Rogue of Taurus

Livia preferred to avoid walking out the door first. It meant choices. She walked in one direction, then turned and walked in another. She had no idea where they should go! She stood in the center of the patio and crossed her arms over her chest.

“So, let’s get this over with then,” she growled.

“Are you going to murder me instead?” Corvin asked as he came to stand next to her.

Livia lifted her chin and spoke mockingly. “Are you nervous, Corvin? Why didn’t that pass through your lightning-fast brain before we got into this mess?” Livia pointed a finger into her chest and shouted. “I’m the one you have to make out with! And you made me furious!”

“Are you that upset about kissing me?” he asked, his voice impossibly level and composed. Livia hated that he was calm when she was so upset. She wanted to shake some sense into him.

“You didn’t listen to me,” she said, stepping toward him.

Corvin nodded. “You’re right. I didn’t.”

“I tried to get you out of another round of these games you’re so sick of, but you didn’t listen!”

“Games I’m so sick of?” Corvin asked, confused.

Livia stared at him. “That’s what you said when they tried to get you to kiss Salina. So, I tried to help you get out of it, and you blew me off. What were you thinking?”

Corvin answered softly. “That I didn’t want to give up a chance to kiss you.”

Livia’s deluge of angry words dried up. “You—what?”

“I want to kiss you,” Corvin said.

“Um, oh,” Livia managed. Livia’s heart beat loud in her ears. Her eyes flitted back to the building where all their friends would watch them make out.

“Are there other reasons you’re angry, Hun?” Corvin asked.

Livia took a step backward. She fingered the bottom edge of her jacket, trying to figure out the answer. She’d like to kiss Corvin but wanted it to be nice. The nice part was so unpredictable for her that it felt out of her control. She knew her anxiety over that was fueling some of her anger. How did she explain that without hurting Corvin? Who had confessed he wanted to kiss her?

Corvin reached out, resting his palm behind her shoulder. “We don’t have to do this, you know? I can walk in there and tell them we’re not doing it, and no one would question me.”

Livia shook her head. “You’d be embarrassed.”

“I’m serious, Liv,” he said. “I care more about your comfort than what they think of me.”

Livia stole a look at him and saw that he was serious. She could imagine him strolling in, cool and unwavering, to announce they were no longer participating in the game. Then, she took a calming breath, “I didn’t like that game,” she admitted.

“You turned red an awful lot,” Corvin said.

“Weren’t you embarrassed at all?” she asked.

“No, but you are allowed to feel differently than me about the same situation.”

“They’ve never teased me that way before….”

“We’re dating, Hun,” Corvin said gently. “Some amount of sexuality is healthy and natural between us. They were extremely tame, considering.”

Livia rubbed her forehead. “I know…but—”

Corvin slid his arm around her and pulled her against his side. “It’s hard for you—”

“I don’t know why,” Livia said.

“Many people get stuck when they can’t sort out what they want because other people’s expectations are so loud.”

Livia laughed. “Yeah, my mother…I feel like I sometimes act the way I do not to make her mad.”

“Do you think you owe her that obedience still?” Corvin asked.

“No,” Livia said. “I probably owe it to myself to rebel—but that’s just another reaction. That’s still giving her control. So, I don’t—I don’t rebel. But that means… I’m trapped. No matter what I do, I’m trapped.”

“I think we should take this opportunity to establish your own authority,” Corvin said. “I’m here to back you up. If you need to go stick it to everyone in there to feel in control of this situation? I’m here for that. If you need to kiss me senseless to reclaim your power? I’d enjoy that too.”

Corvin’s neutrality made Livia feel like she had a real choice. They were silent in the cold night air as Livia thought about what she wanted. Corvin’s warmth felt comfortable on her skin, and she could feel his genuine desire to protect her, even over his personal wants and desires.

Livia always chose separation as a defensive strategy, and she was tired of it. She’d had enough of isolation and loneliness. She needed intimacy. She needed connection. It was terrifying, but she couldn’t stand to push people away anymore. It was too hard.

“I want to,” Livia said, feeling an ache to be closer to him. “I want to kiss you.”

Corvin’s hand slid down to her lower back. He pressed his forehead to the side of her head and whispered playfully in her ear. “Let’s strategize.”

Livia snorted. “Oh, now you’re willing to strategize with me.”

Corvin gestured with a nod of his head. “Over there? There are some chairs in front of the windows.”

Yep. The crew would get a nice view from there. They were trying to pretend they weren’t staring, but they crowded in small groups around the windows. The sight made Livia terribly nervous. It was a lot of pressure to have everyone watching them.

Corvin sat in an empty patio chair. Then he eased Livia onto his lap. That was a lot of closeness for her. The sensation only increased when Corvin’s hands grasped her waist.

“That’s fast,” she said, trying to remember to breathe. She wasn’t too sensitive to temperatures, but she’d gotten cold enough to feel the contrast between the chill on her skin and the warmth of Corvin’s hands on her waist. That wasn’t a familiar sensation for her. She found it neither good nor bad, only noticeable.

“Is it?” Corvin asked. His hands left her waist to arrange her hair back from her face.

“Yes,” she whispered. She missed the warmth of his hands.

His eyes studied her face. “Uncomfortable?”

Livia evaluated. She liked it, actually. Her skin savored the warmth he provided, a rare enough event that the closeness felt like a special treat.

“No,” she said. She snuggled a tad closer.

“Good.” Corvin’s face was so close to hers. There was tension between them, the indecision of how or when to start.

Livia attempted to lighten the pressure. “So, how good are you at this kissing thing? Should I expect to be bored?”

Corvin gave her a suspicious look. “What have you heard?”

Livia was surprised. “Do you have a reputation or something?”

He grinned. “You don’t know.”

That look of mischief sent butterflies pinwheeling in her belly. “Know what?”

“Well, you’re about to find out,” he said.

“Whoa, wait, no. You can’t do that to me,” Livia said, placing her hands on his shoulders.

“It’ll be good.” He laughed at her panic.

“You can’t promise that,” Livia objected. “We haven’t even tried it yet. It could end up awful.”

He spoke in a low, playful voice, tipping his head forward, so the tip of his nose brushed her cheek. “It could also be amazing.”

Livia laughed, letting her hands slide down to his chest to give him a tiny playful push. “You have way too much confidence.”

“Oh, excuse me.” He responded to her shove by tugging her against him. He turned his head in and spoke against her ear. The heat of his skin sent pleasant tingles skittering down the side of her neck. “Exquisite…is a much more fitting term.”

Livia closed her eyes to savor the sensation. “Hmm, Corvin, we need to be realistic.”

“Do we, though?” he asked, his lips still on her skin.

“Yes,” Livia said firmly.

Corvin’s hands settled on Livia’s hips, easing her away from him a bit. He pulled back and looked into her eyes. “Tell me something….”

“About what?” Livia asked, unnerved at how level their gazes were in this position. Much more difficult to avoid eye contact. The directness of his gaze was unsettling.

“Are you worried you won’t like it?” he asked.

Livia lowered her eyes. She toyed with a button on his jacket. “It’s better we both accept that’s likely….”

“Hey, you don’t have to pretend with me,” he said. “I’d like you to be honest. I understand it’s not personal, and I won’t be upset or offended if you don’t like something.”

Livia lifted her eyes to his, trying to gauge his sincerity. It’d be nice to know he meant that. But there were other methods of testing him.

Livia tilted her chin up, taking on a contemplative pose. “So, if I say I don’t like where your hands are?”

“Tell me where to put them,” Corvin said without hesitation.

“What if I don’t know the answer to that?”

“We’ll make a list,” Corvin said. “Your hair?”

Corvin lifted his hands and pushed them through her hair. It didn’t take Livia long to determine she didn’t like that.

“No.” She shook her head.

Corvin actually smiled. His fingers trailed down the back of her neck. “The back of your neck?” he whispered.

Livia leaned forward to avoid that. “That’s worse.”

Corvin moved his hands to her waist. “Here?”

Livia tipped her head forward, despairing. “That feels so awkward.”

Corvin pressed his hands under her jacket to the small of her back. Livia gasped as a spark flashed across her skin. “That’s…”

“Good?” he whispered.

“Much closer,” she answered. Hope stirred in Livia’s chest. This may not turn out completely awful. Livia tried to squash the feeling. It was better that she was realistic about this whole thing.

“Hmm,” Corvin studied her face. “Let’s settle on that for now.”

“What’s next, then?”

Corvin kissed her cheek. “What else do you like?”

“I won’t tell you,” Livia said.

“Why not?” he asked.

Cause I’m not sure. “Figure it out.”

Corvin inhaled a breath. He pressed another kiss to her cheek. “That may take some time, Livia.”

“Then stop talking,” she ordered.

Corvin pressed his lips to hers.

Livia wasn’t prepared for the way her body responded. She pressed her hands against his chest and clenched his coat.

“You liked that,” he said, pulling away.

But maybe it was only surprise? “I’m not sure. Do it again.”

“Not yet,” he murmured. Then he kissed her cheeks, her nose, her forehead, testing her reactions.

“Corvin, you frustrate me so,” she whispered.

He laughed. “I’ll do better.”

“Promise?”

He trailed kisses along her jawline, taking his sweet time. Livia was so annoyed, but she ached too, a wave of desire that made all her muscles tense with anticipation. It was both sweet and torturous. Emotions were traitorous like that.

He lifted his hand to hold her chin. Then spoke into her lips. “I promise.”

Corvin’s lips brushed hers again and again, ever so lightly.

Livia pressed her hands over his shoulders and pulled him into a fierce kiss. Then, checking herself, she drew her palms back over his shoulders, placed them politely against his chest, and regretfully pulled away.

She had to catch her breath. “Sorry.”

Corvin laughed. He pressed his hands up the length of her back, then down again. He put his forehead against hers, grinning. “No need to be.”

“Apparently, I’m no good at tame kisses,” she complained. “I’m too impati—”

Corvin kissed the words off her lips. This time he didn’t toy with her, didn’t hesitate. He kissed her until she jerked away to gasp for breath. She drew away so fast he had to catch her before she fell off his lap. “Whoops,” she said, embarrassed.

Corvin chuckled and settled her back against him.

Livia stiffened.

“What’s the matter, Liv?” he asked. “Was that bad?”

“No.” Livia was trying to reevaluate this situation. What was happening? It was good? She wanted more? She’d planned on the opposite happening.

Corvin tried to pull her closer again, and Livia resisted again.

“If it was good, why the resistance?” he asked calmly, releasing his hold on her.

“Maybe, t-that’s good?” She looked at the windows. “I mean, how much can they possibly expect?”

Corvin touched her cheek. “Forget about them. What do you want?”

“I want…” Livia definitely wanted more. But if they kissed longer, would she get the negative reaction she expected? She didn’t want that to happen. Logically, it made sense to stop while things were still good. However, her treacherous heart wanted this connection, ached for it, needed it. She was in an impossible situation. She couldn’t decide what to do.

“What?” Corvin asked.

“A hug. That’s it.” That was safe.

Corvin eased her close and held her and held her and held her. At first, Livia almost cried. Then she started to relax, she began to feel safe, and she started to trust. And it felt so good. Better than any of his kisses.

“Oh, Corvin,” Livia melted against him.

He rubbed her back. “You like that most, huh?”

“I don’t know what that means,” she whispered.

“You just need love,” he said.

“Is that bad?”

“Nah,” he said. “I like it too.”

“Are you disappointed?” she asked.

“You are so sweet to worry about me,” he said. “But I love this. This—hmmm. So nice.”

Corvin tightened his arms around her briefly, then relaxed again. Livia nuzzled his neck with her nose. Then placed a soft kiss there. Corvin drew back to look at her face.

He ran a finger along her jaw, tilting her lips toward his. He kissed her lightly, gently.

She needed to experience the right thing to understand what had gone wrong. Livia was learning lessons with each soft kiss. With Arik, she’d felt like she had to perform a certain way. She worked so hard and only got emptiness in return. She’d judged herself in so many ways, broke herself upon her expectations. None of these kisses with Corvin were a performance; they had left that behind them.

Livia responded with a self that was honest and sincere. A self that wanted more than anything to convey how deeply she cared for the person in her arms.

Corvin’s lips parted beneath hers, and their soft kisses became passionate. Livia stiffened, expecting his eagerness to overwhelm her.

Instead, sensing her hesitation, Corvin went into reverse, easing up until only their lips played against each other again. Then, he deepened the kiss slowly, slipping his tongue between her lips to caress the inside of her mouth, and retreated again. Livia’s senses spun, and she found herself clinging to him beyond the reach of logic or reason. She was a fire, and he was oxygen. She was earth, and he was water. She was flesh; he was the hot, precious blood that made her feel alive.

The only thing that tempered the passion he awoke in her was awe. She tore her lips away from the ministrations of his tongue. She cupped his face in her trembling fingers and studied his face. His closed eyes opened slowly, almost luxuriously. His hands rose to cover hers. His thumbs caressed her skin. “Liv?” he queried low in his throat. His eyes looked into hers.

Livia couldn’t stand the intimacy of the moment and looked down.

Corvin’s lips brushed her forehead. “Everything alright, Fabulous?”

His warm breath spread over her skin. Livia wanted to kiss him again. But her thoughts were catching up with her. If she did that, where would it stop the next time?

“That was…exquisite,” she admitted.

He laughed and ran the tip of his nose along the length of hers. “What did I tell you, Liv?”

“You were right,” she whispered a touch of wonder in her voice.

He tried to kiss her again.

“Wait,” she turned her face away.

He pulled back, putting distance between them.

She cleared her throat. “We should go back inside.”

Corvin took her hand in his and kissed the back of it. “You’re probably right.”

They unfolded themselves from the chair, regretfully letting go of each other. They walked into the door to a roar of cheers and whistles. Corvin laughed, and Livia rolled her eyes.

“You’re all silly,” she scolded them.

The funny thing was that Livia didn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed. Instead, she felt comfortable in her own skin and supported in her relationship.

Livia couldn’t keep her hands off Corvin the rest of the night. She held his hand or grasped his knee. Sometimes she’d place her hands on his chest, and they’d stay there, comfortable and cozy.

“Am I bothering you?” Livia whispered once. “I can stop.”

“Do you want to?” Corvin asked, brow furrowed.

“No.”

Corvin smiled. “Then don’t. I’ll take all the affection you want to give me.”

“It feels weird. I’m not usually like this—” she said.

“Don’t overthink it. Enjoy it while it lasts.”

So, Livia did. She’d hold on as long as she could stand it.