Lament of the Lost

‘Why did the mind mages come after me, huh?’

Taking a breath to answer, I stopped myself before I even uttered a word, not really knowing what to say or if I even wanted to say anything in the first place. These two, Rayden and Chief Healer Ardaivel'cas, had a history with the mind mages, no doubt about that. The problem was that I had no way of telling whether the hatred behind their words that made the hairs on my body stand up was genuine or just an act.

'I mean, it felt real.'

Even my instincts were telling me so. Still… there might have been more to it than they were letting me see. Sometimes you had to do things you resented, or work with someone you hated.

'Who else to turn to, though? Scoresby?'

No, I couldn't ask more of that old man than he had already done for me, let alone put him in danger because of me.

'But could I trust these two?'

They were strong, very strong, no doubt about that. So strong, in fact, that they didn't need to bother with some convoluted way to fool me. Should they choose to, I wouldn't be able to escape, not when I was locked in the same room with them.

'No. As Rayden said, trust was something that had to be earned.'

And so far, everything they've done has given me no reason not to trust them. If anything, the opposite.

'Okay. Okay, let’s do it! Please don't let this be a mistake,' I thought to myself, sipped on my hot chocolate and took a deep breath.

"I c-can… I can turn into a beast."

"Ah, you're a shifter, lass? That little shit made you into a natural shifter?"

"That's what you already told me, Grey," Captain Rayden pointed out, hinting that I shouldn't try to fool them and instead spill the beans.

"Hold on, San. If she can keep her sanity and not go wild in her beast form, then..."

"No," I blurted out to stop him, only to pause short myself. "S-sorry, sir."

"Nah, call me Marcus, everyone does."

"Not true," Rayden grunted with a sigh and looked at me. "You were saying Grey?"

"When I turn, the beast overwhelms me - kind of. I mean, I am aware of what I'm doing. I'm just...I'm just not in complete control."

"But you're able to come back," Marcus, I mean Chief Healer Ardaivel'cas pointed out, gesturing to me. "Not many who go feral can."

'If only that were true.'

"I've turned twice so far, twice I died and found myself - well, back."

"Ah, I see. On the bright side, lass, not many can do that either, not even in our sigil range."

'What? I would have thought that...'

"Really?" I asked, looking at them both.

Rayden merely nodded, the weight of her gaze pushing me to give her the answer she was looking for, a contrast to the Chief Healer, who threw me a smile and made it feel like we were just chatting, despite the gravity of the situation. "Usually, when someone dies, it means they're dead. But there are weaves that allow you to ignore otherwise fatal injuries, let you keep going even when you're a hair’s breadth away from death, or that heal you instantly. As a healer, I could bring someone back to life if they died before my eyes. Being able to do it without a weave, though, that's different shit altogether."

"It's not like it's me. It's the runes," I blurted out, unconsciously touching the spot on my chest where the Fae had placed them.

"Wouldn't it be enough to - you know, copy them? You could then..."

"I'll stop you there, Grey. Runes like these and the ones behind your ears are not as simple as they first appear. It's not just some mark on your skin."

"San's right, lass. There's been no official study, but I've heard of cases where they tried to cut out the runes of those Lost and even implant them into another. It didn't work."

"But don't get confused when you see someone with rune tattoos. These are not rare. I have a few myself," Rayden disclosed, eyeing me sharply; obviously, not a conversation she wanted to have. "Simple stuff, like keeping your hair a certain length, that sort of thing. To place yours requires strength, which humans do not possess, and knowledge they lack. So unless the mind mages find a willing Fae, or someone of equal strength, at which point they wouldn't need you anymore, the runes can't be the reason they're after you."

She paused, leaning back in her chair, hands folded in her lap. "Look, Grey. It's your call, and if you choose not to tell me why the mind mages are so interested in you, I'll respect that, but don't expect me to go out of my way to help you when I don't know why I should."

'Did she just threaten me? She did, didn't she? Shit! Shit, shit, shit.'

Was she serious? She seemed to be. My instincts were telling me otherwise, though. She was just trying to push me to tell the truth when she had already made up her mind. But so had I. There was no way I could do without help, not after what they told me about mind mages. So once more, I took a sip of hot chocolate, actually finishing the mug, and went out with the truth.

"I can, no… I become a beast?"

"You already said that..."

"No, what I meant was… s-sorry, ma'am."

"It's fine; go ahead, Grey." Rayden motioned for me to continue, glad I had finally found the guts to spill the beans.

"What I meant is that… they said, that asshole - Dungreen and that mind mage, Cognizant, that… that only beasts can have a core."

'There, I said it.'

Quite a relief to get it off my chest, actually.

But no answer came. Not immediately. Taken aback, it took them a while to process what I had just said. It spoke volumes about how unusual it really was to have a core.

"Let me make sure I got that right, lass. When you shift into a beast, you form a core, a beast core?"

"No, sir. I..."

"It's Marcus."

"For the tits' sake, let her talk. You were saying, Grey?"

"The core. I have it all the time. I have it right now, here," I said, bringing my hand out of the blanket and touching my belly.

"Ah, that thing Becca saw?"

"Um-hmm." At least, I hoped that was it. Regardless of the reason, anything seemed possible in this world. Being pregnant, though, was the last thing I needed right now.

"Balls on tits! San, that's..."

"I know."

"If that's true..."

"I know, Marcus."

"Can I have a look, lass?" he asked, his eyes sparkling like those of a child in a candy store. In contrast, dread settled in the pit of my stomach.

'Did I want to let him see it? Heck no!' I didn't want to see it myself, so why would I let anyone else? Not the answer I gave him, though.

'Trust had to be earned.'

"D-do I have to lie down?"

"No, stay seated, lass. Make yourself comfortable. I just want to take a peek, not do a deeper check. Let me just put my hand on your shoulder."

When I gave him permission, Marcus, I mean, the Chief Healer didn't hesitate, moved briskly over to me, and placed his hand on my shoulder. Immediately, a warmth from his palm seeped into my body, spreading rapidly, but unlike in the case of Senior Healer Hill's check-up, it quickly found its way to my lap. "I'll be damned! She wasn't lying, San. The lass has a core."

"Well, Grey," Rayden said, taking a breath to take it in. "I'd say that's a damn good reason for the mind mages to go out of their way to find you. And damn good reason to make sure that doesn't happen."