The Terminally-Ill Lord Desires Hospice Care

I woke to the chirping of nameless birds, the sun already high in the sky. But what roused me was not their beautiful song, but a dull ache in my chest.

“…Haah.”
It was a bit sad to wake up without anyone to rouse me at this hour. Even though the war ended long ago, there are still times I blank out like this. The feeling of my body growing sluggish is rather melancholy.

I barely managed to raise my limp body, as if it would slump like a water-soaked cloth.
“You did so well, you little rascal. After rolling on the battlefield, this is all the treatment you get?”

At the rude voice I don’t usually hear, I looked around. But there was no being present that could speak of its own will, except for the raven trapped in its cage.

“Was that you speaking?”
“Yeah, it was me. Surprised a raven can talk?”
“…No. I just thought, ‘So there are birds like that.'”
“But regular ravens can’t talk, right? Isn’t it normal to be surprised? No new reaction or anything?”
“When humans spout nonsense all the time, why should I be surprised that a raven can talk? My life has been filled with far more wondrous sights.”

From poison-spitting dragons to man-eating giants – my life’s slideshow is likely filled with things most people will never see in their lifetime.

“…This may be an odd thing for me to say, but are you crazy by any chance?”
“That would depend on how you define the criteria. If you judge and view it as you wish, you may wonder if there are any sane people in this world.”
“I’m not trying to have a philosophical discussion here. I’m asking why you’re treated this way.”
“Hmm…”

It would be troublesome to explain that long story in full, so I summarized it as briefly as possible.
“It’s probably because I didn’t place the weight of personal feelings on the scales.”
“…What?”
“In other words, it’s because I’m not an emotional person, I suppose.”

The raven looked at me like I was some kind of insect.
“…Well, in that case, there’s no need for useless conversation. I’ll do what I need to, you do what you need to.”

Ignoring what the raven said, I started on my backlog of work again. Once I ignored it, human language or raven cries – it was all the same to me.
One of my few talents was my ability to concentrate, and thanks to that talent, I could work for over two hours while tuning out the raven’s cries.
Most people would probably play with a talking raven for hours out of curiosity. But unfortunately, I was not idle enough for that, and above all, not innocent enough to take interest and play with such things.

“…My lord? My lord.”
“Ah.”
Was I too focused? I had gotten so absorbed that I forgot the butler had come.
“What is it?”
“It is lunchtime, so I came up, but…”
“Then I shall go down. But butler, did you not hear that raven squawking just now?”
“Pardon? There were certainly squawking sounds until just now, but was there something unusual about it?”
“No, never mind.”

It seemed the words that raven was uttering could only be heard by me. To others besides me, it was just regular squawking.
Unless there were certain conditions to hear it speak, and I happened to meet those conditions without realizing it.
Well, I don’t particularly care about such things anymore.

“And my mother and Rizehl?”
“They are both already eating in the dining hall. I did suggest waiting until you arrived, my lord, but… you know how they are…”
“You need not make excuses, you may go.”

Right after the butler left, the raven who had heard everything flew into a rage again.
“Are you fucking kidding me? The lord’s working his ass off and they can’t even wait to eat together as a family? Just stuffing their fucking faces before he gets there? They may not be the ones earning money, but that doesn’t mean they can just dig in without him! Not waiting for family and just chowing down first, are they fucking animals or what?!”

“Looking at it broadly, not just my mother and sister, but myself as well would fall under ‘animals.’ From that perspective, your words could be considered the correct view.”
“Are you seriously unable to understand human speech or what…?”
“But if that ‘fucking animals’ was an insult, I must object. It’s not that they couldn’t resist hunger, it’s that they dislike me.”
“Haah…dear God. What am I to do with these hopeless fools.”

While it wasn’t that surprising the raven could talk, I was quite surprised it would call upon God. Most of the supernatural beings I’ve seen who could speak absolutely despised gods.
But my interest ended right there. My indifferent heart, devoid of attachments, had no room for a mere talking raven to nest in. Just a brief curiosity, nothing more.

And I wasn’t so dull or oblivious as to not understand why this raven was getting angry.
“…If you’re raging out of hunger, I’ll refill your trough later.”
“At this rate, I’m seriously going to end up hating you as much as your shitty family.”
“You must be very hungry, to hate someone that much just over some feed.”
“…..Seriously, let me ask – was there some great calamity in your family?”
“I wouldn’t know. If I had to guess, perhaps my very existence is the calamity.”

The raven seemed at a loss for words, and with that silence, I could finally head down to the dining hall.
Normally I take my meals in my study, but today was one of the rare occasions when the butler had prepared a setting for our family. Although they had started eating without me, I didn’t feel particularly hurt.

I was not so childish as to feel slighted over something so trivial, and I was far too accustomed to this treatment to get angry about it.

“Butler, what is on the menu today?”
“Yes, I have specially prepared the mushroom soup and roast duck that you favor, my lord. I have instructed the chef not to even touch the ingredients you cannot eat, so please do not worry.”
“…Thank you.”

Since there are restrictions on what I can eat, some care had to be taken.
When I arrived at the dining hall with the butler, I saw my mother and younger sister already eating.

“I hope you are well, mother.”
“…You’re eating first again.”
As always, she did not give a proper response to my greeting.
“I was delayed due to my backlog of work.”
Now she maintained her usual silence – a very motherly reaction indeed.

“…”
However, one puzzling thing was that the mushroom soup and roast duck the butler mentioned were nowhere to be seen. Instead, on the table was onion soup and roast pork, steaming away.
Of course, upon seeing this, the butler’s face flushed red with anger as he summoned the chef.

“Have you lost your mind?! I clearly told you the lord cannot eat pork or onions, so prepare the mushrooms and duck…!”
“I instructed the menu be changed, butler.”
The one who broke the silence was my mother, who had consistently remained silent in response to me.
“Was there some issue?”
“…No, my lady.”
“I see. So that’s what you wished to eat.”

Whether she knew I couldn’t eat pork and onions or not, it didn’t matter to me now. Whichever it was, it was far removed from affection.

“…It seems I was the unwelcome guest.”
“…”
“Silence again, is it?”

I wasn’t particularly angry. I had grown accustomed to my mother’s silence, and soon I would not feel any special emotion towards that silence.
I picked up a piece of bread that was placed at my seat.

“A piece of bread will suffice for me. I hope you have an enjoyable meal.”
“…Is that all you wish to say?”
“Yes.”
“Then I recommend you leave soon.”
“…I shall take my leave then.”

I was not so foolish as to prolong a conversation doomed to silence and waste more time.
Such scenes were so familiar to me now that I felt nothing. To the point where I would find it strange to even try feeling something towards them.

“What the fuck? Not only leaving their son out to eat alone, but kicking him out like that too? Is that what family means to you? Unless you poisoned the damn food, how can you possibly treat him like that?”

Upon hearing the whole story, the talking raven hurled insults at my family that I had never heard before.
Of course, I was not so naive as to feel anything towards such insults.
I just thought, ‘Ah, so this is what the raven thinks.’ That’s all.

Whether someone dislikes me or dislikes my mother and sister, it is simply them expressing their feelings. I could not find a need to get angry over something so trivial.
That was just the kind of person I had become.