The Impeccable Adventure of the Reluctant Dungeon

Only three types of entities had the power to spontaneously create armies, according to Spok. The first group were forest druids. Being one with nature, they had the power to call upon all creatures of the forest and command them to charge at any intruder, village, or entire kingdoms. For the most part they kept to themselves, living far from civilization, surrounded by pristine nature.

Dungeons were the second type. They had the power to create loads of minions, provided they had enough energy and resources. Most often the minions were limited to the dungeon itself, although some ancient powerful dungeons were known to create armies which would preemptively attack heroes and adventurers. Given that there was nothing dungeon-related in Forest Marsh, other than Theo, that wasn’t the case either. The only remaining possibility was the third group: necromancers.

They had the power to raise armies multiple times ready for combat. Normally, that wouldn’t be a huge issue; while occasionally devastating, necromantic armies had considerable drawbacks, the greatest of which was that even when covered in armor, they remained brittle. The necromancer’s greatest strength was in an area surrounded by corpses. Battlefields and graveyards would be perfect locations, as would a marsh. It had probably taken centuries for the bones to stack up. Even if only a handful of people died here every year, after enough time the numbers would be massive, not to mention that the marsh would hide them. All it took was someone with enough mana and they’d be able to establish a perfect stronghold in the forest, occasionally sending small groups on skirmishes outside.

“Charge!” the brigand leader shouted.

Everyone dashed towards Theo’s avatar from all sides.

“Ice daggers!” the avatar yelled.

Small blades filled the air, flying indiscriminately at everything around. No doubt Spok would criticize his wastefulness, but the alternatives were worse. Right now, there were two enemies he was facing: the army of minions, as well as the necromancer. It didn’t help that the necromancer was as strong as a gorilla and had magic to boot.

While the icicles pierced the brigand minions, Theo flew straight at the brigand leader.

The enemy’s action was faster than expected. Still holding his sword, the brute managed to grab the bow off his shoulder and simultaneously shoot three arrows at the approaching avatar. All of them hit their target, one landing right on his forehead.

Damnit! The avatar lowered his head. The last thing he wanted was any of the adventurers to find out that he wasn’t remotely human. It was bad enough that his enemy probably knew.

Spending a bit more energy, Theo increased the flight speed of his avatar, then swung at his enemy with full strength. The sword snapped the bow in two, hitting the brigand’s arm. Much to Theo’s surprise, there it stopped. What was more, the strike had a rather peculiar metallic ring to it.

“Your arm’s made of metal?” the avatar asked.

“Look who’s talking.” The brigand leader kicked the avatar in the stomach, yet all he managed to achieve was to push himself five feet back.

Theo took the opportunity to charge his sword with blessed lightning and struck again. Both legendary swords met. Unlike before, the lightning charge ran along the metal blade and hopped onto the brigand’s arm, engulfing him entirely.

Any normal person would have certainly died as a result. The brigand leader, apparently, had different plans. Shaken by lightning, he took a step back in the marsh. His long hair caught fire, quickly culminating with the explosion of his head.

Instinctively, Theo pulled back his avatar. There were a lot of things he’d expected. Witnessing what had just happened definitely wasn’t one of them. Watching the massive brigand stand a few feet away, headless, with a small fire burning where his neck used to be, was concerning. Even worse, without a head, there was no way that Theo could prove he had dealt with the brigand issue.

“You stupid brigand!” the avatar said to himself.

A few dozen of the remaining brigands remained in the area. Uncertain how to act after the current turn of events, they were less driven than they had been, making them easy pickings for Ulf, Amelia, and Avid. Now that their initial shock was gone, and Theo was dealing with the big fry, they were doing rather well. It was expected that Ulf did a good job. Despite wasting three-quarters of his time in taverns, he had actual experience and had done a few jobs for his uncle’s guild. Far less flashy, Avid was also pulling his own. Despite belief, the training sessions with Cmyk had managed to achieve something. The greatest surprise, however, was Lady Amelia. Theo, like most others in Rosewind, had only seen her annoying side and never expected she’d be particularly good at actual fighting. As it turned out, her swordsmanship was rather exceptional, even if it was closer to fencing.

“Wrap this up!” the avatar shouted. “It’ll be a long day searching the swamp and the sooner we start—”

A sword sliced through his left shoulder, continuing until it went down below the arm. The effect was negligible; back in the dungeon’s main body, a bit of energy was lost—far less than Theo usually used for spells. Turning around, he saw the headless bulk of the brigand leader standing a step away.

That sword really is sharp, the dungeon thought. While it didn’t have the gimmicks of his current sword, it definitely earned its title as a legendary weapon.

“You’re not human,” the headless brigand said.

“Look who’s talking.” Theo’s avatar struck the brigand in the stomach. “Ice blades.”

Spikes of ice emerged from the brigand’s back, sides, top, and bottom.

CORE CONSUMPTION

1 arcane core fragment converted into 500 Avatar Core Points.

“No!” Theo shouted in his main building, causing the entire town in Rosewind to tremble. “Not that again!”

AVATAR LEVEL INCREASE

Your Avatar has become Level 20

+1 MIND, SLEIGHT OF HAND skill obtained

2620 Core Points required for next Avatar Level

SLIGHT OF HAND - 1

Allows your avatar to snatch, hide, and pickpocket items without anyone seeing.

Using the skill increases its rank, making it more effective.

HEROIC SPECIALIZATION

(Level 20 requirements met)

Based on the life you have led so far, the deities have granted you the opportunity to select a secondary specialization complementing your heroic trait. Further specializations are also possible based on your future development.

The choices provided to you are as follow: PALADIN, MAGIC KNIGHT, and ARCHITECT.

Back in Rosewind, the dungeon had spent days killing royal slimes with his avatar with the goal of finally reaching level twenty. There were times Theo did little else. Gradually the urges had vanished, replaced by the urge to expand and better himself. Now that he’d achieved what he wanted with relatively little effort, he wished he hadn’t.

PALADIN

(Offered due to combined use of magic and combat skills)

Allows detection and smiting of evil, such as demons, dungeons, and corrupted animals, plants, and objects.

That was a hard pass.

MAGIC KNIGHT

(Offered due to combined use of magic and combat skills)

Combining magic and combat techniques results in a 50% efficiency boost. Spells require 20% less mana. Attacks require 20% less stamina.

Normally, Theo wouldn’t even consider that, but the energy reduction was a boost he could really use right now. No doubt he was going to regret it in the future. Just to be on the safe side, he waited to see the final specialization.

ARCHITECT

(Offered due to abundant building)

Allows construction of bigger, better, and more complex buildings.

Doors creaked and gnashed through Rosewind. It wasn’t because the options offered were bad—the dungeon had gotten used to amassing useless skills—but because his avatar had reached level twenty in the first place. Rather, it was due to the way he had achieved it. Killing the brigand wasn’t supposed to give him any heroic experience. As it turned out, the brigand wasn’t a person… he was something Theo had faced before.

Choosing the Magic Knight specialization, the avatar then looked around. His sidekicks had successfully dispatched the last of the remaining “brigands” and were ready for more. One could almost smell the adrenalin flowing through their veins.

“We’re going back,” the avatar said, while discreetly pulling out the arrow from his forehead.

“Don’t we have to find the stronghold?” Amelia asked.

“No need for that. We killed the brigand leader. Going to the stronghold is a waste of time.”

“But what if there’s more of them there? Won’t someone else just take his place? The noble quest said—”

“I said we’re done. Now, stick together and—”

Ripples appeared on the surface of the marsh, interrupting the dungeon’s avatar.

Not good! Theo thought.

A huge figure emerged from the marsh, less than twenty feet from him. Seven feet tall, covered in massive armor, a knight stood holding an impressive double ax. Though rusty, the armor was leagues better than anything the group had faced before. Even from a distance, it was clear that it was at least an inch thick. Any attack, even a powerful one, would simply bounce off like a pea.

“Who dares venture into my domain?” the knight’s voice boomed, causing the branches of nearby trees to rustle. “Were you not warned of the fate that awaits all who trespass in brigand territory?”

The knight took a giant step forward. The resulting splash was powerful enough to hit the avatar’s trousers.

“I suppose you think that just because you managed to defeat my lieutenant, you have what it takes to face me? Well, you’re wrong! There isn’t a being born in this world who has the strength or cunning to best me in combat, especially…” The knight paused, the massive helmet looking in the direction of Theo. “You?!” the knight asked in surprise.

“Aether shield! Icewall!” Theo quickly cast an indestructible aether bubble around each of the adventures, then surrounded them by an opaque ice wall. And just for good measure, wrapped them in a silence spell, ensuring that they wouldn’t hear anything.

Meanwhile, the knight went through an unexpected transformation of his own. The large breastplate opened up, splitting into two parts, and revealed a small, though comfortable, control room occupied by a gnome.

“I never thought I’d run into you here!” The gnome almost jumped out. He seemed pretty harmless. His clothes were surprisingly well kept, considering the contraption he was in and the location itself. Large goggle-like glasses were strapped to his head, making his eyes the size of apples. “It’s me—Switches! Vlyan Switches!”

Vlyan Switches… Not too long ago, the gnome had somehow managed to find two demon hearts buried in the Mandrake Mountains, then set off with a fleet of airships to conquer the world. Taking the name Lord Mandrake, the gnome had snatched several villages whole, transporting and then hypnotizing them to mine ore with which to build more and better weapons for his goblin army. The scary thing was that he and Theo had met. More than that—when the gnome had learned the nature of the dungeon’s avatar, he had set out for Rosewind with his entire army for the sole purpose of destroying Theo’s core. He had nearly succeeded, razing most of the town to the ground.

“You’re supposed to be dead,” the avatar said, gripping the heroic sword. “I sent you flying into the sky.”

“Oh, that.” Switches waved a hand. “I had a few gadgets that slowed down my fall. Don’t worry about it.”

The manner in which the gnome responded was most peculiar, making Theo all the more suspicious. Keeping his avatar perfectly still, he tried to analyze the situation. If he were in the gnome’s shoes, he’d be utterly pissed, set on a path of vengeance. That could explain the band of “brigands.” At the same time, it failed to find a reason why he’d remain in a swamp instead of taking over the local town. Judging by the constructs he had created, he definitely had the strength to do so.

“Spok,” Theo whispered back in his main body. “Do you have a moment?”

The spirit guide froze. Up till now, the dungeon had always asked directly when he’d wanted to know something. Having him inquire for permission beforehand gave her a bad feeling.

“Yes?” She hesitated. “Is anything the matter?”

“Just came across Switches.”

“Switches?”

“Lord Mandrake.”

While Spok didn’t share the dungeon’s experience of fighting the gnome, she had experienced the attack of the town. The gravity of the situation wasn’t lost on her. Appearing in the guestroom of the main building, she activated the scrying crystal and looked in it. An image of the scene appeared, clearly showing her the dungeon’s avatar, as well as the gnome, seated within his knight construct.

“Has he made any demands, sir?” The spirit guide decided to approach the subject from afar.

“Forget demands. How come he’s still alive?”

“You’re correct. That is an intriguing question. Maybe focus on something more practical, though?”

Theo slammed the door of the guestroom.

“How have you been?” the gnome asked in a cheerful manner back in the marsh. “I’ve heard stories about how the town’s made a comeback. I bet that’s your doing.” He winked.

“In part.” Theo wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Until he did, he planned to keep his guard up. The gnome had proved to have an abundance of gadgets and cunning and didn’t hesitate to use them.

“I thought it might be something like that. Dungeons are always good at fixing up things. Nice touch with the avatar. Not many use them that way.”

Huh? Theo wondered. As far as he was aware, no other dungeon had done what he had. Spok had been adamant about it. More than likely Switches was lying. As an ex-world conqueror, he wasn’t anywhere close to be trusted.

“Is that true, Spok?” Theo asked back to his main building, just to be sure.

“Not to my knowledge, sir,” the spirit guide replied. “You are the only dungeon who’s thought of such an idea. As you’d recall, the goddess herself was astonished.”

As much as Theo was inclined to believe that, Peris wasn’t exactly a reliable deity. True, she had helped him in several difficult situations, but she couldn’t even take care of her temples.

“I strongly suggest you ask him what he wants, sir.”

“Why can’t I just attack and—”

“Your energy level is low, sir. I would recommend you abstain from needless spells until tomorrow. Are you confident you could win using your combat skills alone?”

Doors and windows creaked. Spok sounded painfully close to Theo’s doctor back in his previous life. There, he’d frequently been told to watch his blood pressure and not subject himself to needless stress. The absurdity of the situation was that Theo’s entire job was needless stress, and the doctor was fully aware of that.

“What are you doing here?” the dungeon’s avatar asked.

“I knew you’d ask that,” the gnome giggled, shaking a finger at the avatar as he did so. “It’s a funny story, actually. After you ejected me from our arena, I spent a short while stuck in the sky.”

Theo’s avatar frowned.

“No, seriously! The new safety device I had with me expanded, filling up with helium, ensuring that I wouldn’t splat to my death. The only problem was that I hadn’t added a way to deflate it, even a little bit.” The gnome looked to the side for a moment. “It’s not like I ever expected to actually use it. The theory was sound, and it was too expensive to waste on flying goblins.”

“I get the idea.” And that’s where you plotted your plan for revenge.

With nothing left but time on his hands, the gnome no doubt had come up with the most intricate and convoluted plan to settle the score, or so Theo thought. If he had a pencil and a pad of paper, no doubt he would have written hundreds of notes revealing Theo’s secret and scattered them for people to find.

“So, there I was, stuck among the clouds. The first few days, I was furious at you. I couldn’t believe I had lost the battle after all my planning. I was ready to get right back at it, but then something happened.”

“What?” the avatar asked, despite himself.

“The sun!” Switches said triumphantly. “Did you know prolonged exposure to sunlight reduces demonic influences?”

“That isn’t remotely true,” Spok interrupted back in Rosewind. “Sunlight doesn’t have the effect that he believed it to have. Time spent away from any corruptive influences, however, did. Normally, a person would take decades to escape the demonic influence. Gnomes, because of their natural obsessions, have a tendency to push them out. There’s no guarantee that he’s telling the truth, of course. He’s been in the proximity of a demon lord’s heart for quite a while.”

The dungeon doubted the veracity of the gnome as well and had a plan on how to prove it and deal with Switches in the process.

“After two weeks I managed to catch a passing bird and used its beak to puncture my safety device,” Switches continued. “Then, I—”

“Hold on! How exactly did you use the beak?” The avatar took a step forward.

“After I finished eating the bird, I broke it off and stabbed the device. The other bones were too brittle and too small. The beak was the best option.”

The avatar nodded. The explanation made sense in a gruesome sort of way. It was more important to get as close to the gnome as possible, and before the aether bubbles shattered. Theo had made sure to cast the indestructible kind. They prevented the adventurers from meddling, though not for long.

“Like a feather, I floated down, ending up here.” The gnome extended both arms. “Not the best place for a new start, though I’d been in worse.” There was a momentary pause. “Or at least anyone else would say that. This place was a gold mine! Probably thousands of people have tried to go through here: thieves, warriors, merchants.”

There was no need for the gnome to continue. The rest of the story was pretty clear. Using some of his devices, he managed to create a number of constructs and start his small operation. From there on, it was all a matter of time before he amassed a large enough army to take over the town and rekindle his plans for world domination. This time, Theo planned to snip the threat to its roots.

Still under the effect of the series of swiftness spells, the avatar tore off a button from his shirt and blessed it. A fine glow covered the wooden surface on all sides. Next, the avatar aimed for Switches’ head and threw the button.

The small item passed the distance between them in the blink of an eye, hitting the gnome right above the goggles. Back when Theo fought demons, that had been enough to burn through them, banishing the creatures off to where they’d come from. In this case, the button bounced off the gnome with as little as a smack.

“Ouch!” Switches grabbed his forehead with both hands. “What was that for?”

Theo’s avatar blinked.

“You’re alive?” he asked. Things had just become slightly more confusing and a lot more embarrassing.

“No thanks to you! Seriously, who does that?” The gnome kept on rubbing the area with his right hand. The item, still glowing, had landed on the marsh surface several feet away. “A button?” Switches shouted in disbelief. “You hit me on the head with a button?!”

“Blessed button.”

“Why?”

“I wanted to check if you were still affected by the demon heart.”

“Oh.”

An uncomfortable silence formed. On his part, the dungeon was expecting the attack to kill the gnome, and he felt slightly guilty about it. Fortunately, in addition to being demon-free, the creature had a rather thick skull. At the same time, the gnome also hadn’t revealed himself out of the goodness of his heart. There was something Switches wanted to ask as well.

“So, now that’s all over, are we good?” the gnome asked with a toothy grin. “You can see I’m no threat, right?”

The massive knight construct said otherwise, but Theo chose to ignore it, at least for the moment.

“I guess you’re no threat.”

“Great, because I was thinking you could use a genius engineer-inventor.”

“Wait, what?”

The dungeon’s avatar took a step back. If the dungeon itself could have done the same, it would have. The question had caught him completely off guard. So far, he had acted under the assumption that the gnome might try a sneak attack of some sort. Being spontaneously asked for a job was a wholly new experience.

“You won’t find any better than me. I’d give you references, but the last dungeon I was in got invaded by another dungeon, and I slipped away during the merger.”

“You want to work for me?”

“Of course! You seem like an honest sort, which is more than I can say for most dungeons, and you have the spark of ingenuity within you. We’ll make a perfect team!”

“Team?”

“Well, alright, not exactly team.” The gnome waved the concern away, missing the point entirely. “I’ll be working for you, but I demand a degree of autonomy. In short, I decide what goes on in my lab. You’re free to make requests and I’ll be more than glad to accommodate you, but no micromanagement!”

Theo kept on listening as the gnome continued pouring his demands. In short, he was willing to indenture himself, but only on the condition that the dungeon create a fully equipped engineering laboratory, complete with a forge. Theo was going to be responsible for procuring materials with little say on the products and the method of working. In short, the gnome was trying to get himself a new lab and was doing so in a brazen fashion.

“How much energy do I have to spare?” Theo asked back into his main body.

“Not enough, sir,” Spok replied. “However, I do empathize.”

For several more minutes, Switches kept on listing demands and potential benefits—which could be summed up as “having a genius gnome in Theo’s employ.” Once all the arguments were made and all logic exhausted. The gnome finally stopped.

“So, what do you say?” he asked.

“I’ll have to think about it,” the avatar replied, which was the universal code for “no.”

“Come on! What’s there to think about? You’re getting a great deal and you know it. Dungeons would kill each other to be able to get me.”

“I doubt that,” the avatar whispered beneath its breath. “Look, Switches, this isn’t a decision I can make on my own. The main reason I came here was to complete my noble quest and get some magical items as loot. I never planned on… hiring anyone.”

“You can do both! When I go with you there’ll be no one left to operate the brigands, so for all practical purposes, you can justly say that you dealt with the problem.”

“And the loot?

“You’re welcome to it. There are a few magic items, some gold… I’ll even throw in the fragment I used to operate the knight. Not as good as my golem construct, but quite impressive nonetheless.”

“Yeah, tempting… but I still need to present the head of the brigand to one of the local adventurer guilds. No head, no reward.”

“Hmm.” The gnome scratched his chin. “That’s a tough one. After what you did, it’ll be a wonder to find a fragment in this swamp. Is there an alternative?”

“They say you have an anti-magic necklace…”

“Who comes up with those stories? It’s… well, okay, I have something of the sort. Are you sure you need it, though? It took me quite a while to make, not to mention every bit of magic I had.”

“That’s the only way I’ll consider hiring you.”

The gnome’s ears perked up.

“So, you’re saying we can come to an arrangement?” Switches’ voice trembled with hope.

“Maybe.” The avatar nodded. “Maybe.”