The World Has Become Kinder to Her

Though the reheated food was not bad, no one in the dining room seemed to be able to fully appreciate its taste.  

After forcing herself to eat, the first thing Lotus did upon returning to her bedroom was empty her stomach.  

“Ugh.”  

She wasn’t the only one likely feeling unwell. The entire dinner had been a farce, with everyone bound by noble etiquette, forced to eat through the discomfort. It had been a comedy, albeit a twisted one.  

Initially, Lotus had planned to finish her meal, then read through the letters from Theodore and Rikheus again and compose her replies. However, the events at dinner had drained her of all energy.  

The softness of her new bed felt strange, much like how the world had suddenly become so kind to her.  

Perhaps she could find answers to these strange happenings if she sought out the temple of Minerva, the goddess of wisdom and skill.  

‘But that won’t be easy.’  

Though the existence of gods was undeniable—there were those who could wield divine power, a force different from magic—it was rare for gods to answer the prayers of humans.  

And the time and expense required to request a divine oracle were staggering, with no guarantee of a response. Rationally, it seemed unfair and unreasonable, though she knew such thoughts were blasphemous.  

‘Maybe that’s why I’ve never been favored by the gods.’  

Lotus drifted into a shallow sleep, but when she awoke, it was still dark.  

Sleep eluded her, and her heart pounded anxiously in her chest. A heavy, suffocating feeling pressed down on her, like a stone crushing her.  

It was a familiar sensation, something she had experienced frequently in her past life. Back then, she had taken sleeping pills to ease herself back into sleep, but now she had no such option.  

Perhaps some fresh air would help. Wrapping a shawl around her shoulders, Lotus ventured outside.  

As she crossed the darkened manor, it brought back memories of her darker past.  

The mansion outside was shrouded in the same oppressive darkness that she had tried to escape.  

She couldn’t move forward, nor could she retreat.  

The small lantern hanging by the entrance was the only light she could cling to.  

Just as Lotus felt the overwhelming sense of despair threatening to push her to her knees, a familiar voice called out.  

“My lady.”  

“…Sir Zahard.”  

“Are you alright?”  

Was he out for a walk, or perhaps engaged in early morning training?  

Kenneth approached her, but stopped just a step away, as though unsure of what to do.  

“If you’ll allow it, I can escort you back to your room,” he offered politely.  

Lotus shook her head.  

“I don’t know where to go.”  

“Excuse me?”  

“I’m lost.”  

To anyone else, her words might have sounded like nonsense—just the ramblings of someone who had woken in the middle of the night—but Lotus meant them.  

Having been unwillingly returned to the past, she felt lost. She had been left alone in a darkness where she couldn’t even see one step ahead of her.  

The single beam of light from the lantern illuminated Kenneth’s expressionless face.  

Even after hearing her inexplicable words, his expression didn’t change.  

“Then I will wait with you until you find your way.”  

With those words, a silence settled between them.  

Lotus leaned against the door, while Kenneth stood a few steps away from her.  

In that silence, they simply acknowledged each other’s presence. Lotus’s mind drifted back to the only night she had ever spent with him.  

Despite it being her first time, she had been embarrassed. They had left only a faint light, leaving the room shrouded in darkness, allowing them to barely make out each other’s faces.  

Back then, much like now, Lotus had been afraid of many things.  

She had chosen the lesser evil to avoid the worst outcome, but she hadn’t been sure if her decision was the right one.  

Though she had seduced him out of necessity, she hadn’t planned on showing her vulnerability by crying. But in the end, a single tear escaped from the corner of her eye.  

She had expected Kenneth to push her away or become angry. She thought he might resent her, accusing her of playing a fool after he had given in to her advances.

After a brief silence, Kenneth, who seemed momentarily caught off guard, finally spoke.  

—”I apologize… I’m not very good at offering comfort. But I’ll wait, until you can collect yourself.”  

That was why Lotus had found his sudden proposal so difficult to understand.  

She wondered if she had misjudged him in the past, but moments like this made her hope again. Despite his stoic exterior, he was a man full of consideration.  

There must have been some enormous event or reason tied to his sudden proposal that she hadn’t considered.  

“What if I never find my way, Sir Zahard?”  

“Then, if you’ll allow it, I would like to help you find it. If not, I’ll wait.”  

“…This isn’t the first time I’ve been lost.”  

Though everyone faces choices in life, for her, it had always been between the worst and the lesser evil.  

Even when she had tried to stay aware, she had still found herself lost. She had fought to choose the path that would benefit her, but all it did was leave her exhausted.  

“I’ve been choosing the lesser evil for so long that I feel like I’ve lost the strength even to wander. Some might look at me and think, ‘What right do you have to be so tired?'”  

“I don’t think the perspective of others matters when it comes to exhaustion. I am often tired myself, regardless of how others may perceive me.”  

“Even you, Sir Zahard?”  

Lotus couldn’t help but ask in surprise, her disbelief slipping out in her words. To her, he was the image of perfection—strength, stamina, and impeccable swordsmanship.  

Seeing her reaction, Kenneth smiled faintly, a rare expression for him, and for a moment, Lotus found herself captivated by his face.  

“The first life I took with my sword was a dog.”  

It was a small, young, and innocent creature. Yet, he had wielded his sword against it, in the name of training.  

“For a knight, this is a common experience. We start by taking the lives of small creatures, like dogs or cats.”  

Wielding a sword and taking the life of another being with it were entirely different things.  

Thus, they were made to practice on small animals—creatures that were common and quick, forcing them to hone their skills on live targets.  

“The knight I envisioned myself becoming wasn’t like that… but by the time I realized it, it was too late. Even I faced the choice between the worst and the lesser evil, and selfishly, I chose the lesser evil.”  

And so, he walked the path of a knight. To survive, he stained his hands with others’ blood. His life had been built on the sacrifice of others.  

“I knew it was wrong.”  

“…”  

“I thought about stopping.”  

“…”  

“But I didn’t. I was too exhausted, too cowardly.”  

His voice was calm as he confessed his weaknesses.  

Lotus remained silent, understanding a little of the feelings behind his words.  

“I seem to have unintentionally burdened you with a darker story when you’re already feeling low. My apologies. I’m not great with words…”  

“It’s alright. It just… reminded me that you’re human, too.”  

“What do you mean?”  

“You’re so remarkable, Sir Zahard, that I assumed you dealt with all your worries and struggles as clearly as you wield your sword. I know I shouldn’t judge people based on what I see, but I keep making the same foolish mistakes.”  

In the past, just like Rikheus, Kenneth had been someone she projected her own expectations and fantasies onto without really knowing him.  

The illusion of his strength and resoluteness had shattered, but instead of lowering her opinion of him, it made her like him even more.  

Realizing she wasn’t the only one stumbling blindly in the dark brought her a strange sense of comfort.  

Feeling a bit of guilty relief, Lotus muttered softly, “…Please forgive me for finding solace in your hardships.”  

“There’s nothing to forgive. If my story helped you in any way, I’m simply glad for it.”  

“For some reason, I keep causing you trouble, Sir Zahard.”  

“I’ve never once thought of it that way.”  

As they spoke, the darkest part of the night gave way to the early light of dawn. While Kenneth may not have known it, this was the second dawn they had shared together.  

Lotus’s heart felt a little more at peace now. The tightness in her chest had eased, and she could breathe more easily. As the light of dawn reflected in her green eyes, she finally spoke again.  

“I still haven’t found my way.”  

“I see.”  

“I’m not even sure if I will. But I’m willing to take the first step.”

Lotus had no idea where that first step would lead her. However, Kenneth nodded, as if to show that he trusted her.  

Perhaps it was the light of dawn, but the icy blue of his eyes, which had once felt like a frozen lake, now seemed like the vast sea, capable of holding anything within.  

For now, she decided to return to her bedroom. She needed to write replies to Theodore and Rikheus, and once the sun was fully up, she’d visit the bookstore.  

As she organized her thoughts, Kenneth’s voice broke through.  

“Shall I escort you to your bedroom now, my lady?”  

“So you’ve been waiting for that?”  

“I won’t deny it.”  

Lotus gave a nod of permission.  

Unlike when she had left, her steps were now more cautious as they re-entered the manor. The dawn was approaching, and the maids or servants might already be awake.  

Noticing her concern, Kenneth whispered from two steps behind her, “I’ve set up a barrier using mana. You can walk without worry.”  

“Is that similar to a shield?”  

“It’s a bit different. This barrier only muffles sound and presence. The shield you mentioned would be closer to a sword block.”  

They reached the third floor without encountering anyone.  

“Thank you, Sir Zahard, for many things,” Lotus said.  

“I should be the one thanking you.”  

“And why is that?”  

Kenneth hesitated for a moment, as if choosing his words carefully, before speaking.  

“I thought you were angry because of my impulsive proposal.”  

“…”  

“It’s only natural that you would be upset. Even if I tried to justify it as being for your sake, at its core, the proposal was rooted in my own selfishness. Yet, you still allowed me to remain by your side, even for a while. I am grateful.”  

“May I ask the real reason why you proposed?”  

Their eyes met.  

In Kenneth’s deep blue eyes, an unnameable emotion surged.  

“My wish for you to leave this place was sincere, but more than that… I think I wanted to bind you to me, publicly and legally.”  

Her mind tried to grasp his words, but they seemed to circle above her, unable to settle.  

“You want to… bind me to you?”  

The possessiveness in his words was unmistakable.  

The Kenneth she had known was a knight uninterested in women, cold and virtuous…  

“Yes. If that’s possible.”  

A knight who now seemed so different. Where had things gone astray?  

“…You want to possess me?”  

For a woman who knew so little about love, all she could think of was that he meant it in terms of possession.  

Suddenly, Lotus found herself wondering if Kenneth’s preference leaned toward women younger than herself.  

Whether Kenneth realized that her thoughts were veering off in a strange direction or not, he answered with a still-complex expression.  

“If, as you said, ‘possess’ is the right word, then this time… I want to possess your heart, before your body.”