Ten Shadows in the Heian Era

I'm such a different person now, than in my previous life. Enough that I've started to struggle to even empathise with who I used to be.

It shouldn't really be unexpected. It has been fifteen years after all, that's enough time to change anyone.

But even then, the difference is just too large. I used to be rather brash. I'd be very emotive with my body, gesturing my hands this way and that while I talked. I used be far more casual, or, well. Now that I am older, even if I'm technically actually younger, and hopefully wiser, I can admit that it wasn't that I was casual, I was just disrespectful.

I think I remember saying that respect has to be earned, not given, as an excuse for being rude to people. It was a convenient lie because it was true. Perhaps I even convinced myself with it.

Respect does have to be earned. But respect isn't a yes or no option, it's a scale, and everyone and everything deserves at least a modicum of respect.

What you earn is simply even greater respect.

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised I learnt respect and temperance living in a shrine, but the difference between who I was and who I am is still just so jarring that it's hard to ignore.

But it's not like that's the only thing. It's not even the most important change.

The one thing that truly makes me unable to empathise with my past self, the one thing that makes me look down on who I was?

In this life, I'm strong.

I used to be so weak. My body was weak. My mind was weak. My personality was weak.

I'd give up easily. I'd never commit. I'd wallow under the slightest pressure.

I was so human in only the worst ways. All the bad and very little of the beauty.

So pathetic.

Sighing to myself, I notice that I've reached the end of my forest.

For a moment, I just stop at the precipice. This final step, it feels so much more significant than all the others. Like there is no coming back once I make my decision.

Smiling, I will the black dog I'm riding forward, and take that final step.

"Ah, the movies lied to me. Where's the slow motion and nostalgic music?"

Chuckling to myself, I keep moving forward. 

The school I'm headed to is in Edo, to the north, and it's not likely to be a very short trip. It's not like I can just book a plane.

That's fine though, since my destination is the journey itself. Also, while I wasn't exactly a history nerd in my last life, there are bits and pieces that I remember, such as the fact that Edo is the city of Tokyo. I'm pretty sure it only got named Tokyo in the Tokugawa period. Or was it the Meiji?

I remember hearing that it was 'a few centuries ago' back around the year two thousand, so I guess somewhere around the eighteenth or seventeenth century? 

The point is, I'm going to visit Tokyo! Even if it's not Tokyo yet, it's still pretty exciting. If only cameras existed so I could take a bunch of pictures like a proper tourist.

I'd invent them myself, but I'm kind of an idiot, so I don't know much about anything. For all my curiosity, I was too weak in my last life to ever pursue anything.

But not this time!

It helps that I don't have anything tying me down. In my last life, I felt like I couldn't do anything because I was tied to my family. But whoever sired me in this life spared me from such concerns by abandoning me at birth.

That thought spurs another; I wonder who my parents are?

I haven't really thought about it much, because I doubt I'll ever find out. Most likely, they were just some minor nobility who for whatever reason couldn't care for me.

Hell, I'm probably the birth of some extra marital affair. It's basic logical deduction. 

No commoner would discard an extra set of working hands, and no higher nobility would discard their children. Not out of love though, just because their children could be useful political tools.

Thus, it's most likely that my parents, or at least one of them, were minor nobility, and that they were for whatever reason not allowed to have a child, but did so anyway and had to abandon me, either to save their own skin or mine.

That's what seems most likely, but it's not like I have all the information. For all I know, my parents might just not like black hair and abandoned me because of that, who knows?

A glare of sunlight makes me squint and drags me out of my thoughts and back into the world around me. And what a beautiful world it is. Lush green fields glistening with morning dew and reflecting the light of the sun that shines in a clear blue sky.

A world without any light pollution, or really pollution of any kind really is beautiful. It's a subtle difference, but I can tell.

Compared to the bright day sky of my last life, it's like the contrast is just ever so slightly higher. Such a small change, but it has such a profound impact.

If I live long enough, I'm going to have to intervene with the industrial revolution and such to keep the world from deteriorating once more. I think I would cry if the entire world's beauty would be marred by smog.

Further ahead, just appearing on the horizon, I spot a few hamlets roughly clustered together. It's only then that I remember that normal people can't see Shikigami, so moving through the quaint village while riding on thin air would probably give the people a scare.

So, with only some reluctance, I hop off of my Shikigami's back and start walking, folding my hands in front of me, hidden by my sleeves.

"Make a perimeter," I command my Divine Dogs. "Let me know if you find any Curses or Sorcerers."

The wolf lets out a huff and pushes it's fluffy head against my chest before bounding off into the distance to my right, knowing that its twin is already on my left.

In the nine years since I encountered my first ever Cursed Spirit, I've only actually seen two more, not counting the tiny ones that are all over the place.

Neither were particularly strong. The first looked kind of like an owl and was torn apart by my Divine Dogs immediately, while the second was more like a fat goblin or something.

That one was actually strong enough that my Shikigami couldn't really do much to it, but one good punch was enough to take it out.

The old man told me about the grading system used by Jujutsu Sorcerers. It goes from four to one, with four being people who can barely use Cursed Energy and one being the highest anyone can expect to achieve.

Apparently Grade Three is about average and Grade two is for those with skill. 

For some reason, he never told me where I would stand in that system, but if I had to guess, then I'm probably Grade Three. I'm not really all that special after all. Even reincarnating doesn't make me special, the only thing truly special about me is that I remember my last life.

I mean, there's my Innate Technique as well, but lots of Sorcerers have their own Innate Techniques, so it's not that special, and it's not like I'm some kind of super genius.

So, my Divine Dogs are probably Grade Four, the weakest kind, since they couldn't even kill that goblin Curse, who was pretty weak.

I'm looking forward to meeting other Sorcerers, because if my Divine Dogs are only Grade Four, then imagine what a Grade One Sorcerer would be capable of?

Kami I can't wait to find out~!

"Narauko-Hakase!" A boisterous voice calls out and I turn my gaze to an approaching man wearing simply farmer's clothes not unlike my own, just more sturdy and worn and much less clean.

"Taro-san," I return the greeting with a smile. "I have told you before, you do not need refer to me with -Hakase."

"Nonsense!" The stocky man rebuffs as he reaches me and pats me on the shoulder with way too much force. Lucky I'm strong or he'd send me to the ground with these sandals on. "If not for you, my precious Mira-chan would not have survived winter!"

"That was seven years ago, Taro-san."

"Seven years my daughter would not have had without you!"

"She only had a broken arm. All I did was set it and let it heal."

"Bah! Enough with your excuses! I'm going to keep calling you Narauko-Hakase no matter what you say!"

Chuckling, I shake my head at his antics as we enter the small settlement.

"So, what brings the Forest Child out into the world?" Taro asks as we walk, occasionally stopping to return greetings with various villagers. "Isn't this the first time you've actually left that forest?"

"Indeed it is, Taro-san. I'm going on a journey to see the world."

Taro gasps and stops walking to grab me by the shoulders. "You're leaving!?" He yells right into my face, a bit of spittle landing on my incredibly flat expression.

Putting a hand against his chest, I gently separate us and wipe my cheek before returning my hands to my sleeves. "Yes, Taro-san, I'm leaving," I say, much to Taro's apparent grief.

"And you didn't tell us! You don't even have any travel supplies!?"

Ah.

I do, actually. I figured out how to store stuff in my shadow. It's really convenient, for more than just storage reasons. See, it's not an infinite pocket space, well, it might be, but I can't use it infinitely.

Everything that I store in my shadow, I still have to carry its 'weight'. It doesn't really slow me down, so it's more of a metaphysical weight, but still.

I'm proud to say that as soon as I discovered that, I abused the hell out of it for the sake of training. Who needs gravity chambers when your own shadow can do it instead?

"I am capable of living off the land, Taro-san," I explain instead of giving the actual reason.

I don't know how he would react to Jujutsu, but probably not very well, but I also don't like to lie, so making a true, if misleading statement is best in this kind of situation.

"Unacceptable!" He yells to the sky, getting some exasperated looks from the few people around us. "Come! I will provide you with proper travelling supplies!"

"Wait, Taro-san, it's-"

Without listening to my complaints, he grabs one of my hands and starts marching us both down to his home.

I could obviously break his grip easily enough, but I might hurt him doing so, and I don't want to insult him by spitting on his kindness. He wouldn't offer me anything he isn't ready to give, and I do believe that helping others is a balm on one's soul, so I'm actually okay with accepting his help, even if it is unnecessary.

Soon enough, we reach his home, basically just a large wooden hall with a thatch roof. Out in the front of the house, a middle aged woman sits taking a needle to some fabric.

She looks up at our approach and her eyes light up once they take sight of us.

"Narauko-kun! It's so good to see you again!" She greets me warmly, ignoring Taro completely.

"Hey! Why are you greeting him but not your husband!" He yells indignantly, earning a scornful look of distain from his wife.

"Stop being so noisy," she responds, her tone completely different from how she greeted me. "My daughter's saviour is here and you're making a fool of my family."

"What's with this difference in greeting! It's my family too! Our family! If anything you should be thanking me! After all, if not for me, Narauko-Hakase was just going to leave without a word!"

His wife Miwa gasps and turns her attention back to me, her expression softening up once again into one of kind grace. "You were going to leave without saying goodbye?" She asks, and unlike with Taro, I actually feel kind of bad with the expression she's making. "And without any supplies too?"

Feeling kind of awkward, I bring one of my hands up to scratch a finger against my cheek as I avoid meeting her eyes. "Ah. I can live off the land just fine, Miwa-san. However I must have gotten too excited about my coming journey that I forgot to say goodbye properly, I apologise."

Saying so, I bow slightly.

"There's no need for you to apologise, Narauko-kun!" Miwa immediately frets, getting up and rushing over to pull me into a hug. "I just think little Mira would have been heartbroken if you left without a word!"

"Hey," Taro's deadpan voice comes from the side where his wife pushed him away to get to me. "I'm still here y'know."

"And why is that?" Miwa quickly responds, turning to glare at him without letting me go. "You should be gathering some supplies for Narauko-kun so that he does not starve on the road. Do you have no shame? Standing around like a monkey with no thoughts in your head."

Taro huffs and turns to stomp away into the house.

They have a strange relationship.

"Now, come come, Narauko-kun! It's almost meal time anyway, so come and have an early meal before you go. The rest of my children won't be back soon, but Mira-chan is still inside practicing her needlework."

Going with the flow, I let Miwa pull me into the house, only briefly pausing to take our shoes off at the entrance before continuing in our socks.

We only make it about half a dozen steps into the building before a miniature missile streaks through one of the side doors and rushes straight at us and into me.

"Oof," I softly grunt as I catch the brown-haired girl who just ran head first into my stomach, forcing me to step back slightly so she doesn't crack her skull open against my body.

"Narau!" She exclaims, looking up at me with wide brown eyes and a matching smile as she hugs me tightly.

"Mira-chan," I greet in turn, patting her head. "You've gotten bigger, how old are you now?"

She giggles for a moment before answering. "Twelve!"

"Oooh," I respond, acting impressed which makes her giggle again. "I'm only fifteen, do you know what that means?"

"Nuh uh!" She shakes her head.

"It means that you're going to be even older than me soon enough!" I say with a grin, and she bursts out into a fit of giggles.

"That's not how it works silly!"

"Eeeeh? Says who?" I joke, a whine in my voice that keeps Mira giggling.

"I'm glad to see you two getting along," Miwa says, getting her daughter's attention, "But unfortunately, Narauko-kun isn't staying for long, so go and set the table Mira-chan."

Mira pouts slightly, but complies and releases me. "Okay, Kaa-san," she says before running off deeper into the house.

Sighing fondly, I give Miwa a smile. "She sure has a lot of energy, doesn't she?"

"Indeed she does. It reminds me of yourself when you were younger, you always had many questions to ask."

"What can I say? Learning is my passion," I answer with a shrug as we both keep walking until we enter their eating room, spotting Mira rushing about preparing things.

"You know," Miwa says after a brief silence, getting me to turn a raised brow to her at her tone that has a certain ring to it I can't quite identify. "Mira is getting to that age where she should start thinking about marriage..."

Immediately, I freeze as she lets her sentence hang in the air, looking at me expectantly.

Crap. 

Did I unintentionally put myself in a dangerous position? I just enjoy seeing the innocent joy that only a child can produce. I totally forgot that the age of consent back in these times was basically just from when one is capable of producing children onwards.

Shit. I'm not a pervert, I was just being friendly!

"Uhhhh," I intelligently respond. "Cool...."

What am I supposed to say in this situation!?!

Miwa chuckles at my uncomfortable expression. "Just something to think about," she says before moving to help her daughter set the table.

At around that time, Taro returns, carrying a bag over his shoulders.

"I have returned!" He exclaims, and Miwa clicks her tongue without even looking up to greet him.

"Here!" He says, shoving the bag at me.

Accepting it, I look inside and see plenty of rice and some smoked meat all wrapped in salt and seaweed for preservation. There's also a few rolls of fabric for the sake of trading, since there isn't really a currency outside of the big cities.

"Thank you, Taro-san," I say as I close the bag, accepting the kindness gratefully.

Taro grins like a child at my thanks and pats me on the back again before pulling me to the table in time to be served.

The four of us sit down and begin eating in silence until Mira speaks up. It's generally considered impolite to talk during mealtime, but she is a child, so she's allowed a free pass on this kind of thing.

And besides, commoners don't care as much about etiquette as nobles do, and I certainly don't care, even if I have been raised to abide by these customs by the old man.

"What's with the bag, Narau? Did you finally let Tou-san pay you properly?" She asks, making me chuckle.

"I've said before, there was no need for payment. I helped because I could, not because I needed to."

For some reason, Mira sputters at my answer and starts paying a lot of attention to her rice while her parents both chuckle, though, Miwa then glares at Taro for laughing at the same time as her.

They really have a weird relationship.

"The bag is because Narauko is going on a journey," Miwa answers, getting her daughter's attention.

"A journey? Where are you going?" She asks me, and I smile.

"Everywhere," my answer leaves as a whisper full of longing.

"When will you be back?" Mira asks, brining my attention back to the room and her stricken expression.

Ah shit. Now I feel bad again.

If I was who I used to be, I'd probably have folded here. Too scared to upset a little girl I barely even know to actually pursue my dream. Unfortunately, I am not so lacking in resolve anymore.

Doesn't mean I want to see her cry.

"I'm not sure. I'm going to be visiting a special school for three years, but I'm not sure when I'll be able to return after that exactly," I answer.

Expectedly, she doesn't like that answer, but I can't really do anything about that. I'm not going to lie, that would just be even meaner.

The atmosphere the room plummets as Mira starts sniffling and poking at her food, and the rest of the meal is incredibly awkward. Eventually however, it is over and I rise to my feet.

"Thank you for the meal, Miwa-san, Taro-san," I say as I bow to them both before turning to Mira. "I'm sorry for departing so suddenly, Mira-chan, but this isn't goodbye, it's just see you later, okay?"

Mira sniffles and nods her head. Then, without saying a word, she runs at me and hugs my waist again, crying softly into my kimono as I stroke the back of her head soothingly.

Man, I feel bad. But at the same time, I can't stop smiling.

It hasn't even been a day yet, but this is exactly what I am looking for. New experiences, good or bad, thing's I've never seen or felt before.

This display of emotion? It's beautiful. If I was any good at poetry, this is the kind of scene I could write a poem about.

Alas, soon enough her tears dry out and her mother pulls her away. "Come on, Mira-chan. Let's not delay Narauko-kun any longer."

The two women watch me as I put my sandals back on, but right before I leave the door, Mira abruptly jolts.

"Ah!" She exclaims before turning around and running deeper into the house under the rest of our confused eyes.

I look between her parents for a moment, but only Miwa doesn't seem as confused as I am.

A moment later, the question is answered when Mira comes running back into the hall with a pure white bundle in her arms. She comes to a stop before me and holds the cloth out to me with both hands.

"I m-made this for you!" She says as I accept the gift and find that it is a white scarf with one end full of flaying edges.

"I-I.. I didn't finish it yet," she whispers, looking down.

Chuckling, I accept the gift and wrap it around my neck before patting her on the head. "Thank you, Mira-chan."

She beams a smile up at me before quickly deflating once more. "Y-you'll come back, r-right?" She asks, sounding so incredibly vulnerable.

"Of course," I answer with a smile.

"T-t-then I'll wait for you!" She abruptly exclaims, scrunching her eyes shut as she does so before turning around and running back into the house.

Blinking at the unexpected response, I send the two parents a questioning look but they both just smile at me like they're in on some joke that I'm not getting.

Probably just a kids thing that only parents will understand.

Shrugging, I follow Taro out of the building, waving goodbye to Miwa, and together we walk to the edge of the small settlement before Taro stops.

"Thank you for the help, Taro-san. Goodbye," I say, but instead of answering properly, he gets this shifty look in his eyes and glances around us suspiciously before stepping closer and wrapping an arm around the back of my neck, pulling my face close to his own.

"Hey. Narauko-Hakase. Before you leave, I have something I must ask."

Feeling the seriousness behind his words, I nod. "Of course, what is it?"

"What do you think of my daughter?" He asks with a completely serious face, and my expression blanks. "She's reaching a marriageable age now, and she's already infatuated with you."

Again. Really?

"Taro-san..." I begin, before remembering that he's an idiot and getting an idea. I match my expression with his own, becoming deeply serious as I pull one of my own arms over his neck too.

"It's not that Mira isn't wonderful, but... Well, when I look at a woman, I'm more interested in, you know..." As I trail off, I bring my other hand forward and hold it out in front of my chest, miming something being there.

Taro nods solemnly. "I see, I see. You are indeed a man. In that case, I will make sure Mira does not marry until she blossoms into a beautiful woman. Give it a few years and then you can come back to a good wife."

"That's not what I was trying to imply at all, Taro-san."

"I look forward to welcoming you into my family," he continues, ignoring me completely.

"Taro-san. I'm really not looking to marry anyone."

"Good. Mira will be happy to know she is your only wife. Not that she would be disappointed if she wasn't."

"Taro-san. Stop ignoring the issue."

"I wish you good fortune on your journey, Narauko-Hakase. I will let my wife know of your intentions."

"Please don't Taro-san. Taro-san!" I repeat, but he's already walking away and ignoring me entirely.

Sighing to myself, I chuckle slightly and start walking.

Let's just hope they forget about all of this by the time I get back.

Shaking my head, I turn to face the sky, noting it to be around early evening.

"On the road again," I hum to myself, randomly remembering the song as I walk.

I wonder what my next interesting encounter will be? Hopefully something less troublesome.

Whatever the case, my excitement hasn't dimmed in the slightest.

///

A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!

idk what happened. Was supposed to be him setting out on the journey, but I got side-tracked 

This is probably going to be a recurring theme in this fic, since I already have a bad habit of getting side tracked in my normal fics, but the literal entire character of Narauko is all about getting side tracked, so it's prolly gonna happen again.

Like Narauko, I'm just gonna write about exploring whatever he encounters. 

Also, if anyone has any ideas for stuff, feel free to share your creativity with me. I'm going to have to invent a whole lot of Cursed Techniques after all, and that's a lot of brain power :(