NOVEL NEXT Consultation 89.
Consultation 89.
“God, I think my boyfriend is cheating on me. How do I confront him about this?”
“Oh, and what makes you think he’s cheating on you?”
“I smelled another woman’s perfume on his clothes.”
“That doesn’t mean he’s cheating on you. What if he was on a crowded bus or train and he was forced into close contact with another woman?”
“I guess that’s true... are you saying I should trust in him more?”
“Of course not. Blindly trusting in someone is stupid and a surefire way to get taken advantage of. Have you heard of shit tests before?”
“Yes. What about them?”
“Good. All you need to do is administer a shit test to see if he is cheating on you.”
“And what sort of shit test are we talking here?”
“It’s pretty simple, you’re just going to pretend you’re cheating on him and see how he reacts.”
“Pretend… you say?”
“Yes, pretend.”
“And how exactly do I only pretend to cheat on him?”
“Hire a male stripper to spend the night with you at a hotel. When he shows up, you’re going to record yourself pretending to cheat on your boyfriend by having full penetration sex with this male stripper. But, of course, this does not constitute cheating because you’re just pretending.”
“You’ll take a video recording of everything from beginning to end, but after you have sex with the male stripper you will look directly at the camera and say ‘Just kidding, I’m not really cheating on you.’ When you’re with your boyfriend, you will then have the video recording sent to him via text from a number he doesn’t know.”
“Once you do that, he will watch the video while you’re together and you will monitor his reactions closely. If he doesn’t react much while watching it and doesn’t particularly care, he’s obviously a cheater. If he does show an extreme reaction then he’s not a cheater. It’s that simple. After he gets to the end of the video, you can just claim it was a deep fake video.”
“Won’t I really turn into the one cheating and become a liar like this?”
“Are you deaf? You should clean out your ears more often. As I said before, it’s not cheating, it’s just PRE-TEN-DING to cheat. You understand?”
“But-”
“No buts! You dare question God! If God says it’s not cheating, it is not cheating!”
“I’m sorry for doubting you, God!” She cowered back in her seat when I lashed out authoritatively.
“Good. Now go out there and prove your boyfriend’s innocence.”
“Y-Yes. I’ll do my best, God.”
With that over with, I’d successfully done another good deed for the day. Normie problems were so refreshing.
If I kept this up while acting as a proxy in place of the God of Life Counseling for Normie Waifus, I’d surely be able to tarnish his reputation and get him demoted into a fellow God who deals with defective washed-up waifus like me. As for the inevitable outcome of increasing the number of defective washed up waifus in the world, it was inconsequential.
Even if you added one or two more, it was just a drop of water in the ocean. The benefits reaped from creating a fallen normie God and enlisting him among the ranks of us pitiful staff forced to deal with the most problematic defective washed up waifus was an outcome that greatly outweighed the costs. There was an endless supply of these crazy broads so I had no worry that I’d ever run out of clients. There were far more of these degenerate clients than there were Gods available to provide counseling for them.
If things worked out my way, I could possibly dump my more degenerate clients on this sucker. It would truly be wonderful if I could accomplish that.
As for converting these defective waifus into normal ones, I’d long come to realize it was an impossible uphill battle. Once something was broken, it could never return to its original state. Even if they became normal on the surface, the core beneath the surface was still a rotten one no matter how you tried to disguise or beautify it. Putting a band-aid on a giant gaping wound only hid the imperfection. Scars would be left behind when you took the band-aid off. They would one day be corrupted again.
