nostalgia, she approaches the tulip and smells it.

Smelling the scent of tulips, which my mother loved, reminds me of what my mother used to say in memories that have faded over time.

“I like tulips because they smell good and are pretty, but I like them because each color has a flower language related to love.”

Purple is eternal love. Orange is confession, charming love. Pink is the beginning of caring, affection, and love. Red is an expression of love. White is a broken heart. You said that yellow is vain love, unrequited love.

I pick a yellow tulip that suits my life and feel the scent once again.

“Son, if you grow up and make a lover, find someone who loves you.”

The words I did not understand when I was young and forgot when I was young, now I feel it in my bones.

It is only now that I understand that the emotion contained in the expression he made while saying those words was sadness.

My mother must have lived with the same feelings and pain as I did…

After falling into faded memories for a while and feeling the nostalgia, I felt the presence and looked back.

Standing behind her, her blue hair bathed in the soft moonlight and exuding a mysterious atmosphere.

“Since when have you been here?”

“I just came.”

It felt strange that she, who had never raised her words to me in her entire life, had raised her words to me, but rather than that, did she come to see me? Or did you happen to see it while taking a walk? Whatever it is, she is uncomfortable.

“Did you come to see me?”

“I came here while taking a walk.”

“okay. Then I will go first.”

I pass her to avoid the seat.

I lose my balance with the sudden strong pull on me, and I feel the softness and nostalgic warmth as I am drawn to her.

When I turn my head, I see her slightly reddened mouth, but she doesn’t say anything.

She wants to appreciate her broken expression more and feel her warmth, but she can’t.

It’s not like that, and it shouldn’t be like that.

get out of her arms

“Do you have anything to say?”

“That, excuse me.”

Broken down, she stammers and runs quickly without saying anything about what might have been.

You know how to make a face like that.

Today, I saw a more diverse woman than I saw in my previous life.

I saw her angry, her pride broken, her face blushing with embarrassment.

Even though I know that it is not the way she feels emotions for granted, I think that the past life is really a dream.

Even if I show her the way she is today, I think I can live if I love her, but the curse running through her blood won’t allow that, so my mouth is bitter.

—————

One day, my father showed me a piece of paper saying he had decided who would be my partner.

Alik Norman. At the age of 20, the same age as me, born as the third son of a Norman count who is mainly active in politics and business, a man called Byeoljong who went mad with swords, and next to that information, a picture of a normal-looking man with brown hair and blue eyes was drawn. there was.

He seems like an ordinary man with no discernible information other than that he’s a strange species who went crazy with swords, but since it was his father’s decision, there must be some reason.

Even so, since we had to meet and check it out, we sent a letter saying we were going to see it, and we left the next day.

My fiancé’s first impression upon arrival was the worst.

The clothes are decorated so fancy that it is inconvenient to be active, drinking expensive tea and making useless jokes.

After being educated by my father, I thought my emotions had definitely diminished, but seeing the smiling faces of the sales staff, I realized that wasn’t the case.

I sighed in anger and threw my sword at him.

I resisted wanting to punch the face with the stupid expression I see while receiving the sword.

“Conversation is enough as a sword. Let me guide you to the gymnasium.”

I went to the training ground he guided me to and pulled out the sword from the scabbard while facing each other.

I don’t like his behavior, but since he’s the man chosen by his father, he stands up expecting something special and awaits his attack.

However, the answer to my expectations was garbage-like swordsmanship that did not require any strength from the waist.

I feel anger boiling from deep inside my body because of my father who called garbage and this garbage his fiancé.

Ignorantly, he let go of his sword, which struck only with force, and struck him in the stomach with the pommel.

Something is strange. It’s trashy skills, but his eyes followed my sword, and when he struck with a pommel, he felt a sense of repulsion from his hard muscles, and his hands were full of calluses.

There’s no way this kind of person could be trashy.

Then there is only one conclusion. He is deceiving me and showing no skill.

He said that he should talk with a sword, but he did not show his skills.

There is no greater deceit for a warrior.

He says something with a cheeky face, but I can’t hear him because of the anger that fills his head.

Since then, his reason has been eroded by anger, and his memory is fuzzy.

At one point, when I made the crazy mistake of swinging my aura around my sword, my reason returned, but the sword was already pointed at him.

I hope he avoids it, but he doesn’t dodged it, he just raises his hand and reaches for the sword, doing something crazy.

I thought his hand would be cut off, but that didn’t happen.

Rather, I felt the sword being sucked between his hands, and the sword was caught in his hand, and the aura was disturbed with a strange feeling, and then it disappeared.

His sword is aimed at my neck.

In sparring, he made the mistake of using an aura without consent, and lost with the shame of being caught with a sword.

“I cannot treat a woman who is inexperienced enough to hold the blade as a warrior. princess”

His words, with eyes as if he had seen them somewhere, negate my life that I was educated to live as a warrior. My mistakes became a dagger, pierced my heart, and shattered something inside me.

I wanted to say something, but I don’t know what to say.

Apologize for my mistake? Or the question of how he got rid of the aura by holding the sword with his hand?

I don’t know. Watching him go back makes me weak.

My thoughts and feelings that I don’t know come to me in dizziness.

After some time passes, the dizziness disappears a little and the accident returns.

Thinking that unknown thoughts and feelings might have something to do with it, I concluded that it would be good to stay here for a while. When I asked Count Norman for his understanding, he readily accepted.

A little time passes, and at dinner, I sit in front of Alik and observe him while listening to Count Norman’s story.

Observing him, for some reason, he looks like he’s glancing at him.

I was embarrassed by my unknowing behavior, but I couldn’t fix it.

“He’s a guy who never met a woman. I was worried that my ugly son would be rude to the princess today. ha ha ha”

His words caught my breath. The word rude reminds me of the mistakes I made to him during the day.

“Sir Alik did not commit any disrespect.”

“I’m glad then.”

The way Count Norman said he was relieved to say that he was fortunate stabbed his heart.

Just as I was feeling the heat rising from my face, he suddenly got up and went away saying he wasn’t feeling well.

Did my rude behavior go away after thinking about it, or should I run and apologize right now?

With those thoughts in mind, I asked Count Norman for his understanding, got out of my seat, and went to look for him.

I get out of the restaurant and look around, but I don’t see him. I wondered if he had already gone to his room, so I asked the attendants and went to his room, but he wasn’t there.

I grabbed all the attendants in sight and asked them as I went, but no one said they had seen him.

Thinking he had gone outside, I ran around for a while looking for him, and found him in the garden holding yellow tulips with a sad face on his face.

As I approached him cautiously, he turned to me.

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Looking at his sad eyes full of water, I couldn’t remember the purpose of finding him, and something overlapped, and my hair turned white.

A head that has turned white cannot think properly. I only responded to what he said, but when I couldn’t say what I had to say and let him go, I came back to my senses and grabbed him urgently.

I grabbed it too quickly and couldn’t control the force, so he was dragged along. It was like I was holding him in my arms.

The warmth I felt as I hugged him and the body odor from his body made my head dizzy, and the shame rushed in like a wave, so I ran away without saying what I had to say.

I ran away and returned to my room, covered my head with the blanket, and stayed up all night writhing in shame.