MADMAN APOCALYPSE

“That’s kind of a paradox, isn’t it?” Panda muttered, as he looked at the name of the new fusion ability, the anger that’d fueled him seconds ago fading away to become smoldering annoyance, which seemed his default. As I read through it, I reinstalled my ‘unHero’ plugin.

‘Rules of Anarchy’ x

Fusion Passive

“Fuck the law! Fuck the rules! Fuck the authorities!”

“I make the rules around here now, boys!”

Pick a new rule that only applies to you from the following options:

- Respawn Once -

- Fuck Gravity -

- Fall Guy -

- Commuter Pass -

Your choice can be altered every hour, but you cannot go back to an option you already used.

All options recharge after at the start of the day.

“I think those are the same options as before,” I said.

“They’re definitely different,” Panda responded. “Respawn instead of Cheat Death; maybe Zero Gravity instead of no Fall Damage; not sure what Fall Guy is about; and Commuter Pass sounds like you can actually use Public Transport somehow.”

Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x

‘Heroes never die’

Cheat Death.

The same can also be said for cockroaches.

Apparently, you’ve got someone high-up that put a ticket in for your resurrection once you die. The Adjudicator may have acquitted you of Insider Collusion, but we haven’t given up yet!

Next time you die, please stay dead.

Reward: 25x ‘GAME Coins’

A Game Coin appeared in my hands and I immediately put it in my inventory. I was now up to 1568 Coins. Since I’d already cheated death twice now, I figured I might as well risk it a third time, but first I activated my new passive.

“Rules of Anarchy(Respawn Once),” I said.

Rules of Anarchy Activated!

Passive Selected: Respawn Once

Description:

Upon death, respawn at the beginning

1 Use

“Respawn at the beginning?” I wondered. “Where would that be?”

“Maybe it sends you back to the Asylum?” Panda wondered.

“Uh! If you go back there, I’ll come visit!” Bee said excitedly.

“Eh, you don’t want to go there,” I told her.

“I’ve always wanted to see the inside of that place,” she continued, ignoring my words.

“All the orderlies have become monsters,” Panda said. “And the lead psychiatrist is some kind of demon thing with a face that unfolds like a flower.”

“They were already monsters before the Great Game,” I interjected.

“My dad said that they help people there,” she commented.

“Not sure where he got that news from, but it was basically just a special holding facility for the people that were a threat to the inmates of normal prisons.”

“You did break that one guy’s fingers when you found out he was a white-collar criminal.”

“He deserved it,” I said, then brought up my Status screen.

Level -20

‘Gambit’

Game.changer( ) x

---This bar is red, promise---

STATS

Health: Isn’t It Great?

Stamina: いいな

Armor: Dinner Plate Armor

Carry Weight: 1050 Pandas

Top Speed: Racing Bike

Mana: !ɘM dᴜЯ

ATTRIBUTES

Strength: 2415 lbs.

Dexterity: Death Adder

Intelligence: J

Vitality: Brisket

Athleticism: 獺

Perception: 917

Wisdom: (╯°□°)╯

Defense: Ceramic

ABILITIES

CORE

PASSIVES

‘I_CAN_FLY’

‘Dungeon-Break’

‘.interrupt( )’

‘Skater Boy’

‘There’s No Escape’

‘Giant-Slayer Soul Blade’

‘[Injection]’

‘Punch.spinTheWheel( )’

‘Time Save’

‘Rootkit’

‘.unicorn’

‘unHaunt’

‘unHero’

‘unVirtuous’

‘Glitch’

‘Insanity’

‘Inanimate Voices’

‘Math.multiply(Punch)’

‘BIRTHDAY_SUIT’

‘Reflective Shell’

‘I-Frames’

‘Transition Lenses’

‘Silver Skeleton’

‘Rules of Anarchy’

ULTIMATE

‘Game.newRule( )’

“What are you doing?” Bee asked, as I reached out and began to rub the box that said ‘Mana’.

“Tempting fate,” I replied.

It took a few seconds, but the red text smeared away to reveal:

Mana: there's a keyhole here now

“That’s… mysterious,” Panda muttered, confused.

“Wonder what kind of key fits into that?” I said.

Instead of weighing in on the matter, Bee tossed her Fusion Gum into her mouth and began chewing vigorously, while making sounds of delight.

“Es sho delishus!” she mumbled.

After about twenty seconds of uninterrupted chewing, she swallowed the gum with a loud gulp.

Then she got her own pop-up asking for a combination, as she answered, “Combine ‘Beetle Bolt’ and ‘Moth Missile’!”

While waiting, she rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet excitedly, before immediately sharing the result with me:

‘Beetle-Moth Sting’ x

Fusion Ability

A Beetle and a Moth fell in love, but their child was an abomination. This attack manifests its stinger and shoots its misbegotten venom.

Grow a tail with a stinger that can shoot a jet of Beetle-Moth Venom with slight tracking capabilities. The initial damage of the Venom is equal to your current Mana, and the subsequent damage per second is equal to your Intelligence.

Venom Duration: 1 minute

Mana Cost: 4

“That’s so cool!” I said, jealously. “I feel like I ruined my Punch ability by doing a Fusion on it.”

“I think it’s fun,” Bee said. “I wonder if the Announcer guy for your ‘Spin the Wheel’ show is just waiting somewhere for you to use it.”

“Hmm, good question,” I muttered. “Never thought about it to be honest.”

“Maybe you can ask him next time you use it,” she replied.

“What?” Panda asked.

“You know how he has to say ‘Spin the Wheel’ to actually spin it? What if he just talks to the Announcer instead?”

I nodded thoughtfully. “That’s a good idea.”

“Stop. Don’t make an enemy of the guy slave-bound to your main ability,” Panda warned.

I ignored him like usual.

“Shall we get a move on?” I asked.

Bee got to her feet. “I’ll lead! I’m good at labyrinths!”

“By all means,” I said, deferring the navigator role to her.

We kept hearing screeching from what we both assumed were giant rats, but we didn’t see any living ones, as we moved through the convoluted shit maze. The sewer domain was generally just square boxy rooms joined together with large rounded tunnels, but these tunnels branched weirdly, often splitting several times before the next room.

The remains of past victims, human and giant rat both, were also strewn about the place, but we found no signs of what’d killed them. The more we progressed and filled out our maps, the more I was starting to feel like the distant echoing screeches were coming from rats fleeing the thing that was killing them.

Before we could find out, fortunately, we hit a room that had an eerily familiar feature, along with a small pond full of ‘water’.

“Ooh!” Bee exclaimed. “Colored Paths! I finally get to try them for real!!”

“Meow.”

“I’m not telling them that.”

“Meow…”

“What?” asked Panda, worried.

“Nothing,” I replied, refusing to spoil the fun of the multiple choice options of the four large doors built into the other side of the room. For some reason, Lordie had said what each color led to, and, while I had no assurances that he was right, I felt confident that he was.

“What are the options?” Bee asked, but before Panda could list them, something stirred in the pond between us and the doors.

I immediately moved in front of her protectively, just as a scaly and dark-green figure rose up from the murky water, shedding gunk and refuse while crawling onto the stone floor. Its body was covered in something like bumpy natural armor, with a segmented tail, and two black eyes with a third between them. I’d never seen its like before, but I had a fairly good idea of what it was.

“A crocodile!” I blurted out.

Bee shared the Appraisal with me, before I could surge forward and punch the crap out of it. Or, rather, off of it.

Level 80

‘Shellby’

Merchant x

“I don’t sell banana bread.”

You would be excused for thinking Shellby is an insect, but she is in fact a Triops native to the oceans of one of the countless other planets that took part in the GREAT GAME in the past.

You might think we are punishing her by placing her in the sewers, but she actually asked for this spot, when no one else wanted it. That’s right, she likes waking up to the smell of feces every morning and taking a dip in a pool of miscellaneous excrements and decayed matter.

By the way, and we know you’re considering this: all of our Merchants are ‘insured’. You don’t want to find out what that means, so don’t try to hurt them. It will not end well.

“So… not a crocodile?” I said, confused.

“Hello there, do you want to browse my wares?” the Triops Merchant asked in a South African accent.

“Eh…”

“Yes!” Bee said excitedly, and the Merchant began to pull on a chain that she’d been holding in her hands.

“Bet you she only sells shit,” Panda joked.