MADMAN APOCALYPSE

“So this is the place they wanted me to find,” I muttered, walking across the sticky and springy web that hung down below the metro tunnel high above, as though it was a suicide-prevention net. Each footfall was preceded by an exaggerated leg-lift to pull my Schmonic Boots off the floor.

Below the net was an abyss, but, as I looked down the gaps between the large criss-crossing strands of the web, I saw a few twinkling dots far below.

Or maybe they were eyes blinking as they stared up at me.

It was hard to tell without going down to check.

Bee floated above the web using her wings, while I trudged forward towards some kind of structure that was attached to its center, hanging below and weighing the whole web down. Every step I took made the distant egg-shaped building bob up-and-down.

“Must suck working in there,” I commented.

“There’s no way they don’t know we’re coming,” Panda said, once again back on my shoulder.

An achievement suddenly appeared:

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“Woah,” I muttered, as a small plastic bag full of white powder landed in my hands.

“Is that cornstarch?” Bee asked.

I shared the tooltip with her.

“Oooh, that sounds powerful.”

“I wonder what I should use it on,” I considered.

“Unless you can decide in the next two seconds, you might wanna put your nose candy away,” Panda warned, pointing ahead to dark shapes skittering along the web towards us.

“I’m low on Mana!” Bee said, worried.

“I’ll deal with them, while you use that book of yours to recover,” I told her and tried my best to charge towards the incoming enemies, though it wasn’t much faster than normal walking, thanks to the stickiness of the ‘floor’.

Since I clearly wasn’t going to get to them and beat them up, I instead stopped moving and cocked back my right fist.

Then I punched the air, shooting a burst of concentrated wind down the length of the vibrating spiderweb, catching one of the black many-legged shapes in the middle and popping it like a balloon.

“Eat my farts!!” Brock squealed.

I gave the gauntlet a sidelong look.

“Those aren’t farts,” I argued.

“Don’t worry about the semantics!” Panda yelled. “More are coming!”

I swung my fist again, sending another burst of air at the nearest dark skittering creature, popping it as the long-ranged strike connected. But there were many more coming behind it and they were rapidly closing the distance.

Bee was still meditating with the Litany she’d gotten from the REPD Agents after the first Event, and wouldn’t be able to help, so I began inflating the balloon gauntlet with the valve by the wrist.

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The distance to the frontmost black spiders shrunk to just a few yards, while I pumped up Brock, much to his excitement.

Just as one of the large black creatures leapt for me, its eight hairy legs lifted into the air and huge forearm-sized fangs aiming for my face, I swung the bloated yellow gauntlet forward. The knuckles connected right with the middle of its body, where all the legs came together.

“Kapow!!” Brock shouted gleefully as a massive shockwave exploded out from the point of impact.

The black Labrador-sized tarantula was annihilated, with tiny bits of its body shot away from it and towards the others coming in. The pressurized air moved down the length of the spiderweb, flinging dozens of the spiders off the sides or just straight-up pulping them with its force.

My entire body was pressed down into the elastic web from the backwash, before the ‘floor’ sprung back up, sending me flying towards the remaining tarantulas and the structure they’d emerged from.

I landed fist-first atop one, crushing it into the elastic floor and sending a ripple of vibrations outward. Then I picked up the dead spider and tore off one of its fangs, flinging it at another that was still alive.

“Queensland!!” Brock squealed.

There was only one more tarantula remaining and it was limping back towards the egg-shaped building.

“Catch!” I yelled, before hurling the crushed spider in my hand at it.

“Boom!!” Brock roared, as the distant target was sent tumbling off the side of the web and into the abyss.

I remained standing where I was, as the whole web continued to bob from the brief fight. Then I pulled out the ‘Growth Hormone’ again.

“I know what I’ll use this on,” I said, before opening the plastic bag and shoving the white powder into my mouth by using my hand as a scoop.

“I’m not sure that’s how you’re meant to consume it,” Panda said.

A cough escaped my mouth, sending a cloud of the stuff everywhere.

“It’s actually cornstarch!” I muttered, tasting nothing but vanilla-banana, while all the moisture was sucked out of my mouth.

Growth Hormone ingested!

Select a Skill to Grow

Once a Skill has been chosen, the choice cannot be altered

“What are you going to use it on?” Panda asked. “I think using it on Glitch might really break things more than they are, and probably not in a beneficial way. Could also use it on Insanity, or your new Spin The Wheel ability, or maybe even Soul Blade.”

“I’m gonna use it on my Punch Multiplier,” I told him.

Since he didn’t even argue, I guessed he was okay with it. It was a strange feeling to not have my idea shot down immediately…

“Grow ‘Math.multiply(Punch)’!”

Passive selected!

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Injecting Growth Hormones into Passive…

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Telling everyone the growth is natural…

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Growth type undecided…

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Pick one of the following Growth options:

(1) Evolve Passive into Ability

(2) Enhance existing effect

(3) Add additional effect

“Hmm, that’s a tough one.”

I shared the options with Bee, along with the current Passive description:

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She got up from where she’d been meditating and flew over to where I stood, then asked, “Is this something you use a lot in its current form?”

“It used to work well along with my old Punch Harder skill,” I said. “It doesn’t really come up that much anymore though, which is why I figured I might as well try to make it better for those times where it does come into play.”

“I think, based on the way it works, that it might become similar to Punch Harder if you turn it into an ability,” Panda advised.

I could sort of see the logic in that, but I was worried it would end up less useful.

“Could also add a new effect and hope it gives you something good,” Bee said.

After an excruciating three seconds of reflecting over the issue, I picked the evolve option.

Growth type decided!

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Evolving Passive into Ability…

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No, guys, I swear, it’s 100% all me…

…

Congratulations, you unlocked the new Ability:

‘Math.pow(Punch)’

“Fuck yes,” I said with a grin as I saw the result.

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