To Me, Who Doesn’t Love You

What if the whole point was just to catch attention and make us hesitate? Suhan hadn’t been doing nothing, but he was furious with himself for being distracted by other things. Instead of making excuses, he should have checked that first. Suhan hurriedly changed his clothes, preparing to head straight to the villa.He was about to leave the dressing room, throwing on any outdoor clothes he could find, when he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. His face was flushed, not from excitement or embarrassment, but from anxiety and the fear that he might have missed something crucial. Calm down. This is exactly when you need to stay composed. Though there was still time before Yeonseo returned, if he factored in the round trip, he would be back late at night. And if he told Yeonseo, he would definitely worry.Suhan knew that ever since the pregnancy announcement, Yeonseo had been secretly struggling with anxiety. And Suhan understood exactly what Yeonseo was worried about. After all, he himself had spent a long time feeling jealous of a version of himself he couldn’t even remember. But if someone asked him what he wanted now, the answer was simple.He wanted to protect them. His past self, Yeonseo, and the child they would raise together. So, just this once. Let me do one thing that would make you mad if you knew. Grabbing his phone and rushing toward the door, Suhan’s sleeve caught on the shoe cabinet handle, causing the whole thing to shake.“…Ugh.”No time to clean up. As Suhan turned to leave, the vase of dried flowers on display toppled to the floor, crashing against the tile.Crash, clatter…The sound of the shattered pieces scattering across the marble echoed loudly, and the dense scent of the dried flowers filled the entryway. It was a smell Suhan was sure he had encountered before, and as the familiar scent overwhelmed him, his steps faltered. Where did I smell this before…? As he hesitated, a sharp pain suddenly shot through his head.“Ugh… Urgh…”A wave of nausea surged from deep inside him, and fragmented, confusing images flickered through his mind.Bright lights filling the ceiling, the entrance to a wedding hall, flowers decorating the aisle from the entrance to the altar where vows of eternity were exchanged. The chairman and his wife, seated in a central spot instead of the bride and groom’s parents. The couple, whose future everyone was celebrating, while Suhan stood there with a hardened expression, as if attending a funeral.Were these memories from a forgotten past? Or were they just scenes his mind had conjured up? He couldn’t be sure. Then, another image filled his mind: himself gripping a steering wheel, his face contorted in anger.Just like the housekeeper’s words had hinted, Suhan had been driving toward the villa through a rainstorm, not slowing down, completely fixated on confirming something, blind to everything else.What had he been so anxious about? What was it that made him so desperate? His greatest fear back then had been failure. To admit he was wrong felt like admitting he was worthless, so he had fought tooth and nail to prove he wasn’t. He was terrified that he had made a mistake, that his judgment was wrong.Was it all just a misunderstanding? In his need to justify his hatred, he had needed a reason to despise Yeonseo, to make himself believe that Yeonseo had given him enough cause to hate him.But what if it had all been a misunderstanding from the start? What if, when Yeonseo had come to him, asking to annul their marriage, it wasn’t because he was afraid of being exposed but because he genuinely meant it?Suhan couldn’t bear not knowing anymore. A DNA test would make everything clear. He had built up a wall of resentment, telling himself that his life had been filled with misery, that every step had been marked by adversity, and that he had been pushed around by that family without ever getting what he wanted. That resentment had justified his hatred, making it feel like it was okay to loathe them without guilt or affection. But now, that wall was shaking. And with it, everything Suhan had built his identity on was at risk of collapsing.Screeeech—! Crash!In an instant, everything went dark, the screeching of tires and the crash of the car reverberating as the vehicle was crushed. At the same time, a hand gripped the back of his neck, choking him.“I can’t… breathe…”Suhan struggled to catch his breath, but it felt as if his jaw and mouth were clamped shut. His heart pounded erratically in his ears, like the heavy marching of an army, drowning out all thought. His body tilted forward, overwhelmed by the wave of exhaustion he had been ignoring. He collapsed amid the shards of the broken vase and the scattered dried flowers.In that moment, as Suhan was losing consciousness, blood trickling from his head, one final image flashed in his mind. A child, grinning shyly and following him closely, someone who had lifted him up from the depths without being asked. And once again, it was the same this time.* * *“The test results are in, and there’s nothing majorly wrong. But it does seem like you’ve been under a lot of stress recently, so you should be careful. It’s not a serious issue yet, but if a pregnant person is too stressed, it can obviously have negative effects on the baby as well.”The doctor pulled back the curtain and quickly scanned the chart, delivering the news in a rapid, matter-of-fact tone, before turning to Yeonseo.“The patient is still unconscious, so we’ll move him to a private room for now. He should wake up soon, but given his history of accidents and neurological consultations, I think it would be best for him to stay overnight.”Yeonseo, pale with worry, asked in a trembling voice, “Is he really okay? There’s nothing seriously wrong with him, right? He was fine this morning, and now…”Anyone would think they were at a funeral. Compared to the people in the emergency room waiting with broken bones and extreme test results, Suhan’s condition seemed much less urgent. The doctor smiled, as if Yeonseo’s concern was excessive.“He’s fine aside from a small scratch on his wrist. Just make sure he avoids stress, and everything should be okay. We’ll move him to his room shortly. He has a history of trauma and is sensitive to stress, so that plays a part too.”The doctor added a few reassuring words to ease Yeonseo’s mind.“People who are usually good at their jobs and stubborn tend to be like that. They act like showing any weakness will kill them. It’s not like we’re living in the Stone Age. They’ve just gotten too used to handling everything on their own. So, make sure you take good care of your husband.”With that, the doctor, looking as if this were nothing serious, pulled the curtain shut and hurried off to check the test results of another patient. Left alone, Yeonseo’s heart raced. What if Suhan fell into a long sleep again? What if his memory came back? Unsettling thoughts and fears branched out endlessly. Even though Yeonseo had always prepared for a day like this, every time it happened, the uncertainty shook him, and he hated himself for it.But what he hated even more was the thought that Suhan might close his eyes and never wake up, like a few months ago when Yeonseo had feared losing him forever. He tightly grasped Suhan’s cold hand, which had slipped out from under the blanket.That night, Suhan still did not wake from his deep sleep.“……”The private room wasn’t particularly large, but it felt overwhelmingly empty. Maybe it was because the person lying in bed was completely silent, deeply asleep. Yeonseo, who had stayed by Suhan’s side all night without sleeping, pinched the back of his hand to keep himself awake, afraid that Suhan might wake while he dozed off. Morning approached, and the time had come when Yeonseo could no longer delay preparing for work due to a sudden change in the presentation schedule.‘Why did the order have to change at the last minute…’Yeonseo quietly ground his teeth.Since this wasn’t a public event, schedule changes were common. Sometimes, an important meeting with a client came up, or there was an issue at the factory, or an overseas business trip was needed. In such cases, divisions would often adjust their schedules to accommodate each other. However, this time, the change was difficult to accept as it was simply because “the preparation wasn’t complete.”‘Why? Didn’t you finish reviewing everything with Director Lee Suhan? What’s the hold-up? They said it was ready!’Yeonseo had no grounds to refuse either. The presentation was already prepared, and with his main work resuming, saying no now would only raise complaints about why Director Lee Suhan, who was resting at home, hadn’t done anything. In the end, nodding and accepting without objection was something Yeonseo now deeply regretted.“Ha…”Yeonseo let out a deep sigh in the quiet hospital room. Had his brother Suhan ever spent a long, lonely night feeling this helpless in such a stark room? At least when Yeonseo had stayed by his side before, he’d felt reassured knowing Suhan was able to sleep well, even if it was thanks to medication. Now, unable to decide whether to stay or leave, Yeonseo found himself in a brief dilemma.“…….”After some hesitation, Yeonseo finally stood up from his chair. The Suhan he knew—whether it was before or after the memory loss—wasn’t the type to abandon his position as a division leader or future executive just to stay by Yeonseo’s side. This wasn’t about running away or abandoning Suhan but rather making a rational decision on what he had to do to protect him.Before leaving the room, Yeonseo approached Suhan, who was still asleep, and gently placed his hand on Suhan’s lower abdomen. It was still early enough in the pregnancy that there wasn’t any noticeable difference, but the warmth that filled his palm felt almost burning.“…Bada.”It was the name he’d chosen, but he’d never said it out loud like this before, making his face flush red with embarrassment. Clearing his throat to shake off the awkwardness, Yeonseo whispered softly.“Take care of your dad for a little while. I’ll be back soon.”His presentation time in the food and beverage division would be over by morning. No after-party, no feedback—he’d head straight back to the hospital the moment it ended. As Yeonseo left with hurried steps, he and Suhan narrowly missed each other by about an hour.* * *“…….”His back felt sore. As Suhan regained consciousness on the unfamiliar bed, he frowned at the stiff sheets and mattress, which seemed to serve only their basic purpose. Blinking his heavy eyelids after the long sleep, the ceiling above him confirmed his suspicion—he was not at home.‘A hospital…?’Still not fully comprehending the situation, Suhan took in his surroundings—a bare closet and a chair that looked like someone had been sitting there watching over him. Startled, he grabbed his phone from the bedside table and found a message from Yeonseo.[I wanted to stay with you, but my presentation got moved up, so I had to go to work. I’ll take the rest of the day off and come back as soon as it’s over. Please wait just a little longer.]The thought that he’d caused Yeonseo unnecessary trouble made Suhan’s head throb. Why had he suddenly collapsed? His mind was a chaotic jumble of memories before he lost consciousness, all tangled up. Before losing his memory, he had been in an accident while trying to confirm that the culprit wasn’t Yeonseo but someone else.‘First, let’s put those old memories aside.’He needed to focus on what to do now. Scrolling through his notifications, Suhan was annoyed by the flood of spam messages. How do they even get your number for this nonsense? Irritated, he deleted them one by one until he finally spotted a welcome message.[Hello, Mr. Lee Suhan. I think I found the information you requested.]After carefully reviewing the attached photo, Suhan was sure.[Yes, that’s the one. Do you have photos of the other pages as well?]With the key to pressure Juno externally now in hand, it was time to find the evidence to break their internal trust. Construction was set to begin next week, so he had to hope the documents were still there. If he knew what he had been looking for at the villa, there would be no need to turn the whole place upside down, so it was too soon to give up hope.Instead of waiting for the staff’s reply, Suhan put on the shoes neatly placed by the closet. He also grabbed his clothes, and as he started to pull his shirt over his head, a nurse entered the room.“Oh? You’re awake? You still have some tests left before you can be discharged….”But Suhan had no time to waste on X-rays or any other tests. His priority was preparing to trap Juno and ensure Yeonseo’s sudden schedule change wasn’t due to something more ominous.“I’m in a bit of a hurry, so I’ll come back later. Sorry.”“What? Wait a moment, Mr. Lee Suhan!”The nurse, left standing there in surprise, called out to Suhan as he urgently flung the door open and ran out, but he didn’t even glance back and dashed toward the elevator.“You can’t just leave like that…”The staff member, who had come in carrying various tools for a simple check-up, was utterly bewildered. How was she supposed to report this? The patient ran away? It was fairly common for patients to sneak out of the hospital to grab a bite or to smoke, but this was the first time someone had disappeared so boldly, and she was at a loss. Although he wasn’t scheduled for surgery or in any serious condition, so there wouldn’t be much issue if he discharged himself…While those left behind were still in confusion, Suhan had already crossed the hospital parking lot, stretching his hand out towards the main street.“Damn it. Why are all the taxis booked?”It was as if he had a mark on him saying, “escaped from the hospital.” He briefly hoped when he saw a red light flashing on a cab, only to be disappointed again and again when it turned out not to be available. As his frustration grew, so did his impatience. He didn’t have time to waste like this. Maybe he should just use a ride-hailing app, but just as he was wavering, a taxi stopped in front of him.“Where are you headed?”The passenger side window slid down, and an older driver gruffly asked Suhan. Seeing he had no luggage despite coming out of a hospital, the driver assumed he was just a visitor returning home via the nearby station. Suhan quickly reached through the open window, preventing the driver from rolling it up, and opened the door, squeezing himself into the cab as he answered.“Sir, I’m really sorry, but I’m in a huge rush. Could you take me out of town? To Gangneung, to be exact…”The driver immediately shook his head, even before Suhan could properly explain.“What? I don’t go out of town. It’s a hassle to make the round trip, and I’m too tired for that. Legally, I’m allowed to refuse long-distance rides, even if you’re in a hurry. If you need to travel that far, you should call a car service…”As the driver muttered on, seemingly lecturing as if he had been waiting for a chance to do so, Suhan was focused solely on the fact that he couldn’t waste any more time with this hard-earned cab.“I’ll turn off the meter and pay you five hundred. Please, sir.”If it wasn’t enough, he’d just have to offer more. Suhan proposed, emphasizing that nothing else mattered, and the man, after briefly calculating in his head, promptly switched off the fare meter.“What’s the address? My in-laws live in Gangneung, so I know the fastest route.”Suhan let out a brief laugh at the sudden change in the driver’s attitude, but quickly fastened his seatbelt. There might not be a second time they’d flip over on the way to Gangneung, but you never knew with life.If they haven’t already torn the place apart, then whatever Suhan’s expecting should still be there. During the long drive from Seoul to the villa, Suhan couldn’t relax for even a single moment, feeling constantly on edge.“Why aren’t they picking up…?”He left a message for Yeonseo, but there was no reply. Perhaps they were too busy preparing for their presentation to even look at their phone. On the off chance, he tried calling, but the call was instantly directed to voicemail.Yeonseo had mentioned that they’d be done by morning, so technically there was still some time. But with rush hour approaching and the roads filling with cars, Suhan was fuming. He wanted to sweep them all off the road… but quickly shook his head, reminding himself of the baby growing inside. He justified his agitation as a reaction to the extreme stress of the situation, which wasn’t far from the truth.[I’m on my way to the villa to check something out. I’m not at the hospital, so don’t panic. I’ll contact you once I’m done.]After sending one last message, Suhan shut off his phone screen, and the driver glanced over, lowering the volume on the radio, likely sensing Suhan’s tense mood, as if they were heading to catch a cheating spouse red-handed.“You look tired… maybe close your eyes for a bit? We still have another two hours to go.”The suggestion was polite, but it felt more like the driver was desperately hoping Suhan would rest to ease the tense atmosphere. Suhan was about to say no, but he pressed on his eyelids, feeling the lingering fatigue from the sleepless night.“I’m fine. Please do whatever makes you comfortable.”He leaned back, eyes occasionally drooping as he drifted in and out of light sleep. When they finally arrived at the villa, morning had started for the rest of the world.“Thank you for your hard work. I’ve transferred the payment. Please check.”As Suhan completed the transfer on his phone, the driver’s face brightened.“Oh, thank you! You’ve had a busy morning, too. Have a great day!”The driver openly smiled, clearly satisfied with the generous payment. Suhan felt a small sense of relief seeing the exterior of the villa hadn’t changed much since his last visit. But as he opened the front door, his relief faded—the large entryway was cluttered with paint cans and other renovation materials.“Looks like they just moved it in… They haven’t started demolition yet.”Carefully finding his way through the crowded space, Suhan’s nose was assaulted by the overpowering smell of paint, which made his face scrunch up in disgust. He reminded himself that everything would be torn down soon anyway; he’d just pry it out if it got stuck. Picking up a demolition hammer that had been left by the door, Suhan barged into the guest room. Thankfully, aside from the removal of the mattress and curtains, the room was much the same.“It was around here…”He scanned the spot where he remembered seeing shattered vase fragments, but even with the lights on, the area was too dim to see clearly. Turning on his phone flashlight, he caught a glint in the darkness, something faintly shining as it reflected the light.“…!”Suhan’s heart pounded as he carefully assessed how to retrieve the shards from the narrow space. The drawer was fixed in such a way that he couldn’t get his hand inside, and even if he used a tool like a rod, it would be hard to pull the fragments out. After a moment of thought, he decided on the simplest solution.He’d have to tear it apart. The hidden compartment had protected the evidence until now, but there was no other option if he was going to retrieve it. Aiming for the cabinet door, Suhan swung the hammer. The wood splintered as the door came off its hinges, the impact sending a jarring shock through his arms. But the release of tension felt oddly satisfying after everything he’d been holding in.If only he could imagine the person’s head in place of the door. But some things were just not possible. Shaking off the thought, Suhan tore through the cabinet floor, and as it gave way, he saw the fragments inside, stained dark with dried blood. Wrapping them in tissue and slipping them into a ziplock bag he’d bought near the hospital, Suhan’s nerves finally started to ease.Whatever Juno was planning, this would pin him down for good. Just as he turned to leave the guest room, he caught a whiff of something burnt wafting in from the hall.“Is that… just my imagination? It feels warmer too…”With a frown, Suhan reached for the door handle and pulled it open.“…!”The air in the sealed room whooshed out, pulling oxygen from the hall and feeding a bright flame that flared up near the entrance. The intense smell of smoke filled the room, causing Suhan’s head to spin.Nothing about the situation felt real. All he knew was that he had to get out of the villa fast. When he tried to re-enter the guest room to open the window, he saw that it, too, was filling with smoke. If he hesitated, he wouldn’t be able to see an inch in front of him. Suhan forced the window latch open, grunting in frustration as it resisted.“Damn it, just—!”He threw his weight against it, but the window wouldn’t open enough to let him through. Lowering himself to the ground, he groped around for the hammer, but only managed to brush against splintered furniture debris. The pressure made it impossible to grab onto anything.By now, flames had blocked the entrance entirely, and smoke filled the hallway, leaving no other escape. The window was his only option. After a few failed attempts, Suhan finally managed to shatter it, just as nausea and dizziness hit him full force.“Damn… Ugh…”It felt like swearing was the only thing keeping him going. Using his last ounce of strength, he threw himself out the window, and as he did, an old memory flickered in his mind.Images of his father preparing for work, covering burns on his body with ointment as if it were just lotion, haunted Suhan as he lay in the grass, fighting to catch his breath.“I just don’t want to see you living like me. I’m sorry I’m not the respectable kind of parent others have.”Father would tell the chairman and his wife that these kinds of injuries were nothing more than scratches, but everyone knew that wasn’t true. Even after months of outpatient treatment, his scars never fully healed and often reopened, leaving him dependent on antibiotic ointment. Even after Suhan no longer lived with him, there was always a stack of hospital-prescribed ointments in the cramped corner of his father’s tiny home.It was only natural that Suhan’s first impression of Yeonseo had been terrible, twisted from the very start. This annoying guy his father had found to pick him up instead of coming himself. What Suhan had wanted most wasn’t a grand house or a comfortable life, but a guardian who, like the parents of other students, would come to pick him up and comfort him with a “weren’t you scared?” But his father couldn’t even manage that one simple thing, instead getting seriously injured while saving some other kid, resulting in lifelong repercussions. Suhan despised it.Suhan, both back then and now, knew deep down that his father had taken that risk for him. Without it, he would have likely continued to scrape by on the fringes of society, working odd jobs in moldy basements ignored by people with stable lives.However, acknowledging this meant recognizing that his father, in some way, had tried to protect him. Suhan, nearing the age his father had been then, continued to turn a blind eye. He also refused to accept that his mother had strained herself to take out loans and start a business solely because she wanted to bring home the son she’d only ever seen in photos.Acknowledging that each of them had tried, in their own way, to protect him would have left no one for him to resent, so the younger Suhan had chosen to look away. Now that both parents had left this world without ever receiving his forgiveness, leaving him with only fragments of memories, he couldn’t understand why these thoughts were resurfacing now.As he finally stumbled out of the building and collapsed onto the lawn, his vision darkened. Gasping for fresh air, he saw flames engulfing the entire house, smoke billowing skyward. Amid the blare of sirens, someone must have seen the thick black smoke and called it in. Suhan’s consciousness began to slip away.