The Impeccable Adventure of the Reluctant Dungeon

Without warning, the aether spheres with the assassins shot up in the direction of the massive carrier.

Meanwhile, the rest sped up along the ground. It wasn’t that the dungeon doubted the assassins’ ability to defeat goblins; it was the exact opposite. He feared that they might do too well, killing off vast numbers of them and depriving him of the monster cores’ experience. The objects were valued quite highly and even people who didn’t have the power to consume them, preferred to gather them to sell later.

It’ll be fine, Theo told himself. I got this.

It was all a matter of timing. The moment the assassins got on the top of the carrier, the rest of the aether spheres would fly up into the clouds. There they’d stay for a while—a few minutes at most—before darting into the bowels of the metal beast. Theo’s avatar was going to lead them. Of course, he had to be close by to control the spheres adequately. It was a tricky process that required a lot of skill, timing, and perfect concentration. A single delay or false movement and the whole plan would unravel like a ball of yarn near a litter of kittens.

Within twenty seconds, the assassins reached their target. That was according to plan. What wasn’t, was the aether spheres shattering in the side of the carrier, rather than the top. The only reason Theo’s heart didn’t sink—other than him not having a heart—was the presence of an annoying tax collector that had entered his main body. All that careful planning, and the capture attempt, was about to be over before it even started. Theo was already considering how to catch the assassins in a new aether sphere, when instead of falling, they sunk their weapons into the massive hull of the flying device, clinging to it like ants to cheese.

That was impressive, especially since Theo was certain that the weapons he provided them weren’t capable of such feats. It had to be some sort of skill or ability. Whatever it was, had him let out a mental sigh of relief.

Reaching what was considered a sufficient distance, the rest of the aether spheres moved up into the clouds.

“Err, baron?” the prodigy child of the group asked. “If we’re in the clouds, how will you be able to tell when to attack?”

The avatar turned in the boy’s direction, eager to explain the obvious. However, no sooner had the mouth opened, when Theo realized that he didn’t have any explanation. Despite the many wonderful spells and abilities he had, seeing through clouds wasn’t one of them.

“Seriously, kid?” Flail rolled his eyes. “We’ll send out one to scout and give out the signal. Even if spotted, a single person isn’t a threat.”

“Oh, right.” The boy’s expression darkened. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry, you’re still young.” Theo’s avatar said, relieved at Flail’s interference. “You’ll pick up things as you grow older. Everyone, stay here. I’ll go see how things are going.”

A massive bolt of lightning flashed less than twenty feet from the avatar. This was the first time Theo had seen lightning up close, and he definitely didn’t like it. Images of a raw egg exploding in a microwave passed through his mind. Naturally, even if the avatar was hit, all that he’d suffer was a large energy drain. However, there were ten other people in aether spheres as well…

Moving through clouds was among the most tedious experiences imaginable, and in more ways that one. Apparently, telekinesis relied heavily on spatial awareness to the point that after moving a few feet, the aether sphere furthest away began to wobble. Quickly, Theo pulled all of the spheres towards his avatar. Everything became much more stable yet again. From there on it was a process of slowly moving through the cloud—which didn’t seem like moving at all since everything appeared exactly the same—hoping to reach an edge at some point. Finally, the dungeon’s avatar emerged from the cloud cover and right on time to see a fight raging on the top of the goblin carrier. The assassin sisters were doing a good job dealing with a wave of goblins in crude armor. Their actions, not as flashy as Liandra’s were extremely precise and efficient, dispatching each monster with one hit, then tossing it off the carrier. Theo’s heart ached at the thought of all those wasted goblin cores.

There was a brief moment of indecision, mostly due to events taking place in the dungeon’s main body. However, that quickly ended as Theo spotted the large hatch on the dirigible. In truth, it wasn’t the hatch itself that he managed to spot, but rather the flow of goblins streaming from it in the dozens.

“Ready, everyone!” the avatar said. “Here we go!”

The aether spheres shot forward. Of course, the one holding Theo’s avatar was at a substantial distance from the rest. Being slightly on the greedy side, he wanted to get as much experience as possible—the one good thing about being forced into this mission.

Lightning crackled through the air. Being attracted to a massive hunk of flying metal, it made its way to the carrier. This time, however, instead of striking the outer hull as before, the lightning bolt was attracted by something a lot more potent: a living dungeon.

Theo, and everyone else, watched in fascinated terror as the purple bolt struck the aether sphere, shattering it like a bubble, then lit up the avatar like a lightbulb. Any normal person would have been reduced to a cloud of ash. In the avatar’s case, though, only the shirt was.

Seriously? Theo grumbled to himself. Another one?

No wonder adventurers were constantly seeking treasures. Wardrobe costs had to be absurd. So far, Theo had ruined quite a number of attires, and he didn’t even get into hand-to-hand combat that often. It was outright impressive how Liandra managed to cope. Then again, she was a first-class heroine.

The wave of goblins stared at the avatar as it landed on the metal surface. No one was sure what to make of him. On the one hand, he didn’t look at all muscular or impressive. On the other hand, he had just been struck by lightning and remained completely unscathed.

There were many things that Theo could have done at this point: make an extremely bad pun, say some words of inspiration, or even yell as he charged at the vast masses of goblins. Instead, he chose to resort to the tried-and-true methods, casting a massive stream of fire.

CORE CONSUMPTION

31 goblin core fragments converted into 310 Avatar Core Points.

AVATAR LEVEL INCREASE

Your Avatar has become Level 9

+1 Mind, CLEAVE ATTACK skill obtained

630 Core Points required for next Avatar Level

“I needed that,” the avatar said, after the flames of his spell had effectively cleared the carrier of any enemies.

It was beyond a doubt that the spell hadn’t been intended for such use. A mage, even a powerful one, would have long run out of mana, ensuring that he wouldn’t be able to go on a barbecue spree. Even a fire elemental would be hard pressed to do as much damage as Theo had. As a dungeon with a large supply of energy at hand, thanks to the demon heart core he had consumed, he wasn’t bound by puny restrictions. Sometimes, being overpowered felt quite good.

CLEAVE ATTACK - 1

Allows your avatar to perform superior circular slash attacks, slicing through multiple enemies. Each subsequent slash attack, done within one second of the last, will increase in strength.

Using the ability will increase its rank, increasing the range stacking potential of the attack.

The new ability sounded somewhat useless, but Theo didn’t complain. At least he could combine it with his legendary swashbuckling at some point. That was for later, though. Right now, he had other things he needed to focus his attention on.

“Go for the entrance!” the avatar shouted, as he moved the rest of the aether spheres to the top of the carrier. With most of the goblins gone, there was no need to delay the attack.

In groups of two, the aether shields shattered, letting the people within land onto steel.

“Quickly, before another lightning hits us. I won’t be able to protect you all a second time.”

The order was followed without hesitation. All twelve people rushed forward, weapons at the ready. Even if a new wave of goblins emerged from within, it would have little chance of resisting. Theo was already planning what to do with the carrier when suddenly a red-armored demon emerged from within. Wings made entirely of crimson flames expanded, extended as if taking the role of a barrier.

“Demon!” the assassin sisters shouted in unison.

Everyone stopped in their tracks. There was no illusion about how tough such a creature was. Even without the demon heart to constantly provide it energy, it was fast, strong and capable of melting opponents on touch.

With a growl, the creature took a step forward. A large halberd of flame formed in the demon’s hands. The entity’s presence was unexpected, but welcomed: it was a good source of experience, even if Theo wasn’t certain his avatar could consume cores of that level. Even better, it was an indication that Lord Mandrake might be on the carrier. Defeating him, or rather the construct he had created using the second demon lord heart, would be most welcome.

“I’ll take care of this.” The avatar pulled out a rapier.

From the dungeon’s perspective, he didn’t want anyone from the group to steal his kill. As far as they were aware—he was protecting them by putting his own life at risk.

Without a word, the avatar dashed forward. Unburdened by armor, or clothes for that matter, he was in a perfect position to make use of his swashbuckling. The demon was probably of a similar opinion, for before the two could clash, the creature flew up in the air.

This was rather annoying, but by no means a deal breaker. Using his dungeon telekinetic abilities, Theo lifted his avatar into the air to face the opponent. No longer limited by an anti-magic field, there was nothing stopping the avatar from flying around at will.

The demon was the first to start the attack, waving the large halberd at the avatar. Instinctively, Theo parried using his rapier. Somewhere in the multiverse of existence, a room of physicists cursed their lungs out, at the prospect of a thin piece of metal stopping the momentum of a massive weapon of fire, ten times its size. Despite that, Theo was successful.

Confused just as much as in the dungeon, the demon attempted another slash. That, too, was parried with ease and followed up by a counterattack that pierced a small hole within the creature’s glowing red armor.

I should have blessed the tip of my weapon, Theo thought, as the demon let out a roar of pain.

Red hot magma trickled out of the wound, melting the upper half of the rapier.

The demon swung its halberd again. This time, Theo pulled away, increasing the distance between them. Injured, the demon flew to the other side in an attempt to flank him. Funnily enough, Theo had the exact same intention.

Both entities flew about, circling each other for several seconds, after which they stopped. It was time for the typical stare-off. No doubt aware of Theo’s true nature, the demon was hesitant to attack straight up. On his part, Theo had no clue exactly how to proceed now that half his rapier was gone. He could, of course, take out the hero sword from his dimensional ring, although he didn’t want to risk damaging it.

“Aim for the middle of the chest!” one of the old geezers shouted from below. “That’s a demon’s weak spot! The middle of the chest and the forehead.”

The middle of the chest and the forehead, Theo thought. Good advice, although he would very much have appreciated it if it had been given earlier.

“Come at me!” The avatar waved its arms in an attempt to taunt his opponent. Unfortunately, that had little effect.

Damn it, you cowardly demon!

Of all the times a demon would lose courage, why did it have to be now? The next lightning strike was already overdue. The longer the fight continued, the greater the chance the avatar would be hit.

Desperate, the avatar looked about its person in search of something that he could throw at his enemy to annoy it. It would have been nice to have a dagger or two. However, the only thing that fit the bill was his belt buckle or the buttons of what was left of his shirt.

“Well, the heck with it.” He ripped off two buttons. Each was barely the size of half a coin, made entirely of silver. Normally, they wouldn’t be able to deal any damage, but Theo had the bright idea of blessing them. That way, at least they were going to sting enough to anger the demon into action.

After thoroughly blessing each of the two buttons, he aimed at the chest and forehead of his opponent and flicked his finger, propelling the buttons as if they were marbles.

The head and chest of the demon were struck simultaneously. Theo expected—or rather hoped—that the action would be enough to irritate the demon. Instead, the middle of the creature’s chest and its head exploded in a fountain of golden light. The red-armor shriveled like a grape in the desert, then fell down with a cling onto the carrier.

That was a bit anti-climactic. Back in the Mandrake Mountains, Liandra had spent much longer to defeat her demon.

Gently floating down, the avatar made its way to the melted armor's remains. The demon core was there, glowing bright red, partially wrapped in a shell of wrinkled metal. Theo used telekinesis to claim it.

CORE CONSUMPTION

Your level is not yet high enough to consume Demon Lord cores.

Increase your avatar level and try again later.

“Of course, it would be,” Theo mumbled to himself, then put the demon core in his dimension ring. “Well, what are we waiting for?” he asked, looking over his shoulder. “Another lightning strike?”

The rest of the group charged on. With the speed and elegance of flying squirrels, they entered the husk of the goblin carrier. Just in time as well. Barely had Flail closed the giant hatch, when thunder sounded outside. Had they taken slightly more, Theo would have been the only one to see the mission through.

“Split up,” he ordered. “There’s every chance that Mandrake is here, so be careful. If you come across him, come find me. He’s not someone you can take out alone.”

“That attack you did. Where did you learn it?” Grisama—one of the characters with a questionable past—asked.

“It came naturally.” The avatar brushed it off. “Anyway, let’s get this thing under control first. We can chat on the way back.”

Whoever said that gnome technology was complicated was definitely the master of understatement. The inside of the flying vessel was a maze of corridors and rooms which seemed linked to one another without any logic whatsoever. It was as if the architect was allergic to straight lines and had done everything possible to avoid them. Even as a dungeon, Theo had a tough time remembering everything.

Interestingly enough, there didn’t seem to be any more goblins, or other creatures, present. At first, Theo thought that his fellow fighters had dealt with everything, but when, after twenty minutes, he still failed to find anything, he started to suspect that something wasn’t right.

“It’s rather empty for such a large vessel,” Dom said. The old man had also failed to come across any opponents, and he wasn’t the only one. “I found hundreds of glide devices in the lower parts of the carrier, but no goblins.”

That didn’t make sense. Why would there be a demon present, if the Lord Mandrake wasn’t present? Or even if he wasn’t, there had to be more troops than a measly hundred goblins. By the time Theo’s avatar reached the control room, he was certain that the gnome had a nasty surprise in store.

“Did anyone come across any goblins?” the avatar asked.

“I did,” the former gladiator replied, raising his hand. “Half a dozen had gotten stuck in one of the smaller passageways.

“Six goblins… Anyone else?”

No one said a word.

“Maybe you killed them all getting here?” Wolf suggested.

That was one possibility, though it was highly unlikely. Theo’s current fear was that the gnome might have rigged the carrier to explode; Lord Mandrake had the knowledge and the resources. And if it definitely sounded like something he would do.

“Spok,” the dungeon said in his main body. “Know anything about goblin carriers, by chance?”

“No, not particularly.” The Spirit guide replied. “They’re usually cheap minions, so most dungeons tend to avoid having them. It doesn’t help that they are extremely messy. Skeletons are much better.”

“Thanks for your input,” the dungeon grumbled.

There were half a dozen seats in the control room, each smaller than a person could comfortably take. In front of each seat were a combination of dials and levers. One would assume that normally those would be used to control the vessel, but without help, it was anyone’s guess as to how exactly. Several more weird looking contraptions were placed on the walls, though not a single window or opening.

Knowing a thing or two about submarines from his previous life, Theo looked around in search of a periscope. There wasn’t one to be seen, though. Instead, there seemed to be an antique gramophone placed quite prominently in the middle of the room. The only difference was that instead of a standard horn, a large crystal ball was placed on top.

“Does anyone know what that is?” the dungeon’s avatar asked.

“It’s a gnome’s sound scryer,” Nausca said. “They’re used to talking to people across great distances.”

That made sense. With a fleet composed of dozens of carriers, if not more, there had to be a way to ensure all were following the same orders. More curious than anything else, the avatar went to the device and cranked it up.

Lights flickered into the crystal. At first, they were little more than colors that came and went, but as the gramophone picked up speed, so did the image in the crystal ball. After half a minute it was clear enough to create a full image of a face—Lord Mandrake’s face, to be exact.

“Ah, I see you’ve followed the breadcrumbs I left you,” the gnome said, amused. “Quite an achievement… if it wasn’t my plan from the very beginning! I knew you’d follow me from the start, so that’s why I took certain precautions. The carrier you’re on—”

“Is rigged to explode,” Theo interrupted.

“What?” The gnome blinked, moving further back, so the entirety of its head was now visible. “What’s the point of that? It won’t harm you a bit. Remember, I know exactly what you are.”

Without thinking, Theo cast an aether wall between his avatar and the rest of the group, then applied silence on it. There were certain things he didn’t want anyone to hear. It was a good thing, too, for gnomes weren’t known for their discretion, unless it came to schematics.

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.” Theo used one of the five worst denials in response.

“An actual dungeon avatar, roaming freely so far from home. You must be quite powerful. Most of the dungeons I worked for didn’t bother creating an avatar of their own, and even when they did, the results were laughable. In order to have your avatar come all the way here, you must be insanely powerful.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say insanely… I mean, why do you think I’m a dungeon?”

“Oh, please.” The gnome crossed its arms. “Do I look stupid to you? Of course, I know you’re a dungeon. I knew it the moment you were hit during our last encounter. No doubt you’d heard of my exploits and decided to claim the demon hearts for yourself. Well, it’s not happening. In fact, not only isn’t it happening, but it’ll never happen.” The creature flashed a toothy smile. “You see, while you wasted your time following what you believed to be my troops, I’m making my way towards the one place that will bring me complete victory: your main body!”

“What?” The avatar glanced over his shoulder towards the rest of his group.

The people had no doubt realized that he had sound-isolated himself and were patiently waiting for him to finish his conversation with Lord Mandrake.

“You’re bluffing,” the avatar said. “You’ve no idea where to find me.”

“Oh, but I do.” The gnome’s smile widened. “After working decades for dungeons, I’ve picked up a few things. One is to follow the thread connecting you, or rather this avatar, to your main body. In a week, two at most, I’ll get there. When that happens, I’ll show no mercy. You’ll pay for destroying my stronghold, and I’ll claim your core.”

“I thought you said you planned on moving out of there weeks ago.”

“That’s true! I did!” The gnome pouted. “In any event, you won’t trick me with your smart talk. I’ll destroy you and that’s that! Then I’ll finally get back to taking over the world.”

Theo wanted to smash the device here and now. Doing so, though, wouldn’t provide a solution to his problem. Not only had the pesky creature learned of his true nature, but was heading to Rosewind with an armada of carriers and gods know how many armies. The worst of it was that there wasn’t anything the dungeon could do. Without his avatar, Theo’s combat capabilities were rather limited. The thought that he’d have to rely on Cmyk for protection was enough to make the entire building tremble.

“Spok, am I capable of withstanding an attack?” he asked back in his main body.

“That depends on the nature of the attack, sir,” she replied. “If a somewhat competent hero learns of your location, there’s a fifty-fifty chance that you’ll survive. If it’s anything more than that, your chances are low.”

“Is an army of gnome-work carriers more or less than a competent hero?”

“Hmm.” Spok placed her index finger on her lips. “That’s a good question. It all depends on the number of carriers, I suppose. If they come with a few hundred goblins, it shouldn’t be a problem for you. Why do you ask?”

“No reason.” The furniture within the building shifted about. “Actually, remember the Lord Mandrake I mentioned a while back? There’s a chance he might be on his way here… with an army of demons, trolls, and flying goblins…” The dungeon hesitated a bit more. “And he’s set on destroying me.”

“He knows you’re a dungeon?” Spok frowned as if she were a middle school teacher who’d caught one of her pupils doing something they shouldn’t have.

“Somehow he figured it out and now he says he’s coming to get me.”

“Oh dear. And I take it your avatar is nowhere near?”

“Nope.”

“In that case, the only solution is to turn this house into a fortress and rely on the town’s forces to dissuade the attackers.”

“All that energy and I can’t do anything to stop them?!”

“It’s not a matter of energy, but a matter of space. If you openly expand throughout the city, there would be questions, but even if it doesn’t, buying real-estate in a town is a laborious and expensive process.”

Theo considered his options. None of them seemed particularly good. Running was out of the question: the gnome would only follow. If the dungeon was to survive, the town of Rosewind was to survive, and for that to happen, he was going to have to rely on both the local population, and those that were with his avatar.

“Cmyk!” Theo shouted. “Get up there and start making gold! We’ll need to buy a few things.”