Sweet Sugar Candyman

#07

I felt a thick gaze mixed with laughter on the back of my head. Saheon was pretending to be fine, but was it really awkward for him to be with me? Even if it was in the past, he was someone I had confessed to, so it would be awkward, right? I was lost in negative thoughts, wondering if living together was something he couldn’t refuse because of my aunt’s insistence, when I belatedly noticed the contradiction in what Saheon had said.

But before I could dig into the strange parts while recalling the moment of reunion, the topic of conversation changed. I was gripping the seatbelt painfully, feeling a sharp pain, and I relaxed my hand. Looking down at my palm, I saw a red line crossing my skin.

***

It took about an hour from the airport to Hyung’s house. As we drove down the smooth highway, I could see the Han River, and when I turned the direction as guided by the navigation, newly built apartment complexes came into view.

The neatly stacked buildings like Legos, well-organized roads, patches of land that felt somewhat empty, and a distant excavator… it was the typical appearance of a new city.

Upon arriving at a place he recognized, Saheon moved to the front seat and took over the driving. Following his instructions rather than the navigation that kept telling us to turn around, we soon arrived at a large apartment complex.

While my father was speaking through the intercom about where the head of the household lived, I slightly opened my mouth and looked out the window. When the security guard, who had confirmed our visit, opened the long bar blocking the parking lot, my father said what I had wanted to say.

“Wow, this place is nice.”

Saheon, feeling shy, only wore that model-like smile. The parking space was spacious. My father parked the car close to where Hyung lived and got out first after opening the trunk.

Stepping out of the car, which was filled with the scent of Hyung’s perfume, I felt a bit of relief. I was so nervous that my head was spinning. I took a deep breath of the cool winter air while helping my father unload the luggage.

I placed the icebox filled with food on top of the suitcase, while my father handled the box of clothes, and Saheon picked up the suitcase he had brought, so we had divided our roles appropriately. With a cap tucked under his arm, Saheon walked ahead.

Unlike the apartment I had lived in for 20 years, everything in Saheon’s place was new. Passing through a number pad that somehow felt grand, we entered, and the smell of newness wafted from the elevator. Saheon, who had caught the elevator that stopped at the basement level, entered first, pressed the open button, and waited.

I dragged my heavy luggage into the elevator, even though it was on the suitcase. My father, who had locked the car door, was the last to enter. Hyung pressed the button for the 8th floor.

The large elevator ascended silently. Not knowing where to look, I found myself staring at the changing numbers on the display, and as soon as we reached the 8th floor, I quickly exited the space.

Saheon’s apartment was 801. He stepped ahead of me and touched the door lock, pressing the numbers firmly. In a gentle voice, as if explaining to me, he said,

“If you press it like this, two random numbers will show up. You press this first, then enter the password.”

Hyung’s fingers pressed the four-digit code firmly. As I absentmindedly watched his fingers move, I realized that those numbers were Saheon’s birthday. When he suddenly turned his head and our eyes met, I froze every time our gazes collided.

“Did you check the number?”

“Yeah. It’s your birthday, Hyung.”

I wanted to go back a few seconds and hit myself for speaking so bluntly. I thought I was quick-witted, but why was my usual intuition failing me at times like this? Saheon smiled with a long, playful gaze.

“…You know well?”

With a beep, the door opened. Hyung swung the door wide open and gestured for us to come in. My father, who passed by me wanting to hit my head, entered the house first. I hesitated a bit before following him in, just before the cold wind could come in.

Right in front of the spacious entrance was a door. Following the hallway between the room and the entrance led to the living room, and at the end were the master bedroom and other rooms attached in a fascinating structure.

After placing the suitcase near the entrance, Hyung strode inside. As my father set down his luggage next to Hyung’s suitcase, I followed suit.

Saheon’s apartment looked quite spacious for a single person. The almost empty new house was filled with the scent of fabric softener from well-dried laundry and the subtle aroma of a diffuser.

I caught a glimpse of three rooms. The room near the entrance, the master bedroom that seemed to be Hyung’s, and the last room adjacent to it. Hyung opened the door next to the master bedroom.

“You can use this room, Cheongmyeong. It was a small room used for storage, so it might be a bit chilly… I’ll have to order a bed.”

There was really nothing in the room. Since he said it was used for storage, it seemed the items that had been inside had been moved elsewhere. There were two built-in closets and a large window that offered a view of the outside. But it felt very neat.

“All you need is just a blanket. Since you’re a guy, you can sleep well even on the bare floor.”

My father added as he followed behind. Even so, I thought it would be quite cold to sleep with just a blanket, but I nodded without saying anything.

“Or you can sleep with Hyung.”

“Dad….”

Why are you saying that… stop it… The small whisper that couldn’t form a complete sentence quickly faded away. I glanced at Saheon’s expression again. He asked lightly, without any sign of displeasure.

“Would you like that?”

I pressed my lips together tightly. Hyung seemed unfazed, but I felt self-conscious. I should be grateful that Saheon was treating it lightly and that an embarrassing situation hadn’t arisen, but somehow, deep inside, an unknown jealousy began to creep up.

“No, it’s okay. Hyung, you’re tired, right?”

My voice sounded stiff even to my own ears. But despite the rigid tone, my mind was filled with chaotic thoughts. Imagining lying in the same bed as Saheon made my heart race so much that I stopped thinking about it.

Just imagining it made me feel guilty as if I had committed a bad deed. I habitually pressed my tired eyes and subtly checked the temperature of my cheeks. They were hot.

There was nothing to move. The only things I had brought were clothes and food. Since it was a room that couldn’t even be called furnished, moving my things ended up being just organizing my clothes.

Laying a blanket in the empty room made it feel like someone lived there. The unpacking, which took less than 30 minutes, led us to a Chinese restaurant under the pretext of having moved.

While I was organizing my things, Saheon changed his clothes. His hair was still styled with pomade, but the comfortable outfit he wore below was also stylish. I had to focus on turning my infatuated gaze back to the jjambbong.

I couldn’t tell if I was eating with my mouth or my nose, but I could tell it was spicy. Even if my lips swelled a bit from the heat, I gulped it down, worried that I might be looking at Saheon if I raised my head.

By the time we finished the classic Chinese meal, complete with sweet and sour pork, the clock pointed to 4 PM. With the unpacking done and the meal eaten, my father seemed to be thinking about leaving soon.

“We should get going now.”

After checking the time on his phone, my father put it back in his pocket. Saheon said, sounding a bit disappointed,

“Why not stay a bit longer?”

“No, we have to go. Cheongmyeong’s mom said to come back quickly. Captain Kwon must be tired too, so he should rest.”

Even as he said that, my father, with the sensitivity typical of a Korean language teacher, seemed reluctant to leave. Carrying the empty dishes to the entrance, he continued with lingering advice.

“Cheongmyeong, listen to Hyung and help out around the house. Saheon, make sure to put Cheongmyeong to work since he cooks well.”

Saheon grinned, showing his teeth. I had to try hard not to be conscious of the presence behind me. Even while putting on his shoes, my father kept nagging.

“Just because you’re an adult now doesn’t mean you can live recklessly. Don’t stay out late, and don’t drink too much. Do you think you’ll be fine on your own?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

I answered half-heartedly. Hyung chuckled softly as if he found it amusing. With a loud sound, my father’s nagging began to wind down.

“Anyway, take care. Don’t fight.”

“Why would we fight?”

“Who knows? No matter how close you are, living together can lead to small conflicts. If that happens, it’s okay for Cheongmyeong to kick you out. I’m leaving now, don’t come out.”

Muttering softly, my father diligently straightened the back of his crumpled shoes with his fingers. Grabbing the wall of the entrance, he straightened his shoes and added, as if realizing something.

“Wow, but this place is really nice. It looks like a newlywed home, Saheon.”

I had to grip my wrist tightly. Hearing the word “newlywed home” in relation to the chaotic thoughts I had earlier made my cheeks burn uncontrollably.

Newlywed home. The place where Hyung and I would live together looks like a newlywed home. Newlyweds. The imagination that omitted all context was something I knew wasn’t true, yet I couldn’t stop.

“Please go in.”

I heard Saheon’s greeting from behind me, but his voice only added fuel to the fire of my ignited imagination. I think I mumbled a greeting to my father. The sound of my heartbeat seemed to echo in the quiet house, which was incomparable to the airport.

With a beep, the door closed behind me. Saheon, who was behind me, let out a soft sigh filled with fatigue.

The warmth of his breath, which I could never reach, seemed to touch the nape of my neck, causing my throat to tremble up and down. Stretching one arm as if yawning, Hyung murmured lazily.

“Now it’s just the two of us.”