Please Don’t Die, My Lady

Chapter 45

I made a foolish mistake.

I let my guard down, was caught off guard, and ended up cornered.

I’d made so many errors that I couldn’t even entertain the usual escapist thoughts of what if I had chosen differently.

I rationalized it as the circumstances being unfavorable, but looking back, there were always better options.

Even though I had a rough idea of what the Lady must have been feeling, I never truly considered her.

I naively thought that simply offering her a better future would suffice.

But for someone who couldn’t endure the present, that was utterly meaningless.

All I had to do was ask what she wanted and grant her wish.

It wasn’t a difficult task.

Instead, I had effectively severed her limbs, cut out her tongue, and blocked her eyes and ears.

Why did I claim to be acting in her best interest when I couldn’t even treat her like a person?

Given that I’m here now, rushing to save her, it’s almost a relief that she hasn’t openly ridiculed me.

What a vile hypocrite I am.

Just because I don’t expect forgiveness doesn’t mean my sins disappear.

I have no conscience to speak of.

One mistake led to another, like a misaligned cog in a machine, grinding my every rational judgment to a halt.

The moment I heard that the Lady had been admitted to the infirmary, I bolted out of the classroom.

The head of the infirmary, Arlezienne Kayan, was Alberto’s younger sister—too dangerous to ignore.

I should have assessed the situation calmly and waited for an opportunity.

At the very least, I shouldn’t have left during a magic lecture.

Especially not with Alberto watching me intently, risking actions that would arouse suspicion.

First mistake.

I was caught immediately by him, interrogated and cornered.

In that moment, retreating was the best option.

But half-mad with worry for the Lady, I defied him for the first time in my life.

He overpowered me without effort, grabbing my hair and dragging me away.

I spent weeks locked in his room, subjected to relentless questioning.

Second mistake.

I escaped when Alberto disappeared somewhere, seizing the moment to flee.

Without pausing to gather myself, I ran straight to the infirmary.

What tormented me most during those weeks was not knowing the Lady’s condition.

The anxiety nearly drove me insane.

It was the first time I truly understood how excruciating it was to be completely controlled.

I was so desperate that I was ready to kill anyone who stood in my way without considering the consequences.

To my surprise, Arlezienne greeted me warmly.

Yes, warmly.

It wasn’t the reaction I had expected, and before I could react, she led me to a seat.

She offered me coffee with a natural ease that reminded me why she bore the Kayan name.

Yet, there was no hostility in her demeanor.

She even admitted to orchestrating Alberto’s absence to facilitate my escape.

She told me to listen to her, even briefly, and I forced my disjointed thoughts into some semblance of coherence.

What she shared was nothing short of shocking.

The Lady’s family, the Adelians, had fallen, but their solid foundations still held sway over the southern empire.

The Duke and Duchess had moved their base to the kingdom, using it to continue their rebellion.

The Lady had been taken as a hostage amidst the chaos.

A bargaining chip in case open war broke out.

That was why she had been hastily sent to the academy—to be protected while simultaneously being tamed into obedience.

The rebel forces had grown so large with the kingdom’s full support that they could no longer be dismissed as mere rebels.

Given how little information our organization had, the revelation was staggering.

I didn’t understand why she was telling me all this.

When I asked, she replied simply, “Because I’m a traitor.”

I felt dizzy.

“…So, are you helping the Lady for the Duke Adelian’s sake?”

“No. He has no interest in her.”

“Why…?”

“I don’t know. I asked, but he didn’t care.

I think she’s been abandoned. Pitiful, isn’t it?”

Arlezienne gave a bitter smile.

Her somber gaze was fixed on the door behind which the Lady lay.

“That’s the only reason I’m helping.

Out of pity and sympathy for an unfortunate child.”

“…I see.”

I accepted her reasoning.

I had no alternatives and no grounds to add anything.

After all, I was helping the Lady purely because I loved her—a deeply emotional and unreasonable motivation.

I formed an alliance with Arlezienne to safely extract the Lady from the infirmary.

First, we needed to divert Alberto’s attention to ensure she wouldn’t be suspected.

By mutual agreement, I used magic to sweep through the infirmary.

It was nothing short of a terrorist act within the academy—a place even the organization dared not meddle with lightly.

I carried her in my arms and fled, locking her away in a room.

Driven by urgency, I wanted to isolate her completely, though my actions were extreme.

In hindsight, I should have returned her to her own room.

It wouldn’t have improved the situation, but at least it wouldn’t have made it worse.

Third mistake.

I didn’t explain why I confined her.

I didn’t tell her she’d been abandoned by her parents.

I didn’t want to heap more cruel truths onto her already shattered state.

I foolishly thought that taking all her resentment upon myself would ease her heart.

What a naive and stupid thought.

I’d experienced the despair of being cut off from the outside world, yet I couldn’t empathize with what she must have felt.

Looking back now, I can’t understand my own actions.

Fourth mistake.

Despite resolving not to, I lost control and violated her after a single word from her.

I swore to never do it again after coming to my senses, condemning my actions the next morning.

But every time I returned to the room, and she undressed and embraced me, I failed to restrain myself.

I proved that I wasn’t even worthy of being called human—a beast unworthy of dignity.

A beast who knew her place.

It’s shameful to even admit.

Fifth mistake.

I left her alone for more than half the day.

I had to secretly meet with Arlezienne to plan our escape.

I thought the concept-blocking array, installed at the cost of my life force, would prevent outside intrusion.

I didn’t account for Alberto’s expertise.

Sixth mistake.

And that brings us to now.

I allowed an intrusion from the outside, left the Lady ignorant as she walked into a trap, and, only after the fact, ran out to face an overwhelmingly superior opponent in a fight with little hope of victory.

My errors, which I couldn’t shift onto anyone else, had culminated in the worst-case scenario.

Pressing my aching forehead, I barely managed to gather my thoughts.

Nearly half the room was now bathed in Alberto’s white mana.

“Overlap. Restraint. Transformation.”

Mana, shaped like rapidly growing plants, sprouted all at once within his domain.

“Chains. Bind.”

Dozens of mana constructs, compressed and sharpened into metallic strength, emerged. The ends of the chains curled into hooks as they surged toward me at his command.

I released my mana in a wide, spherical burst.

The mana naturally expanded into the form of a glowing sphere, with arcs of electricity branching upward like lightning from its outer edges.

The chains collided with the electricity, filling the room with the acrid smell of burning.

Most of the chains melted away in the electric current, but some persisted, forcing their way through to try and bind me.

“Theia.”

I extended my hand, summoning fire to burn the remaining chains to ash and casting molten flames, thick and viscous, toward Alberto.

“Your raw mana reserves have grown, but your control is still lacking.”

Before the flames could reach him, they turned into a white substance that solidified midair.

He had interfered with my magic, changing its properties without an incantation.

It was a feat impossible without a vast disparity in skill.

It was clear where the advantage lay.

How could I possibly face the Lady after this?

I had promised her that I’d save her and explain everything afterward.

They say you shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep.

Once again, I’d made a mistake.

“I won’t drag this out.

For old times’ sake, I’ll make it painless.”

“…How very considerate of you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Alberto’s body was cloaked in a brilliant layer of white mana as he began advancing toward me.

I unleashed another burst of electricity and fire to stop him, but it failed to even slow his steps.

Instinctively, I glanced back at the Lady.

She was clasping her hands in prayer, likely for my victory.

Or perhaps she was praying for us both to perish together.

That would be the best outcome for her, wouldn’t it?

If that’s the case, I must grant her wish.

Even if it costs my life, I will ensure that her desire is fulfilled.

It’s the only form of atonement I can offer her.

And the only way I can give her a future.

I turned back to Alberto with a faint smile.

Sensing something amiss, he stomped the ground and surged toward me in an instant.

I’m sorry, but you’re too late.

“Let’s die together.”

The Warton family excels in one area of magic above all others.

Taking life.

That was the utility that the Emperor recognized in us.

The miracle achieved is the death of the target.

The price is one’s own life.

And that price is more than enough.