I’m a Villainess, Can I Die?

As Aiden's silence stretched on without him even looking at me, I ended up speaking first. After all, the one who came to apologize should be the first to lower their head.

Before opening my mouth, I glanced behind me for a moment, wondering if Aiden was staring at something other than empty air.
…Of course not. Just empty space.
It was only after my meaningless action that Aiden’s gaze finally landed on me.

“And… I’m sorry for telling you to buy medicine and then running away. And for jumping right in front of you.”
At my blunt confession, Aiden inhaled sharply. The eyes that had barely managed to meet mine flickered away again, then back, repeating the cycle.
Ah, he looks confused. I feel bad now.

Aiden, far more shaken than I had expected, let out a heavy sigh and buried his face in his hands. His large palms completely obscured his face—what kind of expression was he making behind them?
I stared at the top of his head, lost in useless thoughts, when he slowly raised his head again. His trembling eyes were tinged red.
“To be honest… I resented you.”

After those words, Aiden clamped his mouth shut.
He seemed hesitant about something.
But he had already admitted to resenting me—what was left to hesitate about? Well, it wasn’t like he was quitting a job. Complaining about someone above you wasn’t an easy thing to do.

This world really is rotten.
“You left me with just a single ‘sorry’ and threw yourself off without hesitation… Watching that, even though I had magic, even though I saw it happening right in front of me… I resented myself for being unable to do anything.”
What the hell is he talking about?

Aiden, who had just spoken incomprehensible words, twisted his face in distress.
So, in the end, it wasn’t me he resented—it was himself. Not me, who had deceived my family, shut Aiden out, and left him with only an empty apology before vanishing from sight. But Aiden himself.
“…Why?”

Why are you the one feeling guilty?
It’s just like… the old me.
Back in my previous life, after I gave up on my family’s love, the first thing I did was tell myself, "It’s my fault."
Yeah. I blamed myself for everything, even the smallest things. At the very least, it meant I wouldn’t get hurt by my family or anyone else.

If I took the blame, it made everything easier to understand. If I said it was my fault, I could justify people’s actions. If I could do that, then I could convince myself that everything was inevitable.
When I closed my eyes, the past I couldn’t erase came creeping back. It felt like I was staring into the same dark eyes as before, so I opened them again.
Twenty-seven years.

No matter how much I told myself I was really Selina, my long past wasn’t going to let go of me that easily.
“…Why the hell are you blaming yourself?”
Neither you nor I did anything wrong.

I ran away and jumped, and you couldn’t catch me. But neither of us were at fault.
If I was to blame for anything, it was for jumping right in front of you. For foolishly convincing myself that ‘Selina’ wanted this and shutting everyone else out.
That was it.

But you—you did nothing wrong.
And yet, you’re blaming yourself.
“You’ve never even been properly trained in magic… Aren’t you being too hard on yourself? You’ve done enough. It’s not your fault at all.”

“…But… I could have saved you properly.”
“Whether you saved me perfectly or with a few injuries, I survived. That’s what matters. If I had fallen from that height without your magic, I would’ve died instantly. You saved my life—that’s enough, isn’t it? Or… did someone tell you it was your fault?”
As I rattled off my words, Aiden slowly shook his head.

Of course.
As far as I knew, there was no one in this duchy who would blame Aiden for me getting hurt. If anything, there were people who would shower him with gifts for saving my life.
“If someone did, bring them here. I’ll tell them off for you.”

Well, actually, I hope no one does. If you bring my father here, I won’t have anything to say. It’d be best if you handled it on your own. Grow some dreams, hope, and courage.
But I still had to say something reassuring. Right now, Aiden looked far too unstable. The thought that it was all my fault was making me feel guilty instead.
Aiden didn’t respond. But it wasn’t like I was expecting an answer anyway. Keeping my gaze forward, I continued speaking.

“Blaming yourself becomes a habit. Even when it’s not really your fault, you start turning everything into your mistake. So, try to break that habit.”
Self-blame is both an easy excuse and a silent poison.
‘I’m worthless. This is happening because of me.’

Those words make it easy to cover up the truth. They make an unacceptable reality seem normal. They erase the lines between right and wrong.
Even when I was slapped across the face, even when I endured unbearable violence and abuse as a child, I made it all seem natural—to myself and to them.
For a fleeting moment, self-blame acts as a shield. But like a thorn, it burrows deeper and deeper until, by the time you realize it, you’re already torn to shreds.

And even then, I kept saying it was all my fault.
This translation is the intellectual property of .
That’s how terrifying a bad habit can be.

You have to break it while you’re still young.
“Aiden, I’m grateful to you in many ways. And I’m sorry. If there’s anything you want, tell me. You saved my life, so I’ll grant you whatever you want.”
I truly meant it.

Of course, if he suddenly said, ‘Give me your entire fortune,’ I wouldn’t be able to grant that wish so easily.
But aside from something like that, I’d do anything.
The idea of trying to atone for my mistakes with a reward was laughable, but still, I wanted to do something.

Now that I thought about it… in the novel, after Selina was imprisoned, Aiden had earned the title of Mage and even got his own house.
He had seemed quite happy when he gained that title—after knocking Selina out to take it.
“The title of Mage…”

A house seemed like too big of a promise to make on the spot. Of course, as a duchy, House White had more than enough wealth, but it wasn’t exactly my money to throw around freely…
But the title of Mage—that could probably be arranged if I asked Father.
Sure, that also meant using my father’s power instead of my own… but I could pay him back in some other way later.

“How about the title of Mage? To be precise, the Duke’s Mage.”
Aiden’s jaw nearly dropped before he hurriedly reined in his expression.
His tightly closed lips trembled faintly.

“…But I’m just a servant from the streets.”
“Who cares if you’re from the streets or the heavens? You have the ability, so I’m offering it to you.”
He had talent, a justification for the title, and a powerful patron to back him. What was the problem?

“The high-ranking mages of the Tower… most of them come from noble families. They don’t like commoner mages.”
So that’s how it was. The book hadn’t mentioned this, so it was news to me.
That must’ve been why, when Aiden first discovered his magical abilities, he didn’t go straight to the Tower but instead chose to hide them.

Seriously, I can’t stand people who are arrogant for no reason.
I was reminded of my old coworkers, who looked down on others based on their university degrees. And my classmates, who subtly scratched at my nerves because I was adopted.
What does social status even matter? The world should be merit-based. That’s how you succeed.

“…And I… I don’t want to leave House White.”
That last part was unexpected.
Did he really love the duchy that much? Enough to hesitate on becoming a mage just because it might mean leaving? He sure was a loyal one.

It seemed Aiden believed that to become a mage, he had no choice but to go to the Tower.
But that wasn’t the case.
He might not know the inner workings of the Tower, but I knew there was a way to be recognized as a mage without ever stepping foot inside.

Because in the novel, Aiden had earned the title of Mage without going to the Tower.
By smacking Selina in the back of the head…
My train of thought came to a screeching halt. I lifted my head and met Aiden’s green eyes.

A dangerous curiosity bloomed—just what kind of expression had he worn when he struck Selina?
“Who said you had to leave? I told you—the Duke’s Mage. I can’t always rely on Sir Lukas as my only guard. A mage bodyguard wouldn’t be a bad idea.”
“…Then…”

“If you become a mage, I’ll make you my personal escort. It’s a higher rank than being a servant, and personal guards are treated differently depending on whom they serve. That way, people like Lia—no, Mia—won’t be able to look down on you so easily.”
Aiden blinked, dumbfounded, at the words mage bodyguard.
Isn’t that a much better title than servant?

And, frankly, I’d feel more at ease if he became my personal guard rather than just receiving the title of Mage and running off somewhere.
Who knows? Maybe first he becomes a mage, and then he betrays me.
Sorry, Aiden, but life is unpredictable.

“You don’t have to decide right away… Just think it over. If you want it, I’ll ask Father.”
Aiden seemed lost in thought for a moment before he slowly nodded.
His face was still hollow, but at least he seemed to have shaken off some of the guilt over my injury.

Satisfied with the outcome, I nodded as well.
Now that I’d done what I needed to, it was time to head back to my room, have a meal, laze around, and then sleep.
Between listening to the doctor’s lecture and using a very innovative mode of transportation today… I was exhausted.

My head felt foggy, and I shook it slightly.
“Are you unwell, my lady?”
Aiden asked immediately. The same Aiden who barely responded to anything all day.

“I’m fine. Just a little tired… I should head back now.”
I glanced toward the door.
Maybe I should’ve left at least one servant behind instead of dismissing them all.

I’d just finished thanking and apologizing to Aiden—asking him to escort me back now felt a bit awkward. But if I called for another servant, I had a feeling they’d just carry me off like before.
As I hesitated, Aiden tilted his head slightly.
“…Would you like me to help you?”

“Yes.”
I answered immediately, before he could change his mind.
This was his offer. It’d be rude to reject an act of kindness.

Having properly justified my decision, I reached for Aiden’s hand as he stepped forward.
As I awkwardly lifted myself from the chair, the box on my lap rattled.
Oh, right. The cake.

I’d been so caught up in everything that I’d completely forgotten about it. If I stood up carelessly, it could’ve been a disaster.
I picked up the box and placed it on the empty chair where Aiden had been sitting.
“What is that, my lady?”

Aiden, who had been silently watching me, finally spoke up once I stood.
“A get-well gift.”