Zeroth Moment: My Cheat Skill Is Stupid, So I'll Just Ignore It

Archmage Quint Aumraham, looking almost as tired as Topher felt, blinked slowly. "I'm afraid you have the advantage of me, sir. Who are you?"

Instantly, Topher's brain kicked into overdrive; he sensed, very urgently, that his answer would be important and that a single misstep here could have dire consequences. Unfortunately, he only knew four facts about the man in front of him: that he had interacted with Topher himself during the Summoning, that he was supposedly an archmagus at least theoretically on par with Kelfir Leafwind, that he appeared to be human (which implied a number of interesting and potentially worrying things regarding the second point), and that he had probably spent the last several months dealing with whatever interpersonal and logistical shenanigans would be required to deal with the presence of two dozen super-powered teenagers from another dimension. These inferences, taken together, made it clear to Topher that he needed to be very careful exactly how he phrased his answer.

Topher blinked, then bowed as courteously as he could manage. "I am called Tobin Copperfield, Archmagus. I'm a mage, currently in the process of collecting spells and studying interrelations between concepts, who came to this city in hopes of making some new discoveries; but it looks like I've wandered into something unexpected."

"Very much so," sighed the archmage. "I am here because I detected your use of Metaphrasty; are you the architect of this destruction?" He peered at Topher inquisitively and stood up a little straighter, taking his staff in one hand; Topher felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Shit.

"No, Archmagus." Topher shook his head vigorously; he wanted to be more composed, but knew he didn't have the self-control. "I arrived just after everything happened. There was a young girl here, with a skeletal staff -- Suzume Saiki, she called herself -- and said she had defeated some assassins, destroying the building in the process." He paused, then continued. "She said she believed the assassins were targeting me, possibly based on the research I'm doing."

"Indeed?" The archmage tilted his head in curiosity, and Topher felt the danger dissipate slightly; Jesus Christ, what exactly is this dude capable of? "It must be an interesting avenue of research, then." The archmage turned away, looking back towards the castle; Topher could see he was contemplating something. Then, abruptly, he came to a decision; the man turned back towards Topher and relaxed slightly, leaning on his staff again. "We should speak further, but I have affairs which must be attended to. Will you accompany me to my tower?"

Topher bowed again. "Respectfully, Archmagus, I have friends I need to check on. But I can come to the castle immediately afterwards." His guts clenched in fear; he was pushing it, he knew.

But Aumraham appeared unperturbed; he simply nodded. "Of course. I will await you -- shall we say, in an hour?"

Topher nodded, sweat trickling down his back. "As you say, Archmagus."

"I shall inform the guard to expect you." The older man straightened up, wincing slightly -- Topher recognized a lower-back twinge when he saw it -- and disappeared. The teleportation was subtle and instantaneous, with no gestures or chants; one moment the old man was there, and the next he was gone, leaving nothing other than a light swirl in the dust. Topher gulped. I'd almost think he was a hallucination. That's a whole lot more impressive than Kelfir's big showy golden throne bullshit.

He took a moment to collect himself, heaving in a few deep breaths; no matter what else he had to do today, he felt that he owed himself at least a handful of seconds to process the massive stress piling up on him. Another one of the kids was killed -- probably a high-ranking one, if they're freaking out about it. Whole identity all fucked up, magic parasite in my brain, both companions missing, city about to be evacuated. Dangerous archmage wants me to show up at the castle in an hour. He ran a hand over his face, doing his best not to mess up his carefully-styled beard and mustache, then gathered himself together as best he could. Right. Time to make the donuts.

Spinning on his heel, he strode away from the black stain where the inn had been, heading in the direction where he'd last seen Vanna running. At first, he was sure he'd just end up lost and confused; however, he quickly spied Zanasha's bright red hair coming towards him through the empty streets, with Vanna's bone-white locks in tow; good thing they both picked high-visibility hairstyles, he smirked to himself. He stepped forward, raised his hands to show that he was unhurt. "You guys okay?"

"We are well, Friend... Copperfield," the half-orc responded, chest heaving beneath her armor. "What has happened? Vanna was able to tell me only that you were in danger."

"Well, that part's still true," Topher groused, "but the short version is that we need to get to the castle. The Archmage wants to talk to us."

Vanna frowned. "So much for staying under the radar."

"Tell me about it," agreed Topher. "But we need to get off the streets, and the castle's as good a place as any. Let's hurry there now -- we have an hour before we're expected -- and I can tell you what I found while we're waiting."

Luckily, Topher remembered the way to the castle from the inn fairly well; it was only a few minutes before they were standing in front of the gate guard, breathing a little heavily from the journey. "Tobin Copperfield," Topher gasped to the guards, "summoned by Archmage Aumraham."

The guards -- four of them this time, still wearing the same goofy-looking helmets Topher remembered -- nodded and opened the gate, leaving three of their number behind while a fourth guided them through the castle's halls to an unfamiliar chamber Topher had never seen before. It was a narrow, circular, and high-ceilinged stone room, with soaring wooden timbers and a series of chairs around the walls that surrounded a small table set with a small bowl of fruit; he could see fancy-looking iron fittings up above, holding some sort of black sphere -- pitch, maybe? -- and set into a quartet of glass skylights, through which the incongruously cheery sun was shining. "Wait here," the guard said tersely, then departed.

As soon as they were alone, Vanna held up a finger and motioned for silence, cocking her head; after a short period, she nodded and relaxed. "We're alone. No listeners that I can detect." Eagerly, she sat forward. "Quickly, what can you tell us?"

"Shit. Uh..." Topher racked his brain for the best way to present everything quickly. "There were assassins at the inn, but one of the S-Rankers got there first -- she was the one making all the scary dark stuff. She wiped them all out before I even saw them, then fucked off somewhere else; apparently one of the Summoned Heroes got killed, or something, and they're all planning to leave within the next day. She said that would make the city unsafe, for some reason -- I don't know why." He shook his head. "I also remembered everything I was missing" -- so much more than I wanted, yikes -- "and I figured out who was behind everything. The fat kid, Noboru, was the one who killed everybody -- I'd blocked that part out, I guess -- on the orders of somebody else, and whoever it was probably got to him through the priesthood he was joining." He clenched his fist, still excited about finally having a lead after all this time. "It's not much, but it tells us a lot -- Cailu wasn't the target, he just got caught up in everything."

Zanasha nods, looking slightly relieved. "That is well." Her expression turned thoughtful. "The Adventurer's Guild was quite hectic, and this information may explain it somewhat -- perhaps the lower-ranked adventurers are wary of being near the city after the destined heroes depart."

"Did you find out anything else while you were there?" Vanna asked, leaning forward expectantly. "You didn't even tell me why you were going, just that you were heading out!"

The half-orc had the good grace to look embarrassed. "No. I was mostly concerned with situational awareness -- job postings for dangerous monsters, protection contracts, and other such quests can tell one a great deal about the local circumstances." She shrugged. "It mostly only served to relax me."

"That's a benefit all its own," Topher assured her, feeling awkward. "We're all under a lot of stress -- anything we can do to lessen it is a good idea." Like finding out what Aumraham wants and getting the fuck out of here. He turned to Vanna. "Do you have any idea why the Archmage wants to talk to us?"

"Not yet," she replied, shrugging -- Topher managed to avoid watching the resultant actions of her corset with difficulty -- "but I can't see it as anything other than a lucky break for us. Assuming, of course, that he doesn't recognize you."

"Or you," Topher pointed out. "Isn't he the same guy who Summoned you, too?"

The young woman blinked, her mouth falling open. "Wha...!" Closing her mouth again, she winced and tapped herself lightly on the forehead with the top of her fist. "I didn't think of that. Stupid! It's been so long since..."

"One moment," cautioned Zanasha. "It may be of use. Do you remember anything about him from that time?"

Vanna paused, contemplating intently. "Not much. He was wearing a gray robe, and had a big wooden staff, but he left almost immediately; he looked tired." She tapped her cheek with her forefinger. "I won't know for sure if it was even the same mage until I see him, though."

"Good enough." Topher turned back to Zanasha. "Before we get too far off-track -- does the Adventurer's Guild keep track of priests in the area? For healing spells and the like?"

"Of course." The half-orc's face brightened considerably; Topher realized with a shock that she'd probably been feeling less than useful throughout the events of the last few days. "There may be time to investigate further before the city is evacuated, too."

"Good. Let's make a plan to --" Topher's sentence was abruptly cut off by the sound of a door opening; he expected a herald or messenger, but was surprised to see the Archmage himself coming into the room. This guy's really dragging ass, he noted uncomfortably; the other mage was almost stumbling with evident fatigue. He leapt to his feet almost involuntarily. "Archmage Aumraham."

"Sit, sit," the other mage responded, making dismissive gestures. "I appreciate your manners, but I'd much rather have your regard." He managed a tired smile as he half-flopped into one of the available chairs, facing Topher across the little table. "And who are your companions, Master Copperfield?"

"This is my Herald, Vanna... Dandere," managed Topher, struggling a little to recall the weird fake surname Hana had come up with, "and Zanasha Jones, an adventurer who has protected us in the field." He pondered for a moment, then added, "They can be trusted," with what he hoped was a serious look; he wasn't sure why, but he felt like it would be a smart move.

"As you say." The archmage nodded in their direction. "Well then, be welcome, both of you; I regret that I cannot offer you refreshment, but our circumstances are dire and time is short; it will be best if you ask the minimum number of questions possible." Rising with some difficulty, he gestured for the three to move closer; as soon as they were nearby, he gestured vaguely.

The walls of the meeting room dissolved, and they were all abruptly in a different place; a homey-looking tower with walls of what looked like hand-carved cedar, festooned with bookshelves and lab equipment. There were no windows, but a bright, warm illumination issued forth from a trio of crystal spheres hung near the roof. Topher blinked. "Wow. Thank you for inviting us here, Archmage."

The older man smiled, pleasure easing through his fatigued countenance. "You do me honor, sir. But here is a place we may speak freely; my office is, shall we say, heavily warded." He collapsed with obvious relief into a carved wooden rocking chair, laying his staff aside; a small shelf of wicker snapped out to prop up his ankles, and the contraption began to rock on its own without obvious impetus. "Let us begin at the beginning; what Rank is your Metaphrasty Skill? Have you yet composed a Wyrd?"

Topher shook his head sadly. "Only Rank F, Archmagus. I only unlocked the skill a short while ago..." -- shit, has it even been a week? No, wait, ten days -- "...and have yet to even begin understanding how a Wyrd may be constructed. I only recently mastered controlled channeling of akasha."

The archmage nodded. "Understandable, but enough for my purposes." He reached into his robes, producing a small glass bauble. "Do you know what this is?"

Topher peered at it; it looked a bit like a fat glass pacifier, or maybe a very heavy spinning top. A tapered brown cone at the top ended abruptly in a thin rod, which passed through a large knot of what looked like twisted wire before being capped with a heavy brass knob. "No, I don't think I've ever seen anything like it. What is it?"

"It is called an Aetheric Augurus; it is not surprising that you have not encountered one before, for they were rare even when they were crafted in the preceding millennium." The archmage handed it to Topher without ceremony, and Topher had to juggle it a bit not to drop it. "I suggest you be careful with it, since it is the only one left to my knowledge."

"No disrespect, Archmagus, but why are you handing it to me, then?" asked Topher quizzically.

Aumraham sighed. "When a Metaphrast channels akasha through the Augurus, it can be used to perform certain types of divinations; the majority of these are lost to time, but knowledge of one remains to me." He gestured towards a nearby table, upon which a map had been hastily spread and weighted down with various accoutrements, sorcerous and otherwise. "If it pleases you, would you be so kind as to do so?"

"Archmagus, I'd be glad to help you in any way I can," Topher managed, holding the thing at arm's length as if it were a dead rodent, "but I don't know that that would be safe in here. You and my companions could be harmed by the akasha."

"This place is heavily warded," the archmage demurred. "I am sure we will all be fine." He raised an eyebrow. "I am less sure we will be fine if you take too long."

Topher sighed -- typical -- and began to concentrate. Holding the Augurus above the map, he visualized the illustration from Dakath's shop again -- it was becoming easier each time -- and felt the akasha begin to flow out of him and into the device. I don't have to channel it, he realized, eyes widening. It's made to draw this stuff in.

As he watched, the device began to unfold; the tight knot of wire in the center was revealed to be a series of constricted bands, which swelled and unkinked with fascinating precision as the device began to swell with golden light. The loops of wire spread, became filled with nesting geometric shapes, and migrated outwards with clockwork intricacy as further shapes and structures took shape in their place, spreading from the inside of the structure to the outer layer where they bunched up and became fractally enmeshed.

"Good," said Aumraham, who was now at Topher's shoulder; Topher bit off a yelp and tried to keep concentrating. "Very good. Now, visualize the young woman you saw at the inn -- the one with the, ah, skeleton staff, if you please." Grimacing, Topher did as he was told; and, with a tiny tilt of oblique motion that reminded him of a gyroscope, the Augurus turned to point towards the middle section of the map.

"Whoa," Topher commented before he could stop himself; a small blue dot appeared roughly halfway between the marker for Strathmore and the tiny land-bridge of Vorn, with the name "Suzume Saiki" written next to it. "What's she doing?!"

"She," sighed the archmage, "is attempting to bypass the larger conflict and make her way directly to the Demon Lord herself." He sat back down, curling his arms into the sleeves of his robe. "Whether to make an attempt on his life or to betray us and join his forces, I do not know -- and, believe me, it is a thing I would very much like to know."

"Holy crap," Topher spluttered. "You're serious?!"

The archmage nodded sadly. "Were it not so. And thus you understand why I must make very rapid preparations indeed."

Zanasha, whom Topher had almost forgotten about, stepped forward. "What should we do, Archmage?"

The older man's steely blue gaze flicked to her and dismissed her; Topher winced. "Nothing, young lady. There are preparations to be made by those of the castle staff, but you are not one of our number; and, even if you were, I suspect there is little to be done regardless." He shrugged. "Even I am relegated to the organization and transportation of supplies; were it not for your companion's chance exercise of Metaphrasty within the distance of my wards, I would be lacking even this much information." He hunched over, eyes staring at nothing. "For all the good it does me."

Christ, thought Topher miserably, even the people in charge are struggling. First the king, then the big elf mega-mage, now Boss Wizard Guy; is everyone out of their depth?

Not the S-Rankers, commented the distant part of his mind instantly.

Topher jerked upright. "Shit. Suzume said that one of the Summoned Heroes had been killed -- who was it?" The instant it left his mouth, he realized it was a mistake, but there was no time to back out now. "Was it one of the S-Rankers?"

The archmage nodded. "Ayame Arima. And her entire squadron of A-Rank and B-Rank heroes, three days ago."

Topher's breath caught. Their ace in the hole. The supersonic nuke cannon in stiletto heels. "Jesus." He fumbled uselessly, nearly dropping the Augurus a second time. "What can we do? I know we're too weak to help, but..."

The archmage chuckled, a low sorrowful sound that turned into a cough. "Ironic. Do you always believe what you're told?"

Topher blinked. "What?"

"We've met before, you see." The older man winked at Topher. "You probably don't remember."

Topher sighed, carefully setting the Augurus down as he let his Metaphrasty trance expire; the glass bauble dimmed and contracted, returning to its previous closed state. "You knew all along, huh? I had a feeling."

The archmage nodded again. "You did well to hide your identity, actually -- obfuscating the situation may confuse or misdirect spies in the castle, of which I am sure we have more than a few." He looked up at the ceiling. "And to you, Miss Shirakane -- how has our world been treating you?"

Vanna crossed her arms and stared bitterly at the mage. "Poorly, Archmagus." She sighed. "How did you know?"

"I have, among other things," said the archmage, gesturing at a scrap of paper, "a list of the names of the Summoned, which I can view in my Status. Most of those from your Summoning have disappeared from it, but you have not; it was a great shock to me when Hideo Oguro's name blinked out a few months ago." He sagged. "I had hoped it was natural causes."

"Well, it's not." Topher bulled his way forward, back into the conversation. "Somebody's been assassinating Otherworlders. First Oguro, then someone they thought was Ichirou Watanabe, and then Haruko and the other Rank F kids from my summoning." He pointed at Vanna -- actually guess she's Hana again now, since the jig is up -- and frowned. "They're after her too. We just tracked down a lead -- some priests that convinced Noboru Taniguchi to betray and murder all his friends -- but that's a hell of a wide net to cast."

The archmage sat up, abruptly. "Assassinating F-Rankers? But why?" He stood up, despite his evident exhaustion, and began to pace. "Your Unique Skills are not dangerous. Your Classes are not powerful or threatening. Why would someone want to eliminate you?"

"Likely, for the same reason they'd want to eliminate Oguro," Zanasha observed. "He, along with the person the assassins thought was Ichirou, were tolerated for ten years before they were targeted. What changed? Why would someone suddenly find them so dangerous, when before they had been no threat?"

"Wait." Topher froze. "Wait a minute. Maybe we're going about this all wrong." He started to pace. "Archmage, why did you perform the Summoning again? The Demon Lord killed the last Heroes, right? And yet they didn't destroy the world?"

"The Demon Lord is Sealed," the archmage responded, frowning. "One hundred years ago, the sacred sword Dawnbreaker struck him down, but he was too powerful to be destroyed as mortals are. Ten years ago, we saw the first signs of his return, and performed the Summoning; but his armies were already preparing, and outmaneuvered us. We thought he and his demonic minions were weakened, so we thought to act swiftly rather than spend time raising the Heroes' Levels; it was a very grave mistake." He hung his head.

"Right. So," -- Topher began to pace as well -- "the big S-Ranker with the amazing sword skill, the one who only made it to the Lava Mountains..."

"Oshima-sama," Hana interjected.

"Geshundheit." Topher kept pacing. "She takes her team and goes to take out what everyone's hoping is the weakest possible version of the Demon Lord, but something goes wrong, and she and her whole team die halfway there." He grimaced. "The entire rest of the army dies in Dragon Valley, except Oguro, who probably chickened out or something." He looked up. "Are there any other survivors? People who might know what happened to the army?"

The archmage shook his head. "There remain only two from that Summoning -- young Hana, here, and the other man."

Topher stopped abruptly. "What other man?"

"The dark-skinned gentleman." Aumraham cocked his head, remembering. "Rudo Muchenje. He remains alive, although where and in what capacity I do not know." He turned to Topher, surprised. "What importance could he have? He departed from the city immediately, and never interacted with the others to my knowledge."

"We're gonna find out," snarled Topher. He rounded on the archmage. "Can you show me what he looked like? Minor Illusion, with an Eid-Yttr transform?"

"An...!" The archmage's mouth dropped open. "How can you...?"

"No time." Topher raised a hand, summoning up a starlit sphere that projected the nine-dimensional vector field in question; he practically shoved it at the other man's nose. "Like this! You have to transform the memory -- Eid for thought, Yttr for time! You're the archmage here!"

"Don't shout at me," mumbled the other man, rubbing his temples. "Let's see how well you conjugate runes when you haven't slept in two days. Eid, Yttr, let me see... ah." He reached for his staff, then gestured tiredly. "Solmi Xow Kuul, Poq Viak Phii... Vum Rhyf Ahtvor Meigu. There, that should do it."

As Topher watched, a cerulean haze began to form over the tip of the archmage's staff -- he's water-aspected, thought Topher abstractly -- and slowly resolved into a face that Topher could recognize. The man was old -- older even than Topher -- but had the cast-iron look of someone who had been through a great deal of physical hardship in life. Taut black skin carved with curves of musculature and bone (and not a few wrinkles) picked out focused features beneath a short, wild expanse of iron-gray hair, supplemented by a neat goatee of the same color. Rudo Muchenje, thought Topher. "Okay. Let me see if I can find him."

"Wait." The archmage placed his hand on Topher's forearm lightly. "Before you do, are you familiar with Shuji Takano? The young man with the shield and armor?"

"What, the brown-haired kid?" Topher frowned. "Yeah, I remember him a little. What about him?"

"He somehow survived the attack on Ayame Arima, but disappeared," answered the archmage. "I had assumed that the enemy forces had taken him prisoner, but perhaps not. Can you find him first?"

"Sure." Topher concentrated, channeling akasha into the Augurus once more; to his surprise, it jerked upwards, away from the map and towards the ceiling. "The fuck?" A small blue dot, displaying the name Shuji Takano, appeared about a foot and a half above his head. "What the shit, is the guy in space or something?"

"In space!!" Aumraham's fist thundered down on the table, startling Topher. "Of course! His Skill would allow him to survive in the void without falling back to earth. He must have been flung there by the girl's Supreme Gravity Skill..." Rushing to secure an astrolabe and several other strange tools, the archmage took several sightings of the dot and began to calculate angles. "Nearly halfway to the celestial dome! Prodigious. Out of range of standard teleports, but..." He smirked.

Topher stood there, feeling like he was missing something. "But what?"

The archmage turned back towards him, blinking. "Oh. Of course you do not know." He sucked in a breath. "To be brief, my parents were both F-Rankers -- a woodworker and a seamstress. When I was born at C-Rank, with the Archmage Class already unlocked, everyone was surprised, but my MP was always stuck at 1." He smiled, remembering something Topher couldn't begin to interpret. "My father helped me Level up, one incredibly weak monster at a time -- I could only fire a single Magic Dart before running out of MP, and even when I attained Level 2, my MP stayed at 1. It was very frustrating." He dusted his robes off a bit -- preening, Topher could tell. "At Level 3, my max MP finally became 2. It continued to climb very slowly -- but, at Level 10, it finally reached parity with others, and afterwards..." he smirked. "Do you understand, Master Bailey?"

"Exponential function." Topher blinked. "What Level are you now?"

"Level 70." The archmage's smile widened. "And my current max MP is just shy of seventeen billion."

"Holy balls," Topher swore. "No wonder you're in charge around here!"

"It would be a vast misunderstanding to think that I am in charge of anything," the other mage demurred, "but certain spells that would be impossible for other mages are well within my capability -- such as casting a Grand Summoning spell, or teleporting far beyond the moon. And, of course, I am quite formidable in battle." He shrugged. "But my Intelligence and Wisdom are only Rank D; if not for my Unique Skill, Superior Mana, I would be quite unremarkable indeed. Thus, I am content to leave the plans and subterfuge to others whenever possible." He began to gather up his robes. "Such as yourselves. I suggest you find Rudo Muchenje quickly; I will need to take back the Augurus before I return you to the castle."

Topher spun around, concentrating; Hana and Zanasha crowded behind him, intent on the map. At first, he had trouble visualizing the face from Aumraham's Illusion, but after a moment it became clear; the Augurus whirred, tilted, and settled to rest pointing at the upper tip of the continent -- a frozen trackless waste in the extreme north of the section of the map marked Thoxen. "Jesus. What is this guy, part Eskimo?"

"No one is going to get that reference, Topher," hissed Hana. Topher winced.

"Hey, the guy's up here," he said to Aumraham, pointing. "Can you drop us off on your way to outer space, or whatever?"

The archmage rolled his eyes. "Oh, I don't know if I can spare the MP." He grinned. "I'll need to make a few more preparations. I shall transport you back to the meeting room; meet me in front of the castle in another half-hour. With luck, Master Takano can hold out until then."

Topher carefully withdrew his akasha from the Augurus and set it down on the map; he was just about to ask another question when a scintillation of blue light washed over all of them, and Topher found himself back in the meeting room again. The archmage was gone; only Zanasha and Hana remained, looking bewildered. "This must be what pets feel like," Hana observed, a sour look on her face.

"Don't sweat it, kid, it's just wizard stuff." Topher strode to the door and peeked out; despite the evident state of unrest and agitation in the castle, there were no guards around. "Let's move. We have one more thing to do here."