The Mad Rat’s Lab

This chapter has a different POV.

 

“I’ve finally reached player level four and upgraded my Champion to level five! Not only this, I’m also using the new Chief champion I created a few days ago… Look at this body! These muscles! Huhuhu! Now, finally! Finally! I’m going to beat this damned dungeon and recover my orc pride! Huhuhu!”

My growl-like laugh resonates through the tunnel’s walls. Right now, I’m in front of the dungeon’s entrance, and can already see the huge cave at the end of the tunnel.

Since the first time I invaded this dungeon, when I miserably died because of a bad stroke of luck, I’ve been trying to conquer it again, and again, and AGAIN… I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve died so far.

“Is evident that the problem isn’t me. I can stomp and crush all dungeons with a similar level as this one. Most mobs fall to one or two slashes of my trusty battleaxe. But this dungeon is in another league… Everything’s designed to test your sanity in one way or another! You miss a small detail, and get killed because of it when you least expect it!”

There’s a post in the DMA forums where we talk about this dungeon. And everyone agrees that it is insanely unpredictable. You can have an easy win if you’re lucky… but most invaders meet a miserable death. Like myself.

I trigger and then avoid the first Falling corpse trap. Once you know where they are, it’s easy to avoid them. The problem is when you don’t know where they are.

“Huhu, you won’t get me anymore with these puny traps!”

I’m already about a quarter inside the big cavern when I hear the usual cry. *AaAaAaAa!* And a two-headed enemy that comes running.

“You never get used to that disgusting cry. If this were reality, my ears would be bleeding right now!”

Me and my trusty minions, this time three orcs and four goblins, ready our weapons and prepare for combat.

“I’ve already faced your kind before! As long as I kill you fast, you are nothing to worry about!”

This enemy is actually two units fused together. And once you kill the first half, the other gets crazily empowered. But we orcs excel at melee combat and I have even higher stats than them when empowered, so they are easy to kill.

The trickiest part about them is that they call for others of their kind when starting combat. So if you don’t kill them fast enough, you might be swarmed.

*AaAaAaAa!* It seems another one of them is coming. How kind of you to make that cry to warn us of your presence! Huhuhu!

“It’s just another weak one! Let’s crush the first one and follow with the newcomer! Huhuhu!”

 

A total of three of those monstrosities have come running at us. After the fight ends, I look around. One, two , three… Six. Six orcs and goblins are around me.

“Wait! Six? Where’s the last goblin? There should be four goblins instead of three!”

I frantically look around and see a goblin’s corpse not so far away. As if making fun of me, I hear a laughing voice at that exact moment.

*Shishishi!*

And then, following the first, another laughing voice resounds through the big cavern. They both sound high-pitched.

*Hihihi!*

“What now? Pleeease, don’t tell me it’s something new! A new type of enemy? Noooooooo! Somebody spare me from being the first player to find them!! I’m already tired of dying because of those new creatures!”

The first time, it was because of the butterfly. I didn’t find the cause at that time, but later, in the forum, somebody explained in detail how the butterflies work.

The second time was when the dungeon’s owner actually came to me to test its ‘newest creation’. And I died from a combination of that ‘newest creation’ plus the recently added poisonous mushrooms.

And the third time was with those nasty fire bugs… Who could have guessed that they would explode? A few of them came to us at the same time, and to avoid taking damage from their aura, I killed one… And it exploded. Then, in a chain reaction, the others also died and exploded. And every minion I had was killed in the explosion.

Well, it’s true that the third time didn’t kill me directly, but killing all my minions brought me to the point where I couldn’t face the next challenges.

Anyway, returning to the current situation. *Shishishi!* *Hihihi!* I can’t see whoever is laughing, but it comes from behind that rock.

Slowly and ready to start combat at any moment (or run away, depending on the situation), I approach the rock.

Behind it, I find a small creature with two heads. One half is green and the other is red. And it’s pointing a bow in my direction.

As I come closer, it attacks me once and then runs away into one of the side tunnels. A tunnel I know very well.

This is the tunnel that leads to that ‘resting area’... I’ve already been there two times. The first time, a trap killed one of my goblins. And the second, I fell asleep and couldn’t wake up. I had to surrender and accept my death to leave the dungeon.

“Huhuhu! You think I’m stupid? There’s no way I’m going to follow you there! It’s fine if you want to run away, just don’t come back!”

I shout towards the tunnel’s entrance. From there, I can see two pairs of eyes staring in my direction as if saying ‘are you scared of coming here?’.

Yes, I am. Only a fool would go where he’s sure to die. So I turn around and start walking away.

Only a few seconds later, something hits me from behind. Thanks to the game’s feedback, I know something hit my back. Though it doesn’t hurt even if I take damage, of course.

I turn around, and see the little bugger hiding behind another rock, looking in my direction.

“You dare! So you want to play hide and seek? Two can play that game, you know!?”

I look away again, but this time I’m ready to use one of my skills as soon as the little bugger dares come attacking again.

It’s a shame I must use this skill, Phantasmal Weapon, the only ranged skill I have, to deal with that annoying pest. I need MP to use this skill, and orcs don’t have that much MP to start with. I would usually reserve it for more critical situations, but I can’t allow this pest to keep following and attacking me every time I look away, can I?

Only a few seconds later, the little bugger comes out of the rock it was hiding behind and tries to attack me again.

“Huhuhu! I was waiting for this!” I say as I throw the Phantasmal Weapon at it. “This is what happens when little shits like you dare cross my path! Huhuhu!”

It tries to avoid the skill’s path, but it's too late. The phantasmal weapon reaches the enemy and passes through it. And then, it dies. Both halfs die.

“Both of them died at the same time! Weak! You defy me while being this weak!? Huhuhu! Look at this muscles! My arm is as wide as your whole body, and you still fight me!? Huhuhu!” 

 

After walking for some more time, I find another enemy I haven’t seen before. This time, it’s a rabbit.

“I remember reading in the forum that they are extremely dangerous mobs… But I don’t see anything dangerous at all. Well, let’s kill it anyway.”

I swing my axe, and it dies. Weak!

“...That’s all? Wasn’t it supposed to be dangerous? What a letdown… All the expectation for nothing.”

Just in case, I kill two more of them, but they too die with a single strike. Uhmm… there are still a few more rabbits, but if they are this weak, there’s no reason to fight the rest.

As we are moving out of this place, I can see one of the rabbits transforming into an orc with rabbit ears, tail and paws, and attacking one of my orcs from behind. Instants later, the orc falls to the ground, dead.

“Shit! It got done-in with a single strike! So it was true they were absurdly dangerous!”

I quickly run towards the orc-rabbit and engage it in melee combat. I also give an order to the orcs and goblins.

“Attack! Massacre those nasty rabbits to avenge the death of our comrade!” I then shout a battle cry to create the proper atmosphere. “Waaaaaaagh!”

Immediately, the orcs and goblins start attacking the rabbits. I can see that, while most rabbits get slaughtered, one of them transforms into an orc-rabbit hybrid when attacked.

“Hahahaha! Yes! This is it! The feeling of battling a worthy opponent! Huhuhu!”

Exhilarated because the orc-rabbit is a decent melee fighter that can keep me entertained for a while, I don’t notice the fire bugs coming our way.

When my fight is almost settled (of course, I am winning, nobody can match me in melee) I hear a loud explosion sound. *Booooom!*

I look towards the explosion’s direction and see the annoying exploding fire bugs. Chaos is spreading everywhere, because the fire bugs deal damage to allies too.

I can see orcs and goblins chasing the rabbits and fighting the other orc-rabbit. And the fire bugs are flying everywhere, damaging my units and the dungeon’s ones.

*Booooom!* Another explosion kills one of my goblins and also hits the other orc-rabbit.

“Huhuhu! This is it! It feels like a real battlefield! After this fight, I could die happily! Huhuhu!”

Wait no! Don’t even think about it in this dungeon, or I’ll truly get killed! I’m sure this all was already planned from the beginning as usual so that I let my guard down!

“Waaaaaah!” I make another battle cry to forget the thoughts about dying and refocus on the battle.

 

When the battle finishes, there are corpses strewn everywhere. At some point, more enemies joined the battle. I can see corpses of those screaming half-elf half-dwarf creatures.

There is also one corpse of the goblin-imp monstrosities. I inspected the first one to know what to expect in the future, so I know they are half goblin and half imp now. It must have sneaked during the battle only to get itself killed.

“Huhuhu! Yes! This was fun! Huhuhu!”

I check my remaining units. There is only a single goblin alive. It’s a miracle that it survived this chaotic and dangerous battle. Two orcs also survived, though one of them has so little remaining HP that a single hit more and he would have died.

I decide to take a rest to recover from the battle so I sit down. And while I’m sitting on the ground, something hits me from the back.

“What’s it now!?”

I look behind me and see two pairs of eyes looking at me. Hiding behind a tunnel’s entrance, a goblin-imp monstrosity is making laughing noises. *Shishishi!* *Hihihi!*

“Another one of the Goblimp Pests?”

I think I never agreed so much with a unit’s name until I found this one. They are truly a pest. Worse than cockroaches.

“Fuck you! Come here and fight, you sneaky bastard!”

Without wasting time, I rush at it. But when I’m about to reach it, it starts running away. And at the same time, something strikes me from the back.

So I turn around and see another Goblimp making noises and dancing as it mocks me.

“You’re dead!” I shout, while launching a Phantasmal Weapon in its direction. But this time, the skill is avoided as it quickly hides behind the closest stalagmite. The first one takes this chance to attack me from behind yet again.

“Aaaaaagh! Go and kill that little shit!” I order the remaining orcs and one goblin while pointing in the direction of one of the Goblimps. “And you are oh so dead!” I shout while rushing at the other.

As I chase it, the Goblimp tries to attack me a few more times. And I answer with more Phantasmal Weapon throws, but I miss every time because the Goblimp is wary of it. There was also one time where the Phantasmal Weapon should have hit it, but it simply received no damage because of their innate skill.

Finally, the Goblimp gets stuck in a dead end and I quickly slaughter it.

“Hah! After this long chase, it ended in just two strikes… one for each half.” I mutter to myself.

Then I look around for my minions. It looks like they also managed to kill the other Goblimp. It seems the goblin’s arrows were the key to bring it down. The corpse looks like a porcupine.

“I would like to rest a little now, but I don’t want to repeat the same as just now, and give time for more Goblimps to assemble here… So let’s proceed without resting.”

It’s a shame that I can’t have a proper rest in this damned dungeon! Well, I could if I went to the resting area, but then I will rest for all eternity… So no thanks.

 

We’re now in the tunnels zone. This is the hardest part for me, because it reminds me of my first invasion, when I fell into the river and was later killed.

Also, even if I came a few times already, it’s easy for me to get lost in the tunnels. It’s not like I can’t memorize the path properly, ok? It’s just that I don’t care.

The mushrooms are making our dungeon invasion a lot harder than it should be. What devilish mind thought about putting sleeping and poison mushrooms one next to the other?

You fall asleep, and then get awakened a few seconds later, but you are already poisoned. And this poison damage isn’t a trivial thing…

“Well, the dungeon’s owner isn’t called the Evil Mastermind between players only because we like the name, after all…”

What’s worse about these tunnels is that they are changing over time. New surprises await us every few days, like new mushroom zones, new paths, new enemies… So I’m scared of what surprise I’m going to find every time I come here…

But it seems I’m lucky, because the tunnels look the same as the last time I came. It’s just at this moment, when I relax thinking that there aren’t going to be any surprises, that something happens.

As I enter the tunnel, the entrance quickly closes and I find myself in the dark. Also, I feel some disgusting liquid flooding the place.

I quickly look at my status screen and battle log. Is it acid? Because I’m taking acid damage over time! Was this a monster and I’m now inside of it, slowly getting digested?

“Wait a moment! What the hell is this thing about a ‘Death Curse’? When have I been cursed? And it reduces the damage I deal? By 30%!?”

The curse can be stacked and I currently have three stacks. Each stack reduces the damage I deal by 10% and increases the damage I receive by 10%...

“Focus, focus! I first need to get out of here! Let’s try to find the curse’s origin later!”

I first try to calm myself, and then I start to attack the creature from the inside. An HP bar appears after the first attack, and it decreases after every swing.

“Shit! I’m taking more damage than I deal! At this rate I’ll die before I can kill this giant creature! All because of the fucking curse!”

Am I really going to die again, like this? How many times has it been? Will I ever be able to beat this damn dungeon and recover my orc’s pride!?

“Waaaaagh!” I shout, in a last attempt to motivate myself and kill this creature before it finishes digesting me.

But I obviously fail and finally get killed.

“Aaaaaaaaagh! Shit! I swear to my lost orc’s pride! One day! One day I’ll conquer you! ‘The Mad Rat’s Lab’, you’ll fall one day! Even if it’s the last thing I do in this game!”

I manage to say, just as the game displays the ‘You have died’ message in front of me. Am I cursed? Maybe…

“Fuck you, Evil Mastermind!”

 

“You must ALWAYS keep in your mind this: THERE ARE ALWAYS MORE GOBLIMPS WAITING TO AMBUSH YOU! Like cockroaches, they’re disgusting, annoying, and hard to kill. If you keep this in mind, you are going to have a chance to conquer this dungeon. Yeah! A CHANCE! Because this won’t prevent you from falling into any other of this dungeon’s multiple and deadly tricks, traps and enemies.”

- Extract from the Chapter ‘Relearning Exploration’ from ‘How to Stay Sane in The Mad Rat’s Lab’.