Jörmungandr

The half dozen obviously foreign ninja burst into the clearing without a word. However, words weren't needed to know what they were doing. 

The redheaded girl one of the ninja was carrying had tear stained eyes. I knew this was Kushina, just like I knew that Minato was supposed to come save her at any moment. Unfortunately her hands and feet were bound, she also had a gag in her mouth to prevent her from shouting. 

With this divergence I doubted that Minato would be able to track her until it was too late. Seeing nothing better to do I froze time and made a plan. 

First I sealed away 90% of my power, then I made a few changes to my body to allow myself to blend in easier in this new world, mainly a chakra network. Ophis and Gabriel looked at me strangely. 

"Where's the fun in blitzing through everyone here? This is supposed to be a vacation. I want to enjoy whatever fights I have as well as take part in this worlds story." 

"…" Ophis just shrugged.

Gabriel looked thoughtful, "Are we going to need to do that too?" 

"Not really, you can if you want, but I don't expect you to." 

Gabriel nodded before she and Ophis faded back into their invisibility. I made a note to come up with a better plan after I saved Kushina. Gabriel, Ophis, and I could pose as nomadic ninja and apply to the Leaf Village. As it stood now, Hiruzen should be Hokage unless more things were different. 

Smirking to myself I also gave myself a few perks with my powers. Changing my appearance a bit more, I get my hair grow out reaching past my shoulders. I also changed it from my normal color to a deep black. Glancing down at my outfit I also changed it to look more fitting. 

I activated the eyes I gave myself and looked around in surprise. Being a god I had thought that my vision was good. With the new eyes I gave myself I found myself corrected. 

'The Sharingan really is a bullshit hack.' I mused silently. 

Pushing more power into my eyes I felt them itch before my vision shifted again. 

'Eternal version is practically a 'bullet time' cheat. This is fucked, why didn't I do this sooner? Oh wait… I'm God and I can actually control time… still, this is pretty broken considering that normal humans can access this power.' 

Looking at the frozen ninja, I flashed over to a position a little bit ahead of them before unfreezing time. 

[Scene Break]

Things were going good for the Kumo team sent by the Raikage to 'acquire' the Uzumaki girl. They had snuck in and easily circumvented the security measures around Konoha with the help of their spy. The girl had been totally unprepared and had been captured without much effort. The team leader had also reminded them to bind her hands and feet to prevent her from escaping. They knew that the Uzumaki's were masters in Fuinjutsu and they weren't going to take chances with the girl. 

They had also gagged the girl after knocking her unconscious so that she wouldn't scream and alert anyone during their escape. 

It was all going according to plan up until they reached a clearing in the forest around the hidden village. As soon as they broke through the tree line a lone man walked out and stood in front of their path. 

Assumptions that it was just a mere civilian went out the window when the man smirked and they saw his blazing red eyes, the distinct three tomoe pattern spinning ominously. 

"Uchiha! Don't look into his eyes!" Haruto, the team leader shouted. 

Kenshi, and Hideo, their two trackers jumped to the front of their formation and threw a combination of shuriken and kunai at the man who didn't bother to move. 

A moment later they saw why, the man performed a single seal before blowing out a massive wave of fire. Hideo and Kenshi cursed before flipping through seals as fast as they could. Together they called out the name of their technique. 

""Suiton: Bakasui Shōha!"" 

Around the forest trees and other plants shriveled up as water was drawn out of them to supplement the technique. A massive wave of water collided with the wall of fire barely putting it out with a hiss of steam. 

The steam didn't dissipate like the Kumo-nin expected. Instead it got thicker as the Uchiha seemingly cast the hidden mist jutsu. 

"Ryu! Take Denji and the girl, go around the mist. We will deal with the Uchiha." Haruto shouted.

The man carrying Kushina began to run only to scream out in pain as his legs were severed at the knees. 

"It would be a shame if you left this party early, stay a while. You have taken someone that doesn't belong to you." A deep voice echoed around the mist. 

"Come out coward!" Kenshi shouted.

"Hmm, very well… let's dance." The Uchiha responded. 

[Scene Break]

Minato Namikaze ran as fast as he could towards the sound of fighting. Kushina, his classmate that he had a crush on had been kidnapped if his instincts were correct. He had hoped that she had left a sign pointing to the direction that she had been taken but unfortunately it seemed that whoever had taken her had covered their tracks really well. 

He had been about to give up and bring the situation up to the Hokage but just as he was about to head to the Hokage Tower he felt a spike of chakra.

Throwing caution to the wind he grabbed his kunai pouch and ran towards where he felt the burst. It didn't take the blonde haired ninja in training to come across the group that had taken Kushina. 

The scene before him felt like it was taken right out of the history books describing the Shodaime's exploits. Around a clearing what looked like Kumogakure shinobi were fighting a lone man. 

Minato watched in shock and awe as the man tore through the Kumo-nin with ruthless efficiency using a mix of taijutsu and weapons he either caught or stole from the Kumo-nin. He spotted Kushina wiggling across the forest floor away from a Kumo-nin who was missing his legs. 

Minato finally saw the man's eyes as he dispatched the last Kumo-nin with a single punch to the throat. 

'Sharingan? Is he an Uchiha?' Minato thought, "No, that doesn't matter right now, I need to go help Kushina.'

He jumped down from the tree branch he was perched on and rushed over to Kushina's side. Pulling out a kunai from his pouch he cut her bonds and pulled off her gag. Kushina immediately jumped up and hugged him tightly. 

The unidentified Uchiha turned to look at them and Minato froze. Fearing that the man would attack them, he gently pushed Kushina behind him and held the kunai out ready to defend the both of them should the need arise. 

"There's no need for that, I'm not here to hurt you." The man said.

Minato didn't relax, instead he observed the man closely. 

He couldn't help but to feel like he had seen the man's face before. Then again, most Uchiha looked similar. 

"My name is Akimitsu, these are my companions Ophis, and Gabriel." 

Minato tensed when two more figures stepped out into the clearing to reveal a small child in a strange dress, and a startlingly beautiful woman with hair even blonder than he had. 

"Who are you?" Minato called out, not dropping his guard. 

"We're nomads, we were traveling towards Konohagakure until we saw these men carrying off that young lady behind you. I presume that she was kidnapped by them for nefarious purposes." 

Minato nodded and was about to reply when Kushina pushed him out of the way. Seemingly recovered from her shock she glanced at Akimitsu. 

"Are you an Uchiha?" She asked. 

The nomad warrior looked confused, "Uchiha?" 

Minato felt like the man was hiding something, he knew he was outmatched though so he remained silent. Even though the three nomads were hiding their chakra signatures, Minato could feel the weight of presence. More so the man and the strange little girl. 

"Your eyes, they are the eyes that all Uchiha possess." Kushina continued. 

Shock crossed the man's face, "I see, then perhaps I have finally found my clan." 

"Oh…" Kushina blinked, "you were looking for your clan?" 

"That right, I grew up in an orphanage, I never knew my parents so I wasn't aware my eyes were the specialty of some clan." 

Minato felt something off about the story the man gave. Not many people hadn't heard about the infamous Uchiha clan. Yet just as quickly as the suspicions came, those thoughts faded away. At first he thought it was some sort of genjutsu but he hadn't made direct eye contact with the unknown Uchiha. Kushina also seemed to believe the man's story and she had the uncanny ability to sense when people were lying. 

"Fine, we'll guide you back to our village. You'll still have to speak to our Hokage though." Minato finally conceded. 

The man's companions walked over to his side and the unidentified Sharingan wielder nodded with a smile. 

"My thanks young man. We shall follow you." 

Minato gave a quick nod before turning to Kushina only to find that she had disappeared and reappeared next to Akimitsu. The redheaded girl was asking the man countless questions with a large smile on her face. 

'Ahhh, at least she isn't too shaken up about almost being taken by Kumo.' 

[Scene Break]

My fabricated story was flimsy at best, I had to subtly use my reality manipulation powers to get the two to believe me. Thankfully it hadn't been that hard and as we walked I was already building upon my made up backstory while communicating with Ophis and Gabriel mentally. 

Kushina shot question after question at Gabriel and Ophis after she had finished asking me about my whole life. Honestly it was entertaining seeing the infamous hotheaded Uzumaki acting her age. I had always thought that ninja, being literal child soldiers, would be cold and emotionless. 

"Ne, ne, Ophis-San, what sort of dress is that? Where did you get it? Why is it missing the front parts that cover your chest? Is that tape? Is it uncomfortable? Is it comfortable?" 

I chuckled at Ophis shocked look, people usually didn't treat her like a normal person and would be immediately fearful of her and her power. Kushina continued to ask her questions and I began to fear for the Uzumaki's safety when Ophis glanced at me with a look that screamed 'help'. 

Luckily Minato hushed his overactive comrade as we had reached the village walls. I looked around at the sights as Minato gave a short debriefing to the gate guards. A few moments later several masked ninja followed by the third Hokage himself appeared in a swirl of leaves. 

I tuned out the discussion between Minato and Hiruzen while scanning everyone and their power levels. So far, only Hiruzen had enough chakra to fight Gabriel in her 'depowered' state. I also sensed a darker chakra signature further off in the village and summarized that Danzo was alive and in the village somewhere. 

I tuned back into the conversation when the Hokage addressed me. 

"My ANBU will escort you to my office Akimitsu-San. We will discuss your situation there." 

"Thank you for your hospitality Hokage-Sama." I nodded to the man. 

My instincts screamed at me to smite the man but I crushed them down ruthlessly. I had a part to play, and it wouldn't do to attack the village leader for no reason.

The masked ninja lead us through the village and to the large tower, along the way I communicated to Ophis and Gabriel, telling them to let me do the talking. They acknowledged my orders and followed along next to me silently. 

The villagers gave us certain looks, some of them, clearly Uchiha clan members, looked at me in shock. Obviously they had recognized the face I was wearing. It wasn't hard not to recognize the face of one of their most infamous leaders. Even de-aged I had made sure to make myself look as much like Madara as I could. My plan was to pass myself off as a direct relative. 

Hiruzen clearly recognized me if how tense he had been was any indication. He was no doubt alerting who ever was the Uchiha clan head and the village's guards just in case I tried anything. 

We eventually reached the Hokage's office and the ANBU directed me to a set of chairs. Taking a seat Ophis and Gabriel on either side of me, we waited for Sarutobi to come back. 

A quick glance around revealed that the office was exactly like it had been in the show. Piles of paperwork, pictures of previous the Hokage, large window to look at the village from, and plenty of dark corners for the ANBU to hide in. 

I discretely froze time again before walking over to the massive scroll in a glass case. The scroll containing the village's most broken jutsus. In less than a minute I had the whole thing memorized and back in its place before I retook my spot. I unfroze time and waited for Hiruzen to arrive. 

The Hokage entered the office followed by several elder members of the village council. His hidden guards also took their places in the dark corners. 

"Now that we're all here, I'd like to know who you are." 

I raised an eyebrow at him, debating whether to pull the same truck I used on Minato and Kushina. Deciding against it I gave him my fabricated backstory. How I was, up until a few months ago just a wandering mercenary. How I've been using my Sharingan without knowing what it was, then how I had 'met' someone from Konoha and how they told me about my eyes. Overall it was the most convincing lie I had ever told in my life. Hiruzen clearly bought it, so did the council that came with him. 

"You do realize that we will need our interrogation department to look through your mind to know if you're telling the truth." 

"Obviously." I scoffed, playing the part of arrogant Uchiha. 

"Your companions too." 

I smirked, "You can try, I won't guarantee your interrogators mental sanity should you try with them." 

"Was that a threat?" The elder in bandages snarled. 

Sneering at the man I flex my sealed power. Even with 90% of my power seal, I was still many thousands of times stronger than the nine tailed fox I felt sealed in Kushina.

The elders and Hiruzen fell to their knees at the weight of my aura, with a scoff I reigned in my power and closed my eyes. The ANBU had recovered slightly and pounced. They had their swords drawn and aimed at my throat. 

"Hokage-San, I suggest you call off your guards before I send them to the pure lands."  

Hiruzen nodded and the ANBU retreated, "I apologize for my college Uchiha-Sama." 

I could feel Danzo angrily gritting his teeth, Hiruzen was putting together the clues I left him. The resemblance to Madara, the overwhelming power, and pride. I had played my part well, and he should be in the mindset that I am directly related to the infamous Uchiha. 

"Non-taken Hokage-sama. You'd do well to remind your council that you are the leader of this village however. Don't let them dictate how you run your village." 

"I will keep that in mind Uchiha-sama, please, this is Inoichi Yamanaka. He will be the one to look through your mind to determine the truthfulness of your story." 

I turned to the man who just arrived and nodded to him, "Whenever you're ready." 

Hiruzen gestured to the new blond arrival, Inoichi made a few hand signs before he closed his eyes. Closing my own I met the mind walker in my own mindscape shocking the man. 

"You're well versed in the mind arts?" 

"I won't impede you Inoichi-san. Just warning you though, I'd stay away from the red door. Your sanity won't remain intact should you ignore my warning." 

"Very well, thank you for the heads up." 

I vanished from my mindscape and opened my eyes in the real world. It took Inoichi several minutes to go through my fabricated memories. I slipped a few in there of me using my power just to keep things entertaining. If he was bothered by them he didn't show it when he returned. 

"He was being truthful Hokage-sama." 

"I see." Was Hiruzen's simple reply.

"So?" I asked. 

"What do you want from this village?" The man asked as he pulled out a pipe from his robes. 

"I want to join, obviously. My clan is apparently a part of this village. I'd like to see them." 

"Very well, we can do that. You'll need to subject yourself to a blood test." 

"And my rank?" 

"We shall test you tomorrow." 

I nodded, "Alright, if I may be excused? I'll need to prepare for tomorrow." 

Hiruzen nodded and I gave him a small bow while hiding a smirk. Ophis and Gabriel followed me out of the Hokage's office. 

'Everything is going according to plan.' 

[Scene Break]

"What did you see Inoichi." Hiruzen asked the blond mind walker. 

"I- I saw his power Hokage-sama. He was telling the truth about his origins but also I caught a glimpse of the power he wields." 

Hiruzen had dismissed the council leaving Inoichi and him alone in his office. Well, his ANBU guard was there, but they were always there and they were undeniably loyal to the Hokage. 

The man that looked like a mirror image of their village's greatest enemy wanted to join their village. Either he was a direct descendent or the man himself reborn. Inoichi continued to give him a briefing about what the mind walker had seen in Akimitsu's head. 

"He has the power to vaporize an entire army… all without even using his Sharingan." 

"What about his loyalty?" 

"As far as I could see, he has no loyalty to anyone but himself." 

"Would he betray the village?" 

Inoichi shook his head, "Not without good reason. I sensed that he wants to find a place to belong."

"What about his two companions, I know you weren't able to see into their minds but did you get a physical read on on them?" 

"The blonde woman, she is the weakest of the three. The small child, I could sense a deep pool of power. All three concealed their power rather well." 

"Akimitsu Uchiha unleashed his killing intent, we got a taste of the power he holds." 

Inoichi looked at him in confusion, "I didn't feel anything outside of the room, only your voices could be heard. Other than that, there was nothing." 

Hiruzen frowned, "Then he has greater control of his chakra than I first suspected." 

"What will we do Hokage-sama?" 

"We keep an eye on him, we'll test him tomorrow along with his companions. His blood work should also reveal his heritage." 

"For now?" 

"For now, we will watch him. I sense that he is hiding something." 

Inoichi nodded before excusing himself from Hiruzen's office. 

In another part of the village Danzo was sulking in his hidden office deep beneath the village. An unknown player had entered the village and revealed that he had much more power than even the Shodaime. 

He wanted that power under his control, he NEEDED that power under his control. Calling for his agents he gave his orders. 

"Find them, capture the women. I want them brought before me." 

The three Root Agents acknowledged his order with cold emotionless tones. 

"Hai Danzo-sama!" 

The three vanished in swirls of leaves.

[Scene Break]

I had gone out to have a blood test taken early the next morning after our arrival to Konoha. The hospital drew a sample of 'my' blood. I made sure to bend reality a bit so that 'my' blood would tell them that I was related to both Madara and Hashirama. It would save me from having to explain why I had the Rinnegan to the people in the know. I hadn't revealed it yet but I knew that a war was coming and it would happen sooner than later. 

I walked back to the inn that we were staying at, I had a few hours before Hiruzen would come by to pick me up for my placement test. Ophis and Gabriel decided to remain civilians. They wanted to try the foods instead of fighting in this world. 

When I got back into our assigned room I was met with a peculiar sight. Ophis was standing across from three blank masked ninja. By standing I mean that she had her snakes doing unspeakable things to their body cavities. 

"Ophis what did I say about violating people?" 

Gabriel came to her defense to my surprise, "Daddy, these people came here and demanded that we go with them. I think they wanted to kidnap us." 

"I see…" Ophis dropped one of the blank masked ninja at me feet, nodding at her I looked into the ninjas eyes, "I know who you serve. It won't matter that he placed seals on you to keep you quiet." 

I activated my Sharingan to play my part, I didn't need to use the bullshit pinwheel eyes though. I ripped through the Root agents mind with Legilimency and got everything I needed. 

"Danzo will be dealt with today. That man is too much of a paranoid fuck, my vacation here will be a pain in the ass if I have to keep dodging his attempts at controlling me." 

"Danzo? Who's that daddy?" 

"No one Gabriel, just an old mummy that thinks he's Batman." 

Gabriel giggled, "Does he dress like a bat?" 

"No… even worse, he dresses like a mummy." 

With a snap of my fingers I vaporized the Root ninja and turned to the two women. 

"When are you two leaving on your food trip?" 

"After your test." 

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us daddy?" 

"This place is more entertaining, just contact me if you see something interesting. Ophis, keep Gabriel safe and please don't kill anyone." 

"…" Ophis stared at me blankly, I took that as her acknowledgment. 

"Daddy… I'll be fine." Gabriel pouted. 

"You got lost in a field when I sent you to grab Sally from the Underworld." 

Gabriel smiled sheepishly while fidgeting in place, "Teehee." 

"Don't 'teehee' me Gabriel, I don't want you getting lost and running into any weirdos." 

"Oh fine." Gabriel huffed while crossing her arms. 

I glanced over to Ophis who was now stuffing her face with cinnamon buns she was pulling from her dress pocket. She stopped chewing and looked at me with wide eyes. 

"Mmshhmm mmhsm hmmsmm." 

"Whatever," I sighed, "wait here, gotta go do some yard work." 

Ophis nodded but Gabriel stopped me before I could flash away, "Daddy, what if that old monkey man comes by?" 

"I'll be back before then Gabriel, I just need to go be an edgelord for a bit." 

"Ahh? Okay?" 

I flashed away before I could be delayed any further. Moments later I reappeared deep beneath the village in a hidden bunker. Suppressing my aura completely and turning myself invisible I observed the Root HQ with mild interest. 

The bandaged man known as Danzo was pacing in place while surrounded by a dozen blank masked ninja. 

"Has the strike team I sent out to capture the women returned?" 

"Negative Danzo-sama." 

"Then they have failed their mission." 

Danzo continued to posture and rant about some random 'woe is me, I should be Hokage for the greater good' bullshit while I planned my dramatic entrance. Snickering internally I materialized several hidden speakers around the base and set them to full volume. Then I put up an all purpose barrier to prevent anyone from escaping. Finally I materialized Madara's signature outfit and red samurai armor on my body. 

Picking a song to play wasn't that hard, since I was dead set on embracing the edgelord son of Madara role, I mentally commanded the speakers to start playing before dropping my invisibility.

All the ninja below me tensed as Madara's operatic theme began to blare out of the hidden speakers. I had to fight the giggles that threatened to burst from me when I saw Danzo's eye widen when he saw me menacingly hovering towards him and his ninja. 

Smirking widely I crossed my arms and waited for Danzo to speak. The old man shouted above the blaring music. 

"You!" 

"Me…" I grinned. 

The old man gestured for his subordinates to attack me, I uncrossed my arms and pulled out a weapon I knew they were all familiar with. 

"Let's dance." 

Then I swung the gunbai.

Omake: 'Furpocalypse'

I hummed to myself as I drifted through the Dimensional Gap a bit confused on how I had ended up there. I had just been doing… stuff, when I suddenly ended up drifting through the void. I would have panicked thinking that it was an attack but then I reminded myself that I was most definitely a Gary Stu of a main character if my life were a story, also considering my life, with how it was turning out… I should really expect for there to be random moments where absolutely anything could happen. 

Moments like suddenly ending up in an inter-dimensional void despite doing something completely unrelated. 

'Well, I could do with a short break from fixing Heavens problems… not that I really do anything. Michael does most of the boring stuff and I micromanage everything else that isn't interesting.' 

I quickly flew through a random rift and took a deep breath when my feet touched down onto the ground. Looking around at my new surroundings, I smiled when I saw an endless sea of trees. 

'Hopefully it's a nice and peaceful world, uninhabited and filled with nature.' 

Unfortunately, that bitch Carol Ba- I mean… the fucking cunt Murphy heard my thoughts and decided that I needed to suffer. 

"hArRy pOtTAh, dEh bOii wHO LiVed… cOmE tO dIeH." 

'Spoke too soon.' I mentally groaned. 

I cast a disillusionment charm on myself and flashed over to where I heard the really obnoxious voice. Almost immediately I regret my decision of coming to this world. 

There in front of me was the scene from Deathly Hallows: part two… only every single character was seemingly in an ultra realistic fur suit. Worse yet, the fur suits seemed to be bastardised Care Bear parodies. 

I wanted to tear my own eyes out when I watched the Voldemort variant, in a bright neon pink dog fur suit hip thrust towards Harry, who was wearing a dark blue hyena fur suit. 

To my absolute horror, a green flash shot out of the costume's crotch and crashed into Harry. Who let out a disgustingly sensual moan before falling over in an overly dramatic way. 

I fought back a gag and a wave of nausea, unfortunately Murphy reared its ugly head again. The furries heard my gag and they all turned towards my direction. 

"Fuck this…"

I flashed out to low earth orbit just as the furry abominations started hip thrusting at me. Gathering and condensing my power into a singular point, I shot a wave of pure destruction towards the planet blowing a hole clear through the celestial body. Not taking any chances I continued to fire attack after attack making sure I left no trace of the plant infested with furries. To be doubly sure I flashed out of the galaxy and vaporized the entire set of planetary systems. One could never be too safe when exterminating an infestation after all.