Jörmungandr

Thalia decided that since her 'stop' was back home where we started, she could wait until after we had visited Kushina's home world. When we stepped out of the portal I had opened on top of 'Hokage Mountain', she loudly proclaimed that she had returned. 

I chuckled at the childishness she exuded sometimes, I often forgot that I had practically raised her. Honestly it should bother me more that I had practically raised my own wife, it would have been creepy in any other case but I was literally over a thousand years old now at this point without considering my past incarnation who was nearly a hundred times older, everyone was a child to me. 

It was damned if I do, damned if I don't situation. Little cocksuckers would call me a cradle snatcher if I was with anyone not my age, and the ones who were my age or close to my age tended to be filthy goddesses that have fucked an animal at one point or another. 

Not to mention the fact that 100000000% of the time, they will cheat on you with who ever they want and you're supposed to just stand there and take it like a good little cuck because 'hurrrdurrrr immortality hurrrrr sigma male durrrr'. 

Anyways I'm getting side tracked, I looked around Konoha and took in the sights, not much had changed over the month long absence. 

Why would it… it's only been a month and I had already wiped out the biggest threats to this world. Otsutsuki, gone, Akatsuki, Gone and it's survivors rehabilitated… forcefully.  Danzo and Madara, dealt with. Danzo was atomised and Madara was frolicking around with Titans in another world. 

I couldn't help but feel like I was forgetting something though. I remembered there being several Naruto movies where a few potentially large threats were taken care of by the gang. Something about a princess, shadow demons, and a time traveling bit. 

I didn't know if my intervention had changed anything but I had set aside a week to figure things out. This revisiting trip was also a vacation of sorts for the assassin sisters and Thalia since they didn't get to come with me the last time I was here. 

Gabriel and Ophis nominated themselves to show the girls around the village. Though I suspected they were just going to go off and eat every edible item they could find in the village. 

I followed Kushina as we made our way to the Hokage Tower. Upon arriving here, the clones I had put aside had frozen in place, turned invisible, and became intangible. To anyone looking, it would have looked like they had just shunshined away. 

Kushina kicked down the Hokage's door startling Minato who had a flustered looking Mikoto on his lap. The Uchiha jumped up and bowed quickly with a blush on her face. 

"Akimitsu-sama,welcome back to the village." 

Kushina and I had told Minato and Mikoto that we would be gone from the village for extended periods of time and that clones would take our place. They were the only two that knew about the clones. 

"It's good to be back, it's been a strange month." I replied with a smile. 

Mikoto turned to Kushina who seemed to be going off on Minato. For whatever reason I wasn't sure, though I did hear the word 'ramen' mentioned a few times. 

"Kushina-san, please… I don't know why Ichiraku Ramen moved." 

'Ah… I was wondering where the little ramen shop went.' 

"Where is it now Minato." Kushina growled making Minato sweat drop at the look on her face. 

"Ahem… Kushi-

Mikoto didn't even get to finish speaking before Kushina's head snapped over to her. 

"Miko-chin!!! I missed you!!! Look at how much Himari-chan has grown!" Kushina gushed while presenting our daughter to Mikoto. 

Himari giggled as her mother held her out towards her godmother. Mikoto coo'ed and tickled Himari making her squeal in delight. 

Minato looked downcast having been ignored. It seemed that he was trying to catch Himari's attention to give her a toy kunai. Feeling a bit bad for him I went over to speak with him. 

"Hows being Hokage treating you?" 

Minato sighed, "More issues arise for every issue I fix. Just the other day I found out that Orochimaru was experimenting on orphans." 

'Nani the fuck?' 

Had I not changed changed enough to where Hiruzen was still alive and able to keep an eye on his students? Why the fuck was 'Pedomaru' still able to get his little diddy fingers on kids, for that matter where was Hiruzen, Jiraya, or Tsunade. 

I had made it so that Tsunade never lost her lover or brother, and Jiraya never died fighting his students, I even made sure that Danzo never manipulated things to where those orphans were in a position to ever need to make a terrorist organisation to survive. 

Last I knew was that Konan, Nagato, and Yahiko were still in Amegakure… with Hanzo. 

'Fuck. I knew I was forgetting something.'

The Sannin were supposed to fight him and get absolutly wrecked but still impress him enough for him to let them go. Jiraya was then supposed to train the 'Ame Orphans' that would later start the Akatsuki. 

As far as I was aware, that had happened as is… only I had forgotten to deal with Salamander Man. 

"Akimitsu-san?" Minato looked at me with concern. 

I had been standing in place shifting between looking constipated and annoyed. It made sense for him to be concerned. 

"Minato… what happened to Orochimaru?" I asked carefully. 

"Er… he was exiled from the village. Why?" 

"Fuck…"

[Scene Break]

I waved the Uchiha gate gaurds down as they bowed to me when I arrived at the gates of the Uchiha compound. Kushina, Natasha, Yelena, and Thalia following along behind me. 

Gabriel and Ophis had gone off to find Anko, mainly because Ophis wanted to eat dango with the violet haired kunoichi but also because I asked them to. I remembered that Pedomaru had shown an interest in her in the original timeline. He had taken her on as an apprentice, gave her his weird hicky std thing then peaced the fuck out of the village. 

Anko was Ophis' first friend outside of Gabriel and my 'harem'. I hated to see what she would do to this world if Anko had gotten hurt. 

That's why I was planning on hunting down Orochimaru when I got the chance. For now I was going to go investigate a bunch of things while my 'harem' stayed in the Uchiha compound to 'rest'. 

By 'rest' I really meant fucking all of them silly. It had been a while since Kushina and I had done the horizontal hoola, and even longer between the Angel trio. 

The last time had been that time we had gotten drunk off of Asgardian mead, the night that had resulted in Thalia swollen with my baby. 

Once my girls were throughly and utterly smashed and knocked out with grins on their faces and drool going down the side of their lips, I put on my Uchiha 'uniform' and stepped out into the night. The gaurds gave me mag hing looks of envy, I winked at them before disappearing in a green flash. 

The first place I flashed to was deep underground in the old ROOT base. The air was still, the smell of dried blood and rot faintly clung to the air. Skeletons clad in ROOT uniforms lay strewn about. 

I rummaged through the dusty papers and rotting scrolls. I looked for anything Danzo had on Orochimaru or anyging else worth noting down.

Orochimaru wasn't really a threat to me, but like I said about the Otsutsuki's. I didn't want anyone, and I meant ANYONE, fucking with how nice I had gotten this world to be. Everything was relatively peaceful. Ninja's were being ninja's, there was no alien threat, no resurrected extremists, and no delusional revenge driven traitors. 

But I digress, there was still a few potentially deadly threats scattered around. Demons and a potentially growing terrorist group in another village. 

My theory on the Akatsuki grew more probably when I found a few documents outlining an ambush in Ame that were with another file on potential ways to get Sharingan, and diagrams to implant the eyeballs into an arm. The documents looked old, some of the dates were before I even arrived to this world. I wondered where they were planning on getting the eyes since the Uchiha were still alive then. 

Other than that there wasn't much that directly mentioned Pedomaru. I rifled through more files and found a few doziers on various people in the village. There was a rather thick file on Hiruzen. There was even a lockbox filled with Hashirama's cells. 

A quick spell confirmed that Orochimaru had handled the lockbox before hand. I stowed the box away in my hammer space and Hiraishined out. 

I reappeared in a nondescript field, I had tracked one of Orochimaru's hidden bases back before Kushina and I left to return to my word with Gabriel and Ophis. I had marked it on a whim, a whim that was now paying off since I would probably find something inside. 

And find something I did, the snake pedo had left a bunch of half dead experiments in preservation tanks. Some of them were still conscious so it wasn't that hard to get into their heads with the Sharingan. 

From their shattered memories I gathered that Orochimaru had been here but had left several days ago. From what little they had seen, he had apparently been following tge rumours about a new group being formed in Ame. I was definitely kicking myself due to my complacency in dealing with things. 

I had saved the main characters but had completely forgotten about the no less important side characters. Hanzo probably still did some dastardly things that resulted in Yahiko dying and Nagato and Konan forming a terrorist organization. 

Timelines were wacky like that, everything was set to follow certain things unless someone made sure to change things and to make sure that the timeline didn't snap back into place. 

I had changed things but I had forgotten to make sure that the timeline didn't change back, or the ripples of change didn't shift things in a way that the same thing would happen but to different people. 

In this case, Danzo hadn't manipulated things so that Hanzo attacked and killed one of the Ame orphans. He had just done it out of his volition apparently. 

I hoped that Nagato didn't have a god complex yet, I actually felt bad about the guy. He was basically Naruto, but without the plot armour and had his life set to the nightmare difficulty from birth. 

'This is gonna be a headache… oh well, I have a pedophile to curbstomp.' 

[Scene Break]

Ame was as depressing as it sounded on paper, the whole place was covered by one massive rain cloud that supplied a constant downpour of rain. 

I vaguely remembered that there was a jutsu that allowed people to sense people through chakra infused rain. While that may have been an issue for normal ninja, I was anything but.

Simply, I threw a Hiraishin kunai at the singular tower that loomed over the other cyberpunk themed buildings and flashed over to it. None of the rain touched me and even if it did, my cloaking abilities were impervious to mortal means of sensing. 

I could feel a small group of people inside the tower, closing my eyes. I focused on their auras and sought out their identities. Origami babe was there, so was Nagato, there were a few other people, mainly members of the Akatsuki that I had overlooked. 

Members like; Kazoo or whatever the fuck his name was, Hidan, Mouth Hands, Freaky Puppet Dude, and Shark Man. 

I knew Mouth Hands was from Iwa, and Shark Man was from Kiri. I remembered massacring thousands of their respective villages ninjas, so I didn't know how they were around. I had to have killed at least one or two of their parents. Yet here they were. 

'This is definitely some outside interference bullshit. Oh well, time to crash the party.' 

I kicked the wall hard, shattering it inward and showering the room's occupants with rubble. There were shouts of surprise, I dodged a few weapons that were thrown my way. Straightening up, I brushed the dust off my shoulder and glared at the Akatsuki members. 

They froze when they saw my Sharingan spinning ominously, Nagato and Konan seemed to realise who I was, and so did Mouth Hands and Shark Man. Only Kazoo and Hidan showed no signs of recognition. 

Freaky Puppet Guy, glared at me. It seemed that I had crushed his puppet that he was using as some sort of mobile home. 

"Konan, take everyone and run… You are all no match for him." Nagato calmly said. 

I looked at the dead body Nagato was controlling and scoffed. 

"Awfully confident aren't you, you seem to think that just because you're not using your real body, that I can't hurt you." 

I felt Nagato and Konan tense in alarm, smirking. I pushed more chakra into my eyes and let them morph into the Rinnegan. Only I had given them an upgrade since I was last here. 

"Pein… his eyes. They're like yours." Konan noted. 

"Not at all, he has an inferior version. Ones that don't even belong to him." I replied while crossing my arms. 

"Fuck this, I didn't sign up to fight Kishin." Mouth Hands said before trying to flee. 

Only he got turned into red mist. Everyone jumped in shock at how fast I had moved. I lowered my leg, I had covered the distance in a flash and vaporised Mouth Hands with a kick. 

"Don't disappoint me!" Shark Man shouted as he charged at me with his wacky looking sword. 

"Kisame, don't!" Origami Babe shouted. 

I turned my eyes to Shark Man, raising my hand. I caught him in a gravitational singularity. 

"Begon pest." I said in a monotone voice that Ophis would have raised a thumbs up to. 

Kisame didn't even have time to scream as he was ripped apart by the singularity before being sucked into a pinprick sized hole. 

Blood showered on the remaining members, the wacky sword wriggled where it had fallen on the floor. Hidan grit his teeth and rushed at me with his triblade scythe. 

"Die!" He screamed. 

I didn't even humour him by letting hit me only to fail doing his ritual. Instead, I shattered his weapon with a fist before turning him into a charred corpse with a point blank fire jutsu that I created. 

Surprisingly he was still alive and screaming at me from where he lay.

"Damn it! That hurt you fucker! I'll sacrifice you to Jashi- ARGHHHHHH!!!!" 

I blasted him with fire again, this time I pushed as much chakra into it without breaking my mortal mask. The surviving Akatsuki members weren't idle. They tried to escape while I was preoccupied with Hidan. 

Once the cultist was nothing but a pile of ashes I turned my attention to the last two disposable members. Kazoo and Puppet Man. 

"Who wants to dance next?" I drawled. 

'I should check on Madara, wonder if he's gone postal yet?' 

"Why do you attack us?" Nagato asked calmly even though I knew he was anything but. 

"Your group attacked me… I simply retaliated." 

"You attacked us first! You killed Deidra!" Konan shouted while getting into a fighting pose. 

"Meh…" I waved her off, "I came here to ask questions, you decided that I was here to attack." 

"You busted down our wall!" She shouted back in response. 

I shrugged, "Whatever, do you know where Orochimaru is?" 

Nagato and Konan tensed, "Why?" 

"No reason, he just did something in Konoha, and I'm making sure he can't ever do it again." 

"You came all this way and killed members of our organisation because of Orochimaru?!" 

"Need I remind you that I was simply defending myself?" 

"Enough Konan…" Nagato sighed through the body he was possessing. 

"B-but, Pein… Nagato…" 

"Deidra, Hidan, and Kisame can be replaced. I'd rather not prolong this and risk losing everyone else too." Nagato cut her off. "Orochimaru was here a few weeks back, he wanted to join our organisation for protection. We knew about what he did though so we turned him away. I heard he was headed to Kusa."

'Maybe I'm leaning a little too hard on the Madara persona… I'm supposed to be his direct descendant not him reincarnated, though being a cocky bastard is pretty fun.' I thought to myself as Konan and Nagato argued. 

Puppet Man, and Kazoo stood stock still. As if moving would draw my attention to them and end up getting them killed. 

With no Obito or Madara pulling the strings in the background, I wondered if Nagato really was the leader or if there was another asshole behind the Akatsuki. 

I got my answer in the form of the room exploding around me. Luckily I shielded nearly everyone from the explosion. I say nearly everyone, because I only shielded Konan. Nagato wasn't using his real body and Kazoo and Puppet Man could easily tank explosions. 

Once the smoke and the falling rubble cleared I glanced around for the culprit only to spot a masked figure and a large fucker who looked like a shitty Gundam knockoff from Temu. 

"The anomaly! I shall erase your stain on this world!" The shitty knockoff Gundam spat at me. 

I could feel a sense of familiarity in the dickhead. He almost felt like Ruby. Only a bit stronger, not enough to make me worry, but enough to make me wonder who and what the fuck he was. 

I teleported Konan to where I sensed Nagato's real body. Kazoo and Puppet Man hadn't survived… unfortunately. Looking at the two bombardiers I crossed my arms and called out to them. 

"You have about five seconds to explain yourself before I erase you from existence." 

"Foolish! You are a stain, a pathetic god. Kaisercraff needs not explain to you." The shitty Gundam replied. 

'Who the fuck is Kaisercraff? Sounds like a Nazi name.' 

"Listen Nazi fuck, you now have three seconds." 

The shitty Gundam and the masked figure prepared another attack. A ball of energy appeared above them, they poured more energy than any human or devil could put out and prepared to throw the attack at me. Sighing I dropped my mortal form after putting up a indestructible shield around the area. 

"You had your chances dickheads." I called out to them, unfortunately for them they were too busy screaming as they gathered more energy for their attack. 

I summoned a regular sword from my hammerspace and coated it with my pure holy energy. Unleashing my full power I moved faster than the speed of light quickly appearing behind the screaming duo. 

With a casual flick of my wrist I embedded the cracked sword in the ground. The metal of the blade steaming from my energy coupled with how hard I swung the blade. 

"I-impossible…" The shitty Gundam gasped out as he was bisected from hip to shoulder. 

Sparks and iridescent blood burst from his two halves as they fell to the ground with a night crash. The masked figure let out a gasp as they were also cut in half. 

The shitty Nazi Gundam began to crumble to dust, up until I reached out and ripped his soul out of his dying body. 

"No regeneration for you, you stupid cunt. You could have just fucked off but nope, you just had to tout your bullshit at me. Now you're gonna be erased from reality. Rejoice though… I'm taking your memories for myself, you'll live on through those." 

The shitty Gundam didn't reply, the light faded from his eyes as the sparks around his body flickered out. With a wave of a hand the bodies disappeared and the damage was repaired. After retaking my 'Akimitsu' form, I brought Nagato and Konan back, the two look startled after being teleported forcefully. 

"Alright, something annoying has come up. Even more so that Orochimaru. You two are free to go, and as an apology I'm healing you Nagato." 

Before they could ask anymore questions or delay me any further I teleported away back to Konoha.

[Scene Break]

I went through the Nazi Gundam's memories and frowned. Apparently he was a god from another dimension in the Dimensional Gap. Someone had cloned Ruby and he was the result. He came from a world called Evie Etoulde or some shit. 

It sounded like some expanded universe lore from the DxD verse that I didn't care about enough to remember from my first life. 

According to Kaisercraff's memories the ExE gods were somewhat stronger than the DxD gods. Though, unfortunately for them I predated creation and I could literally wipe them all out with a thought. 

That did answer my questions though, shortly after I killed the Nazi Gundam and took his memories, I learned that another one of the shitty mecha gods was helping Kokabiel. 

All because I had apparently upset the balance of the world by changing things. I was starting to get annoyed at all the fuckers popping out of the woodwork telling me that I ruined some dumbass timeline and trying to gank me for it. 

Once I was done here I'd go wipe them all out, I had already committed genocide with the Otsutsuki's. What was one more race. 

'Huh, I'm starting to sound like Old Testament me… oh well, time to go teach a snake man a lesson about not touching kids.' 

I teleported myself to Kusa and looked around. The village made me angry for some reason, then I remembered why. There was a Uzumaki woman here, Karin's mother, who was being used as a walking first aid kit. 

I don't know if she was still alive or if they had drained her dry already but I knew that Orochimaru would definitely target someone like her. An Uzumaki who could heal people through the consumption of her chakra.

I walked through the small village calmly as I looked around. Snake pedo had definitely been here. I could feel his slimy presence lurking somewhere. I could also feel Karin's mother, her chakra was similar to Kushina's warm and fuzzy. 

"Shut up bitch! Give me your arm, I have an injury I need healed." I heard a gruff voice demand. 

'Huh, saves me having to put effort into looking for her then.' 

I walked over to where a man had a woman cornered. She looked frail and weak, yet I could tell that she was pregnant. One arm hung limply at her side while the other covered her stomach protectively. 

'Scum, she looks like she hasn't eaten in weeks and here they are using her abilities without thought…' 

I felt irrational anger swell inside me before I suppressed it. I was saving my explosive rage for the ExE fuckers when I found them. These Kusa clowns could be dealt with silently. 

"Didn't you hear me bitch! Give me your arm, I strained my leg. I need healing!" The Kusa Shinobi shouted at the woman again. 

She whimpered and slowly lifted her arm, the man sneered at her. 

"Know your place whore, you are nothing but this villages too-

"Oi… CUNT." I drawled slowly as I stepped forward revealing myself. 

The man froze and turned to me angrily, "Who the fuck are you?! Fuck off before I kill you." 

I made eye contact with the woman, she caught my unspoken message and began to edge away from the man. I stepped closer, my hands in my pockets. 

"Didn't you hear me? Go away before I make you regret it punk!" The man shouted again as he drew a kunai.

I grinned at the man, I pulsed chakra into my eyes making the man pale as my Sharingan flared to life. 

"U-Uchiha!" The man stuttered out. 

"Hmmm," humming I crossed my arms before replying, "There are two types of men in this world. There are the real men," I take a menacing step forward, "then, there are the little mincy fucking pricks masquerading as men." The Kusa Shinobi stepped back in fear as I raised a finger. 

"W-w-what do you want?" The Kusa ninja stuttered. 

"Hmm, what happened to all your bravado, I thought you'd make me regret stepping forward?" I sneered as I flared my aura at the man. 

The man screamed in fear and tried to run away, only my skeletal Susanoo caught him in a bony arm. Grinning at the man I pushed him down onto the floor. Conjuring a large jagged rock I glared at him. 

"Bite the rock." I commanded him. 

"W-what?!" His eyes widened in shock. 

"Bite the fucking rock." I repeated flaring my chakra again.

The man shakily put his mouth onto the rock, I let the Susanoo dissipate around me. Walking towards the man who now had his teeth scraping against the rock. Smiling 'kindly' at him I nodded. 

"Good." 

I raised my foot, before the man even knew what was happening I brought my foot down on the back of his head. 

CRUNCH, CRACK. 

"MGRHHH AAHHHHHHH!"