NOVEL NEXT chapter 37
37: Future and Labor
If I were the “protagonist,” what would happen?
I have thought about it more than once or twice.
Of course, my goal is to “survive,” and the “protagonist” I envision is something that stands in opposition to that stable life.
Still, there are moments when I can’t stop the passing desire for heroism, and in those moments, I have not only suffered from the consequences of that desire but also caused others to endure even worse fates.
What I have learned from repeated failures is that “people will do what they want.”
For example, looking at Anna’s situation—she pondered on her own, reached a conclusion, persuaded her parents, and chose the path of music.
I was just a bystander, watching her make bold decisions.
In a surprising turn of events, I found myself dragged along with Anna, who apparently had a spiritual turning point while staying at Milim’s house, and taken to a meeting with Anna’s parents right alongside her. I was shown the future path of their family up close.
When I asked later why I was taken along, Anna said various things, but I concluded that she brought me along with a feeling as simple as “I feel safe when I hug a stuffed animal” or something like that.
In other words, I was a buff character.
If my presence alone gives her courage, then for someone like me who considers it a struggle just to survive and has no capacity to help others, it is quite an honor to think that I could be of use to someone.
After being shown various options for Anna’s future, I also reached a point where I had to think about my own future.
On a spring day when I was sweating from climbing the steep slope to the high school building, I, who had become a second-year student in the high school division, was asked to submit my desired career path.
For the time being, considering that my father, who is the most successful person in my life, had followed the path of a teacher and then opened a cram school, I thought I would follow that route too, so I chose “teacher” as my first choice.
However, I had a dream—quite an audacious dream for someone like me, and I could already see that the moment this dream, which had been sensed by the “enemy,” was discovered, it would be shattered. But still, I couldn’t let go of that dream.
“A freeloader.”
I admired freeloaders—they are unemployed and not in any occupation. But on the other hand, it could be said that it is an incredibly stable occupation.
A freeloader is generally defined as “a man who is unemployed, not in any marriage relationship, claims to be pursuing his dreams, and is supported by (mostly) women.”
I saw stability and possibilities in this occupation.
Of course, being “supported by women” is almost equivalent to “having your fate controlled by a single investor.”
Moreover, it’s not even a relationship where you sign a proper contract, so there was even the potential to be immediately pushed into poverty and homelessness based on the investor’s whim.
What part of this is stable?
I see, for those with general fortunes and talents, it may not seem stable at all, and that’s true.
But I have experienced a million times of misfortune at the age of sixteen.
Once you enter society and become a part of the system, you cannot predict when, where, or for what reason your life will be ruined. If your allies increase, you cannot keep them all as allies, and gaining status brings attention from all, ultimately resulting in more enemies.
Yes, I believe that reducing “enemies” is crucial to surviving.
So, what about being a “parasite”?
It’s fine to be alone. If you just pay attention to the relationship with that person without getting involved with anyone else, you can live stably.
Compared to other occupations, being a “parasite” has fewer uncertainties.
I study alongside, and I polish my skills in cooking and housework. Even accompanying Mom to decorate the house for events is considered a training to nurture the “parasitic” spirit.
I have not lacked effort in this way, but there are only two things that I have not progressed in at all.
First is the “dream.”
There seems to be a nature of “parasites” who talk about fluffy, big dreams, but I don’t have a single fluffy, big dream.
Rather, “becoming a parasite” itself can be considered a fluffy, big dream, but it seems that a dream is needed, like being a “painter” or a “novelist,” where the investor thinks, “If this person fulfills their dream, I can recover the investment.”
– I see, “wanting a return on the investment someday” is a key point to keep in mind in order to encourage investment or gambling.
And – in many cases, a “parasite” refers to a man who receives financial support from a woman.
So, it seems essential to maneuver so as not to displease the female investor – but I don’t understand women at all.
Their thoughts are complex and enigmatic. They laugh a lot. They get angry a lot. They hold onto emotions forever.
But then, the next day, they seem to forget about yesterday as if nothing happened. And suddenly, they remember past emotions at a casual moment, rebuke or laugh again.
Their objects of interest are too different. They remember “Is that important?” forever, while easily forgetting things that they really should consider important.
Women are truly mysterious beings, and understanding this being and maneuvering so as not to displease them seemed impossible to me.
Well, I understand – if it’s something I really want to do, then it’s probably something “I can’t do.”
It has always been like that. I never had the talent to even reach the starting line of the dreams I held, and it was rare for me to be at a level where effort could make a difference.
But I have a reliable advisor – the closest person to consult about these kinds of female psychology issues, namely, Milim.
While studying together in the room, I brought it up at the right time – actually, I’m aiming to be a “parasite”…
It seemed that Milim didn’t understand what being a “parasite” meant, but when she read the materials I had compiled about it, she seemed to understand.
“So, I should support Rex?”
…………
……Oh, I see!
It was a blind spot. I had never even considered being supported by Milim.
Certainly, it’s reassuring in many ways if it’s Milim. I know nothing about women, but I know everything about Milim – after all, I have even changed her diapers.
Future husband of Milim, if such a person exists in this world, it is unlikely that they would ever change Milim’s diaper… Well, if we consider caregiving, maybe it could happen…
I’m starting to get anxious.
I feel like I know everything about Milim…
But when I actually think about it, I realized that I don’t know anything about her usual circle of friends, the recently increasing size of her breasts that attracts attention, or what she does when I’m not around.
Well, if Milim takes care of me, my life is pretty much set.
Yes, I want Milim to take care of me. If I carefully examine my feelings, that desire does indeed exist.
However, on the other hand, the “brother” part within me shouts out in a voice too loud to ignore.
“I don’t want to let Milim be burdened with a parasite.”
Just thinking about a parasite man leeching off Milim makes me feel sick with wickedness.
Unforgivable. I’ll kill him… While feeling the urge to kill, I realize that the parasite man leeching off Milim is none other than myself.
I really think something is wrong, but… rather than leeching off Milim, I want to work.
I think that working is a completely meaningless act. Why should one have to labor just to live… I don’t understand the meaning. Living itself is difficult. On top of that, labor… it seems that this world also has the intentions of a wicked “enemy.”
Nevertheless, I want to work. It seems much better to work than endure being a parasite on Milim.
I will work.
“I will work too.”
Thus, we confirmed each other’s motivation to work.
But I won’t give up.
There might still be someone I can parasitize without feeling guilty or holding back, so I’ll continue my efforts to become a parasite…
I am a sixteen-year-old who has lived an unfortunate life a million times over.
I know all too well that abilities decline the moment you give up on effort…