SS – Regrets
Tamanoko Suzu Perspective
“See you tomorrow, Yui-chan!”
"Bye-bye, Suzu-chan…”
Yui-chan walked into her home. I felt like a knight, guiding my princess to the castle. With my hands on my hips, I nodded sharply. It was another successful day of protecting Yui-chan.
“Time to go play as a reward before going home!”
There is a playground near my school that I like to play at before going home. Yui-chan’s home would come first, then I'll have a good 5 minutes or so before I get to my place.
Excitedly, I raced to the small park. There was a swing set that I loved to play on. Gleefully, I passed the elementary schoolers and beat them to the swing set.
“Hehe…”
I jumped on the seat with my feet and swung wildly back and forth. I always had too much energy, and this was a great way to get rid of it before I got back home. My dad didn't like me running about the place because he worked from home.
“Hahaa!”
The elementary schoolers would watch me, a middle schooler, act crazy on their toys. Many of them would follow me swinging wildly, and I knew at this point what they wanted me to do. When I reached the highest point of the swing, I let go, jumped off the set, and flipped forward. Like a dolphin doing tricks in the air before landing in the water, I would spin once and hit the ground, planting the landing with a thump.
“Wow!”
They awed.
"Don't copy me, kids! You'll hurt yourself."
From behind the elementary schoolers, there was an older girl with a dog beside her. She had bright pink hair and twin tails. Excitedly, she was clapping. I actually knew her quite well because she lived within my neighborhood. It was no one other than my neighbor, Takade Saki-san.
“Tamanoko Suzu-san, you should be a better example for the kids!”
Despite her being just as excited, Takade-san scolded me.
“Hehe, sorry, Takade Saki-san.”
I ran over to her and pet her doggy. It was a Golden Retriever that loved to be groomed. Takade-san and I didn't talk much, but we knew each other because our moms worked in the same building.
"How are you enjoying middle school?"
She asked, looking at my black and white uniform.
“It’s fun. I have great friends there.”
Takade-san bent down and began petting her doggy too.
"Eh, I never liked that school. I have bad memories with it…."
She held her doggy close. I heard from my mom that Takade-san used to be bullied pretty hard at her school for being openly gay. I couldn’t see why though. Takade-san was always nice to me and let me pet her doggy all the time. I couldn't imagine someone bullying her, and it made me upset that there are many more… Sakuras in the world.
"Alright, boy, we gotta go!”
Takade-san cried as she pulled on the leash. The dog fought back, but eventually, they left the park. With the excitement dying down, I made my way back home. I didn't think about Takade-san the rest of the day, and when the sun went down, I got into bed.
"What a good day…."
I reminded myself as I closed my eyes…
“This group isn’t fun anymore!”
Sakura-chan, the leader of our group of three, shouted as we walked on the playground. Yui-chan shrieked and stood behind me. We were on the swing set when Sakura-chan had an outburst.
"All we do is play on this stupid playground! We're about to be middle schoolers, and this is what we do?"
Annoyed, the prideful girl kicked the dirt around. She was being destructive as she took her backpack and tossed it in on the ground.
“S-Sakura-chan, calm down.”
Yui-chan tried to intervene, but the spoiled princess wasn't taking it. She squared up to Yui-chan. The confrontation between them looked like a lion glaring at a bunny.
"Calm down?! All we do is walk around now! Suzu-chan and I don't care for your dumb mangas, Yui-chan! And all Suzu-chan talks about is her track and field practice! This group sucks!”
Violently, she kicked her backpack, letting all her frustrations out.
“You’re always so gloomy too, Yui-chan! Who wants to be around someone like you all day! It drives me up the walls!”
Enough was enough, so I stepped in.
“That’s uncalled for, Sakura-chan!”
I yelled.
"Don't tell me it's not true, Suzu-chan! It's Yui-chan's fault that it's no fun! It's always me and you, Suzu-chan, trying to keep the conversation going! Yui-chan doesn't even try to bring up a fun topic!"
Sakura screamed, belittling my friend.
It was then that she finally broke. Yui-chan began to cry… And I could feel that pain as it struck my chest.
“W-Why are you so mean…. To me?”
Yui-chan begged. I was sick of it, and I stepped between them. I wasn't trying to, but I pushed Sakura-chan on the dirt.
“Don’t you blame Yui-chan!”
I roared.
“She wasn’t the one that made Sora-chan and Hana-chan leave! That was your stupid words! Yui-chan doesn’t deserve what you’re saying about her, Sakura!”
The dirtied princess rubbed her cheek and looked down at the dirt. I wasn’t done with her as I started yelling at her again.
“You’re just a horrible person, Sakura! Yui-chan looks up to you, and that's the only reason why she followed you, but you're too pig-headed to see that!”
Yui-chan was still crying, I wasn't sure if she heard my words, but that didn't matter. It needed to be said.
"You're a bully with a prideful attitude. You're a jerk, and you don't even see it."
“...Oh, piss off, Suzu! You’re an idiot who’s oblivious to everything around her! You wouldn’t understand anything! At least Hana was smart and fun to talk to. The rest of you are… idiots!”
I grabbed Yui-chan’s hand. On the bright sunny day at the park, our relationship was destroyed from that point on.
“Don’t you ever talk to Yui-chan again! If you come near us, Sakura-chan, I’ll beat you up like I should have done months ago!”
Enraged, I took her with me. Before I left the park, I screamed back to her…
“I hate you! I hate you so much, Sakura!”
And that was the last time we hung out together. Yui-chan cried all afternoon, and I even stayed over at her house that day to calm her down. We were too afraid to get back in contact with Hana-chan though. We wanted to apologize to her, tell her that we'd noticed how mean Sakura was and wanted to be friends again…
But it wasn't that simple. We realized that we'd messed up… the moment we let Sora-chan and Hana-chan go off after that fight...
“Are you okay now, Yui-chan?"
She was like a panda as she nuzzled to my side. Still in tears, even that late at night, she kept apologizing to me. It must have been harder on her than anything. Yui-chan looked up to Sakura-chan. She would tell me how Sakura was the trendy type. The person Yui-chan wanted to become just like. But to be yelled at by the person you looked up to for all that time…
It must have really taken a toll on her confidence.
"…I won't let Sakura hurt you anymore, Yui-chan..."
I promised as I held her tight. As we lay in our futons together, I drifted off to sleep. When I opened my eyes, I was tightly gripping my body pillow. It was then that I realized that it was all a dream of the past. It was around 3AM, and I suddenly woke up... feeling a tad apprehensive.
That day where I protected Yui-chan from Sakura-san was at the forefront of my mind. But what came back to mind was that face Sakura made when I pushed her down…
I….
I think…
Sakura regretted everything she said about all of us right then, but my rage didn’t allow me to listen to her. Her pride didn't let her apologize either. Clearly… she hated what she'd done.
That day she lost all her friends. Yui-chan and I even planned to go to the same middle school as her. But when the entry exams were over and Yui-chan and I looked at our classes, it was clear that Sakura decided to go elsewhere… likely to start over with a new group of friends.
“I wonder…”
My warm breath trickled on my body pillow as I held it tight. Even though I said I hated Sakura that day… even though I still feel that I do hate her for what she did to my friends… I knew she never used to be that mean…
It made me wonder if… Sakura regretted the way things turned out…
“I… still hate her.”
I whispered before falling back to sleep.