The Young Consort Wants to Live Quietly

Chapter 39

***

And at that moment, at the Flower Dragon Palace.

The palace where the Empress resided was more heavily guarded than any other. Soldiers were stationed everywhere, there were countless rooms, and the Empress’s bedroom was as complicated to navigate as a maze.

“No, this isn’t right…”

The Empress, trapped within the depths of the grand palace, was writing a letter. Yehwa held a fine brush in her delicate hand, diligently writing something, only to eventually let out a groan of frustration and crumple up the paper.

It was an intensely personal letter, not one assigning official duties or praising achievements. Yet, she had never written anything with as much passion as she had this letter.

Expensive sheets of paper rolled across the floor. Yehwa set down her brush and sighed deeply.

“What a fool I’ve seen myself to be.”

The Empress, who had received nothing but praise as a prodigy from her numerous teachers, slammed her head down onto the desk.

She knew she was different from others. She had learned kindness, but that was always in the context of ruling her subjects with virtue as an Empress. She had never learned what it takes to genuinely care for and love a child.

Everything was new to her, making her clumsy in her attempts, but she couldn’t simply demand an eight-year-old child to fill the gaps in her inadequacies.

It was natural for the child to be wary of her. Perhaps even the act of showering the child with gifts was uncomfortable for them.

However, Yehwa wished for the child to be at ease with her, not necessarily as much as with her own ladies-in-waiting or friend Gowun, but at least as much as with Mirinae or Garam.

But the child seemed to avoid Yehwa more than anyone else. Even when talking with others, where there might be smiles or mild rebukes, the child became stiff and guarded the moment Yehwa appeared, clearly not wanting to engage in conversation.

Rejected without understanding why, Yehwa felt deeply saddened. These rejections piled up, eventually leading to complications.

“What should I do?”

How could she make Sanya open her heart to her?

Yehwa’s usual way of expressing favor or regret was through bestowing gifts. Land, treasures, elixirs. She sent gifts to the child as if in praise, using her own methods.

But it wasn’t because she had an ulterior motive. Whenever she saw something nice, she thought of the child.

“If I made clothes out of this silk, they would look so pretty. If I brought these sweets, they would enjoy them. If I put these flowers in the child’s room, the scent would be pleasant.”

Yehwa couldn’t define what this emotion was, so she considered various hypotheses.

First. Is it affection?

For instance, if we assume that Sanya and she were to share a bed—

“Am I crazy?”

Yehwa instantly frowned. Considering her usual expressions ranged between smiling and being expressionless, this was a rare occurrence. Just the brief consideration of such a hypothesis made her shiver all over.

“Sanya is only eight, after all, what was I thinking?”

Then, the second hypothesis. Is it philanthropy?

After a moment’s thought, Yehwa dismissed that as well. She had been taught all her life to love her subjects compassionately as a ruler and had practiced it to the best of her ability, but she could not place Sanya on the same level as them. Even if she were to bring together a hundred of them, they would not be as precious as Sanya.

So, what did she consider Sanya to be?

Yehwa pondered deeply.

‘So, Sanya is…’

“Cute.”

Yes, exactly.

Without a moment’s hesitation, Yehwa nodded to herself. She did not doubt this fact in the slightest.

Sanya’s plump, pale cheeks were cute, the way her eyes sparkled for sweets despite pretending indifference was cute, and even the way her eyes narrowed as if annoyed was cute.

In Yehwa’s bland life, such a lovely creature was a first. Just seeing the child-like figure move made Yehwa clutch her heart.

Sanya was extremely reserved with her emotions. She neither ran around causing chaos nor threw tantrums crying and wailing.

Yehwa found Sanya adorable no matter what she did, but she especially loved it when Sanya smiled brightly. It was irresistible to think how wonderful it would be if the child, who pretended to be emotionless, could grow up to be radiant. It was different from simply cherishing objects.

Yehwa had never been one to get attached to anything, and even if she valued something for its convenience, she wasn’t terribly sad when it broke.

But that wouldn’t be the case with Sanya.

Is it simply because she is cute and lovable?

‘If she’s that lovable, then it’s possible.’

Yehwa nodded to herself once more.

Then, the last hypothesis.

Does she cherish Sanya as a child?

Yehwa thought this was the most fitting, yet she still tilted her head in doubt. That’s because the parent-child relationships she had seen and learned about were incredibly bland.

She could count on one hand the times she had met with her own parents, and love between parents and children in other noble families wasn’t particularly strong either. It was merely the duty of parents to raise their children, and the children’s role to work for their parents and family.

That was all Yehwa had seen, and her relationship with Sanya was not like that.

However, Yehwa had learned more about love than anyone else. Parents cherish their children more than anyone else. They find joy in feeding their children even if they go hungry themselves, they want to give their children anything good they have, and they find their children endlessly lovable.

Yehwa, as the Empress, had to produce an heir, and she often pondered who would be the most advantageous to bear her successor. If she were to have a child, she would take care of them as she had learned, but that would be out of duty, not a genuine affection for the child.

But it was different with Sanya. Yehwa had a duty to care for Sanya as a subject, and possibly as a member of the inner palace, but she was under no obligation to embrace the child as her own.

This is love!

She concluded, rendering all her previous deliberations moot. However, the smile that had brightened her face soon faded.

Yehwa played with her long hair that she hadn’t tied up.

“It’s still black.”

After a moment of contemplation and making sure no one was around, she considered the importance of the Empress’s authority and dignity. If someone were to witness what she was about to attempt, her authority and dignity would be utterly compromised.

Fortunately, since everyone was dismissed for her to write letters, the room was empty, and the Empress’s bedroom was large enough to run around in.

“Ahem, ahem.”

After clearing her throat a couple of times, Yehwa looked determinedly at the paper in front of her and chanted in a serious tone.

“Rise.”

The paper did not move.

Yehwa’s ears turned a bit red, but she attributed it to her voice being too soft.

“Rise!”

It still didn’t move.

Damn it.

Yehwa stared at the paper for a while before flicking it away with her hand. The paper fluttered perfectly, and after giving it a stern look, she wearily got up, picked up the paper, and sat back down. This wasn’t what was important.

‘I should write an apology letter to Sanya.’

It would be better to speak directly, but Yehwa lacked the skill to articulate an impromptu apology smoothly, so she began to write a letter.

She was upset that the child did not warmly receive her gifts, but at least she should have dealt with it more wisely rather than just feeling upset because of her age.

Walking all the way from the Floral Virtue Palace to the Flower Dragon Palace, Yehwa had time to reflect and immediately grabbed paper and brush upon arrival, confining herself to her bedroom.

“This is hard.”

Muttering to herself, Yehwa sighed again. Getting close to someone, and dealing with a child, was all new to her and difficult from start to finish.

But she had no intention of using her inadequacies as an excuse to act as if nothing had happened.

‘If you have wronged a child, apologize.’

This was written in one of the few proper parenting books she had managed to obtain after ordering a worldwide search. Yehwa was shocked to find that the parenting books she had ordered from all over the world couldn’t even fill one room. Does everyone become a good parent the moment they have a child, without the need to learn anything?

But she soon accepted it. Those born with the ability to love might just be capable of it. The sad part was that Yehwa was not one of them.

Yehwa had only learned how to educate a child, not how to love one. Due to her excessive clumsiness, mistakes and faults were frequent. She definitely wasn’t a good guardian.

However, she was aware of her shortcomings and knew how to make an effort to compensate for them.

Even today, parenting books were being rapidly flipped through in a corner of her bedroom.

* * *

The next day, in my room at the Floral Virtue Palace.

“……”

“……”

The atmosphere in the room had turned icy. The maids were restless, glancing at me, while I sat expressionless, holding a piece of paper wrapped in silk.

“Ma, My lady…”

Heesa cautiously called my name. It was as if that was a start button for me, prompting me to stand up and carefully place the paper on the table. Instead of the paper, I then grabbed my own hair.

“My lady!”

“Please calm down, my lady!”

As I gripped my hair tightly with both hands, the maids screamed in shock. But I couldn’t just let go. I shook my tightly held hair a couple of times.

“My lady!”

Seoyeon even gritted her teeth, tears welling up as she cried out. Her hands, trembling, reached for mine.

“Please punish me instead. How can you do this?”

…Why make such a fuss.

Feeling somewhat awkward, I let go of my hair smoothly, and Seoyeon quickly clutched my hand.

“My lady…”

“How could our lady, engage in such a dreadful act…”

The maids surrounded me, their eyes brimming with tears. It was just a moment of grabbing my hair to relieve stress, but if I had screamed, it felt like they were ready to kneel.

I felt a rough touch on my wrist. Gowun, already pale, had turned even paler as he tightly held my wrist.

Not knowing whether to laugh or cry in this situation, I looked at the child, and our eyes met. The eyes hidden under the bangs were filled with tears. Soon, Gowun bowed his head. The top of his head was visible in front of my eyes.

…It’s as if he’s offering himself for me to tug. Their reactions made me feel even more drained. I laughed helplessly.

“What a fuss over nothing.”

At my words, Heesa suddenly looked up. Her eyes were also moist.

“It is a significant matter! If Her Majesty were informed, she would rush to the Floral Virtue Palace immediately. Oh, no. Instead of doing that, we must quickly inform Her Majesty—”

“I won’t do it again.”

Please, anything but that. My desperate face made Heesa flinch.

I did not miss the chance to look at Heesa with pleading eyes, and soon she melted.

“So cute…”

“Heesa. That’s inappropriate.”

Seoyeon’s reprimand naturally followed Heesa’s melting voice. As she moved, Seoyeon’s hand fell away.

I looked down regretfully at my hand, now devoid of warmth, and then a somewhat larger, rougher hand was placed over mine.

A pale hand. But the touch felt on the palm was so rough it was hard to believe it belonged to a child. Holding the child’s hand tightly, I sighed.

The reason I was supposed to be happily cutting Gowun’s bangs, yet ended up grabbing my own hair, was none other than an imperial decree from the Empress.