Only Realized After Losing You

14. Last Night I Wished I Would Never Wake Up

Lebrado waited quietly with his palm outstretched towards me.

To be more precise, he was waiting for me to ‘do something’ to the palm of his hand.

It seemed to be the answer to the rather absurd thing he had proposed.

‘Please become my master.’

Master.

It was a word I couldn’t fathom, much less pronounce.

Lebrado’s golden eyes, still filled with tears that had not gone away, did not leave me.

Those weak eyes were the complete opposite of his strong body.

Those eyes made my heart melt.

When I looked at Lebrado, I thought of my younger sibling who had been sold off somewhere.

The child who was sold to a place from which they could never return due to our father’s scheme.

The child was a child whose speech was slurred.

The last thing I remembered of my younger sibling was them reaching out for me.

The child, who was thin and weak and fell easily, always reached out to me.

The child spread the palm of their small hand wide, as if they were confident that they would not fall if they held my hand.

I took their hand and held it for as long as I could, as if I had forgotten how to say no.

As I walked through the small garden holding the child’s hand, I thought to myself, ‘When will this child stop wanting my hand?’

However, I ultimately did not see that time arrive.

I was weak.

At that time, I was too young to protect that child.

“… … .”

I held Lebrado’s hand.

Maybe I was acting out of guilt.

Guilt for the child who had been sold, for the child I had been, for the child I hadn’t been able to protect.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he exclaimed, “I’m so happy I could cry. You don’t think I’m strange, and you’re the first person to take me in.”

Lebrado, who was overjoyed, immediately placed his cheek on my palm.

It was a hot cheek. I didn’t mind the warmth of another’s body against mine.

When I didn’t pull my hand away, Lebrado cautiously continued.

“May I lick your hand just once, to commemorate having the person with the ideal type of hand as my master?”

The ideal type of hand…

It was a strange statement no matter how many times I heard it.

I was a little worried when he asked if he could lick it, because I thought this big man might get horny after seeing my hands and try to force himself on me.

In the end, I didn’t pull my hand away.

It was a sign of tacit consent.

Although I hesitated, that was the reason I allowed him to lick my hand.

He shed tears while thinking about his dead mother, and I thought he wouldn’t do anything bad to me, as I had hands that resembled his mother’s.

I had a pretty good instinct.

“Let me lick it a little, then.”

Lebrado lifted his face from where it was leaning on my hand and looked up at me.

He swallowed so hard that his large throat throbbed loudly.

I was silent.

In response to my silence, Lebrado stuck out his tongue and licked his lips just once.

Soon his red, thick tongue started licking my fingers.

He licked my fingers with a serious expression, as if performing a pious ritual, and occasionally nibbled them.

Of course, he didn’t bite hard, and he merely grazed his teeth over my hands.

I watched him lick my hand.

Brown hair that looked dull. A smooth, sun-tanned nape. A face of concentration.

It felt like it was my first time seeing someone so focused on one thing.

I found that fascinating.

He said he would only lick a little, but only stopped after my fingertips were covered in saliva.

He spoke, confessing with a flushed face.

“Master, I want to see you tomorrow too.”

As expected, my answer was silence.

But the silence that fell now had a different meaning than before.

I couldn’t give a definite answer about meeting him.

It was my father who decided who I would meet with.

* * *

Last night I wished I would never wake up.

When I woke up from a long nightmare and opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was Lebrado’s bright golden eyes.

His pure, untarnished golden eyes made me look back at myself, who had hoped not to wake up last night.

‘Don’t think negatively. You said you would save yourself.’

His golden eyes seemed to be sending me that message.

I slowly blinked my heavy eyelids.

Lebrado, who was sitting at the foot of the bed and staring at my face, said.

“Are you sick? Why can’t you get up?”

I slowly shook my head. There was no pain anywhere.

“Are you surprised that I came so early? I’m sorry if I surprised you.”

“… … .”

“Having worked as a knight for a long time, waking up early has become ingrained in me. I woke up earlier than usual today because I wanted to meet Miss Ellie.”

Half-asleep, there was one word that caught my attention.

Knight.

It was Lebrado’s profession that made me nod my head in agreement.

Could there be a job that suited him as well as a knight?

“I came here after waiting for several hours… but it’s still too early, right?”

I shook my head again.

When I opened my eyes, the presence of another human being in front of me didn’t seem so bad.

Having Lebrado in front of me also meant that the deal between him and my father had gone well.

How much did he pay my father?

For some reason, the Labrador looked neater than yesterday.

His unkempt hair was neatly combed, and he was dressed in what appeared to be quite a classy outfit.

He seemed to notice my gaze scanning over him.

“I woke up early, washed up nice, and put on the best clothes I had.”

“… … .”

“… I hope my master thinks I’m special.”

As he uttered the word master, his cheeks blushed a little.

He looked so innocent and naïve.

Maybe that’s why I liked him.

It was hard to imagine him holding a heavy sword and exuding murderous intent on someone.

Instead of answering, I put my hand on his head.

Then I ruffled his hair, just enough to keep it from getting out of place.

Good job.

Lebrado closed his eyes tightly and savored my touch.

“I’m glad.”

He didn’t say anything about wanting to lick me.

The corners of his mouth tilted upward in a grin.

“Why don’t you get ready and come out? I’ll make a quick breakfast.”

* * *

I sat down at the kitchen table.

Even though it was morning, my father and mother were nowhere to be seen.

In the empty kitchen, Lebrado was busy preparing something.

I looked at the scene silently.

The morning sunlight that came through the small window in the kitchen fell on Lebrado’s face, his broad shoulders, and his rough hands holding the onions.

I continued to stare, unable to stop.

The next thing I knew, he was done cooking.

What Lebrado prepared was a simple soup.

“I’m sorry, this is all I can do for you. I didn’t have many ingredients.”

“… … .”

“It should taste good, though. I used to camp out a lot as a knight, and my soup is made to taste. My lord likes my soup.”

Lebrado affectionately scooped the soup into a bowl.

I sniffed the soup in the dish in front of me. It smelled very good.

I picked up my spoon and took a few spoonfuls of soup. It tasted just as good as it smelled.

Lebrado hadn’t even eaten a single bite.

He just rested his arms on the table and watched me eat the soup.

He was like a puppy looking for praise.

I put down the spoon I was holding and slowly parted my lips.

I mouthed a short message to him.

‘It is delicious.’

If I didn’t praise him, he would never eat again.

“Thank God.”

Only then did he start eating his share of soup.

For some reason, I felt relaxed.

The negative thoughts I’d had the moment I opened my eyes were gone.

That was the magic power of Lebrado.

He had a way of calming you down when you were around him.

* * *

After the light meal, we headed out.

The weather was just as pleasant as yesterday.

We casually held hands and walked somewhere.

Of course, I didn’t know what the destination was.

“It’s a nice day.”

Lebrado seemed quite accustomed to one-sided conversations.

He didn’t seem to mind the fact that he was talking to himself, and he continued.

“Because I am holding my master’s hand on such a beautiful day… It feels so good.”

As expected, Lebrado was extremely shy, which did not suit his size.

I found the discrepancy funny and smiled faintly.

I didn’t hate the feel of his rough hands on my fingertips.

We walked for a long time down the long, endless boulevard.

The smell of summer on the breeze. The occasional sound of people laughing.

A song sung by a street musician. Lebrado’s hot fingertips.

I thought it was a beautiful sight that I would like to remember for a long time.

It would be something I could call up whenever something bad happened.

I etched all the beautiful things in my head and in my heart. Very deeply. So deep that I wouldn’t forget.

I wonder how long we walked.

Then, I began to see a familiar mansion among the rows of mansions along the long boulevard.

A mansion so large that one couldn’t see completely at a glance.

A black iron gate.

… Duke Hills’ house.

That place was Duke Hills’ house, where I came on a rainy day.

It was then that Lebrado, who was walking fine, suddenly stopped.

He stopped and looked longingly at Duke Hills’ house.

“I used to work there. I was the master’s right hand man. Besides Miss Ellie, my other master is a very playful and sly man. But when he was cold, he was really cold, and as soon as I did something wrong, he suspended me.”

He said he worked for the Dukes of Hills.

In other words, Lebrado was the ‘knight’ of the Duke of Hills.