To Me, Who Doesn’t Love You

Then the remaining question was, “Why did my past self dislike him?”‘I doubt it was without reason.’Maybe it was because his timid and withdrawn behavior was annoying. But disliking someone just because they are a bit shy is quite difficult, especially when they have such a pretty face. Lost in these silly thoughts, I left the master bedroom and then realized I had forgotten something important.Oh. I shouldn’t forget what had made me so angry yesterday. I turned back and knocked on the door I had just closed.“By the way, we need to talk about what we couldn’t discuss yesterday, so come home early tonight.”From inside, I heard the sound of someone tumbling out of bed. Hmm, seems like he heard me. Considering his condition wasn’t great, if I stayed in the living room, he’d probably be so concerned about my presence that he’d end up being late. So, I quietly moved to my room.What am I doing? It felt awkward and strange, but I was the one who needed him. He kept wanting to escape and buy time, while I wanted to change this situation.* * *Maybe he thought I’d really force my way if he ran away again. Yeonseo returned home a little after 7 PM. I sat on the living room sofa, greeting him like a parent waiting for a child to come home with a report card. He hesitated and bowed his head, looking like a student about to be scolded by a teacher.“Put your stuff in the room and come out.”Instead of threatening with a stern face, I lightly pulled my lips into a smile. It was my attempt to ease his tension, but it seemed to have the opposite effect, making him more fearful. He couldn’t even meet my eyes and flinched.“Hurry.”With another prompt, he finally moved into the master bedroom. After a while, Yeonseo came back to the living room, having barely put away his coat and bag, with his eyes cast down.“Sit.”I invited him in a light tone, but he perched on the edge of the sofa like an elementary school kid forced to sit with an unfriendly classmate. All he could muster was,“I really apologize for yesterday.”Did he think I called him to hear apologies for yesterday? I responded indifferently.“Is that all you have to say?”“…”The silence from Yeonseo, who was obviously avoiding my eyes, was telling. After a long pause, he spoke, as usual, in a frustrating manner.“…I’m sorry.”“No, not an apology.”As the tense silence returned, I finally sighed and got to the point.“We’ve been living together for a month now, haven’t we?”He nodded slowly, seemingly determined to at least respond earnestly.“But despite losing my memory, I don’t think we were an ordinary couple. I won’t beat around the bush. How did we meet and get married? I don’t think it was a love marriage.”With nowhere to evade, Yeonseo’s face turned as pale as it had been in the morning. Though I felt like I was bullying him, it was actually the other way around. Who was it that kept confusing me by pulling away whenever I tried to get closer?If it was a marriage neither of us wanted from the start and he was just trying to hold out until my memory returned, he could have just said so. If he didn’t want to have a personal relationship with me, I’d accept that and move on. But this confusing situation where he could approach me but I couldn’t do the same was disorienting.“…”Just as I was about to urge him to answer the uncomfortable silence, he finally spoke after a long hesitation.“…My parents trusted you a lot. They thought it would be good if we became family, so they arranged it.”“So, we first met through an arranged meeting?”“No, not exactly. When I graduated and joined the company, you were already the team leader of the food and beverage section.”“So, to summarize, we first met as colleagues for work, then got married due to your parents’ suggestion?”Yeonseo nodded slowly. His delicate hair swayed with the movement. Feeling a bit sorry for pushing him when he looked so forlorn, I turned my head away.I got the gist. If my personality was as bad as depicted in various media, it was understandable. If he had been passive and introverted in both work and personality, it would have driven me crazy. A marriage of convenience purely for wealth that resulted in a disastrous relationship made sense.“Is this another problem caused by me being a jerk?”How much pressure had I put on him to make him so wary of me? It made sense now why he would flee whenever I tried to get closer, as if he were afraid.“But still…”Even though it was frustrating, at least some of my questions were answered, and my head felt a bit clearer.“Let me ask again. Do you find living with me uncomfortable?”I didn’t know how it was before, but at least until my memory came back, I didn’t want to live like this. I wasn’t asking for us to suddenly get along like a typical loving couple; I just wanted us to stop acting like mortal enemies. If someone had to be friendly, that would be my job.When I asked him directly, he couldn’t immediately answer and lowered his gaze again.“Do you dislike me? Because your parents forced you into this marriage?”Repeating the question I had asked him in his sleep the previous night, he finally replied with difficulty.“…No.”It was surprisingly hard to get even that short answer. I sighed deeply and spoke again.“That’s fine, then. I understand that it’s confusing how to deal with me because of my memory loss. I know we aren’t a typical couple, but I’m also unsure how to treat you and what to expect from you, and that’s been a bit of a concern.”As I spoke, I watched his expression closely, hoping to glean some insight, but his pale face remained largely unchanged.“I’m not saying I’m not trying to regain my memory. I don’t know how long it will take, but honestly, being rejected like I’m some unwanted roommate for things I don’t even remember doesn’t feel great. I can’t say for sure how long this will last, but while my memory is gone, I’d like us to at least be like normal roommates. Is that too difficult?”If there wasn’t some other major story behind this beyond what he had said, that seemed like a reasonable request. He could make breakfast for an unemployed spouse lounging at home, so why couldn’t he manage this? I wasn’t asking for us to suddenly be all lovey-dovey. I waited for his answer, giving him a moment to think, and finally, he nodded slowly.“…Alright.”Finally getting the answer I wanted, I raised my hands in a gesture of surrender and stood up, smiling.“Okay. Then go rest; you must be tired.”Can cuteness and frustration coexist? I watched him struggle to get off the sofa, give a slight bow, and flee to the master bedroom. Just before the door closed, I added,“Oh, and for the record, I don’t dislike you, Yeonseo.”He didn’t respond, but I was sure he heard because his earlobes, visible through the closing door, were bright red as if burned. If I found that cute, then I had said enough. If we were working in the same office, this wouldn’t be possible, but now that I was jobless, it was. I sighed briefly and shook my head.Anyway, if he wasn’t lying to me, we weren’t mortal enemies. That was enough. I stood and stared at the firmly closed bedroom door for a long time, then sighed and headed to my room. The empty, dark living room was as cold and silent as ever, but it didn’t feel as chilly as before.I wondered what he would do tomorrow. The documentary I had left on in hopes it might help jog my memory emitted appetizing sounds. Leaning back against the headboard, the noise of the bustling video and the image of his flustered face mingled, pulling me into an early sleep.Even as my eyelids closed, my thoughts were still on him.“Young man, is that handsome guy not picking you up today?”I turned around at the voice of an elderly person calling out from beyond my field of vision as I was getting ready to leave. An elderly man, who I had to look down quite a bit to see, was looking up at me with a kindly expression.“He only came that day. It’s raining quite a lot today, and I didn’t bring an umbrella.”At the mention of a handsome guy, I smiled, immediately thinking of a familiar face. He’s not a bachelor, but a married man. The rainy season had started since last week, making it troublesome to go out without an umbrella. When I was discharged from the hospital, it was still spring with a lingering chill in the air. Almost two or three months had passed since then, the weather had become quite muggy, and monsoon rains poured frequently from the sky.About a month ago, staying at home was driving me crazy, so I looked for something simple to do. Coincidentally, a small local library about a 15-minute walk from my house was recruiting volunteers. I wasn’t in urgent need of money, and taking a part-time job while on leave from my main job and risking being recognized was not an option, so the timing worked out perfectly.When I first applied to volunteer, the librarian who accepted my application seemed to recognize me but couldn’t remember from where, and stared at me for quite some time, leaving a strong impression.‘Wow, you look much better in person than on TV!’About a week into volunteering, the librarian, who had finally figured out who I was through some research, made this comment that I heard so often it could form calluses in my ears.Publicly, I was on leave for health reasons, and I explained the same reason to the library for my absence from work. I said I had a major traffic accident early this year, was undergoing continuous rehabilitation therapy, and was taking care of my health. Some of the library users were kind enough to say that I seemed to be doing better and that they were disappointed when I suddenly dropped out of the show last season.The library was actually so small that calling it a library felt almost embarrassing, and most of its users were local elderly folks who stopped by after visiting the mountain behind the library, or various residents who used the reading room as a study space. There were elementary school students preparing for Chinese character exams, middle school students studying for tests, college students preparing for certifications, and even long-term exam takers. Seeing the elderly diligently looking through workbooks in the reading room every day also motivated me to study little by little.‘It’s just looking through the materials I made, but still.’Besides the books I had already published, there was a lot of material I had been preparing, which resulted in an enormous amount of data on my laptop. Who wouldn’t call me a workaholic?Since the materials were somewhat challenging for beginners, I spent quite a bit of time reading through the basic culinary books. Of course, I didn’t just come to the library to study; I also organized books, assisted the elderly, and helped with various tasks that needed extra hands, which made it take longer. Since my purpose was to pass time, it didn’t matter much.My routine since I started volunteering involved having a leisurely breakfast in the morning, coming to the library to study and volunteer for a while, then doing some quick shopping and going home before dinner. I started shopping because I felt uneasy just receiving without giving back, and looking at seasonal produce, labels, and origins felt like practical training based on the materials I read, which wasn’t bad for the experience, so I kept doing it.Bringing home good-quality fruits to enjoy as snacks in the evening, and seeing Jo Yeonseo quietly munching on the clumsily cut fruit at the dining table, gave me even more motivation.The season changed, a new routine emerged, and my body recovered to the point where I was told I wouldn’t need to visit the hospital anymore soon. The only critical issue was that there was no sign of my memory returning yet.‘Don’t be too anxious. Some people regain their memories gradually, while others suddenly remember everything one day. Being anxious won’t help.’The doctor said there was no brain damage requiring immediate treatment and that it could be a psychological issue, so I should take it easy. It felt meaningless to keep going to these appointments, hearing the same few words, and repeating the pointless visits.Amnesia is said to be a self-protective act from some kind of shock, whether physical or psychological. What was I trying to protect myself from so desperately when the accident happened? The accident was concluded as a mere traffic incident, and the car was scrapped while I was still lying in bed, leaving no way to know the truth forever.All I could do was maintain my current daily life and not be too anxious. Easier said than done. I had a lot to say but was managing my daily life with as much composure as possible. Nothing was resolved, but the library was both chaotic and peaceful today as always, and I handed over the trolley to the college student who came for the next shift and left the counter.‘Is he not coming anymore?’If there’s been a positive change recently, it’s that Yeonseo and I have become a bit closer. Last week, caught in a downpour without an umbrella, I was in a bind. He was getting off work early that day, so I asked if he could pick me up, and seeing him surrounded by the elderly folks was quite a sight.‘You look so noble, young man!’‘Your face is prettier than my daughter’s!’‘Are you here to pick up Mr. Lee?’His expression, waiting for me to rescue him from being surrounded by the elderly, was so pitiful that I had to turn away to hide my smile.I could’ve walked to the parking lot in the rain. It was absurd that he got caught up in that situation because he worried and came with a spare umbrella. And the affection felt in such small actions made me unconsciously jealous. From the traces left behind, it seemed ‘Lee Suhan’ did nothing to maintain the relationship besides walking down the aisle together. How could I have ignored such unilateral affection, feeling sorry for not being able to do more? I must have had a heart made of tin.“Probably? I’ll make sure to carry an umbrella from now on.”His expression when I jokingly introduced him as ‘my husband’ to the elderly was priceless. Even though I knew I shouldn’t tease him too much, the memory kept resurfacing. I had an excuse. Look how cute he was, so much that even the elderly remembered him.The elderly lady clicked her tongue in disappointment at the news that he wouldn’t be coming again, and I moved on. Since I had done enough shopping yesterday, I didn’t need to stop by the store today. I leisurely strolled around the nearby park before heading home and washing up, just in time to see Yeonseo opening the front door.“You’re back?”I asked, lightly shaking off the water from my hair. Yeonseo quietly nodded. As always, he was taciturn. Unless necessary, my reserved housemate quietly went into the master bedroom, changed into his indoor clothes, and came back out.“What’s for dinner tonight?”I had asked him to teach me cooking, hoping that working together might help my memory return faster, and as an excuse to spend more time together. On days without overtime, he came home early to prepare dinner with me, and we’d have dinner together. This had been our routine for about two weeks, and both Yeonseo and I had gotten quite used to it.“Chili con carne. We had a lot of ground beef left.”“What’s that?”As I leaned over his shoulder, possessed by my curiosity, and asked the question, Yeonseo quickly typed on the keyboard and showed me the search results. It was a dish made by browning ground beef and then simmering it with beans, chili peppers, and tomatoes.“Doesn’t it take a long time? It seems a bit involved…”Yeonseo, who was familiar with the kitchen, tied an apron around his waist as he answered, straightening the pocket that had flipped over.“I’m going to simplify the recipe a bit, so it won’t take long.”“Can it be done within 30 minutes?”“If you help cook the pasta later, probably.”The ease of our conversation, so different from when I first came to this house, made my heart tingle somewhere deep inside.I enjoyed watching him quietly, waiting for him to tell me what to do while he prepped the ingredients. I liked how he rolled up his sleeves to his forearms and exposed the back of his neck while dedicating his time to me.‘Like some old man obsessed with a young chicken…’Realizing my thoughts were a bit excessive, I cleared my throat, and Yeonseo, adjusting his apron, handed me the ground beef.“Could you rinse these off first and then crumble the meat a bit?”“Ah, sure.”I quickly took what he handed me and carefully placed them on the cutting board. Oh right, the meat shouldn’t go on this cutting board. Though it was still wrapped in plastic, just in case, I quickly picked up the meat again, making Yeonseo turn his head away hurriedly. Go ahead and laugh. Usually, I was the one teasing him rather than making him laugh, so I let it slide generously.“What should I do after washing these?”Feeling like a valiant warrior who had just defeated a monster, I placed the freshly washed and dried vegetables on the cutting board. Yeonseo then took out a food processor that could chop the ingredients with a single button. It was more like preparing dinner with an awkward assistant rather than teaching me to cook, but I didn’t mind.“Cut them to a size that can fit in here and blend them on mode 3 for about 30 seconds.”I obediently nodded and followed his instructions meticulously. One, two, three, four… thirty. I counted the seconds internally and then pressed the stop button. The result matched the picture he showed me earlier exactly.“I think it turned out well.”As I showed him the container with the processed contents, Yeonseo gave a light nod.“First, we’ll microwave the onions before sautéing them, so please wait a moment.”“Microwave them?”“Yes, that way, the sweetness comes out quickly.”As we continued our brief but pleasant conversation while finishing the dish, the clock soon pointed to 7:30 PM.“Just need to let it simmer a bit, right?”Looking at the now quite presentable sauce, I asked. Yeonseo, who was draining the pasta water, leaving just a little, answered.“Yes, could you prepare the plates?”Of course, I could handle that. As I reached over Yeonseo’s shoulder to grab the plates on the dish rack, he flinched, almost knocking over the pan that was simmering nicely.“Be careful. You could get burned.”Stepping back quickly with the plates in hand, I watched as Yeonseo, startled, apologized.“Oh, sorry…”“There’s no need to apologize to me.”I glanced at his arm to check if he was burned. His forearm was quite firm against his pale skin, and thankfully, there were no red marks. The only place that was bright red was…‘No…’As always, his earlobes. Even though I was the one who almost made a mistake, why was he the one blushing and getting flustered? Although he had become more natural over time, whenever he showed clear signs of affection towards me, my heart would skip a beat. He liked ‘me’ very much, but he didn’t actually like me. Realizing that I was just an obstacle he wanted to disappear made me feel strange.Then again, he shouldn’t show so much affection if he didn’t mean it. I sighed and turned my head, recognizing my jealousy and pettiness.“It’s done.”The finished dish was remarkably tasty. Though I had helped, the credit went to Yeonseo’s excellent judgment and direction, leaving no room for issues.“…It’s delicious.”As I mixed the short pasta with the perfectly seasoned sauce, the spicy and savory flavors filled my mouth. The soft and tangy taste of the tomatoes transitioned into the rich and tender taste of the beef, creating a delightful texture.“With the beans in the sauce, it feels filling even on its own.”Trying to prevent my thoughts from getting bitter, I blurted out whatever came to mind. Yeonseo, after briefly looking at me, answered in a calm voice.“It’s often eaten on bread or with crackers. It’s essentially a Mexican dish, so it’s also used in nachos or burritos.”“Ah~.”Judging by his business card, he didn’t work in the food and beverage sector. Maybe he knew so much because the person he liked was a food expert.“Where did you learn all this? Did you take classes? Or was it your major?”His eyes widened briefly at my casual question. It wasn’t a particularly intrusive question, so after a moment of thought, Yeonseo answered.“I self-taught. It’s not at a professional level…”“Did you always like cooking?”Once again, the conversation flowed into me asking questions and him answering. It couldn’t be helped; I was practically a blank slate with little knowledge, while he didn’t seem very curious about my daily life. Every time I felt this, it became clearer that he didn’t truly like me.“…I studied abroad for a long time. It was inconvenient to eat out because restaurants closed earlier than expected, so I gradually learned.”For someone who looked like they only ate well-prepared meals, his familiarity with knives made sense now. It was because he had spent a long time living alone overseas.“That’s impressive. Cooking for yourself during your studies couldn’t have been easy.”At my reflexive compliment, he seemed about to say something but then closed his mouth. I quickly finished my remaining food and glanced at his plate.“Shall we clean up if we’re done? I’ll take care of the dishes.”While I loaded the dishwasher with the soaked pans and dishes, Yeonseo neatly tidied up the dining table. Once we finished dinner, our day was essentially over. As always, we would each retreat to our rooms to sleep.“Thank you for the meal.”“Thanks to you, I ate well too.”Even though we lived in the same house and were legally bound as a married couple, the distance between us felt endless.Despite having a satisfying meal, once I closed my door and sat on my bed, my stomach felt empty. I knew better than anyone that this emptiness couldn’t be filled just by stuffing myself with unnecessary food. The reason I fell so deeply for someone I initially suspected to be the cause of my accident was entirely because he seemed to like me. But whether we grew closer or farther apart, it felt like things were constantly going wrong, and it made me feel queasy.‘I wish I could wake up and have all my memories back.’Would the current me disappear then? The doctor said that when memories return, it’s not uncommon for the memories from the lost period to disappear. They explained that this period of memory loss was the brain’s way of protecting itself by temporarily blocking information. Once there’s no need for protection, these memories simply vanish into the back of one’s mind. It felt like they were saying that when the real Lee Suhan returns, the fake Lee Suhan must make an exit.‘But calling myself a fake Lee Suhan doesn’t make sense.’I’m Lee Suhan, so who’s the fake and who’s the real one? I pouted my lips in sudden defiance, but I knew the criteria. The Lee Suhan that Jo Yeonseo loves, and the one he doesn’t. Unfortunately, I was the latter.Maybe this was all because I was too dependent on one person for my daily life and emotional support. But even when I left the house, started volunteering, and met people at the library, all I proved was that it wasn’t the case. No matter who I met outside or what conversations I had, if I came home wanting to share those experiences with someone, what was the point?‘Isn’t this really some kind of divine punishment?’If my memories never returned, it wouldn’t be surprising if it was some kind of divine punishment. There couldn’t be anything more ironic than falling in unrequited love with someone who had once unrequitedly loved me, all because of my arrogance, insensitivity, and disregard for others’ feelings.‘…’I should stop thinking about weird things and just go to sleep. I pulled the blanket over my head, but soon kicked it off again.‘…Damn it.’Images of Yeonseo’s veiny arms and the long, slender nape of his neck, exposed when he rolled up his sleeves earlier, suddenly came to mind in the darkness.No… wait, no… I was so shocked myself that I quickly kicked off the blanket and stood up. Unfortunately, it wasn’t just my upper body that sprang up asserting itself. Is this really the time for this, damn it? But come to think of it, not once had I relieved my desires, neither in the hospital nor after being discharged. Other than that one time when I had a weird dream about an absurd person and ruined my underwear, my life had been as ascetic as a monk’s.After being discharged from the hospital, there were times when I woke up with an erection in the morning, but a trip to the bathroom would take care of it. It was about time for something to build up to the point where it wouldn’t be strange for it to happen. Besides, recently the distance between me and Yeonseo had also gotten closer, so it was only natural that I would have such urges while thinking about the attractive aspects of someone I relied on, especially since we were married.‘…Ha.’I tried to rationalize it in my head, but I couldn’t help feeling like a pervert, a piece of trash. Has he ever had such thoughts about me? At the very least, shouldn’t we have had a proper first night as a married couple? When I imagined his delicate face flushed with pleasure, my lower abdomen tightened.Singing the national anthem to calm down vs. just taking care of it and sleeping peacefully. I hesitated for a moment and then remembered that once Yeonseo went into the master bedroom, he wouldn’t come out until the next day before going to work. I slowly pulled down the waistband of my pajama pants. Holding a penis that was almost too large to simply hide away, I lightly stroked it a few times, and a bit of clear fluid started to ooze from the tip.It wasn’t possible to roughly rub without any lubricant, so I spread the fluid over the entire head and started moving my hand. As I did, I felt my back muscles tighten. I wondered if he ever took care of his own needs this way. Given his introverted nature, I couldn’t imagine he had someone on the side. Nor did it seem like he would casually solve his desires with random people. So, he probably handled it alone.‘Since I wouldn’t have helped him with it….’It would be strange if we were awkward to the point of keeping a distance yet still had sex. I smirked to myself as I imagined his fine eyelids blinking slowly. If he liked me, he might have thought about me while doing it alone. Imagining him gasping roughly, trying to push deeper inside me, made me unconsciously clench, and more clear fluid trickled out from inside.Well, I’m an Omega, so I probably felt needy, too. As I slowly moved my hand down to the folds, the fluid that came out clung smoothly to my fingertips. I carefully inserted the tip of my middle finger inside. The feeling was odd, as the folds, which hadn’t been used for this purpose in a long time, opened just slightly. Before I knew it, my penis was fully erect, pointing toward the ceiling.“Ah….”When I spread the fluid over my entire palm and grasped the shaft, it felt more snug in my hand than before. The thought of his slender, fair hands doing this instead of my own calloused hands made a moan escape through my clenched teeth.“Ah, hng… ah…”A muffled moan vibrated from deep in my throat. How would he grip the shaft? Would he use the proper technique, wrapping his entire palm around it? His hands are quite big, so he could probably squeeze the hollow area below the head between his index and middle fingers and stroke up and down. Just imagining him holding the tip delicately, as if it might slip and bounce off my belly, and then tickling down to my scrotum, made me breathless. The thought of him being flustered like a scholar humiliated just at my request made the shameful excitement even more intense.“Ugh…”I imagined Yeonseo, who initially handled the situation carefully, gradually letting his hand move down to the perineum, pressing down on the sensitive skin connecting the scrotum to the tight hole. He has rather small but plump lips. His face is quite small for his build, like a model’s, so I doubted he could fit the head of my penis inside. Still, seeing him eat with a cute, hamster-like munching made me think he could manage. Just thinking about him struggling with half of my shaft in his mouth, damn, I felt like a piece of trash for enjoying this so much.“Haa… ngh…”My waist started to move on its own, and clear fluid flowed down the crack of my ass. With one hand, I stroked my penis while the other hand gently rubbed the entrance with my middle finger. Finally, as my middle finger pushed through the soft, elastic folds, my hips jerked lightly.“Ngh…!”Imagining Yeonseo, usually so clumsy, shedding his restraint and opening my legs wide, made my lower abdomen clench again. Grabbing my ankle with one hand, lifting it, placing it over his shoulder, and hurriedly preparing my hole with his thick penis before ravishing my walls seemed to make him look anxious.‘I like you, ugh… Suhan….’If he whispered that in his uniquely calm and pleasant voice, I would have spread my legs wide and wrapped them around his waist, pulling him in without hesitation.‘Just a little, I’ll put it in….’I also couldn’t help but laugh, remembering how I fussed, fearing I might shatter into pieces if I bumped into anything, even though I am of average height for a Korean and certainly not small in stature internationally. If he begged me to put in just the tip, I’d push down and swallow it all the way. I wasn’t some old bride in the Joseon era tasked with taking a little groom’s virginity. The unfamiliar sensation seemed to tickle somewhere in my heart.“Ah, ngh…”I gripped harder with my hand, swirling around the wrinkled inner walls. Finally, when I touched a firm spot a bit deeper inside, my body tensed up, and I couldn’t help but let out a loud sound.“Ah…!”At that volume, it might have reached the master bedroom, and my heart sank at the thought. But then again, we’re a married couple; isn’t it strange to deal with our desires separately? Would it be such a big deal if he heard a bit of noise? I frowned for a moment but then deliberately let out wet sounds without holding back.“Mm… ha, ngh…”I intentionally mixed in a nasal tone and moved my hand faster. My body, which had cooled off briefly, heated up quickly again. I wanted more. This wasn’t enough… The feeling was so tantalizing with just one finger that I twisted my ring finger in, but it still felt insufficient. The rougher and faster my hand moved inside, the more Yeonseo’s face in my mind contorted.“Ngh… Ah, ugh…”As I sped up the hand stroking my penis, groans escaped from me. More, more, just a little deeper. Stop being so cautious, as if I’d break, and just thrust hard. Finally, in my imagination, the erotic Jo Yeonseo reached his climax, and the moment he released his essence inside me, my entire body clenched as my penis spewed out thick white fluid.“Haa… ha…”My heart pounded uncontrollably, my chest rising and falling on its own. It was only after my breathing calmed down somewhat that reality hit me, and I realized what I’d done.“……”Are you in your right mind? I abruptly sat up from where I lay limp on the sheets, awkwardly trying to stand with my pants half down. I roughly wiped my hands and penis with the tissue on the nightstand, pulled up my pants, and headed to the bathroom. As I scrubbed my hands and flushed the remnants down the toilet, I felt a strong sense of self-reproach.I had been so confident, convinced that he definitely liked me. Now, I couldn’t deny the opposite any longer.Regardless of the Lee Suhan from before I lost my memory, the current me likes Jo Yeonseo. It was a conclusion I reached after nearly two months since waking up from a long coma-like sleep.