Rogue of Taurus

Livia was nervous when she parked the car in the driveway of Corvin’s parents’ house. She twisted the raven ring Gaius had given her around her finger. She’d needed it for comfort, as her nerves threatened to convince her to turn the car around and drive straight back to Hyrum’s house. The large driveway was already full of cars, but Livia found a spot near the street that would provide a quick exit if needed.

Alia answered the door when Livia knocked.

“Hey, don’t be nervous,” she said. “We’re not going to eat you for dinner.”

Livia laughed a little. Then followed Alia through the grand foyer and into the main house. Livia stopped mid-step at the sight before her. Corvin held a tiny infant in his arms. Livia had never seen a baby so tiny in person before. Yet, Corvin seemed perfectly at ease holding the child. In fact, he seemed more confident than usual, with a warm smile on his face. His shoulders lowered and relaxed. This demeanor she recognized as the one she fell in love with, the one that shone through most often when he was around family.

It broke her heart. She had wondered if she needed to break things off to keep herself safe, only to be confronted with this pure version of Corvin. She wanted this moment to be her entire existence. To bottle up his goodness and keep it with her every second.

“Liv!” he called to her. “Come meet Az's baby. She’s adorable.”

Livia approached. Hands flat against her thighs. “She’s tiny.”

“Five pounds when she was born,” Az's husband, Jonas, came up behind Livia. “Want to hold her?”

“Where is Azurea?” Livia asked. She didn’t take the question about wanting to hold the baby seriously. This was something polite new parents said. No one would look at Livia and think she was qualified to hold a newborn.

“Sleeping,” Corvin said. “This little one is only two weeks old, and her mama is exhausted.”

Livia looked at Jonas. He had dark circles under his eyes, his face lined with exhaustion. “You should be sleeping too.”

The new father sighed. “It’s hard to leave her.”

“We’re pros, Jonas,” Corvin teased. “Trust us.”

Jonas glared at Corvin. “She’s only two weeks, Corvin. Give me a little more time—”

Corvin laughed. “She’s definitely worth losing sleep over.”

Corvin leaned down over the baby and cooed nonsense to her. She watched with wide eyes that took in everything around her in a very intent, serious manner.

“What’s her name?” Livia asked.

“Mercy,” Jonas answered.

Livia nodded. Names that were also virtues were popular in Caesarea. “Has your family welcomed her warmly?”

Jonas gave her a look of utter bewilderment. “Of course.” Then understanding dawned. “You’re asking about Salina now.”

“I hope Azurea is treated kindly,” Livia said. She felt a fierce protectiveness over the woman since she knew through personal experience how cruel Salina could be.

Jonas gave a ghost of a smile. Then sighed. “Salina is having a hard time, but she has shown support and kindness.”

“Good,” Livia sighed in relief.

“Do you really have such a low opinion of my sister?” Jonas asked. “That disturbs me.”

Livia looked toward the baby so she didn’t have to answer. “She’s beautiful.”

“Would you like to hold her?” he repeated.

Livia shook her head, taking a step back. “No, thank you. I’ll wait till she’s a little older.”

Corvin chuckled. “Babies make you nervous, Liv?”

“I held Justin and Flavia's twins a lot, but they were five months and could hold their own heads up,” Livia explained.

Suddenly, Mercy wailed. Livia prevented herself from flinching and shot a terrified look in Jonas’ direction. Corvin tried to soothe her with a few bouncing moves, but she only wailed louder.

Jonas said, “Hand her over, Corvin. She’s hungry—”

Corvin stepped over to Jonas and eased Mercy into her father’s arms. “How long has Az been asleep?”

“About an hour and twenty minutes,” Jonas said.

Corvin grimaced. “I wish we could give her two hours solid rest, but even an hour and a half is a long time to keep a baby this small away from its mother.”

Jonas nodded, eyes on the face of his whimpering daughter. “I’ll take her to where Az is resting. Maybe she can sleep a bit longer while she nurses if I watch them.”

Jonas shifted Mercy in his arms and walked in an easy bouncing step toward the other side of the house. “Shh, baby girl, we’re headed for Mama.”

Livia’s heart melted with sympathy as Mercy released a piercing wail in response to Jonas’ reassurances. Corvin chuckled and gave Livia a reassuring look. “Knows what she wants when she wants it.”

She nodded.

“How are you, Liv?” Corvin asked.

Livia inhaled a huge breath.

“Does my family make you that nervous?” he asked, grinning.

Livia shook her head. “I just… there’s a lot to say.”

Corvin reached for her hand. Livia jerked away before she realized how rude that would seem.

“I…sorry…I can’t,” she said.

Corvin frowned. “You in pain, Liv?”

She shook her head. “No.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I have to talk to you,” Livia said.

Aurelia called out from the kitchen, “Dinner is ready! Everyone to the table!”

“Can it wait till after we eat?” Corvin asked, concerned.

Livia nodded, still holding her arms tightly against her sides. “Of course.”

Dinner was more overwhelming than Livia predicted, but the laughter, food, and company distracted her from her worries enough that she relaxed. She met Corvin’s eyes often, sharing a snicker or a disbelieving gasp with him. She was helping to clear off the table and wash dishes when Corvin pulled Livia’s hand into his. Corvin threaded their fingers together and guided her toward a back hallway.

“Where are we going?” she whispered, pulling them to a stop.

“To the attic. To have that talk you requested,” he answered. He tugged to get her to follow him.

Livia allowed him to lead her up a steep staircase to a cramped room. There was a foosball table and some beanbags in the corner. It had an abandoned air to it.

“No one comes up here?” Livia asked.

“Kind of lost its appeal once we built the library addition. But I loved this room when I was a kid. Epiphany and I played so many foosball games. Mel a little too, but Alia always cried when she lost, so we stopped playing with her.”

Corvin collapsed onto a bean bag chair and gestured for Livia to do the same. “Take a seat,” he grinned.

If she weren’t so nervous, Livia would have laughed at the picture he struck, long limbs overflowing over the sides of the beanbag. She wanted to return to the kitchen and insist on washing every last dish. “Are you sure your family doesn’t need our help cleaning up?” Livia asked.

Corvin gave her an amused shake of his head. “What’s on your mind, Liv?”

Livia should have prepared for how she was going to say things. She tried to sit in the beanbag chair, but she was so rigid and stiff that it wasn’t very comfortable. She gingerly leaned back. She clasped her hands over her knees.

“So…I….Justin said—”

“What did Justin say?” Corvin prompted when Livia paused.

“He and Hyrum are having Dinner now. Right now.”

Corvin’s eyes widened. “About what?”

“They’re trying to encourage some senators to vote for the welfare reform bill and trying to create a food assistance program at TARP headquarters.”

“And who are these senators?” Corvin asked.

Livia pulled out her phone and read the names that Justin had texted over to her. When she lifted her eyes to Corvin, some of his easy demeanor had retreated into a familiar mask of reserve.

“I’m being managed,” Corvin mused.

“Look, I know as much as you,” Livia said. “They sent me away, over here, with you.”

“Are you mad about that?” Corvin asked.

“I don’t know,” Livia said. “It feels a little insulting.”

“Yes, I agree,” Corvin said. “I suspect Justin will win them over, and I appreciate that. It’s good for Lupus House.”

There was something clipped in his tone that clued Livia into the fact that, despite his words, Corvin was upset.

“Are you angry?” Livia whispered.

Corvin tugged at the collar of his shirt. “A little.”

“At me?” Livia asked.

“No, with Justin. He’ll know that. Expect it. It’s fine. We’ll deal with it between us later.”

Livia looked at her toes. She rubbed the back of her neck, anxious.

“Is there something else, Liv?” Corvin asked.

“Caecilia mentioned something…” she whispered.

“What did she mention?”

“You were in rehab?” Livia lifted worried eyes to his.

He looked stunned. “You didn’t know?”

Livia shook her head.

Corvin rubbed the back of his neck. Then he took a deep breath. “I am so sorry, Livia. I should have been the one to tell you. I honestly…I didn’t try not to tell you. I thought you knew. I assumed it’d come up between us, and we’d talk. I hope you don’t feel betrayed.”

The sting of learning about the rehab and Salina back to back did make her feel a bit betrayed. “I am trying to talk this all out—”

Corvin nodded. “You can ask anything you need to. So, don’t hold back.”

“So…” Livia ran her hands nervously together. “Alcohol?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I drank too much, and it became a problem.”

“So, if I said I don’t want alcohol in our house, ever,” Livia’s voice shook. “You’re okay with that?”

“Are you making that rule to help me?” Corvin asked, studying her closely. “Or do you have your own issues?”

“I don’t drink alcohol,” Livia had to pause to take a deep breath. “Because my Dad did, and it turned him into a monster.”

Livia put her hands over her face as her body started to tremble. She tried shaking her hands out to get the shaking to stop, and it only got worse.

Corvin’s face turned concerned. “Liv, you’re alright, Hun. You’re alright.”

“So, I can’t…I can’t even smell it without…remembering horrifying things.”

“Okay, Livia, I see what you’re saying. You need to keep alcohol out of our house,” Corvin said.

She nodded.

“Hey,” he tried to joke. “I need the same thing.”

Livia didn’t laugh. She gave him a severe look. “I don’t ever want that poison in my life again, even secondhand.”

Corvin nodded, face expressionless. “We feel the same way about that. I want to stay sober. I’m terrified I’ll slip up and go back.”

Livia looked him in the eyes, and she stopped shaking. Her voice steadied with a firm warning, “I will never stand for my child to be in the same situation I was in.”

Corvin looked away. She heard the sound of his heavy swallow. “I got so close to being…that father. I wasn’t an angry drunk, Livia. I never hit anyone, but…that’s not much of a defense. Checking out, not being present, neglecting responsibilities is harmful enough.”

“Hyrum and Caecilia fight about this. He tries to compromise with her. Corvin—” Livia stopped so he’d look at her.

He did.

“With me, there will be no compromise,” she said. “You will stay sober, or I will leave you.”

Corvin blinked. “Okay. Thank you for being clear with me on where you stand, Liv.”

“Are you angry?” she asked.

“No. That’s fair. Everything you said was fair,” Corvin said.

“I’m a little terrified to give you a chance considering my past, but you’re a good person. I know that. And Hyrum says I should. That…you’re not my father.”

“Absolutely not, Livia,” Corvin said. “I would never harm you or our children. I swear to you.”

“You never did…meth, crack…heroine?” Livia asked. “Cause I knew people who did, and…that stuff messes you up.”

“Never tried illicit drugs. Only alcohol.” Corvin lifted a single eyebrow. “Did you ever try those things?”

Livia took a deep breath. “I smoked weed for months, and then we moved. I never really fell into that type of crowd again. "

Corvin eyes widened in surprise. “Did you miss it?”

“Yeah,” Livia whispered. “But that scared me more than I wanted another high. Hyrum was clear about what he thought about drug addictions and how dangerous they could be. And well…I didn’t want to become my father.”

“So you never did it again?” Corvin asked.

“No,” Livia said. “I didn’t know the right people in the new place.”

“And you didn’t go looking?” Corvin asked.

“No.”

“I admire that,” Corvin said.

“I’ve never admitted that to anyone before,” Livia looked at the wall. “Even Lucas never found out.”

“Did it help you in some way?” Corvin asked.

Livia looked back at him. “At first, it was an emotional relief, then…it made things worse. I was relieved that it was over.”

“Did you experience withdrawal?” Corvin asked.

Livia shrugged. “I had a hard time adjusting to that move. Hyrum spent more time with me. Took me out a lot, so mom couldn’t rip into me.”

“So, he noticed something was wrong.”

Livia nodded. “But I got better and learned never to touch drugs again.”

“Do you ever think about telling Hyrum about this?” Corvin asked.

“No,” Livia said.

Corvin reached out and let his fingers stroke her hand. “Makes me a little sad you did that all alone. That’s a big thing for a kid to deal with—”

Livia laughed. She wasn’t sure if she did it to brush off his concern or his physical affection. “It was small compared to other things, Corvin.”

His thumb brushed back and forth over her hand. “Well, I’m proud of you for telling me. I’m glad it’s something you don’t have to keep secret anymore.”

Livia closed her eyes as a whisper of pleasure tickled the back of her hand. “This conversation wasn’t supposed to happen this way.”

“I don’t judge you,” Corvin said. “Cause I made the same choice with alcohol, and it went worse for me. Rehab was hard, and I was ill for a long time.”

Livia opened her eyes and studied his face. “Corvin, I’m so grateful that you’re better. If you hadn’t…I don’t want to think about a life without you this way—better.”

Corvin’s face softened. “Hun, I’m going to do my best every day to stay better so I can be here for you. I promise.”

Livia nodded.

“Will you promise me something?” Corvin asked.

“What?”

“If you ever feel like you need to take something again cause it’s too hard to deal with the pain, will you come to me first? Will you talk to me before you make that decision?” he asked.

Livia nodded. “I promise, Corvin. I’ll come to you.”

“It just needs to be done in the right way, alright?” he said. “You can take things to help just…with support. So you’ll be safe, Hun.”

“You’re talking about prescriptions, right?” Livia asked. “Cause…I don’t think you should support me getting involved with dealers.”

Corvin laughed. “Stay away from dealers. We have doctors for a reason, and I can pull strings with TARP. I can arrange it so you don’t have to wait long. So, you’re treated quickly and with the right things. Okay?”

Livia nodded. “Okay.”

Corvin asked, “We ready to head back downstairs?”

Livia hesitated as the things Salina said crossed her thoughts. Should she bring those things up to him? Did she complain that she didn’t like how he’d kept the nature of their relationship a secret from her? But this conversation had taken a toll on Livia. She’d shared things with him she’d never told anyone before. That made her feel insecure. She wasn’t ready to bring up a whole other can of worms. She could let some things go, couldn’t she? It wasn’t necessary to fight with him about Salina.

Livia stood. “Yeah.”

Corvin didn’t immediately stand. “You sure, Liv?”

“Yeah,” she repeated, crossing to the door to avoid his steady gaze. Livia was afraid that her expression would give her away. She hoped he wouldn’t question her and come back downstairs with her. “I’m ready.”

Corvin stood and followed her back downstairs without complaint.

***

Livia asked to use the restroom before she left to go home. When she came out, Jonas had cornered Corvin.

Worried that something was wrong with Azurea, Livia crept up to listen in.

“Corvin, I wish you’d consider a conversation with Salina,” Jonas said.

“About what?” Corvin asked tersely.

His harsh tone of voice shocked Livia more than Jonas’ request.

“Livia is an attractive match for a lot of reasons, but—”

“Finish that sentence at your peril, Jonas,” Corvin growled. “If you say one bad word about her—”

“Salina is a very experienced socialite. Politically, you’ll gain more allies—”

“I’ve decided against a political career,” Corvin said.

“Is…that possible?” Jonas choked. “You’ll be Paterfamilias.”

“It’s a new era, Jonas. We can’t do things according to the old ways,” Corvin said.

“Look, Corvin, you know Salina will give you all the freedom you want. She’s not clingy—”

“Livia is not clingy,” Corvin growled.

Jonas made a noise of disagreement that made Corvin stare him down.

“Corvin, be reasonable—”

Corvin shook his head. “I cannot tolerate Salina’s definition of partnership, Jonas. And you talk about all the freedom I want? With her rabid jealousy?”

Jonas glared. “Corvin, I can’t understand why you’re that set against her—”

“Then you need to spend some time getting to know your own sister,” Corvin snapped and stalked away.

Jonas stood there frozen, mouth agape, watching Corvin cross the room.

Livia didn’t know why she announced her presence. “She’s a bully, Jonas.”

He turned and looked at her and flushed a deep red. “You heard.”

“Yes,” Livia met his eyes.

She watched Jonas squirm as he searched for something to say.

“Corvin should consider all his options—”

“Am I not considered an option?” Livia asked coldly.

Jonas’ face flushed an even deeper red. “I think you know why you’re an unconventional choice, and we’re concerned—”

“You think I’m unstable?” Livia asked.

“Are you?”

Livia answered, “I’m sane. After all I’ve been through, I consider that quite an accomplishment.”

To her surprise, Jonas smiled and gave her a nod of acknowledgment.

“I’m not perfect,” Livia said. She tipped her head to Corvin. “But neither is he…if he deserves a good life, why don’t I?”

Surprise entered Jonas’ expression. “You deserve a good life. I just don’t want Corvin’s to be any harder.”

Livia smiled, but there was steel behind it. “Good. Because I don’t want mine to be either.”

Jonas’ eyes narrowed. “I don’t want this to cause a grudge between us. I didn’t speak ill of you or say anything untrue—”

Livia considered that. “I don’t hold a grudge. But I no longer trust you, and there’s little chance you’ll ever repair that.”

Jonas’ chin jerked back. Livia walked past him to find Corvin. She said goodbye, and Corvin followed her outside.

“Are we alright, Livia?” Corvin asked.

“We’re alright, Corvin,” Livia answered.

He gave her a long hug and a kiss on the forehead and then let her go. He watched as Livia backed out of the driveway, brow furrowed.