Ten Shadows in the Heian Era

The morning found me walking through my forest, taking in the beautiful sights for what might be the last time, at least for a while anyway.

Three days ago, I became fifteen years old, which apparently in this era means that I am an adult now. But more importantly, it is the age that Jujutsu Sorcerers start attending one of the two schools that teach the subject.

I have learnt a lot in these past nine years. About the world and Cursed Energy both. The old man couldn't teach me much about barriers beyond the simple Curtain Technique, but he did teach me about Shikigami, even if it's completely useless to me.

He didn't even want to waste time teaching it to me when we discovered my Innate Technique, but I argued that even if a technique is useless for me to use, knowing how it works could save my life should I ever fight anyone who uses it.

Plus I was just curious. I don't care if I never use my Sorcery in a fight again, I don't really care too much about using it. I just want to know. To learn.

Still, that was fun. He also taught me how to reinforce my body with Cursed Energy, and how to fight. That was also fun, except for the part where I kept getting my ass kicked by an old man. That part was less fun.

You'd think he would be at least a little bit geriatric in his old age, but the man is as spry as ever. Probably that reinforcement to thank for that.

So, in the end, he didn't truly teach me much, just helped me master what I already have. Though, he did say that there isn't truly much that can be taught to a Jujutsu Sorcerer. Apparently the schools are less about imparting knowledge and more about just supporting new Sorcerers as they discover their own abilities by themselves.

Basically, throw the kids in the deep and and see who swims. Pretty cold hearted, but what do I know?

The old man said it would have been better if I just never went to a school in the first place, because the school in the capital is full of politics as the place that exclusively trains Onmyōji and the other one is ran by the clans who aren't much better.

Just a different type of poison really. So it would have been better to just avoid it all altogether. Unfortunately, if I simply go out into the world practicing Jujutsu without being registered in either school, then I'd be treated as a Curse User and hunted down.

The old man left the decision up to me in the end. He seemed to believe that there are so many Curse Users in this era that it wouldn't matter either way.

Apparently he views me quite highly if he thinks I can survive as a fugitive.

But in the end, the decision was an easy one for me. I want to meet interesting people and see interesting places, so what better could I have asked for than a school full of Sorcerers?

Besides, it's only three years. It's not like that's all that long.

We ended up choosing the Jujutsu school over the Onmyōji one simply because the capital is too much too fast. I don't think my heart could take seeing so many new and exciting things all at once, so I'm going to work my way up to it.

I mean, other than the occasional visitor, I haven't spoken to anyone who isn't the old man or an animal in my entire life in this world.

Chuckling to myself, I pet the head of a deer as it joins me in walking and smile as it accepts my touch. It took me a while to be able to use Cursed Energy Reinforcement without making any of my friends uncomfortable with my touch, but I did manage to get it to be.. Quiet? I guess is the best word to describe it?

I managed to get my Reinforcement to be quiet enough that it doesn't bother them. The old man said it was an impressive display of control, and that it would make it incredibly difficult for other Sorcerers to predict my movements or even sense me in general.

So I guess I'm a sneaky guy now. I'm fine with that. I might be able to sneak into beautiful private gardens thanks to this after all.

"What do you think, Deer-kun? Do you think anyone out there has a beautiful garden that they hide away, denying it the chance to be admired, as all things deserve to be? I hope not, that would just be tragic. Beautiful things should be admired."

Obviously the deer doesn't answer, but I feed it a berry anyway.

We reach my clearing soon enough, and a warm smile graces my lips as I take in the sight.

None of the deer that were here when I was a child are still alive, they're lifespan isn't all that long, but there are even more here now than ever before.

All of these deer, are those who were born during my lifetime. I took care of them when they were fawn, fed them. I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but this little clearing became the home to all the deer in this little forest in the middle of nowhere.

It makes me proud. Happy, too.

"Hello, my friends," I greet, and quickly become the centre of attention as I hand out berries and head pats. "Today might be the last time we see each other I'm afraid, so I brought extra."

They are deer. They obviously don't understand my words, but I like to think that they understood my meaning.

"Let's have a peaceful goodbye, shall we? I don't like the idea of goodbyes being sad moments full of tears. I feel like it poisons all the positive memories that come before it."

As I speak, I move to a certain tree and sit at the same spot I have sat for over a decade now.

I am quickly engulfed by a swarm of deer. Pressing against my sides, over my legs, under my arms. Their companionship makes me smile as I lean my back against the tree and look up at the beautiful blue sky.

Home. It's so peaceful.

///

Kinoshita

///

Sweeping the courtyard, Kinoshita could not help but feel bitterly melancholic, but at the same time, incredibly proud.

He always knew Narauko would leave eventually. He knew since the boy was a child that he would not stay. Could not stay.

This little shrine in the middle of a little forest in the middle of nowhere. A person like him could never call such a simple place his home. He knew this.

Which is why he tried not to get attached. He failed, that much is obvious to him. But he tried.

He let the boy explore the forest without care for the danger that would put a normal child in. He let the boy's Cursed Energy continue to leak, even when he knew it would put him in danger. He locked his feelings away behind a mask and didn't show the boy any warmth.

It's only in hindsight that he realises he was trying to make the boy hate him. Because if their bond was one of hatred, there would be no pain when it was severed.

But the boy didn't resent him. He didn't complain when he was told to do chores. He didn't complain when he was told to sit through lessons he didn't care for on a language few could even read.

That abnormal boy didn't find any resentment to throw at this old man. 

And then, one day that boy came running back to the shrine, pursued by a Cursed Spirit of his own making.

He thought he would be unmoved. He was supposed to be unmoved. He let the boy roam in a forest alone since he could walk, no one who cared for a child's health would do such a thing.

So why wasn't he unmoved?

Why was it, that when he felt the boy's Cursed Energy rushing towards him, a Curse on his tale, that he felt his heart pounding in his chest?

Why was it, that his entire body tensed. Why did his heart beat like he was exhausted. Why did he find himself rushing to his Shikigami talismans. 

Why did he feel so much relief when he found the boy unharmed in the branches of the shinboku?

Why?

Why did he feel such hatred at the filthy Curse that sought to bring the boy harm?

He knows the answer.

He failed to keep his heart frozen. He failed to be selfish. 

Jujutsu Sorcery is an inherently selfish path. To be a truly exceptional Sorcerer, one must focus solely on themselves, to the exception of everything else.

For the second time in his life, Kinoshita failed to be a truly exceptional Sorcerer.

"He's so much like you, Murasaki. You would have loved him, with his curiosity even greater than your own. I'm sure he too, would have loved to hear your poetry."

Kinoshita stops sweeping as he becomes lost in memories of his late wife. He was never supposed to fall in love. It was not expected of him. His purpose was just to become a powerful Sorcerer to support his elder brother.

It was something he believed in. Accepted. Even if he lacked the true potential to surpass Grade One, he kept pushing himself.

And then he met her, and she just. Wouldn't. Shut. Up.

She knew he could not harm her thanks to her birthname, and she abused that fact for all that it was worth to follow him around and pester him with a thousand questions about every subject, both personal and not.

It was infuriating. He hated her. Despised her. Cursed her.

How could she not see? That he was not a man who was supposed to live? He was a tool for his family, not a person.

He should not have been wasting his time talking with some irritating woman. He should not have been answering question after question just to satiate some woman's curiosity, no matter her standing.

...He should not have been allowed to feel any joy. It was not his place to feel such things.

Yet...

Yet he did.

With every conversation they had, his answers came easier. Eventually, he started asking his own questions, and with every answer, his smiles only grew and grew.

He was a tool. He was not a man to be loved, nor was he a man who should feel love.

He was a tool. A powerful Jujutsu Sorcerer, no, not a Sorcerer. He was a powerful Onmyōji. All for the sake of the family. He needed to be a powerful Onmyōji.

How could he possibly be a good tool, if he can not even be selfish enough to pursue his only purpose?

Those were the thoughts in his mind as he felt himself faltering in his duty, his very power stagnating as his conflict grew.

And then she told him what he needed to hear. Or perhaps, what she selfishly wanted him to hear.

Why do you look so lost, Onmyōji-san?, she had asked him, Life isn't really that complicated you know? There are things want to do and there are things you do not want to do. Life is just figuring out which is which, and pursuing what you want until you die. Sure, it may bring you to an earlier grave, but dying while pursuing your own desires? I think that's a death I could accept.

When he heard Narauko unknowingly mirror those words that had such an impact on his life, he realised his mistake. 

Narauko is his son. Even if the boy never sees him as his father, he is his son.

As if summoned by his thoughts, Kinoshita hears the distinctive clack of Narauko's geta, different from his own in that the boy wanted a pair that only had a single tooth to stand on, instead of the two that is typical.

Apparently it is a good way to practice his balance, so that he can keep training just by walking. Truly that boy is obsessive.

Turning around, Kinoshita beholds his boy.

Narauko stands rather tall for his age, and will likely tower over most people by adulthood.

His clothes are simple, since they do not have much. Just a simple dark green kimono, with a layer of white underneath and a tight undershirt he made himself that he called a 'T-shirt'. His hakama pants are a dark green that matches the kimono, and the socks are white.

Narauko himself has grown well, with a strong physique that he will undoubtably need. His hair is straight and black like ink, kept cut short and left to fall down with a fringe that nearly covers his eyes that themselves are like a pair of coals.

His features are sharp, angular. He could probably be pretty intimidating if not the constant, slight upwards tilt to his mouth, befitting of a man so enraptured with life. He doesn't think Narauko would even know how to glare if he tried.

"Yo, Old Man," Narauko greets with a raised hand. Somewhere along the line, the boy stopped speaking respectfully. Kinoshita doesn't mind as much as he pretends to though. "Food's ready."

Nodding, he sets aside his broom and follows to the sitting room.

They both eat their meals in silence. It is nothing new, as there is not much to talk about, and the silence is comfortable. But this time, Kinoshita regrets the silence. He feels that there is something he should say, but he doesn't even know where he stands with Narauko, and doesn't want to make a fool of himself, so he stays silent.

Eventually, the meal is over, and while Narauko cleans their bowls and utensils, Kinoshita collects the boy's travel back and finishes packing some last minute supplies.

They meet again at the front of the shrine, under the Torii gate where they met.

Kinoshita hands Narauko his travel bag, which is accepted and swung over a shoulder.

"Thanks," Narauko says, and before he can say anything else, he is cut off when Kinoshita offers another, much smaller bag that clinks as he passes it over.

"Coins?" Narauko asks after looking inside the bag.

"Indeed. They will not be much worth anywhere in the country, as The Emperor's currency experiment was mostly a failure, but in the capital or in Edo they could prove of some worth. Nobody uses them except for the nobles anyway, so they are useless to me."

"Ah, gotcha. Thank you then, maybe my future classmates won't think I'm such a country bumpkin if I come in flashing some shiny shiny currency eh?"

Kinoshita just nods, still not entirely sure how he's supposed to respond to sentences like that.

"Well," Narauko says after a short moment of silence. "Guess I better be off then."

"Indeed."

Saying so, Narauko turns away and clasps his hands into the shape of a wolf.

"Divine Dogs," he intones before his shadow rapidly spreads and a pair of wolves emerge from the inky darkness, one a pure white the other an opposing black.

There it is, Narauko's Innate Technique: The Ten Shadows. It is one of the reasons that Kinoshita is even willing to let Narauko go away. Because he knows his son will be safe.

Narauko doesn't even seem to realise how talented he is. He grasped his Cursed Energy and learnt to control it faster than anyone Kinoshita has ever heard of. His mastery of it's manipulation is already reaching even with his own.

Combined with his Innate Technique, which Kinoshita cannot even see where its potential ends, and he knows that his son has all the potential that he lacks. Then there's also the texture of his Cursed Energy. It felt warm. He doesn't truly know what that means for Narauko, but he knows the boy will go far regardless.

He just hopes his own curiosity does not kill him.

"Hey, Old Man." Kinoshita raises a brow as Narauko stands in front of him, his bag sitting on the floor.

"What is it?" He asks, his expression not faltering under Narauko's sunny smile.

Then, something he didn't expect to happen did. For the first time since he first told Narauko of Cursed Energy, the boy steps forward and wraps him in a tight hug.

"Thank you," Narauko whispers, "Thank you for everything, Otou-sama. I'm proud to call you my father. Thank you for bringing me into your home. Thank you for giving me my home. I love you."

Almost hesitantly, Kinoshita brings his arms up until they are wrapped around his son's back, grabbing fistfuls of his kimono, and for the second time in his life, he gives up being an Onmyōji, and allows himself to feel love.

"I love you, my son," he whispers, feeling tears in his eyes even as he truly smiles for the first time in decades. "You will always be welcome home, no matter what happens."

"Thank you."

With those final parting words, they eventually split from their embrace, and Narauko turns to the shinboku behind him and bows twice, claps twice and bows once more.

"Goodbye to you as well, Kami-sama," he says before turning back to Kinoshita and bowing one last time. "I will see you again, Otou-sama."

Kinoshita returns the bow with a smile he can't be bothered to hide. "I will be waiting for you, my son."

Narauko's smile is blinding, and he watches with building melancholy as his only son mounts one of his Shikigami, and with one final look back, sets off at a steady trot.

Kinoshita watches until his son is out of sight, and he keeps watching for some time longer, rooted to the spot.

Eventually however, the sun begins to set, and with one final look at the darkening sky, he turns around and heads back into the shine, feeling already that it is empty.

"I wish you could have seen our son, Murasaki," he mutters to himself as he heads inside. "Even if he is not our blood, I know you would have been even more proud than I."

///

A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!

Fuck man what the fuck was that!? For those unaware, I learn about my characters as I write them. I don't plan them out, I just follow the flow and they keep surprising me. It's much more enjoyable this way, like I'm learning someone's story as I write it.

But yeah, I did not expect Kinoshita to be like this at all. I was picturing him as some man in the mountains sage or some shit, so explain to me why the fuck I damn near cried while writing his thoughts!? The fuck!?

So yeah, I didn't expect this to be so wholesome and bittersweet.

Also, if any of you can suss out Kinoshita's identity, I will be very impressed. I hinted at it pretty clearly if you know what to look for.