I’m a Villainess, Can I Die?

"Illusions are called ‘illusions’ because they can never come true."
That was what Aiden believed.

So, he quickly discarded the impossible fantasy and focused on reality.
This life was completely different from the dream he had foolishly entertained for a fleeting moment, but compared to everything he had suffered before, it was the best life he had ever known.
For one, he could eat proper meals.

Not starving—that alone was the greatest luxury.
And the food… It wasn’t just edible. It was delicious.
He also had a bed. A space of his own, even if he shared the room with two others.

A place where he could sleep peacefully without fear.
It was overwhelming. It was more than he ever dared to hope for.
His lady, Selina, who was his age, often spat insults at him and flicked his forehead in irritation, but…

If he could set aside his pride, that was nothing.
No, it wasn’t even a matter of pride.
He had thrown his pride away the moment he shoved himself into a dumpster to dig for scraps.

But even though he was content with this life, there was one thing Aiden had never accounted for.
Time.
Time passed.

It allowed him to grow.
It blurred the past.
It made him accustomed to his current life.

And it made him greedy for more.
But as his time moved forward, so did Selina’s.
Her jealousy and hatred toward Aaron, her half-brother, grew larger and larger.
As did the violence she unleashed on him.

Her once-mild insults turned into daily tirades.
"What a useless mutt. I should’ve never picked you up."
She and her noble friends, all just like her, found joy in mocking him.

He would stand among them, smiling wordlessly.
The violence, the insults—he grew used to them.
But being used to something didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

The small wounds, the tiny scratches, they accumulated.
And on the day he turned seventeen, for the first time—
Aiden began to question his life.

His past, drowning in filth and survival.
His future, suddenly filled with unreasonable desires.
And the fragile, budding pride that had begun to take root.

A chaotic mess.
What was the difference between his past and his present?
Yes, he lived in a noble estate now, a stark contrast to the streets.

He had risen in rank over the years and was even given his own room.
His name was engraved on a plaque outside his door, and just the sight of it made his heart race.
But when he truly looked inward…

Had anything changed?
He still lowered his head, bowed his back, and forced a smile.
He still feigned tears when necessary.

He still lived off the scraps of others.
How was this any different?
After finishing his work each day, he would shut himself in his room, sinking into his bed and falling into endless thoughts.

But what always pulled him back was the rattle of the window against the wind.
If he left this place, that bitter wind would greet him again.
That lonely, biting winter wind.

He remembered the child who had frozen to death beside him on the streets.
That could have been him.
This is an utterly privileged dilemma.

The thought flickered through his mind before he forced himself to ignore it.
Instead, he took in his surroundings.
A small space he had fought for.

Sturdy walls that shielded him from the cold.
A desk, filled with items he had gathered over the years.
A bed, warm and safe.

His space.
People might scoff, might mock him for making a fuss over a simple room.
But this space was him.

It was his life.
So, night after night, Aiden curled up in his safe haven, lost in his turmoil.
And then, the incident happened.

This translation is the intellectual property of .
The day Aaron returned home after graduating from the academy as the top student.
Selina, furious, had thrown a jewelry box at him.

It struck his head. Blood dripped down his face.
And with it, so did the last of his patience.
How far could gratitude stretch?

How much abuse could a person tolerate in the name of repaying a life debt?
How much humiliation could be endured for the sake of protecting a single space?
As magical flames flickered to life around him, Aiden stared into the mirror.

What could he do with this power?
Should he take revenge on his lady?
Then go back and burn that filthy gang of beggars to the ground?

Or should he return to the orphanage and make those who tormented him tremble in fear?
Memories he had long pushed aside came rushing back all at once.
He hadn’t even realized he still held onto that resentment.

But after a long, long silence—
He closed his eyes.
No.

That wasn’t an option.
If he acted recklessly, he would be kicked out of the duchy.
And with a ruined reputation, he wouldn’t find work anywhere.

No, that was too optimistic—
More likely, he wouldn’t even make it out of the estate alive.
This was a life he had scraped and bled to hold onto.

He wasn’t going to lose it to a moment of anger.
Then…
Should he leave quietly and join the Mage Tower?

He quickly shook his head.
The Mage Tower wasn’t so easy to enter without connections.
Most of its high-ranking members were nobles.

They had their own elite circles, their own pride.
Sure, he could push through and endure—
But what if…

What if his magic turned out to be weak?
What if he was nothing but an insignificant spark?
He didn’t need to imagine how he would be treated.

He had lived through it.
Having survived through the absolute worst conditions, Aiden was an expert at predicting worst-case scenarios.
In the end, he chose to stay.

Even if he had magic, there was nothing he could do with it.
So it was better if no one ever knew.
The flames around him faded.

"Yeah… That’s what I thought back then."
On the day of Aaron’s engagement ceremony, standing behind the door, Aiden suddenly recalled a fragment of a memory he had long forgotten.
A small chuckle escaped him.

A reflexive reaction to reminiscing about his childhood.
And just like that, after that day—
He simply smiled.

Even after discovering his ability to use magic, he only ever practiced in secret.
Reading books, learning about magic on his own—
That was the extent of it.

Fortunately, after the jewelry box incident, his lady never physically assaulted him again.
And after enduring those agonizing days of contemplation at seventeen, he was able to return to work as usual.
His lady was his employer.

He was her servant.
That was all.
But at some point, something changed.

At some point, she stopped being just an employer.
At some point, she became his lady.
Was it the day she threatened to rip his tongue out if he ever used magic for her?

Or was it the day she first asked him for his name?
Was it the day she made it a habit to share cake with him after every walk?
Or the day she stood by his side on her engagement day?

Or perhaps—
That day. This day. Every day since then.
It was absurd.

Only two months had passed since she had changed.
Nine years of being ignored, dismissed, and insulted—yet these last two months felt heavier than all those years combined.
Ah… Yes.

Two months.
Exactly two months ago.
Since the day she fell down the stairs and lost her memories.

From that day on, she had stopped being just an employer.
She had become his lady.
A realization hit him like a bolt of lightning, and Aiden abruptly sat up.

The Selina from before her accident and the Selina of now—
They felt like entirely different people.
More than just a loss of memory, there was something else.

Something familiar.
Aiden frowned, pressing his fingers to his temples.
He had felt this uncanny sensation before.

But when?
The frustration of not remembering gnawed at him.
Then—

A delicate white hand, sliding a plate of chocolate cake toward him, flashed through his mind.
And at that exact moment—
Knock, knock.

A small, emotionless voice he had grown accustomed to spoke from outside the door.
"Aiden… I’m in pain."
The words had barely finished leaving her lips before the door swung open.

Startled by his own reaction, Aiden flinched.
He hadn’t expected to move so quickly.
Looking at her, standing there blinking at him in mild surprise, he felt strangely deceived.

"Are you all right, my lady?"
His eyes widened as he scanned her face, searching for any sign of injury.
Guilt prickled inside her as she watched his reaction.

"Um… No, I think I’m in pain."
To be honest, it wasn’t exactly pain—more like exhaustion.
But if she had said that, he would’ve shut the door in her face.

Guilt or not, she had come all this way for a reason.
Might as well see it through.
With that thought, she carefully slid her hand between the doorframe and the door.

Now he had to let her in.
Aiden let out a quiet sigh as he watched her.
Then—

With a faint smile, he reached out his hand.
"…Come in, my lady."
It felt like he had seen right through her act, but since he didn’t comment on it, she saw no reason to confess.

She took his hand, gripping it lightly as he helped her inside.
Leaning against him for support, she took slow steps into his room.
It was surprisingly neat and cozy.

A desk, a bed, a wardrobe, and a small sofa.
A compact, well-organized space.
She plopped onto the sofa, glancing around as she took in the room.

Meanwhile, Aiden pulled a chair closer and sat across from her.
For a moment, they simply stared at each other in silence.
Now what?

She had been so preoccupied with making it here that she hadn’t actually thought about what to say.
Should she apologize?
"Sorry for jumping off a ledge and giving you a mental breakdown?"

Or should she thank him?
"Thanks for using magic to save me."
She kicked her foot lightly, sorting through her thoughts.

Perhaps interpreting that as a signal for her to speak, Aiden spoke first.
"What brings you all the way here?
You’re still not fully recovered…"

"I came to say what I couldn’t yesterday."
At her words, Aiden’s gaze dropped to the floor.
There was no flickering candle, but the air in the room felt like it swayed.

He took his time before looking back up at her.
"Thank you for saving me.
I heard you used magic in front of everyone because of me."

She still didn’t know why he was hiding his abilities.
There had to be a reason.
The book she had read—the one that had supposedly contained this world’s story—hadn’t explained anything about it.

…Wait.
If this was reality, then where did that book’s version of the world end?
How much of it was true?

Ah, who cares?
She barely even remembered the details anymore.
Right now, what mattered was—

She snapped herself back to the present before her thoughts could stray too far.
A long silence stretched between them.
Aiden still hadn’t responded.

He had always answered immediately.
But today, for some reason, he didn’t.
She was looking at him.

But his gaze was fixed somewhere behind her—
At nothing.