Two Weeks Between Love and Hate

“Jason... Where have you been?” Katia asked firmly, her mom voice kicking in.

It had been so long since she used her tough tone he couldn’t even remember the last time he heard it. Jason audibly swallowed, finishing his climb through the window.

“Mom, what are you—”

“I asked you a question, Jason Alexander Merris! Where did you go?!” Her voice was loud and shrill, causing him to flinch slightly. Had his mom ever had to yell at him like this before?

“Uh, well I...” he stammered slightly, trying to come up with an explanation. He was so thrown off by his mother’s anger he wasn’t sure what to say.

“Don’t even think about lying to me! You went to see that-that girl again, didn’t you?!” Katia’s voice was full of accusation.

“...That girl?” Jason felt a bit lost. Was she talking about Mika, or...

”Jillian!" Katia clarified sharply.

He was genuinely surprised by this. The two had gotten super close just the day before. So, since when did Jillian become ‘that girl’?

“Mom, what are you trying to say?” His voice filled with uncertainty. Katia stood up, tears now streaming down her cheeks.

“I don’t want you around that girl anymore. You almost died because of her! And now you’re sneaking around behind my back. You don’t trust me, you don’t respect me, and you don’t care about how I feel!” Her voice wavered with a mix of anger and sadness as she continued to sob.

“Mom, that’s not true at all! You are the most important person in the world to me. It’s not what you think. I...” Jason started, but his mom interrupted him.

“Then what is it, Jason? You lied to me. Saying you were going to rest and instead you sneak out! When did you stop trusting your own mother?” Katia’s voice trembled with her question.

“I didn’t mean to lie to you!” he said loudly, his brow furrowing at the accusation.

“But you did. You’re shutting me out of your life and trying to leave me behind. Do you even realize how scared I was when I found you on the floor yesterday, Jason? I thought I lost you. Just like I lost your father.” Her sobs grew more intense and distraught as she dropped the screwdriver and buried her face in her hands.

“M-mom... I’m sorry,” he stammered, on the verge of breaking down himself, seeing his mother bawl her eyes out in front of him.

“Why does everyone I love leave me? Why am I the one that’s left behind?”

Katia’s anguish washed over Jason like a tidal wave of sadness. And he quickly enveloped her in a tight hug, pulling her against his chest.

“Mom, I am so sorry. I never meant for you to feel this way. I’ll never leave you alone like that. I won’t let you feel that pain again, I swear it.” A few tears of his own finally spilled over his eyelids and trickled down his cheeks. The desire to protect his mother surged to new heights.

Katia took several quick breaths, followed by a quiet whine muffled by his chest.

“...I’m sorry… Jason... I’m just scared,” she confessed, her voice shaky.

“It’s okay, Mom. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere,” he reassured her, planting a gentle kiss on her head, trying to stay strong for her. Eventually, she wrapped her arms around his waist and clung to him tightly, afraid he might disappear if she let go.

Katia tried to suck in some air, but the amount of dust from his shirt made her start coughing. “J-Jason,… why are you so dirty?”

The momentary distraction at least took her mind off the subject for now.

“Oh, sorry,” Jason quickly wiped a tear from his eye. “That’s what I was trying to tell you, a… friend took me out to this place where you smash things for stress relief,” he said, a small smile crossing his face. She gave him a bewildered look at his words.

“Wait… so you didn’t go see Jillian?”

He shook his head in response.

Her face flushed a bit; she had made such a big deal about him going to see Jillian, and now she felt so foolish.

“I’m so sorry. I jumped to conclusions and didn’t let you finish,” Katia apologized, lowering her head slightly.

Jason let out a small sigh. “Yeah, it seems like a common trend these days for me. But...” Jason hesitated, making Katia a little worried again. “I want to see her again mom,” he admitted, making Katia frown.

“But, Jason…,” she began, but it was finally his turn to interrupt.

“I will tell you everything, Mom. And if you still don’t want me to see her after we’re done, I promise I won’t. I told you that you are the most important person in my life and I meant it.” The promise was a bit painful to make, but he’d do anything and give up just about anything for his mom. Just like how Jillian felt, family always came first. Katia didn’t have much of a choice anymore, so she nodded in agreement.

“Okay, sweetie, I will listen to what you have to say.”

“Thanks, Mom. That’s all I want.”

Jason wasn’t really sure if he was ready to let all this baggage out, but she already knew his darkest secret. And it was time that she knew the truth about the past. He had seen firsthand how his secrets were affecting her, and he couldn’t bear to see her hurt anymore. His mom deserved happiness, even if she might be hurt when he tells her the truth.

“I love you, mom,” he said sweetly.

“I love you too, sweetheart,” she replied, giving him a tight hug before they left the room together.

Katia thought the worst had come and gone. She believed she could relax and have a nice heart-to-heart with her son about everything. The hope was they could mend this small tear in their relationship and grow closer than ever. That unfortunately, wasn’t the case. Instead, she found herself in a bit of a stupor.

It all started when Jason and his mom moved into the kitchen and settled in at the table. He took a deep breath, trying to prepare himself for the delve into his painful past. First thing he brought up was when he got falsely accused of sexual harassment, prompting his mom to recall the incident. But when he dropped the bomb that the girl in question was none other than Jillian, the shock Katia felt was just the tip of the iceberg.

Jason explained how it was mostly a misunderstanding and rumors had led to it getting out of hand. Jillian had never told anyone that he did, and denied ever being touched by him, but it didn’t reverse the damage. He told his mother how after seeing how the incident affected her so much, that he promised he wouldn’t burden her anymore. Especially since she was still grieving over dad’s passing. So he did his very best to act like things were normal when he came home. When in fact his school life was far from normal or pleasant. It became clear to Katia that this story was far from over.

Jason didn’t want to delve too deep into the details, but it quickly became clear to Katia that school was more or less a nightmare for him. From frequent bullying and torment, to being ostracized by the other kids that feared they would be targets if they talked to him. Yet still, young Jason soldiered on, bearing the burden and keeping his pain hidden as best he could.

His word’s sparked Katia’s memories of Jason coming home with bruises or his clothes torn. Yet those were the days that he seemed the happiest and seemed to smile a bit more than normal. Rather than prying, she tried to respect his privacy. Even when she did ask, he would smile and try to ease her fears.

“Don’t worry about me, I’m fine.” or “I’m okay, mom, I promise.” Words that now felt so ominous and sad. But she desperately wanted to trust her son... so she did, hoping he would trust her as well if he ever needed her. Now, looking back, it all was so obvious that he was simply being strong for her and hiding his overwhelming pain.

Katia could understand, at least somewhat, why Jason never opened up to her about the bullying. He inherited his father’s protective, standalone nature, never wanting to burden others with his problems. Always willing to sacrifice his body to shield the ones he loved. It was all so clear to her now, Jason took after his father in more ways than she ever realized.

Jason talked about how the bullying shaped his views on women to this very day.

“But why did the bullying make you hate women? Did they lower your self esteem that much?” Katia had to ask, but that was when he revealed the biggest shock of all.

“Well… It’s because the bully that tormented me more than anyone, from freshman year till I graduated… was a girl.”

Once again, she was left stunned in her seat. Her son, a boy who reached well over six feet tall in high school, had been bullied by a girl.

“A girl?!” Katia exclaimed, utterly shocked.

Jason nodded, looking a bit embarrassed. He had mostly gotten over it by now, but it was still a little humiliating to talk about. However, he knew he still had to explain even more about it.

“The last thing I will say about highschool...” He took one last deep breath before coming out with it. “...Is that Jillian was also that same bully.”

Katia felt like she was going to be suddenly sick.

The knots in her stomach tightened as she processed the implications of those words. She had unknowingly delivered her son into the hands of his former tormentor. Her lower lip trembled as it all sank in. Her best friend’s daughter had caused her son four years of misery. “D-does Ginny know about this? About what her daughter did?” she asked, taking in a shaky breath.

Jason frowned and shook his head. “I don’t think she knows much about what Jill was up to back then. Before we get into that, just let me say something first, okay?” he said, closing his eyes for a moment.

“I’ve been holding onto my anger and frustration for so long. It became who I am. My entire identity has been this bubbling over rage, that refused to accept parts of who I truly am. I’m just so tired of it all. When I saw Jillian again for the first time…my first thought was that I could finally get my revenge and tell her off. Show her how much better I was than her and put her through the pain I did back then... And I did. Well, I tried. But even after I said some really awful things to her, it… it didn’t make me feel any better. It actually made me feel worse,” Jason said with a scowl looking down at the table.

Katia’s expression darkened as she imagined what he might have said to Jillian after holding on to that pain for so long. As much as she couldn’t picture her son being so crude, she could think of what might hurt the skinny red head the most.

Jason paused his story, looking down at his hands clasped together on the table.

“I felt… this awful guilt when I saw just how much my words hurt her. His expression shifted into a deep frown, remembering the painful look on her face. Katia stared at her son in surprise.

“You felt guilty… for being mean to your past bully?” She was proud of his compassion but also confused; she wasn’t sure if she’d react the same way if she’d been in his shoes.

“It’s weird. I’ve said worse things to other women before, but I never felt guilty or even thought twice about it. But when I saw her reaction… It was like she was used to the words, but she hadn’t expected how much they hurt coming from me..,” he trailed off, struggling to put his feelings into words.

“And now it’s even stranger. When we are together, whether we’re just sitting and watching TV together or whatever, I feel this strange comfort and just… I dunno… Happy? It's like I have this instinctual urge to be with her no matter how much we fight. I hate it when we do, but my feelings only seem to get stronger each time we come back together. It just doesn’t add up. Am I doing something wrong? Is my brain broken?” Jason said, letting out a sigh. The desire to see Jillian welled up inside him just talking about her.

Looking at Jason with a strained expression, Katia still couldn’t shake off the resentment she felt towards Jillian. It still felt like everything bad that had happened to her son was that girl’s fault. The feeling of betrayal and disgust when it came to Ginny was even harder to ignore. How could her supposed best friend raise a daughter who would bully her son so badly? Her son who had just been trying to live his life back in school?

Ginny still had a husband, multiple kids, parents that hadn’t disowned her. She had everything Katia didn’t. Yet her son was the one that got bullied?

“It’s not fair…It’s not… fucking…fair!”

The jealous thoughts that bubbled up inside her blocked out almost every good thing Jason said about Jillian. She clenched her blouse tight in her fists, while her gaze dropped to the table. Renewed tears welled up again. Jason’s voice barely reached her as he tried to talk to her.

“Mom, please, just say something,” he said, rubbing her back, trying to comfort her.

“Huh?” Katia said, snapping back to reality. She looked over at Jason for a moment, then quickly wiped her tears away and sniffed loudly. Jason let out a relieved sigh and pulled his chair closer to hers.

“I was worried when you suddenly stopped talking,” he said, his voice tinged with concern as he reached out and took her hands, giving them a firm squeeze. “Are…you alright?” He hoped to draw her attention back to him.

“I’m okay, I just got a bit lost in my thoughts... But Jason…” Katia looked into her son’s eyes, her expression more serious now. “Why her? There have to be plenty of other girls out there that didn’t torture you in the past that are interested in you. Why Jillian? Why now? What led you to feel this way?”

She truly hoped it wasn’t because of sex. It was easy to see how her mistreated son would fall for the first girl he slept with. If that was the case, she would refuse to accept any relationship the two might have. He might hate her for it, but she couldn’t accept such a reason.

Jason paused for a long while, trying to think of a good way to put it. But eventually he realized there was no good way to put it. His relationship with Jillian wasn’t easily explainable.

“I… I honestly don’t know.”

Jason stumbled over his words. Thoughts of the night he and Jillian fooled around came to mind and made his cheeks flush slightly. He knew it wasn’t the reason he liked her, but it was very enjoyable. Katia’s eyes widened in surprise at his flushed expression.

“Have you two had...” she started, but Jason quickly shook his head before his mom could finish her sentence.

“No, we haven’t gone that far. But, uh...” He looked away, feeling a bit embarrassed to talk about this stuff with his mom. “We’ve done other stuff, like kissing and… stuff,” Jason said, looking away and clearing his throat.

Katia had heard exactly what that ‘stuff’ was the other night. She was more surprised that they hadn’t had sex yet. “Was she withholding sex from him? Was she just stringing him along as a joke?”

The suspicious thoughts came to her mind without prompting. They made her angry just thinking about it.

“So even with all the terrible things she’s done do you...” she began, but then stopped herself, a more important question coming to mind. “Jason, I need you to be completely honest with me, okay? I won’t be mad, I promise. Are you only interested in her for her body?”

Katia’s question caught Jason off guard, and he felt a twinge of irritation.

“What? No, of course not, mom! That’s not even remotely close to the truth. It honestly sounds a lot like what sparked our last fight,” Jason said a bit defensively.

She looked a bit ashamed of herself for asking such a question, but she wanted to be sure it wasn’t. It may have been easier if her son was only after looks. But that wasn’t her son.

“I’m attracted to her, yes, very much so. Flaws and all. But that’s not the reason I’ve been spending so much time with her lately… Really, it’s just all these strange feelings that have been swirling around inside me. When she’s happy, I feel happy. When she’s sad or worried, I just want to hold her and tell her it’s alright. She’s smart, witty, adorable…” Jason said nervously, biting his cheek before finally blurting out his feelings with one quick rip of the emotional bandage. “I think I’m falling in love with her, mom!”

The words felt strange to him, like spoken in a foreign language.

“W-w-what? You’re falling… in love?” she stammered, visibly stunned.

“Well, I mean, it’s not like I’m in love with her yet. Like I’m not going out later to profess my love to her in some grand gesture. There’s just this weird, overwhelming feeling I get whenever I think of her. Whenever I do, my heart beats faster and when she’s not around, I can’t help but miss her…her humor, her sweetness, her touch. The feel of her body against mine…” Jason paused for a moment to clear his throat.

“I uh, only really kinda came to terms with it earlier today, and I decided that I can accept this part of me. The part that can forgive her and let her into my life... It feels a bit cliche to say but, it’s like finding a piece of myself that I didn’t know was missing. For a decade, I had this dark void inside me that I thought was all my anger at her. The rage I felt when I remembered the things she did… Yet when I finally let her get close… she filled that void with feelings I couldn’t even understand at first. It’s like remembering that I don’t have to keep being angry. Even after I gave up on my own happiness a long time ago.” Jason’s words just seemed to keep flowing out of him without effort.

Katia’s heart ached hearing how he wasn’t happy for so long. “I really want to see where this goes, mom. But… I made a promise. If you really think it would be best for me to stay away. I will do my best to never see her again… You are and always will be my priority. Family means everything to Jillian as well, more than I can tell you in words. It’s one of the things I really lov… like about her.”

Katia clutched her knees, her body trembling slightly at Jason’s sweet, yet painful words.

Her son was ready to sacrifice it all, not just his possible first love, but his very happiness for her. Katia didn’t know how she should feel about this. Jillian had seemed so sweet, but caused so much pain for both of them. Katia couldn’t stop thinking about every day he would come home and just pretend everything was fine. When nothing was actually fine, nothing had ever been just fine. Deep down, she wanted her son to forget Jillian and stay by her side forever. Find a new girl she could wholeheartedly approve of… Yet, as she looked into his eyes, she could see the conflict within him.

He loved his mother without a doubt, but he also yearned for this new experience with Jillian that was causing him so much distress, but also rare happiness. It obviously meant a lot to Jason, that much was clear. Sniffling back tears, she reached up and gave his hands a tight squeeze.

“Jason... I love you more than anything, here and beyond. You’ll always be my little boy… And I know your father would’ve been proud to see you move past this pain and accept her... I know he’d give you a big hug and support you in whatever you decide.” Katia had to stop for a moment as she choked up thinking of her late husband. “He would just be happy that you are happy. He would tell me to let you experience life and that I shouldn’t coddle you… But he isn’t here anymore and I don’t have his strength, Jason,” her voice cracked slightly as she spoke through small sobs.

Jason lowered his head and frowned, but nodded in understanding. His mom needed him, and he would be her support even if it meant he had to give up on Jillian and be that support. He would do it for her, so she didn’t have to suffer more than she already had. Lord knew she has more than most already.

“I may not be strong, but what I want more than anything is for my son to be happy,” she continued, her tone calming slightly. “And if she makes you happy Jason…”

He lifted his head, eyes wide with her words.

“Then you have my blessing, sweetheart.” Katia said, trying to give him the best smile she could. His jaw dropped in disbelief at his mother’s words.

“Mom, really, if you need me then I will-,” Before he could finish, she gently placed her hand over his mouth.

“Jason... Please, don’t try to talk me out of it. I can tell just how much you want this. Just…please be happy… for me,” Katia whispered and removed her hand, while Jason had to chomp on the inside of his cheek harder than ever to keep his emotions in check.

“This doesn’t mean I don’t care about you mom. I’ll always love you and do anything for you. I mean anything, mom, all you have to do is ask. You know that right?”he said, like he was still trying to talk her into it. He squeezed her hands tightly. She weakly smiled back at him.

“I know, sweetie... Now, go. I’ll be okay,” she said before he leaned in to kiss her cheek.

“No more secrets between us. I will tell you everything I can. Promise. I love you, mom,” he repeated, and her smile grew slightly.

“I love you too, sweetheart. Go on now, go find your happiness.”

With a nod and a smile, Jason got up and hurried to his room. He grabbed his phone and wallet, no longer needing that nap. He felt more energized than ever before. He left his room and headed back to the front.

Glancing over at his mom at the kitchen table from the living room, he gave her a smile. Katia smiled back and waved goodbye as he grabbed his keys

“Love you mom, I will be back.”

With those words he turned and left his childhood home.

Once her son was out the door, Katia’s smile faded almost instantly. She sat at the table, lost in thought for a long while, before finally reaching for her phone. With a sigh, she texted a brief message to Ginny.

“We need to chat soon.”

After hitting send, the silence in the room felt oppressive as she sat there, the thoughts of her past actions and inactions weighing down on her.

Jason got into his car and as soon as he closed his door, he couldn’t help but notice a not-so-pleasant scent of dirt and sweat lingering around him. He grumbled to himself for not taking a quick shower before he left.

“Too late now.”

At least he knew where he was headed. Not far into town, he approached his destination. The parking around the tattoo parlor was full, so he settled for a spot a few blocks away. He hopped out of the car and ran down the sidewalk, like he was on a mission.

The moment he stepped into the parlor, he felt every single pair of free eyes land on him. There were people with tattoos and piercings covering nearly every inch of their skin, from the die-hards to the casual enthusiasts. And then there was Jason, a blank canvas untouched by ink or needle. His clean-cut appearance and simple tank top and jeans stood out like a sore thumb compared to the surrounding people.

“The Abercrombie store is the next town over, dude,” cracked one young guy, who looked barely old enough to get a tattoo without his mommy saying it was okay. Yet he already had a face full of tattoos and oversized ear gauges.

He laughed like his joke was hilarious, but it fell flat with basically everyone else.

“Welcome, what can I help you with today— Hey, where are you going?” Jerry asked, puzzled, as Jason walked past the waiting area toward the back. “Mick!” he called out, grabbing a bat from behind the counter and hurrying after Jason.

Just as he reached the stairs, Mika emerged from one of the booths, holding out a hand to halt Jason.

“And where do you think you’re headed?” she asked, not surprised to see him at all.

“Where does it look like, Mika?” Jason said with a sigh, frowning.

“Well, what if I told you, you might not like what you see up there?” she said, rather seriously. Jason raised a brow at her, then swiftly turned and disarmed Jerry, snatching the bat from his hands just as it came swinging down.

Jerry’s eyes widened in shock as Jason yanked the bat from his hands. He towered over Jerry, who was noticeably shorter and rounder. Jason couldn’t help but tease his would-be assailant.

“You can’t sneak up on anyone when you jingle like a Christmas elf.”

Jerry’s piercings had made a soft jingling sound with each step that gave away his approach.

“Relax, Jerry, he’s with me…for now.” Mika reassured, taking the bat from Jason and tossing it back to Jerry.

He clumsily caught it, then hastily made his way back to the front desk. Ignoring the interruption, Jason resumed his conversation with her.

“So, what do you mean I won’t like what I see?” he said, to which she only shrugged, nonchalantly listing off a few possibilities.

“I mean just what I said. Perhaps you won’t find just Jill up there. Maybe she’s moved on. Maybe some guy was flirting with her and she took the chance. Maybe she has even become some hideous swamp creature. Who knows?”

Jason’s eyebrows furrowed even more. He knew there was no way any of that was possible. If what Jillian had told him that night was true, at least.

“Well, even so, I still want to talk to her.” Still, his jaw clenched just thinking about some of the options she listed. Mika let out a slight huff.

“Oh? Well by ‘talk’, do you actually mean to yell and argue?” she asked, her arms now folded across her chest.

“No, I mean what I said. I want to talk,” he replied with a huff of his own, already tired of getting the strong arm from her.

She was silent for a long moment, glaring into his eyes harshly. Jason met hers with all the seriousness he could muster before Mika spoke again.

“Fine, you can go up. But if I hear any shouting, I’m coming up there with the bat myself,” she warned, but Jason simply rolled his eyes at her threat, having heard it all before.

“And don’t say I didn’t warn you if you don’t like what you see,” Mika added before stepping aside to let Jason through.

“I think I’ll take my chances, thanks,” he added before slowly ascending the stairs.

Jason really tried not to let Mika’s words bother him, but it was rough putting the image out of his head. What if she was with someone else already? The thought made his heart throb painfully. He had to stop at the top of the stairs to breathe, his heart was pounding in his ears. The image of someone else swooping in while she was vulnerable…the thought of someone other than him holding her and kissing her made his blood boil.

Unable to resist the temptation, he pressed his ear against the door, trying to separate the noise from the shop below from what he heard inside the apartment. Sure enough, there it was, another man’s voice, lower and kinda sensual. His heart sank. Had Mika really been telling the truth, was he too late? There was no way. But when he heard a girlish giggle, he quietly stepped away from the door. Jason’s hands balled up into tight fists of frustration, his jaw clenched from the pressure. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down and weigh his choices.

Option one: Wait here until someone comes out and confront them.

Option two: Give up, head home, and focus on his mom.

Option three: Burst in and confront whoever was in the room.

Or four: Angrily pound on the door until someone opens then probably get in a shouting match, thus gaining the ire of the beast known as Mika.

He quickly scratched that last one. Getting angry had solved nothing so far, so he refused to entertain it again. Finally willing to learn from his past mistakes for once. It only took a second before he made up his mind. He couldn’t just walk away. Not without talking to Jillian. Just as well, waiting out here while whatever happened inside happened felt way too awkward. So he summoned his courage, gripped the doorknob and pushed the door open quickly before rushing in.

“Jillian, I need to talk—”

His words died in his throat as he was met with a horrifying sight.