The Simpsons: Bart

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***

Once inside the smoke-filled room, the first thing I did was what we were taught in primary school - I took a deep breath.

- Uwaaa... - Which made me dizzy and nearly pass out. Just as I thought, schools don't teach anything good.

I had to go on instinct. I bent as close to the floor as I could, and almost crawled towards Alison's classroom. The door was closed. I tried to turn the knob, and even burned myself a little, but it just wouldn't turn, being melted.

- How can a school be on fire? Don't we have fire extinguishers everywhere?

I decided to kick the door down. It wasn't as easy as in the films, but after a few kicks and an obviously bruised shoulder, I managed it.

- Kghaa! - as soon as I did, a wave of smoke filled the room.

My eyes glazed over. I mean fogged up and it was impossible to make out anything in the reign of smoke. So Alison had to search by feel.

- Oh! - By the cleaning supplies cabinet, I found Alison with my foot.

- Oh, my God, baby, are you okay? - I picked her up. - It wasn't you.

As it turned out, it was Lisa's other friend Becky Shorter, blonde with a ponytail and braces, at one of Lisa's parties, she'd forcibly kissed me.... If I had done the opposite, I would have been judged, but Lisa and her friends just laughed at me.

Not really appropriate to say, for the place is a burning school, but for a loner Lisa has plenty of friends, right?

- Ahem! Ahem! - While I was in the midst of a weird carbon monoxide induced trance, Becky coughed, reminding me of myself.

Tensing up, I made the decision to stop looking for Alison, and get Becky out of the school first. Throwing her on her back, I tried to hold my breath, worrying about the fact that Alison wasn't in her classroom, and if she wasn't in it, where would I look for her?

- Don't let the fire go out! - as soon as I opened the door, Willie came running at me with an axe. - Oh, it's just a boy, Fuhhhh.

Which scared me enough to petrify me for a few seconds, which was enough for the principal....

- Simpson, what are you doing?! - to pull me towards him with a look of utter anger. Did he really think I started the fire?! But I had nothing to do with it! The firecrackers were mine, but that's not the point.

- Oh, Bart saved Becky! - shouted Terry or Sherry, apparently causing everyone to finally notice the weight on my back.

Shorter was taken off me and she was immediately started being cared for by the school nurse until the ambulance arrived. I wanted to go back to school, but the principal stopped me.

- Simpson! Where are you going?!

- Ali's still inside! I mean Allison Taylor!

- What are you talking about?! She cancelled in the middle of the day for a family emergency.

- But Ralph said she was in there. - with me, the whole school who witnessed our heated, heh, discussion shifted their gaze towards Wigham.

- Yes. Alison lives there. - once again Ralph pointed towards the burning school.

- Haa... Ralph, explain what you mean by that. - slapping herself on the forehead, Lisa frowned.

- Her house is that way. - with a clear lack of understanding why, Wiggum explained. And how come I'm the second-year student and not him...?

Wait! More importantly! How does he know where Alison's house is?! They don't, do they? Alison doesn't have a fetish for dumb people, does she?

.....

Eventually the fire brigade and ambulance arrived, Becky was taken away, but they wouldn't take me away, treating my burns on the spot. Suddenly, it turned out I'd earned them. Before the treatment, they didn't hurt at all, but during, I was begging for amputation...

- We're done extinguishing. - a fireman came out of the school with his helmet off and a big smile on his face.

*Squeak.

And right at that very moment, the fire suppression system kicked in, spraying him with water.

- No! I've got a date tonight and my hair's ruined! - causing the middle-aged man to fall to his knees. I guess dating is a pain in the arse as you get older, huh?

- You were so cool, Bart. - Sherry or Terry came up to me and complimented me with a flirtatious look.

- It was nothing like that. - I threw in a casual reply, by which time I was getting a lot of praise. Apparently saving someone's life had finally made them see my magnibartness..... 'Great Bartness'? Seriously, I should stop inducing cringe in myself at least.....

- Hmm! - The exception in the parade of praise was the headmaster, who literally burned, hehe, me with a look.

.....

At home, my parents chided me for being careless with my own life, which was expected. But contrary to what was expected, the moment when my mum softens, smiles and hugs me didn't happen. She just crossed her arms over her chest, hummed, and went into the kitchen to cook.

- Nothing son... - Homer, on the other hand, put his hand on my shoulder, escorting his wife out of the living room with lowered eyebrows.

Yeah, I guess saving someone's life isn't enough for Mum to cover a second year... How much of this is my fault for being stupidly dumb?

.....

Not being in the mood, I decided to skip lunch. Plus I've got almost a whole packet of crisps left over from Milhouse's last visit.

- Hmm. Three weeks' worth of crisps. - I ate the crisps with barely a crunch as I stared at the screen of my smartphone, waiting.

I was expecting calls and texts from my girlfriend, of course. Sure, I could have called Allison myself and told her I was okay, but.... Hey, sometimes a guy just wants to feel needed!

*Peelik*

It didn't take long for the alert to arrive. Though considering I had time to get home, talk to my parents, and change my clothes, she was in no hurry....

- Wow. - I was a little disappointed, because the notification was on Alex's profile, to whom Lisa had sent a message, the first one in almost a month.

- My brother was really cool today. - It's weird to get compliments from Zubrila, but okay, it's still nice.

- What happened? - Lisa never responded to Alex's text message. - Why was she texting him in the first place?

-About an hour later-

- Lol, Bart, you suck! - came a message in the chat room.

Which caused me to slam down on the keyboard, nearly causing the table to collapse. It's not my fault I ruined the skating rink. All because of my stupid phone, which I was constantly distracted by the screen!

- Why isn't she texting me? - Does she even care about me? Does she even care about me? If she doesn't, do I even need a girl like that?!

-An hour later-

- Your mum's so fat, she's not only making the horses run away, she's making the trucks run away too. -the audience laughed out loud at the comedian's joke on stage.

- ... - I wasn't distracted at all by what was happening on the screen.

The director said that Alison had a family emergency. Could it be that she had a family emergency? That would make sense, and it would make sense.

- Haa... I'm so stupid.

I'm sure her friends have told her everything, including that I'm fine, so there's no need to check up on me. Especially in light of my family's grief.

- Now I'm starting to worry. - and I'm staring at my smartphone, not waiting, but wanting to call myself.

-Three days later-

The fire was localised and only affected the ground floor. In addition, the school infrastructure was not damaged. So, after painting the walls and replacing the desks and flooring, school resumed.

- Alison. - Overcome with embarrassment at the possible rumours, I decided to approach her myself. We hadn't even texted in three days, because she hadn't written, and I was flitting from hurt to hurt to hurt to hurt.

- Oh, Bart. - Ali involuntarily shifted her gaze to Lisa, who averted hers. Is this Alison's way of telling Zubrila to leave? - What is it?

- You... Well. - hell, if I ask about the phone calls directly and someone hears me, I'm sure there'll be rumours all over the school that I'm dating a teenager. - I heard from the principal that you left school early for family reasons. Is everything okay?

- Yeah, it's just-- - Lisa elbowed Allison. - I mean, everything's fine now, but it's been a very difficult time for our whole family.

- Oh, what happened? - I feel like a bastard for acting resentful when my girlfriend needed support.

- Bart, since when did you become so attentive? - Lisa jumped in, blocking Alison's view.

- I always have been, it's just that someone never deserved it. - which made me a little angry.

- Ha ha ha. Talk about a rebel with no purpose in life.

While we were arguing with Lisa, Alison went to class without talking to me. Never mind, I'll text her during class.

.....

- With all that's happened, I've had plenty of time to go over your tests and--

While the teacher was announcing something, I was on my phone, waiting for Alison's reply. Which came this time, though it was brief, asking me to discuss it when I met her.

- You've all made me happy, no one from our class has fallen in....

Alison's reply brought out a heavy sigh of relief, worry, fatigue and a desire to get things sorted out. And why had the school day just started?

- And what was surprising was the name of the student with the most points this time round.

Haa. They'll be handing out the tests when the teacher calls, and by the time it's my turn, I'll be taking a nap...

- Bart.

One sheep, one sheep, two sheep, three sheep.

- Simpson! - the teacher's shout made me jump up and down.

- Yeah? What's with all the yelling? I was just starting to fall asleep.

- Test. Come and get it.

Without realising it, I walked up to the teacher. Had I failed so badly that I was going to be publicly chastised and sent to the principal's office?

- Good job, Bart, I marked the problem questions. - Not living up to my expectations, my conversation with the teacher was as brief as possible.

I took the report card, along with the test sheets, and returned to my desk.

- Ay caramba! - I blurted out at the sight of my results, the lowest of which was an 82. Is this how Alison got me to do it? Either I'm not as stupid as I think I am, or Alison has incredible teaching talent... Or there's been some kind of mistake.

- Simpson! Headmaster's office! - while the rest of the class was getting their results, an announcement came over the speakerphone that made me gulp.