Nirvana In Fire

Hearing the deeper meaning behind Lin Chen’s words, Xia Dong’s heart trembled with fear, and she held on tighter to Nie Feng’s hand.

“The process of eliminating the poison of the bitter cold is extraordinarily painful. Simply put, the skin must be peeled away and the bones must be bent back.” Lin Chen looked at Nie Feng and continued, “General Nie is a man with an iron will and would be able to withstand this suffering, but….if you want to thoroughly eliminate the poison, we must break the bones to remove the fire and cold poison within and then reconstruct them. After that, you would be bedridden for at least a year as the bone and flesh are regenerated. The advantage of this method is once the poison is eliminated, you would look no different from an ordinary person, the tongue would be restored to its softness, but you would look very different from what you used to look like.”

“That’s not a problem,” Xia Dong breathed a sigh of relief. “It’s not a big problem if he looks different.”

“I haven’t finished.” Lin Chen lowered his eyes. “Breaking the bones to remove the poison causes tremendous harm to the body. Not only is the internal breath completely destroyed, you will no longer have any fighting strength left. On the contrary, you will be more susceptible to illness and injury from now on, suffering constantly from cold, unable to enjoy the lifespan of a normal person.”

Xia Dong’s lips trembled slightly, while Meng Zhi leapt up and said loudly, “What did you say?”

“The human body has a limit which cannot be exceeded. The process of completely removing the poison of the bitter flame is essentially giving one’s life in exchange. But if proper care is taken to recuperate well after the poison is eliminated, there shouldn’t be a problem living till forty……”

Meng Zhi’s complexion had by this time gone from black to green, his flaming eyes fixed penetratingly on Mei Changsu’s face, as if he was looking at his enemy.

Xia Dong was astonished and couldn’t help asking, “Commander Meng, what’s the matter with you?”

“What’s the matter with me?” Meng Zhi gasped roughly for breath and turned his gaze back to Wei Zheng, “You….and Nie Duo….what have you been doing all this while when you were by his side? Did you just look on without doing anything as he acted so rashly?”

Wei Zheng did his best to hold back the tears in his eyes, his face practically twisted and deformed, but confronted with Meng Zhi’s question, he said nothing to defend himself.

“Meng dage….” Mei Changsu called out softly.”

“What else do you have to say?” Meng Zhi roared in anger. “Who was the one who told me that all that’s needed is to take care of the body? And you still run crazily up and down the capital like this? You may not care about your life, but we….we….”

At this point, this man who seemed made of iron suddenly choked with emotions, his eyes bloodshot. Lin Chen looked at him expressionlessly, then blankly said, “There’s no point in scolding him. He’s very opinionated. Whether it’s you or Wei Zheng, who can stop him?”

“Stop talking nonsense,” Mei Changsu shot Lin Chen a cold glance. “Hurry and finish saying what you want to say.”

“Alright.” Lin Chen took a deep breath and continued, “I’ll now talk about the less thorough method. This method is similar in principle, but it keeps the toxicity under control and does not fundamentally harm the human body. After the treatment, you can be sure that the toxicity will not flare up as it does today, and there is no need to drink anymore blood. Although the body won’t return to its full fighting strength, you won’t be very different from the ordinary person and can enjoy a natural lifespan. However, the body will remain covered with white fur, and the tongue will remain stiff making speech difficult.”

Mei Changsu hurriedly said, “There will be less toxicity, so he should be able to articulate simple syllables, right?”

“I’ll do my best. But he will definitely not be able to speak like a normal person.”

“What about his appearance?”

“Of course it’ll be a little better than now.”

Xia Dong was in a daze after hearing all this. She slowly turned her head and gazed at her husband. Both their eyes met, each of them feeling complex emotions in their hearts that flowed to the other through the openings of the eyes.

They knew if they wanted to spend more time together, they couldn’t insist on perfection.

“Even if you look the way you do now, I would think it’s very good.” Xia Dong smiled as she smoothened the long hair on Nie Feng’s face. “Feng ge, will you bear with this a little longer in order to keep me company for a few more years?”

Mei Changsu’s eyes were tender as he looked at both husband and wife leaning close to each other. With a long sigh of relief, he said to Lin Chen, “Since they have decided, you should quickly start making preparations. Fei Liu has already mastered the xi yang* formula you taught him. When the time comes, you can get him to help you.”

*some method Fei Liu uses to regulate his body after being rescued (because his previous martial arts practice was harming his body)

“This is the Mongolian doctor’s business. You don’t have to stick your nose in it.” Lin Chen turned his head, pointing his chin in Meng Zhi’s direction, “That there is your business. Are you going to let him continue glaring at you like this?”

At this moment, Nie Feng sounded “hu hu” twice, got up anxiously and walked towards Mei Changsu. Grabbing his hand, he shook it gently. Xia Dong didn’t understand what he meant, so as she stood supporting her husband from behind, she asked, “What’s wrong?”

Mei Changsu smiled, turned his hand around to hold on to Nie Feng’s arm, and said soothingly, “Don’t worry too much. My circumstances are different from yours. I’m very good now.”

“It’s different,” said Lin Chen coolly, “Compared to him, back then you were even more….”

“Shut up!” Mei Changsu suddenly turned on him in anger. “If you want to spout such idle words then get lost. This no longer concerns you!”

“Alright, alright,” Lin Chen raised his hand in a soothing gesture, “I’ll get out of the way. You think I like to watch you taking on more burdens when you are already so overburdened? Actually, you are the most wilful person on earth, don’t you think?”

“Master Lin” Wei Zheng wrinkled his face and tugged at Lin Chen’s arm, “Don’t always argue with Young Commander. Young Commander has his own difficulties.”

“He’s your Young Commander, not mine. To me, he’s Mei Changsu.” Lin Chen’s lips held a trace of a smile, but there was no smile in his eyes. “I have been helping you because it is the duty of a friend to help you fulfill your wish, but not so you can kill yourself.”

Mei Changsu ignored him and spoke to Nie Feng, “Nie dage, rest first. I’m going out for a while.” After that, he turned around, looked at Lin Chen and Meng Zhi and said, “Both of you, please follow me out. We’ll speak there.”

Lin Chen shrugged and said, “You don’t have to speak to me. I’m just complaining. When have I ever been able to say no to you? The sun is good outside. I’ll go bathe in it first, since I’ll have to obey you and treat him tomorrow. “ Saying this, he swung his arms and walked away leisurely. Outside, he grabbed hold of Fei Liu, dragging him along as he ruffled his hair.

Meng Zhi wasn’t as relaxed as Lin Chen. When he followed behind Mei Changsu, his face was dark. The three people left behind in the room remained silent for a long while before Xia Dong finally found her voice.

“Wei Zheng….what did you call him just now? Young Commander?”

Wei Zheng lowered his head and tightened his lips. “But you only have one Young Commander…..” Xia Dong moved to face him and set her eyes firmly on him. “Did you mean what I think you meant?”

Wei Zheng still didn’t answer, but Nie Feng hugged her from behind, holding her tightly.

“Oh my God….” Xia Dong’s face was pale as snow, and she almost couldn’t breathe. But as a woman, her first thought was obviously different from a man’s. “Then….Nihuang….”

Wei Zheng turned his head slowly away. At that time, he had unceasingly taken Nie Duo to task over Nihuang, and was scolded severely by Lin Shu for this. But now, he didn’t care about this anymore.

The wishes of the past had slowly narrowed to a point today. These days, he only hoped that his Young Commander would live year after year, and as for all other matters, they would just carry them out according to his wishes. Whatever outcome he wishes, then so be it.

Although deep in his heart, Wei Zheng knew that this smallest wish of his was actually the greatest luxury.

Just as the Deputy General of the Chiyu Battalion struggled with his helplessness and sorrow in this room, in the other room, the angry Meng Zhi suddenly felt helpless and at a loss, his mind blank, as he stood before Mei Changsu’s calm but grief-laden gaze. “What else could I do?” Mei Changsu looked quietly at him, then continued mildly, “There were things I still needed to do. I needed a normal appearance and voice. I can’t just find a peaceful mountain or forest, to recuperate there until I am forty or fifty….Meng dage, what else could I do?”

“But you should have told me…..”

“If I had told you earlier, you wouldn’t have agreed to all my plans.” Mei Changsu smiled sadly, “It’s sometimes difficult not to feel weighed down by all your affections (qing yi) for me. I’m very sorry, but I have no choice but to do it this way…..”

“I thought you were only hiding things from Prince Jing. I never thought you were hiding things from me.” Meng Zhi sighed deeply, his eyes red. “It’s a blessing that Prince Jing doesn’t know anything…..”

Mei Changsu frowned, and slowly sat down on the chair by his side, murmuring, “Jingyan….I’m afraid I won’t be able to hide this from him for much longer…..I hadn’t expected Nie dage to still be alive, but since he is, he deserves to live with dignity. I can’t conceal this. But once Jingyan knows that the patient is Nie dage, I will no longer be able to conceal myself from him….”

“When I urged you to tell Prince Jing the other day, you were angry with me. But it’s impossible to wrap fire in paper. Even if he doesn’t find out that it’s Nie Feng, I don’t believe he doesn’t suspect anything until now.”

“I intend to conceal it a while more,” said Mei Changsu softly. “The Crown Prince is yet to be invested, the old case is yet to be reinvestigated, and so many things left to do. First the Eastern Palace will be conferred, then after that, Consort Jing niang niang will request the Emperor to confer marriage and confer the title of Crown Princess on the granddaughter of the Zhongshu Ling Liu Cheng. Zhongshu Ling is the head of the civilian court and has an ability to grasp the laws and discipline of the imperial court that far exceeds anyone else. With this marriage, things will be more smooth sailing for Prince Jing when he ascends.”

“Xiao Shu….”

“So during this time,” said Mei Changsu, intentionally cutting him off, “Prince Jing must not be distracted. I must see him put on Crown Prince’s diadem, see him get married. When he is sufficiently stable, then try to find a way to use the written evidence in Grand Princess Liyang’s hands to overturn the old case. If I don’t manage to get the current Emperor to reinvestigate the case, I fear that future generations would denounce Prince Jing for practising favoritism in view of his past relationship (qing yi) with Prince Qi. If I want to prove our innocence, then I must do it thoroughly. Just like the poison of the bitter flame in my body back then, I have to bear it, no matter how painful it gets. Meng dage, I’ve come to the last step. Please let me take it?”

Meng Zhi’s heart and mind were in turmoil, and his eyes were red. Just as Lin Chen had said, no matter how angry he was, no matter how he ranted, when one was face to face with this person, who would be able to say no to him?

“Meng dage, you really shouldn’t feel so sad. I’m not going to die immediately.” Mei Changsu relaxed his tone and revealed a smile that was impossible to resist, “I promise you, once Chiyan is exonerated, I will let go of everything and take a good rest. I will definitely live past forty, alright?”

Meng Zhi’s shoulders collapsed in defeat, as he scolded him, “It’s your life, so you should take good care of it yourself. Since Prince Jing will find out sooner or later, good or bad, shouldn’t you leave him a way out? With your life in such a precarious state, after the grand occasions of his investiture and marriage, when he learns about everything in future, how would he feel? Have you thought about it?”

Meng Zhi hit the nail on the head. Mei Changsu’s face turned pale, and he remained silent for a long while. Pain twisted in his heart. Due to Nie Feng’s appearance, he could no longer conceal it to the end as he had anticipated. But he understood Xiao Jingyan well. On the day the truth was finally revealed, his good friend would find it too difficult to bear and blame himself. There’s no need to imagine to know this from experience.

“But Xiao Shu, you shouldn’t worry too much,” Seeing his sad expression, he immediately regretted his words, and adjusted his words, saying soothingly, “In order to overturn such a big case, in order to wipe clean all the injustice borne by Prince Qi and Chiyan, who wouldn’t be able to bear a bit of hardship? Prince Jing is resilient and has a strong will. He will eventually overcome this on his own. If you try to manage his reaction, that’s truly underestimating him.”

Mei Changsu knew he had good intentions and he forced a smile as he said, “You’re right. Actually in those days, Jingyan came to my defence many times. He won’t retreat from difficulty. In future, I would still need to count on him for protection.”

Disgruntled, Meng Zhi said, “If you were willing to be protected, we would thank the heavens! In short, you should remember this when you next decide to act rashly. Don’t count on me to hide it from Prince Jing again!”

“Alright. Commander General, you were the one who taught me to ride, shoot and act confused. How dare I not heed your words?” Although Mei Changsu’s heart and mind were still in a turmoil, he didn’t want to add to Meng Zhi’s worries so he tried hard to put on a cheerful and lighthearted expression. With a relaxed tone, he said, “Don’t pay attention to that Lin Chen. He likes to talk rubbish. Just see how much Fei Liu hates him and you’ll know it’s not a good thing….”

“Hey,” said someone immediately from outside the window, “That’s not hate. That’s respect.”

Meng Zhi was startled. Someone was so close by yet he couldn’t sense his location in the least, which was shocking.

“You don’t have to be alarmed.” It was as if Mei Changsu could read his thoughts. Smiling, he said, “Lin Chen has this ability to sneak around. If it was a real fight, he may not be able to beat you.”

As soon as his voice trailed off, the window opened and Lin Chen stood outside with his arms folded, an evil smile on his face, “The Mongolian doctor says that it’s late. Go to bed early. The Commander General can come again tomorrow, alright?”

Meng Zhi turned his head to look at the hourglass. Sure enough, it was late, so he hurriedly said to Mei Changsu, “I’ll leave then. You must really take care of your health. I wasn’t joking.”

Mei Changsu smiled in promise and sent him all the way to the door. After his silhouette disappeared, Lin Chen slowly swayed over and said, “In the end, he was still persuaded by you…..but I’m not surprised. Even my father was helpless against you back then, let alone them?”

“Lin Chen,” Mei Changsu put away the smile on his face, looked at the darkness ahead and whispered, “…..I don’t feel so good now.”

“I know….” Lin Chen’s tone was still light, “I’m rarely this angry…..”

Mei Changsu turned around, a glimmer of light flashing in his eyes, “Please help me. I need at least another year…..”

“Then you also need to pull yourself together,” Lin Chen’s face took on a solemn expression that was rarely seen. “You’re afraid of Prince Jing finding out because you don’t have confidence in your own health, right?”

“I don’t have a choice….If I’m still around, even if Jingyan found out the truth later on and gets emotionally upset, there would always be a way to placate him. But now I’m not sure myself when I will collapse. Consort Jing niang niang is deep in the palace. Jingyan’s temper….that time, who would be there to allay his anger?” Mei Changsu was very composed as he said these words, obviously determined. “The current situation is far from being foolproof. After all these years of scheming and calculating, at this juncture, I can’t allow myself to be the weakest link. Which is why….I have to let Jingyan down….”

“Actually, that Meng Zhi hit the nail on the head. Prince Jing has his own responsibilities to bear. He’s not the kind of soft and timid person who can’t bear them. Just do it according to your own considerations. Why do you have to feel that you’re letting him down? Ultimately, clearing this case is not your responsibility alone. You are obsessing too much about this one point, which is why you are so mentally exhausted.”

Mei Changsu sighed with melancholy and nodded. “Everything you’ve said, it’s not that I don’t already know. I just can’t help myself, that’s all. After going through so much to get here, to have to wait for Jingyan to be conferred the Eastern Palace, then for him to get married, supervise the country, solidify his hold of the court, wait for news of Xie Yu’s death to arrive in the capital, wait for Xia Jiang to be captured, force the Emperor to have no choice but to agree to the reinvestigation…..For Jingyan, all these will require his effort, but for me, what I need most is time…..”

“But you don’t want Prince Jing to act prematurely either, just to give you that time, right?” Lin Chen raised the corners of his eyebrows and smiled confidently. “Don’t worry, I’m here. I’m also going to use your power in the new dynasty to show off in the future, so how could I so easily let you go to your death?”

Amused by this thought, Mei Changsu smiled and nodded his head, “Yes, then I shall thank you in advance for your hard work.”

Lin Chen’s eyes immediately glowed, “If you really want to thank me, give me xiao Fei Liu!”

Mei Changsu immediately said, “Don’t even dream about it, don’t even think about it.” After saying this, he turned around and left. Fei Liu suddenly appeared out of nowhere, and greatly moved, he threw himself into Su gege’s embrace.

“Ha, you little thing with no conscience. Do you ever think about who cured you then? Come, go for a walk with me!” Lin Chen laughed, peeling Fei Liu away from Mei Changsu, dragging him away.

Mei Changsu smiled and watched them walk away. Just as he was about to turn around, his face suddenly turned pale. Clutching at his chest, he bent over, his vision turning dark as he fell forward.

But of course, he never hit the ground. Someone rushed over just in time to hold him steady, soothing his chest and patting his back. This fainting spell came and went quickly. After taking a few breaths, the pain passed, and his eyes gradually returned to clarity. Raising his head, he saw the white hair and beard of Physician Yan standing before him. Mei Changsu instinctively shut his ears while smiling apologetically.

But this time the old doctor did not scold him. He merely glared sullenly at the patient for a long while before finally sighing as he said, “Let’s quickly go in.”

Footnote:

While googling “xi yang jue”, I came across this video which I believe was an “unofficial alternate ending” to NIF. I’ll leave you all to come to your own conclusions 😀

Afterthought:

As promised, an emotionally laden chapter.

OMG. He was actually intending to conceal it from XJY forever and ever and ever!! I can’t decide which is more cruel! To conceal from XJY for a while then let him know before he dies, or to just conceal it from him forever….I guess what he doesn’t know won’t kill him, but it certainly kills me, the reader! And I know it would kill MZ and CJ and all those who would have had to carry this secret to their graves!!

I can’t remember if we got so much insight in the drama. It needs a rewatch. But this chapter revealed so much of what was going on LS’s head.