I am Peter Parker

200 gems = bonus chapter

20 comments per chapter = bonus chapter 

10 reviews = bonus chapter 

3 patreon subscriptions = 10 bonus chapters

Fully completed story at:

patreon.com/FanFictionPremium

***

The weekend had arrived. Upon waking up, I found myself lost in idleness. I usually worked most of Saturday and Sunday, and now, I had absolutely nothing to do. I could, of course, try again to find out what the mountain of muscle is hiding in his syringe, but his superior skill at diverting the subject seems impossible for me to overcome.

- Maybe I should go home and see if the walls are still free of holes.

Although do I want to go out with a hobo again? I don't know. If she didn't have an unreasonable temper, maybe, but...

- Right! Why didn't I think of that?! - I grabbed my phone off the dresser and dialled Penny.

- Bro, you finally called. I mean, when are you gonna get tired of texting?

- Hey, so text me Flash's number, bye. - I hung up the phone in anticipation. But just seconds later, the ringtone rang. - Penny, I don't have a sheet with me, and I don't want to put it on speakerphone. Just text me the number.

- Why are you asking me for your girlfriend's number, bro?! Why are you hanging up on me before I finish my sentence?!!! Don't you care about me at all?!?!

- Haa... The thing I was afraid of has happened...

- What happened?!

- A thousand questions from my conversation-hungry sister. Really, Penny, every time--

- Oh, I'm so sorry. - What a resentment-soaked voice. - I'm hanging up if you don't like talking to your little sister that much.

- ...

- ...Okay bro, so why are you asking me for her number?

- Haa... Why am I not surprised? And why do I prefer texting to calling? Really, why?

-After two hours-

- Yes, finally!!! - tired as after digging a ditch, I squealed with happiness when I finally got the number.

It was hard, at one point, I thought the messenger of death would take pity on me and end the conversation with Penny, but I survived! I survived after all...

Okay, time to dial my girlfriend, hopefully Flash isn't as chatty as Penny.

- Eua-lo, who's this? - After a few beeps, the sleepy voice of my lover, I think? Her voice is so low and dry when she's asleep.

- Flash? - just in case. - It's Peter, your boyfriend.

- P-P-Peter?! - her voice changed abruptly, like she'd been doused with cold water. - Er, erm, erm, wait, I'm not dressed! I mean, I'm sorry, my breath stinks! Ow! Erm. *Bang.

Our conversation was abruptly interrupted by the sound of the phone falling on the blanket, or maybe the pillow, I don't know, maybe her mattress is so soft too? In a weird way, I was actually curious as to what exactly she had dropped the phone on.

- The plush toy couldn't have been the landing spot, otherwise it would have rolled down and I would have heard a rustle, hell, I want to know....

**Same time. Flash**

Fucking hell! Your father! Your uncle! And your aunt! What the hell did I say? What clothes? What the hell is breathing?!

- All right, breathe. Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. IT'S NOT WORKING!

Stop! Don't yell, Flash, focus. If you scream, he'll hear everything, unless he's hung up on you... And what if he's hung up on me? What do I do then?! Should I call him back? Then you should brush your teeth and change your clothes first.

- Stupid!!! - I shouted at myself as I entered the bathroom.

You should have thought for once, damn it! When else would I be lucky enough to date a guy? Besides, he's good-looking, too. I feel like throwing him on the bed.

- SHIT! This is no time to be distracted. Man, I'm sure the rest of his girlfriends would laugh at me if they saw me now. - I wonder who they are, even if he rejected Osborne's daughter. Rich and successful, I'm sure.

My eyes wandered round my unassuming room, the dents in the walls, the posters of half-naked guys, the desk cluttered with junk, and stopped at the football paraphernalia.

..Shit, why didn't I think of that before? Stupid, I can't think of anything else to say. Why would he even be interested in me? Who am I? If I get badly injured on the field, I'll lose my chances of going to college, and even if I fail the exhibition games, I'll never get in. What would a girl like me end up doing? A janitor? Cleaning lady? Unemployed?

Who am I, anyway? And what do I have to offer?

So the only reason he asked me out is because of Penny. I guess he found out I was bullying her, so he decided to intervene, so to speak.

Oh, gross, that's so gross in my chest.

But then again, when else would I be lucky enough to date a guy so out of my league?

- Hello, Peter, have you hung up yet? - reality had calmed me down. So I was able to pick up the phone with a cool head. - What did I drop the phone on? On the blanket.

That's funny. Opening my eyes, I'm no longer nervous, not one bit.

- Yeah, I'm free tonight, why? Э? - what did he just say? - I'm sorry, but my clothes smell and I need to change my teeth!

At his words, I threw the phone away again.

- No!!!

Only this time, I threw it out the window, right from the first floor!

- Ow! - Thank God it landed on my mum!

Oh, fuck!

- Mum, are you OK?!

- Flash, what the hell are you doing throwing phones around? You want me to take him?!

- Mum, I'm so sorry, please, it was an accident!

Oh, my God. Peter, this is all his fault! To suddenly ask me out on a date like that, I almost had a heart attack.

- If you're sorry, why are you smiling at me like that, huh? You're making fun of your mother while she's mowing the grass, you little brat. And anyway, the lawn is on your list of responsibilities, young lady! And I'm not the one who's supposed to be mowing it. - Hell, if I'd known what I was in for today, I wouldn't have been a lazy arse my whole life!

I hope Mum doesn't ban me today as punishment...

**Back to Parker.

- Done.

Finishing getting changed for my date, I checked my phone, finding an alert for a cinema booking. Hopefully it would be okay, because the lags on the theatre's website weren't encouraging....

- Oh, what's with the outfit? - Jude, sipping coffee in a fluffy pullover, greeted me in the auditorium. His jumper was clearly old, for I could barely see his chest through the triangular neckline, so stretched out was it.

- Date.

- Oh, right, with your girlfriend, what's her name?

- Flash.

- That's a nickname, isn't it? What's the hustler's name?

- Hmm. Flash? - I think I'm gonna have to get one more thing straight. Then again, doesn't every relationship start with getting to know each other?

- Oh, can't remember the name, can you? Ha ha ha... - Jude laughed with a certain note of nostalgia, then cut himself short with a sharp cough. - That's, I don't know how experienced you are... Personally, I have no experience at all, but will you let me give you some advice?

- Okay, go ahead. - I mean, this is my first date in my life, even in two lives, any advice wouldn't hurt.

- Watch yourself. Especially what you put out of yourself. - Jude ended with a meaningful wink.

- Right, don't fart in public. - I don't know why I had to state the obvious, but come on, we all have our quirks.

- No! I mean, yes! That's not what I was talking about at all!

- Well, public urination is either a fine or a prison sentence, so it's outside the scope of the council rule.

- I was talking about your sperm, I was talking about your sperm! - for a second the smile disappeared from his face, I think that's the first time since we met. - Haa... I'm sorry I overreacted. I'm sure you understand that we men need to constantly fear for our honour and dignity, right? lest we and our trust and kindness be taken advantage of. We both know exactly what girls are thinking and what they want. And that's fine as long as we reciprocate and have fun together. But who knows when that fun will turn into her slipping you something, just lying about the pill, or even taking advantage of the sperm's viability in a warm and humid environment? Before you know it, she's pregnant and you have no right to do anything about it, and you have to live with the fact that you've got a child out there somewhere with a selfish bitch. You don't seem particularly experienced in this matter, so just a word of caution.

- Thanks, but it's our first date, and we're in high school, so what's the rush? - our relationship hasn't even entered the cute and rosy romantic stage yet, let alone a cupcake.

I noticed Arnold out of the corner of my eye and decided to ask him directly about the contents of the syringe, but he opened his mouth faster, which was no surprise to me:

- I mean, one squeak and the whole life of any such woman would be ruined. Another thing, girls in such a situation, that's who has a harder time. The police will be ridiculed for the absurdity of how a man with a huge choice could take someone against her will. So she probably gave it to him and he dumped her. After all, absolutely every beauty wants a fat hog pushing his centimetre sausage into her, doesn't she? And in the end, no help, no compassion, just jokes from her friends and being alone with her nightmares.

- Look, how about thinking about the frequency of the former and the latter, the frequency of who's mostly the victim? And the fact that men have to be afraid all the time?

Ooh, Jude's getting a little heated, and Arnold's looking for a fight. I think I'd better get out of here, cos this discussion is starting to get tense. And somehow I think it's going to turn into a lot of throwing insults at each other. Well, the consequences will be a headache for Sang-hyun, Ricardo and Sasha, but I have a date!

** Back to Flash (whatever her real name is) **

I can't believe my mum let me go! Plus, I still haven't blown off my relatives' birthday presents, so I'm in the money!

Considering he's dating me because of my sister, I don't think he's taking our date seriously. So he won't demand much from me, and even if he does, it means he's avenging his sister, and why would I even need him then, right? Even if he's handsome, it doesn't mean I'm going to put up with everything!

I need to relax, I don't think he's a bastard. And there's a reason he asked to be friends with Penny, so he's probably just looking out for her. So it's definitely option one, and he doesn't take me seriously, and he doesn't expect anything from me. I'll be happy he's wearing sweatpants on a date. I'll be the only one on our team who's ever gone on a date with a guy.

The main thing is to get to the meeting place as soon as possible. Guys are usually late, though, aren't they-

- Mmm~ But what about me, what's your number~

Is he here already? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And why is he dressed so well?! What's with the white shirt that you want to see on his naked body, neatly exposing his sides?! And the black jeans and matching waistcoat that makes you want to conquer his impregnable tower!

- Nobody knows him here~

Why is he humming something?! Doesn't he realise how cute it makes him look?!!! How come he hasn't been kidnapped by some super villain yet? !!!!!!!!!

And how could I have limited myself to a blue chequered blouse and denim shorts? I never had a chance to beat that in the first place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, Flash, calm down, calm down, think! You've got a date with an incredibly handsome man, kyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

*♪ Slap ♪

Stop! Pull yourself together! Oh, God. I hope I didn't slap my face too hard in case I left a mark.

*♪ Slap ♪

Just pull yourself together. You just have to face reality. I'm dreaming. It's the only logical explanation. So.

**Peter**

- Ah, so this is what it's like to expect a girl on a date. - Once you're dating, why not keep up the tradition, right?

Really, I wonder when she's gonna show up. Girls are usually late--

- GIRL, are you okay?!

There was a shout not far away, and before that the branches of the nearest tree swayed, I think there she was.