Sweet Sugar Candyman

#06

As I focused my gaze on Saheon with my bulging eyes, I felt my eyelids stiffen. I found myself face to face with my father, wearing a frightening and fierce expression, even though I thought it was scary.

“Do you want to go to the bathroom?”

My father, who had opened the trunk to load Saheon’s suitcase, asked with a puzzled look. I shook my head and quickly tried to erase my emotions, but the remnants of my feelings lingered since I had walked over in a huff.

I tried to control my nose, which seemed to want to expand on its own, and glanced at Saheon. He seemed preoccupied with folding the handle of his suitcase. I was relieved that my embarrassment was somewhat hidden.

I thought it was neither too much nor too little luggage, but the trunk was already packed full of my things. My father, moving boxes around and trying to find a way to fit everything, came to a neat conclusion of giving up.

“I guess we’ll have to put it in the back seat. There’s no room left.”

“Okay.”

Hyung effortlessly lifted the rather large suitcase and placed it in the open back seat. The jacket he was wearing lifted slightly as he did so, revealing a solid yet well-defined waistline wrapped in a dress shirt for a moment before it was covered again.

I couldn’t understand why even such a mundane task looked so cool. I forgot the reason for my jealousy and busily followed Saheon with my gaze.

With a thud, the trunk closed. My father, with a voice that carried the tone of a teacher, instructed me and Saheon.

“Cheongmyeong, you sit in the passenger seat, and Captain Kwon in the back.”

“I’ll sit in the passenger seat.”

“Oh no, Captain Kwon flew in from New York, how can you say that? Guests shouldn’t say such things. Get in quickly.”

The chilly winter wind made even the superficial niceties feel forced. Unlike my father and me, who were bundled up in winter coats, Saheon, wearing only a thin uniform jacket, squeezed himself into the back seat without any complaints.

Since the car had been parked for a while, the temperature inside was quite cold. As soon as my father started the engine, he cranked up the heater. Sitting in the passenger seat with my seatbelt fastened, I straightened my back at the movements I felt from the back.

The presence from the back seat was quite significant. Without realizing it, I glanced at the rearview mirror, but it was angled toward my father, so I couldn’t see Saheon. The feeling of my line of sight being partially blocked made me focus even more on the sounds coming from behind.

The sound of fabric brushing against fabric, the leather seat shifting as he adjusted his position, the strong scent of the perfume Saheon wore. I swallowed hard without a sound. My father turned off the radio, which had been playing automatically, and asked.

“Is it very cold? Should I turn up the heater more?”

“No, I think it’s okay. Wow, Korea is really cold.”

Saheon’s voice carried a hint of laughter. As I heard the sound of his hands rubbing together, I unconsciously glanced back at the rear seat and met Saheon’s eyes. He lightly raised the corners of his mouth.

It was once again a model-like, perfect smile. I felt like he used to make more mischievous faces than that, but it was unfamiliar and awkward, yet undeniably handsome enough to make my heart skip a beat.

Realizing once again how incredibly cool Hyung was, I chose to keep my mouth shut. The car started moving smoothly.

After paying for parking, we exited onto a quiet road. My father drove toward a bridge with a view of the sea and asked.

“Captain Kwon, can you give me your home address?”

“Ah, Magok-dong, Gangseo-gu, Seoul….”

I sensed my father’s intention and entered the address instead of him. As I typed in the address, several detailed addresses appeared below. I pointed my finger at the top address and turned back.

“Is this the right address?”

Saheon, who had shifted his body to the middle seat, grabbed the headrest of the passenger seat and leaned closer. The scent of his perfume, which had been subtly filling the car, intensified. The scent I had previously thought was strong now made my head spin. I held my breath and barely turned my eyes to look at Hyung.

I felt the presence of his hand near my shoulder, as if he were hugging me from behind. He was close enough that even a slight movement would bring us into contact. Hyung made a small sound, as if to clear his throat, and answered cheerfully.

“Yeah, that’s right.”

I tried not to show how stiff I had become and moved my fingers. A chime sounded, indicating the route. Hyung slowly returned to his place. I leaned back against the seat, trying to appear relaxed. My heart was still racing.

Saheon, who had stirred my heart with such a small action, continued the conversation with my father as if nothing had happened. They talked about trivial things like how they had eaten at a Chinese restaurant after getting off the plane, how they had been doing, and other disjointed conversations about what had happened during the layover.

But I was content just to listen to Saheon’s voice. His low, steady tone was soothing to my ears – though that didn’t mean my heart was at ease. I couldn’t hear everything from the three years of silence, but I quietly listened, wanting to fill in even a little of the gaps.

As the car passed over the long bridge cutting through the sea and entered the complex highway, I discovered I could sneak a glance at Hyung through the passenger side mirror.

Of course, I couldn’t see him clearly; I could only catch glimpses of the three gold stripes on his arm, his jawline, or parts of his profile, but I was pleased that I could steal glances at him steadily. Perhaps it was strange that I had become quiet for various reasons, as my father casually asked.

“Cheongmyeong, are you sleepy?”

“…Yeah, what?”

I responded with a voice that sounded almost choked. Still, it wasn’t too awkward. I tried to return my round eyes to normal and continued speaking nonchalantly.

“…Ah, yeah. A bit.”

“Well, you’ve been looking forward to seeing Hyung since yesterday, so you probably couldn’t sleep.”

My father casually dropped a bombshell that I didn’t want to reveal. He probably intended to show Saheon that “Cheongmyeong is sulking not because he dislikes you, but because he’s so happy to see you after a long time,” but the problem was that my father’s understanding of “liking” was of a different kind.

“Oh, no….”

My father, unaware that I had confessed to Saheon and been rejected, only smiled warmly. I awkwardly laughed along and subtly checked the back seat. I didn’t have the courage to turn around and confirm, so I had to guess based on the atmosphere. My father lightly tapped the steering wheel and continued.

“Of course it’s not nothing. It seems a bit awkward since you haven’t seen each other in a while, but you’re not shy, right?”

“No, I’m not… I’m not a kid…”

It was a strange situation whether I answered or not. The more I added to my sentence, the weirder it seemed. I pressed my lips together tightly. Perhaps because of my sulky feelings, my lips stuck out slightly. My father, jokingly, looked at Saheon in the rearview mirror and asked.

“How about it, Captain Kwon? Cheongmyeong hasn’t seen you in a while.”

Saheon continued to wear a model-like smile. A short laugh escaped his nose, mixed with the sound of air. I was anxiously waiting for the brief silence, gripping my seatbelt tightly in anticipation of Hyung’s answer.

“He’s grown a lot. Especially taller.”

The sharp lines of the stiff fabric pressed into my palm. It was a clever answer to a foolish question. The mountains outside the car window rushed by quickly. But my father didn’t seem to notice any strange flow and chimed in.

“Right? After starting high school, he grew suddenly by 20cm.”

“Yeah, that’s right. That’s why I didn’t recognize him at first. He’s so pretty.”