NOVEL NEXT Chapter 35: Helplessness!
Helplessness!
Chapter 35: Brain Fuk!
Author: So, you got your ass beaten. Hahaha!
Vira: Yeah! I got too rampant at that time. Honestly, it was a great life lesson that still serves me even now!
The author was expecting a simple retort so he could paste this at the top, but he was a bit flabbergasted as he spoke, with a bit of seriousness lacing his voice.
Author: You seem strange!
Vira: Is that so?
After that, a strange silence haunted the room until the author started the novel.
{IF SOMEONE CAN GUESS THE REASON THIS STRANGE INTERACTION I WILL POST A EXTRA CHAPTER.(will take time as I have not wrote it but there will be an extra chap the day someone guesses the reason)}
And so he did. He originally planned to kill every single person involved in the act of bombing the entire forest. But this was just a decision made on impulse, as the countries involved were many, and most of them were higher-class people with connections weaving more intricately than a spider's web.
So that plan was out of the way. As his slightly injured body was being carried by the apes toward his camp, he also thought a lot—just like when he was bitten by Silas. But unlike when he contemplated his emotional matters, this time, he was thinking about his actions and the way he was thinking as of now.
One of the major things he needed to deal with was still his emotions tho, as they seemed to be influencing him more and more.
He had always had emotions—anger, sadness, joy, impulse, etc. No matter how his neutral, unchanging face suggested otherwise, he had emotions—just not this intense. They had always remained bottled up inside him, hidden in his heart. But now, they seemed to have started affecting his head. Most importantly, his decisions and thoughts had become more and more impulsive, completely based on emotion rather than the careful and probably what many would call overthought or overplanned approach.
His overthinking brain had been a boon in planning, no matter how annoying it was at times. It was a boon nonetheless. But now that he was using his emotions instead of his brain, giving himself no time to contemplate the impact of his decisions, it was absolutely useless.
There seemed to be some factors affecting his mind. He didn't know when it had started—was it from the day of Luna's death? Or after Viper's death? This remained an unanswered question. But getting sent into a coma and injured was bad, and the reason for it was him making decisions based on these emotions, which were supposed to stay out of his way.
So he thought longer and longer. And as his memories and past actions surfaced in his head, he realized he had become strange. There seemed to be fewer and fewer signs of his past life.
Wandering around the world, seeking freedom, helping people? Since when was he such a free spirit? Or rather, since when did he start craving adventure? He liked growth—calculated growth—in a specific field of his interest. He used to be a nerd, a homebody, never even setting foot outside the house unless for food.
Yes, he was a foodie, and that aspect had remained—but not an adventurous one, eating all sorts of weird things. Like… what even is Casu Marzu? And more specifically, why the fuck did he eat that shit? Like, literal shit—it was filled with maggots. And the fact that he ate cheese filled with maggots, live ones at that, was weirding him out.
Speaking of food, he seemed to be obsessed with drinking—which was fine if, like in his previous life, he drank sweet beverages like Moscato, Madeira, and the like. But no, he seemed to have been drinking bitter ones. Heck, even the bitterness from the drink last night seemed to be lingering in his mouth.
He hated bitter tastes—be it in food, drinks, or even life. It wasn't that he was scared of suffering or bad times. He had already accepted that there would be parts of life he wouldn't like, especially since he was neither an almighty god-like being who could manipulate time or life, never having to experience bad memories or suffer the loss of loved ones, nor was he a fool who could simply ignore such thoughts.
He was a smart and intelligent man who kept everything in his mind—be it bad or good. They were assets that would help him fine-tune his future actions. But they would only work if he actually used them, unlike how he was at present—impulsive and so innocent.
Now was the time for a change—in his actions, his chain of thoughts, and, more specifically, his emotions, which kept getting more and more out of hand.
Fortunately, he seemed to have an overclocking mechanism that was working very well at present. Then again, although it was called overclocking, it was just a glorified term when it was simply a period of sickness.
In his previous life, it kicked in when he got a headache or fever. More often than not, it was an annoyance, as it let his thoughts run rampant, gave him more pain, and wouldn't let him sleep. But a few times, it was helpful—it helped him think fast and with a purpose. Be it a problem stuck in his mind or something he didn't understand, everything would resolve itself once he was in it.
And like in his previous life, he could still do it. As a matter of fact, he had already used it before. The day of Viper's death, the bite of Silas had been very painful and, well, annoying, but it did make him sort out his life. It also made him realize that he had not lost his "superpower," which he thought he had lost, as his strong body never got sick—not once—and his agility was too great for someone to injure him.
Aside from a bomb exploding near him. That had sent him into a coma, but that was too vast of a scale.
No matter what, in his absolute sane state, he had to resolve his way of thinking. He could not just say it was a hormonal side effect and ignore it—it was life-threatening.
He needed to think—why was he traveling around while carrying a huge bounty on his head? Even more so, why was he so flashy in his travels? He could disguise himself, and he didn't feel like traveling in a civilian plane was a shame or an insult in the slightest. So why was he in a private jet, which might just get bombed and kill him through fall damage or some other means?
Why was he not using the tools from before? Bribing had been a great tactic and had helped him in his early years, so why was he not using it now? With the resources at his fingertips as Vine grew stronger, he could bribe anyone. Especially with the medical lead he had over the world, those old-aged world leaders would be more and more tempted.
Why was he doing the dangerous tasks? Vine was not as weak as before, where he was the only one that could be used, nor was it in a state where he had to get rid of enemies by himself. Every assassination attempt on a world leader or an important member of a state was dangerous. So why was he going upfront and risking his life? He could have bribed them or done something else to achieve the same outcome. But he chose to ignore all of that just to enjoy the risk? WHY?
These questions tortured him throughout his journey. It wasn't long—after the area had been bombed, James had brought his men to search for him, so within a few minutes, the journey was over. But every second of such thoughts kept torturing him.
Why was he now unable to control his thoughts? What was influencing him? Where would this lead him? Who would he become if he kept changing?
The what, why, where, and who kept hammering at his brain, making him feel as helpless as the day he came into this world. The injuries from the blast reminded him of his weak baby's body. And the feeling of helplessness was even worse than that time.
Yes, he felt more helpless as the leader of a multinational gang than he had as a baby who couldn't even shit on his own.
At least back then, Viper had been there to help when he couldn't move. But now, the thing making him feel helpless wasn't physical.
Silas couldn't enter his spiritual world and help him.
OR MAYBE HE COULD!
The end
also sorry for such a long break like i though it would only take three days and even then i would be able to write from my phone but unfortunately and got a intense headache the day before . NGL when i picked up the laptop to write yesterday during headache i thought i forgot how to write like literally nothing came to mind , got scared AF. fortunately my ability to write nonsense seemed as good as before.
PS this is not a nonsense but a foreshadowing and well many other things.
(AND HINT for the question, the reason is in the chapter!, also the deal remains for the entirety of novel so if i became stupid and wrote the reason later on you can still redeem the extra chapter)