Please Don’t Die, My Lady

Chapter 48

In the end, I couldn’t keep my resolve.

The very next day, my health took another downturn, and I ended up being dragged to the infirmary by the health teacher, where I spent several days recuperating.

I hadn’t even done anything, so why was I in this state again?

Ah, maybe it was because I cried myself to sleep the night before?

That would just be ridiculous.

Anyway, it wasn’t until the following week that I could finally attend class for the first time in almost a month.

The first thing I noticed upon entering was the odd stares directed at me.

They weren’t the usual hostile glares but more curious or questioning ones.

Was it because I’d been gone for so long, or had strange rumors been spreading?

I hoped it wasn’t the latter, but that was probably wishful thinking.

I remembered running into Jan in the hallway before.

The thought of it, along with a bad feeling, made me sigh.

Luckily, no one seemed bold enough to approach me and start a conversation.

Still, the stares were uncomfortable, so I practically fled to Sena’s class.

Although she often visited me, this was my first time going to her.

As such, even stepping into someone else’s classroom felt like an ordeal.

If I hadn’t made a firm promise to myself the night before to greet her first, I probably wouldn’t have managed to do it.

In my previous life, I had been a relatively social person.

It seems social skills atrophy if you don’t use them.

I glanced around, looking for her.

It didn’t take long to find her seated at the desk near the window at the far end.

I approached her, trying my best to smile warmly.

When I was just a few steps away, she noticed me and turned to look.

“It’s been a while, Sena. I came to say hel—”

Her reaction was dramatic.

Before I could even finish my greeting, her dazed expression gave way to shock as she stood up abruptly and wrapped her arms around me.

Her arms encircled my back tightly, as if she’d never let go.

Her warmth was more than just comforting—it was practically burning.

She felt so vivid, so much more present than she usually did.

Caught off guard by her unexpected reaction, I stammered.

“Uh, um, Sena? What’s wrong?”

“I was worried…”

Her trembling voice came from where her face was buried against my chest.

Ah.

She was crying.

That explained the heat I felt.

…It had been almost a month since we last saw each other.

If she hadn’t heard any news about me during that time, it was only natural for her to feel anxious.

Especially since she had an unusual attachment to me.

It almost felt like she was projecting onto me, perhaps seeing someone else she had lost in the past.

Feeling guilty for being so thoughtless, I sighed and gently hugged her back, patting her shoulder.

“I came by every day…

Hic… They said you weren’t well enough to meet, so I… I just….”

So that’s the excuse the health teacher gave?

She really didn’t hold back, did she?

I suppose she had her reasons. If I’d been informed, I might’ve done something reckless. Still, it didn’t change the fact that Sena had been left in the dark, powerless.

“Are you okay now?

You’re not going to suddenly… die, are you?”

Her face was serious as she pulled away to ask this, and I couldn’t help but laugh a little.

I understood how she felt, but wasn’t it a bit much to worry about me dropping dead on the spot?

It’s not like I was some fragile fish that would die from a single glance.

…Or maybe I was.

Thinking back to all the embarrassing moments I’d shown her, I realized I couldn’t entirely deny it.

That made me feel a bit strange.

Forcing a smile to cover my mixed emotions, I reassured her.

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to die.”

It wasn’t a lie—at least not immediately.

I was planning to die eventually, but not right now.

“I’m not fully recovered, but I’m much better than I was before.”

“Is that so…? That’s a relief.”

Sena placed a hand over her chest and let out a deep sigh, looking genuinely relieved.

Her reaction pricked at my conscience.

To think that I’d lied to someone who was so invested in my well-being…

…No, it wasn’t a lie.

I forcefully steered my thoughts away from that line of thinking.

This wasn’t the time to sink into gloom again.

I had something to say, after all.

I opened my mouth slowly.

“…I’m sorry.”

I needed to start with an apology.

In our relationship, I had always been the perpetrator, and she had always been the victim.

If I tried to build something new without apologizing first, the foundation would inevitably crumble someday.

“I think I’ve been too harsh in response to the kindness you’ve shown me.

Not to make excuses, but I’ve been dealing with a lot of bad things, and my health hasn’t been great, so I guess I’ve been overly sensitive.”

“No, it’s okay. I was the one who kept approaching you even though you didn’t want me to.”

Her response was exactly what I expected.

Of course you’d say that.

You’ve gotten used to dealing with me, haven’t you?

But no, it wasn’t okay.

The problem lies with me, not you.

I let out a bitter smile.

“Isn’t it a bit unfair for a normal person to be scolded just for approaching someone abnormal?”

“It’s fine because I’m abnormal too.

I’m probably worse than you, Princess.”

“That was a joke.

Are you not even going to deny that I’m abnormal?

So, you’ve thought that all along, huh?”

“Ah, um… No, I mean, of course I was joking too.”

Her awkward attempt to change the subject made me chuckle softly.

“So, are you not going to accept my apology?

If you don’t, I’ll have no choice but to get on my knees.”

“What? But you haven’t done anything wrong, so why would you…?”

Will You Be My Friend?

I lowered my gaze and knelt down politely.

Sena panicked, trying desperately to pull me back to my feet.

“I’ll accept! Please, just get up!”

“Oh? But I was planning to do a full bow next, maybe even a handstand. Should I take a bit more time?”

“Stop joking and just get up… Everyone’s staring at us….”

I didn’t like that either.

I quickly stood up.

Sure enough, I could feel the weight of people’s gazes on us.

Doing something so out of character had drained all my energy.

Still, it was something that had to be done.

If she hadn’t accepted my apology, even as an empty gesture, that would’ve been the end of it.

“I approached you knowing full well that I might be hated, so I don’t understand why you’re apologizing to me….”

“…It’s because of that very reason.”

Even when I had tried so hard to be alone, she had always pushed past the thorns I put up to reach me.

No matter how much I tried to cut her off, I couldn’t bring myself to hate her, perhaps because of that part of her.

Whatever she might have seen in me or projected onto me, the result remained the same: she had sacrificed for me.

Not for anyone else—for me.

“There’s something I want to say to you, something I haven’t been able to until now.”

And so, there were words I needed to convey to Sena.

I might be far too late, but better now than never.

I softened my expression into a warm smile and gently took her left hand, clasping it between mine.

“Sena, will you be my friend?”

“…?”

She tilted her head in confusion, as if her mind had frozen. Seeing her hesitation, I asked again.

“Do you not want to?”

“No!”

Sena clapped her hand over her mouth.

Her eyes were already glistening with tears.

“I’m just… so happy…”

So that’s a yes.

I was relieved.

Friendship often forms naturally, but since I had been the one drawing the line, I needed to declare that it was okay now.

Seeing how happy she was filled the emptiness in my heart with a sense of fulfillment, the satisfaction of having repaid her in some way.

But at the same time, that satisfaction allowed the vile thoughts I had buried within me to surface.

I wanted her, at least, to witness my death and mourn me.

If our relationship was to develop that far, we had to start by being friends.

Even if I wrapped it in the guise of goodwill, it was nothing but a selfish calculation.

No matter what I went through or how many resolutions I made, I couldn’t change who I was.

This, too, was just my selfish desire to experience a semblance of a peaceful life before dying.

Even worse, part of me wondered if dying suddenly without warning would shock her more and make her grief even deeper.

Disgusting. Revolting. Detestable.

The thoughts made my head throb.

I wanted to flip over a desk, scream at the top of my lungs, and scratch the chalkboard with my nails.

The sudden drop from my earlier resolve overwhelmed me with despair.

So I smiled instead.

I smiled prettily and cracked a joke.

“If anyone should be happy, it’s me. I’m the loner here.”

“I know…”

“…Hey, Sena, you’ve been subtly sharp with me for a while now, haven’t you?”

Her tearful face broke into a small laugh.

I joined her.

As long as I looked fine to others, that was enough.

Inside, I’d always been broken, so worrying about it now felt pointless.

Yeah, this is enough.

Just as I convinced myself of that, I felt an unpleasantly familiar and intensely emotional gaze on me.

It was a gaze I couldn’t mistake for anyone else’s.

Slowly, I turned toward the source of the feeling.

Our eyes met.

He was dressed sharply in a formal male uniform, his short platinum blonde hair neatly combed back.

With striking features that made it clear to anyone he was handsome, his tall, lean figure was complemented by green eyes framed by gold-rimmed glasses.

Though he looked more mature than the last time I saw him, I recognized him immediately.

It had been a long time, Hans.

You look like you’ve been doing well. That’s good.

His expression, however, was one of shock—wide eyes and a slightly open mouth, as if he had seen a ghost.

Why was he looking at me like that?

It was almost as though he really had seen a ghost.