HP: The Big Bad Wolf

It's been a week since I reinvented what it means to learn, and let me tell you—people here at Hogwarts are not happy about it. The dunderheads with money, mostly the Slytherins, have all subscribed to my service, as have most of the well-off students from other houses. The only ones who haven't are either too poor or think I'm up to something shoddy. But the most pissed-off people aren't the students, but the teachers. Their precious homework assignments are coming back perfect—mechanical, sure—but flawless. Like what you'd expect from some overly precise spellwork, which, in a way, it is. After all, they're using my knowledge as a guideline!

It's not my fault that I'm perfect, handsome, and awesome, and that my writing is the epitome of conciseness, beauty, and accuracy. These idiots just download a small part of me, a mere copy, and regurgitate it as their own. It's ironic, really—they're all writing basically the same thing, with only minor variations in grammar mistakes. 

It took them some time to realize what I'd done and the consequences it would have. At first, they assumed my little invention was just a novelty, something that would lose its appeal soon enough. But I proved them wrong. Now, if you don't have a subscription, you're setting yourself up to fail. 

Even Professor Flitwick came over to gripe, so I challenged him. I told him to subscribe and test it out for his own class and to see if he could find any mistakes in the stored knowledge within the database. If he could, I'd stop my activities.

In fact, I extended that challenge to every Professor and for every class. I even offered the teachers a subscription if they wanted to access any of the other classes.

Well, they're teachers and they love learning, and they're paying so why not?!

The idea about the Access Points has been around forever, but these fools never did anything with it, letting it waste away. 

The concept is pretty simple—it is just a reverse Pensieve. What is knowledge but memories? I just made a permanent Pensieve focused on one kind of memory, with the added function of browsing and downloading them at will, instead of the dumb approach of reviewing the memory.

Sure, there's the minor issue of major headaches if you overreach your level, and try to just download a whole year of knowledge, but that is something only idiots do! Also, without applying the knowledge, it is useless because your brain will discard it eventually. So, no, it's not the most novel idea. But the ability to uphold the connection, give access to multiple people simultaneously, allow for individual downloads, and calculate progress? That's where the brilliance lies. And I couldn't have done it without getting my hands on some truly insane inventions from older civilizations.

Take the Aztecs, for example. They basically invented a magical computer but lacked an energy source, so they used life force, sacrificing Muggles under the guise of pleasing the gods. The Atlanteans had the energy source but no clue what they had, instead using it to create energy weapons. 

Well, we all know how that ended—a sunken city, probably a civil war, or something equally stupid, well, with everyone being armed with world-ending weapons, just a question of time, really until some idiot finally uses his in some retarded cock measuring contest. That's what happens when you hand Muggles weapons.

After collecting about the first two dozen inventions from different places, I realized that combining them would be far more useful. And that's exactly what I did. 

So, as I enter the classroom and see it full, I can't help but feel a twinge of satisfaction. Not a single student is absent, all are eager to avoid losing house points and gain a few for showing up. 

"Anyone found an interesting question?" I ask, but no one speaks up. Of course, they haven't—they have access to all the knowledge they need, right there in their heads.

Just as I'm about to lean back and let the class run itself, McGonagall enters. 

"Oh, Professor McG, how can I help you this fine morning?" I ask with a grin.

"Stop calling me that! Also, Professor Prince, you were informed there's a meeting at this time," she says, clearly annoyed already. She really needs to swallow a chill pill!

"Oh, yes, but I assumed it would be something dumb, retarded, or most probably both, so I decided my time would be better spent teaching my little dunderheads. A more constructive use of my energy if you ask me. Besides, if it's something truly important, you'd inform me afterward," I reply, flashing a charming smile. The girls blush, of course. I've got Rizz, after all.

"First of all, stop calling them dunderheads. Second, the meeting is about you, so your absence makes the whole thing pointless," she says, rolling her eyes.

"Well, you should've mentioned that in the letter you sent me," I reply, rolling my own eyes in turn. Her veins bulge in frustration. 

Probably thinking something like, *'What would be the point of that if we aim to corner you?'* These idiots. They're too green to plot against me.

"So, my dear dunderheads, as you've heard, I have places to be with McG. Use this time to make a list of what potion you want to brew. We'll go by what I find most intriguing, not by majority vote. Let's go," I say, already heading out toward the headmaster's office.

As we walk, I can't help but notice McGonagall. She's not the old hag she'll eventually turn into, but Amelia is one hell of a jealous bitch, and if I even think about another woman, she'll cut off my balls.

She was furious when she found out I was shagging Regina during our school days. How was I supposed to react to that? I wasn't even her boyfriend, but she was still jealous and angry with me. Like one of those insane women who kill their husbands for having nude pictures on their mobiles, only to realize the pictures are of themselves from their younger days.

Women are a menace to all men. Irrational as fuck, but with booty and tits...*Sigh* being a man is so damn hard.

We finally reach Albus's office. I wonder if his parents knew he was gay and chose that name because they knew other guys would be running a bus on him. Albus—a bus for all. Maybe I can come up with a witty wordplay to mock the gay Lord of Light. Maybe gay-lighting people will be a thing when I am done.

"Ah, Severus, how nice of you to finally join us," Albus says, interrupting my musings about really important stuff.

"Mmm, yeah, I feel as though my participation in this meeting is mandatory. So, Albus, can you skip past all the empty platitudes and get straight to the point? I have dunderheads that ar waiting for me to bless them with my presence," I cut right to the heart of the matter.

*"Sigh"*

"Has anyone ever told you that you're too frank? And stop calling the students Dunderheads, already!!" Professor Sprout asks annoyed.

"Mmm, it's a family trait, and I will keep calling them that until I am proven wrong!" I reply, amused.

"So, Severus, the main point of today's meeting is your invention..., and we really should talk about your attitude towards your students..." Albus begins, but I cut him off.

"Oh, you mean the Access Points? What about them?"

"Why do you call them Access Points?" Professor Flitwick asks curiously.

"Because that's literally what they are. Points that access my database also known as my knowledge about a certain topic. And no, I'm not sharing how I created them. They're labeled as family magic in every country on the planet, and I'll fight tooth and nail for what's mine," I reply matter-of-factly.

"It's not about anyone wanting to take what belongs to you!" McGonagall snaps, irritated at the mere suggestion, but I notice Albus looking away, stroking his beard.

"So? What do you want from me, exactly?" I ask.